The brother that I need
by Flowing lantern
Summary: Defan AU/ Damon Salvatore is just a regular guy in his twenties, who has too much responsibilities on his hands one of which is his dying mother. On her deadbed, she tells Damon that he has a brother, who she gave up for adoption a long time ago and begs him to go find the boy. When Damon finally succeeds in this, it turns out to be the beginning of a new page in his life.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey, guys, this is a new Defan story that I recently came up with. This is more of a prologue than an actual chapter, but I still hope you like it. I would very much appreciate your reviews, so I could know if I should continue writing this!.**_

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**Damon's POV**

I walk slowly through the hospital hallways, knowing well enough where my mother's room is, but reluctant to get there. I know, I was already late this morning, but I still had no will to open the door and face her in the barely alive state that she was, so instead, I sighed and sat down on one of the benches in the hallway, running my hand through my messy hair-I can't remember when's the last time I had a decent shower-I was running constantly between the hospital and the company, making sure that everything's alright there-I had no time to just stop and think about everything that was going on.

I took a drink from the already cold coffee in my hand and leaned back on the wall, closing my eyes and taking a breath, trying to get myself together before facing my dying mother yet again. I really loved her, do not get me wrong, this wasn't some kind of burden to me, but watching her die proved to be way more painful, than I initially thought it would be, once we found out she has cancer late last winter. I actually hoped that we'll manage to fix things and that she'll get better, but she was already in a late stage and the treatment wasn't working at all, no matter how the doctors tried.

And they really did-I mean I took her to the best doctors in the state, I even wanted us to fly to New York, so she can be examined by another specialist there, but she refused, saying that she's tired of doctors and hospitals and just wants to live whatever's left of her life. I didn't care how much I will spent on the treatment, the hospital and the nurse I hired to take care of her, while I was dealing with everything going on in our family publishing company, but she was feeling bad for me wasting all my savings. I had to constantly fight with her on the matter, so eventually I just accepted the fact, that she'll always give me a speech about having to think about my future, maybe even find a wife, since my last relationship proved to be a disaster, and stop working so much.

I loved my mother, I really did. I would give anything to keep her here with me for as long as I can-she was my entire world. I was never really on good terms with my father. No matter what I did, I don't believe, I ever managed to get his approval-he was a very stern and reserved man and I guess, I was a big disappointment to him, even though I was a perfect student, graduated with good grades from college, and started working right away in our family publishing company, which we co-owned since my father had the stupidity to start this thing with another partner, who didn't care much about the business and conducted things from England where he lived.

Dad was trying to prepare me to take over our part of the shares and the business once he dies, which however happened way too early and definitely without any of us expecting it, three years ago when he had a heart attack on his way home. I really want to say, that I missed him-I did, but he was an awful man, who threated my mother in ways no man should ever threat a woman. I remember that a little after I turned eleven, things between them got worse and I never figured out why. My father began drinking more, they would constantly fight and he would take it all out on me-he used to yell at me so much. He never touched me, he wouldn't dare to, not with mom making sure, that she would rip his heart out if he ever lays hand on me, but he abused me verbally and he told me things, that I'm sure I'll never forget.

I finally decided, that it's time to stand and check up on mom, considering how late I am for work already, so I tossed the empty coffee cup in the bin and knocked on the door, though I knew she wasn't sleeping-she barely got any rest these days.

"Come in" she responded with her weak voice and I put on the widest smile I could once I entered her nice cosy room. She was lying in bed, looking worse with every passing day, her red hair was spread on the pillow, she was extremely pale and her blue eyes-the same as mine, had a darker shadow, carrying sadness and pain. I hated seeing her like that-it completely broke my heart.

"Come over here, Damon" she invited me in as she realized, that I'm taking a bit too much staring at her instead of settling down. I've just had a twenty minute conversation with the doctor, telling me that she doesn't have more than a week left, if not less, considering how rapidly her condition was deteriorating.

"Hey, mom" I lean down and give her a kiss on the forehead. She stretches her hand and cups my cheek

"Hey" she responds weakly and I sit down on the chair next to her bed, grabbing her hand and squeezing it lightly. "How is your morning going, sweetheart?" she asks and I shrug my shoulders, trying to hide how tired I really feel, since I don't want to worry her right now.

"Good, how is yours?" I ask and she gives me a light smile, before a sharp pain interrupts our conversation and she closes her eyes. I immediately stand up and sit next to her on the bed, she's gripping my hand and in a minute she relaxes again.

"Mom, are you okay?" I ask and she opens her eyes

"Can you give me some water, please?" she says and I hurry to make her as comfortable as I can, bringing the glass to her mouth and waiting patiently until she drinks half of it and pulls away indicating that this is enough.

"I should go get the doctor" I say but I feel her strong grip on my wrist and before I could even leave her bed, she's pulling me back to it, refusing to let me go

"No" she says stubbornly and I furrow my eyebrows, annoyed at her behavior "Not today. Today we have to talk about something" I look at her confused.

Talk about what? She already told me she has settled the will with our lawyer and we had numerous goodbyes already, since there were nights when she was fine and such when she was on the verge of dying and without the possibility of living through the next morning. I was tired of saying goodbye, I knew all the things she would say to me and I couldn't bring myself to listening to it all once again-it broke my heart. I refused to imagine not having her in my life and no matter how she tried to sugarcoat this in words and convince me that it is all fine and she has accepted that she'll leave this earth soon, the pain inside me was stronger than ever, especially as I watched her being barely able to keep her eyes open

"Something which I should've told you a very long time ago."

"Mom, what's going on?" I say, seeing how concerned she looks "If it's about the company, don't worry, I won't let us-"

"It's not about the company, Damon" she said and lightly squeezed my hand again with a small smile, probably laughing at my inability to stop thinking about work for once "I don't give a damn about the company. You can sell it, you can let it go bankrupt, I don't care, as long as it brings you personal satisfaction, you can do whatever you want with it." I nodded, but continued staring at her confused, not getting where she's going with this. "This is about something else. I have to tell you the truth before I die."

"What truth?" I ask and I feel her hand slightly trembling in mine. What on earth was this all about? I've rarely seen my mother worried about something. She was always such a strong woman that I looked up to. I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath, when she opened them up, I noticed that she had a hard time not letting the tears go

"Mom, you're scaring me."

"Promise me that you won't hate me after this, Damon" she says on the verge of breaking down and I wonder what terrible deed she has done, that makes her so vulnerable

"I could never hate you, mom, what are you talking about!" I raise my voice just a bit, getting a little irritated with the whole situation

"You remember when you were ten?" she asks and I give her another confused look, well yeah, that was like fifteen years ago, I have some memory of it

"How I went away for a while and came back for a month only to leave yet again?" she asks, trying to figure out if I remember the time of our lives when she was in and out, that was the only time I lost faith in her and thought that she would never come back. I knew back then, even if I was just a kid that she was arguing way too much with dad, which is why she went away to visit her sister in her home town Mystic Falls.

When she took too much to come back, I began hating her for leaving me alone with dad, even though she called all the time and convinced me that everything's going to be alright. She came back for a month and she looked so different-so much more happier and alive, that was until she began arguing with father again and one night he got so mad that he yelled at her to go away-she left again, and came back months later. I missed her so much that I didn't care if she was back to being sad and depressed-I had her by my side and I was happy.

"Well… something happened back then. Something which I never told you about."

"Did you get hurt or something?" I ask, confused as to why she thinks that something which happened fifteen years ago mattered now.

"No" she smiles at my concern "I fell in love" she says simply and I furrow my eyebrows. What was this charade now? She fell in love? Did she have some kind of affair? God, if she did, I definitely didn't want to know anything about it. "Your father and I, we were having a really hard time back then." she begins to explain as she sees how I can't make sense of anything right now "And I decided to go visit my sister, thinking that giving some space between me and Giuseppe won't be a bad idea and might even heal or relationship and strengthen our marriage. I proved to be wrong when I feel in love with a man there."

"Oh God, mom, I don't need to know about your affairs!" I protest and squeeze my eyes, imagining her cheating on my father. I hated the man, but he was still my dad and even though he's dead that doesn't make this right.

"Listen to me, Damon, this is serious" she says and I look her in the eyes, realizing how much it hurts her to actually even talk about this, so I decide it's time to get serious as well. This wasn't a joke or some kind of guilty revelation-she really wanted to tell me something

"It wasn't just an affair. I fell deeply in love, he was the man I wanted to be with. He made me the happiest woman alive, I've never felt like this with your father, not even when we were young and so foolishly loving one another. He gave me everything, I ever wanted and things were going great, until I found out-until I-" she stuttered and gripped my hand again "Until I found out I was pregnant."

"You were what again?" I ask as I stand up abruptly and move away from her, not believing a word that comes out of her mouth. My mother was pregnant? What was this? I never got any siblings-I was a single child. I knew that my father wanted a girl all those years, I've heard him blame my mother that she's weak and won't get pregnant again, but I never knew she actually was! From another guy! What was this? This wasn't my mother-my mother doesn't cheat and have kids out of another man.

"Damon, please!" she begs me with her weak voice "Hear me out." I take another step back and lean on the wall, staring intensely at her and the tortured expression on her face-she seemed to be in pain

"You were pregnant?" I ask calmly now

"Yes" she nods "I was. I and I was going to come back for you and leave, but your father found out. He made me stay for a month back home while he dealt with the person I fell in love with. He hired people to beat him up and drive him out of town, then he came back home and made me go away and give birth, since it was too late to make an abortion already."

"Wait a minute" I say, trying to make sense of what was going on here "You're saying, that you had a an affair, got pregnant and then father almost killed the guy you fell in love with and drove you off so you can give birth?"

"He didn't want anyone to find out, that I was carrying a child" she was already crying, there were tears falling down her pale cheeks "He was so ashamed. He threatened to divorce me and take you away if I don't do as he says, so I had no other choice. I would never leave you alone with him, Damon" she stated and I felt the tears in my own eyes "Never" she repeated "Which is why I had to give the other child away."

"So you gave birth?" I ask in disbelief and she nods, she won't stop crying, but I don't approach her to take her hand in mine, I don't to help her calm down, I don't want to soothe her-I can't believe she did this. She gave birth and gave the baby away. She might've done it all because of me, but that doesn't make things right. It makes them worse, actually

"A boy" she says and smiles through tears "I got to hold him for about half an hour before giving him away. He was the most precious angel ever and my heart broke when I had to give him up, but I knew it was for the better."

"I can't believe you did this." I raise my voice again "You're saying that all these years, you were hiding away the fact that I have a brother? You gave him up! You never talked about him or tried to find him?"

"No" she shakes her head "Which is why I want you to find him now."

"How exactly am I going to do that, mom?" I ask frustrated "We don't know what happened to him? What if he found another family? Or if he's in another state? We have no idea whether or not he's even aware of the fact that he's an orphan? What if they found him a family when he was a baby? What do you want me to do now-appear in front of some people's house and tell them I'm looking for my long lost brother, because my mother's dying and she decided now is the best time to make amends?"

"Damon, please!" she interrupts me "I don't want any of this. I just want you to find him and talk to him! He's your brother, you deserve to know each other. And yes, you're right, we have no idea what happened to him-he might've been adopted or he might still be in the system. I want you to find him and take care of him, I can't make up for all the mistakes I made, but you can."

"Mom" I shake my head realizing that whatever she did to this boy must've ruined him, no matter if he has found his family or not. How do I do this exactly? Go and just find him-it was a big state! And what if he's not even living here anymore?

"I-I" I start stuttering as I approach her again and she reaches out to find my hand. She looks worse right now and I think that I should go call the doctor. I see her closing her eyes and breathing slowly, heavily and I'm about to leave so I could get help, but she pulls me back again

"Please, Damon" she begs "Find him."

"I don't even know his name, mom." I say sadly "How am I going to do this?"

"His name is Stefan" she smiles, probably remembering what it was like to hold him in her arms "When I gave him up, I filed the documents with the name Stefan Christopher Williams. That was his father's last name." I stretch out to the nightstand on her right side and tear a piece of paper from the notebook there, then grab the pen from my jacket pocket and hurry to write everything she's " saying now

"He must've just turned fifteen" she continues, smiling sadly as she watches me try to put it all down on the piece of paper. I was writing an innocent orphan's boy life on a small piece of paper. "I gave birth on September 7th 1997 in Mystic falls, Virginia." she furrows her eyebrows, probably trying to remember some other detail "His hair was a light shade of brown and he had this little mole on the right side of his neck." I doubt that this would be of any help, so I didn't put it down, instead I tried to imagine what he must look like "I overheard the social worker say that they'll be driving him to a group home in Savannah, but I have no idea what happened to him after that" she rubs her forehead tiredly "Maybe they moved him away or he stayed there, I have no idea."

"Is that it?" I ask after she stops talking for more than a minute. She opens up her eyes again and gives me a light nod. I stand up, not sure what to say to her anymore. I feel so betrayed in ways and also guilty, because she chose me over this boy. She left him alone. And now she wanted me to go out there and magically find him, because she was dying and wanted to fix her mistakes. I didn't want to fix her mistakes for her, but I did want to find my brother. I always wanted to have a sibling, I've always dreamt of having a brother.

"Damon?" she asks as she sees me leaving and I turn back to her one last time before I disappear and go back to working, thought I doubt I'll be able to do anything productive today "I know this was too much, but-"

"It's okay, mom" It's not actually, but what can I say to her? All those years I thought that she was the perfect parent, my mom who would never leave me behind, the person I could talk to and ask for advice at my worse. And now I find out that she had an affairs while she was still married to my father and gave birth to a child, only to give it up. Who does this? Why?

How could you even leave a child like this? A baby?

And how was I better than him, that she refused to let me go, but gave him up? Where is this child now? Where is this fifteen year old teenage boy with the brown hair? What is the color of his eyes? What is his story? Is he a lonely broken soul or is he living a good life?

"I just need some time to process it, that's all" I reassure her, but she knows I'm mad-she always knows, she can see it in my eyes and I realize that my voice is way too stern. I rarely fought with her and she knew it. She could recognize my anger, mixed with desperation.

I closed the door and walked away, not prolonging it this time like before I went inside her room. Now, I wanted to leave as fast as I can. I was so confused and full of questions-I wanted to ask her more things, to figure it all out, to understand why she decided to give my brother up.

I stopped and stared down at the note in my hand "Stefan" I whispered to myself.

I will find you Stefan. No matter what it takes. I make a promise right there in front of the hospital-I can't leave this kid alone, God knows what he's been through all those years. I didn't have time to waste anymore, wondering about why mom did this or why she never tried to find him again. I have a brother-that's all that matters. And I'm going to figure out where he is.

I ended up going to work and calling a friend of mine who worked at the social services. I met with her the same day, she said it's better if we talk in person and I agreed-I wanted to make sure we find the right boy. I wasn't all up for getting my hopes up and then realizing that whoever they found was not the same Stefan Williams I was looking for.

I gave her all the information that I had and she said she'll start looking for him, though it might take some time, since there were way too many orphaned kids in this state and my little brother was one of them-a teenager out in the open. I wonder if he was ever here in the same town as me, if we may be passed by each other on the street without knowing we are related?

When I came back to the hospital in the evening, I wanted to tell mom the good news-that I began looking for him right away, without wasting a second, but by the time I got there, her condition has gotten worse drastically. She was barely responsive and she woke up a few times during the night, but she wasn't herself. She kept having nightmares and talking in her sleep, repeating over and over again "I am so sorry." The doctor said that considering her current condition she might not live till the rest of the week.

He was wrong.

She died the following evening after she told me her big secret, peacefully and in her sleep, seduced by the medications since the pain was way too much for her. I held her cold hand in mine and cried before the nurses pulled me away from her.

Suddenly, I was left all alone in this world.

But I had a brother out there, who's been feeling like this his whole life.

Now it was time for me to change it.

_**A MONTH LATER**_

"Don't tell me you seriously didn't leave this office all night" my secretary Bonnie opens up the door of my messy confined work space and hands me a big cup of coffee

"I fell asleep" I say as I move up from the uncomfortable couch, still dressed with the suit from yesterday, stinking a little bit like whiskey. Everyone keeps saying that I should take a break from work, but I can't do this, because I'm afraid of all the horrible things, that I feel when I'm alone. After my mother's death, I've thrown all my strength in work and tried to forget she ever left me, though at night when I eventually came home to my cold empty flat, I found the grief making it hard for me to breathe and eventually I collapsed on the floor after drinking myself to oblivion. If it wasn't for Bonnie to keep calling me endlessly, so I can get to work, I would've not even moved my sorry ass, but on the other hand I needed to do something or else the sadness would dig an even bigger hole in me than it already has.

"Have you eaten anything last night before you got yourself drunk again?" she asked with worry and I shook my head-she knew me far too well, she's been working in the firm for the last five years, bearing with my father's awful temper and now with my current state. I have no idea why she hasn't left already -I was a pain in the ass these days. I had a very hard time keeping my anger down sometimes and whenever I felt like I want to burst out, I would close myself in this office and just punch the wall until I feel my hand hurt like hell. I think Bonnie ran out of ice bags to bring to me-she always knew, she always heard.

"I'll make sure to bring you something later then" she says after she leaves the morning reports on my desk "Oh, there's been this lady trying to find you from the Child services office" she says "She keeps calling for the past hour."

"What!" I stand up abruptly and she gives me a confused look "Call back right away!" I say and rush to my desk. Oh God, I hope they finally found this boy, it's been over a month with no trace of him.

"Mr. Salvatore, sir are you sure everything's okay?" she asks and I hurry to nod

"Please, Bonnie, this is important, just make that call." I say and she sees how serious I am, so she rushes to her desk in front of my office and starts dialing the number. When she's ready and has a response on the other line she waves her hand and I pick up the receiver.

"Hello, Caroline, I'm sorry I took so much to respond" I start apologizing to my old friend from college "It's been hell of a busy morning' I lie without thinking twice and she sighs on the other side, clearly annoyed with me

"You're an asshole Damon, but I will forgive you this once, since the situation is serious." I clear my throat worriedly and run my hand through my messy hair

"What's up, did you find him?" I ask and I feel myself starting to sweat. It was one thing to talk about the possibility of finding this boy and completely another to actually meet him. I'm not sure I was ready for this.

"Yes." she responds and lets a tired sight "Actually, my friend Alaric did. He's been the social worker responsible for him for the last ten years. He knows Stefan like the back of his hand."

"So he knows where he is?" I ask as I realize how stupid my question is, of course the guy knows where he is, why am I even asking this.

"You need to get downtown, he wants to talk to you." she says sadly

"Is the boy okay? Is there are a problem with him?" I don't like the sound of her voice, something tells me that things are not right

"Just get here, he'll explain everything."

"Is he adopted already or something else?" I won't stop asking questions, I need to know about Stefan, I've never met him, but I already feel nervous. I would hate myself if something bad has happened to him. I still had a hard time accepting my mother's death and the fact that she left an innocent baby all alone in this world-I just didn't want to find this boy ruined somewhere. It would be way too cruel and I had no idea if I have enough strength to deal with it. Though I knew that I have to find strength if I wanted to make things right and get to know him.

"He's not adopted, Damon" she finally answers after a minute of wondering whether or not to tell me "He's been transferred to group homes and foster families all his life." my breath gets stuck in my throat and I realize it only after she continues, without hearing a proper response from me "Just come here, please, Alaric will explain everything."

"I'm heading your way" I say and put the receiver down tiredly. I don't know what I was expecting-that this boy will be living somewhere happily ever after with his big family, having a great life, going to school, being regular?

Okay, I was jumping to conclusions, maybe things weren't that bad, maybe I just didn't know the whole story and now I was going to get it and maybe catch a glimpse of who Stefan Williams really is.

I'm in Alaric's office in less than half an hour-I've been driving like crazy and I'm lucky I manage to do it at such speed without being caught. He's a nice man in his forties who welcomes me in his extremely small and kind of messy office, which reminds me a little bit of my own though it was ten times smaller. He seems tired, when I arrived, I had to wait for him, because he had went away to deal with a kid who had to be transferred to another family, so he politely excused himself for being late.

At first we exchanged a few polite words, like how nice it was to meet him and how grateful I am for Caroline being able to track down my brother. It's still so strange to me to actually acknowledge this-I have a brother out there. It wasn't a thought that you just get used to after spending 25 years as a single child.

"So, you're Stefan's brother" he says as he sits and starts looking through the files on his desk, obviously looking for something "I can't believe that there's anyone out there who actually gives a damn about this kid besides me." he states sadly and pulls up a file from his big pile "No offence" he adds as he rubs the back of his neck nervously

"None taken." I say though I feel that awful guilt stuck in my throat again "I just recently found out that I have a brother at all" I decided to be honest with him and I see that he seems confused, but not surprised. I'm sure he had dealt with far worse things than this. "A little before my mother's death, actually."

"Well in this case, you have my condolences" he says sincerely as he flips the file open and I nod, not willing to discuss this anymore, which he understands so he being the busy man he was, decides it's time he finally starts discussing the reason I'm here

"Stefan Christopher Williams" he says and hands me over the file. I take it from him with shaky hands and stare at the photo of what seems like a fifteen year old boy with a very messy blond hair and green eyes. He seems skinny, dressed in a plaid shirt which looks too big for him, there are dark circles under his eyes, he isn't smiling, even though he's supposed to, since this seems like one of this photos they take for the yearbooks, on the contrary-there's some sadness, even darkness in his eyes-he seems ruined at the age of fifteen and I swallow hard "Age fifteen, currently living at a foster family in East Point, Atlanta."

"He's here?" I ask my voice way too hoarse, I should've finished the coffee Bonnie gave me "In Atlanta?"

"Yeah, well he is here for now" I raise my eyebrow and he sighs, leaning on the window post behind him "Stefan is a very troublesome kid. He didn't used to always be like that. When he was a child, he was sad and not very talkative, but he was energetic and full of life. In the last few years he's been the biggest pain in my ass, in the last three months only he has escaped all the foster homes I've found for him and it took me weeks to bring him back and make him settle down"

"But…why?" I asked him a stupid question and he rubbed his forehead tiredly.

"To you Mr. Salvatore, the term orphan is just a word, to him it's his entire life." he explained sadly and I shiver from the thought of his kid being all alone for fifteen years, I flip through the pages of his file and go years back only to see a sad smiling ten year old boy, or a desperately looking five year old-he was a very sweet kid, I can't figure out how nobody ever adopted him. There was something in his look that reminded me of mom-that kindness that she carried with her, the compassion-it was all over his face and it made my eyes sting with tears

"He's been moved from home to home and he grew to hate the entire world. He doesn't think anyone cares about him at all. I can't make him go to school-his grades are awful. He's been caught stealing ten times already." I furrow my eyebrows and swallow hard. Damn this boy was hitting rock bottom "Do you know how nice it is to get a call in the middle of the night from the police station?" I flip to another page and see two photos of Stefan's back and arms which were full of bruises and I look up, feeling sick

"What's this?" I ask and he stares down the file in my hand. Once he realizes what I'm showing him he looks away, probably feeling ashamed that he couldn't stop whatever it was that happened to this child

"Was he abused?" I speak the unthinkable words and saw him nodding sadly

"I got him out of there as soon as I can, only to make him confess that this wasn't the first family to do this to him."

"Oh, God" I leave the file with trembling hands on the desk, feeling like my morning coffee wants to get out already. He sees it and hands me a bottle of water from his bar in the corner

"I'm sorry, I should've left those parts out." he says apologizing

"No, I'm glad you showed them to me" I say and for the first time I give him a serious and determined look "I want to go see him. Can we do that?"

"Of course" he reassures, happy with my will to meet my brother for the first time. I take another sip from the water, I feel too sick to even talk right now. "But remember this-the boy won't welcome you with open arms. He's been through a tough time these past few months, one of his close friends from the orphanage died and he's been rebelling out, pulling up a fight and hating everyone and everything."

"I still want to see him."

"Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad kid. His heart is kind and good, but he's hurting a lot and that's why he's acting out so much. When we tell him, who you are, he won't just hug you and be happy to see you. He's got an attitude. And he's very sarcastic."

"On other words, he's ruining himself?" I ask and stare at the big cardboard box behind Alaric, full of photos and posts of missing kids. I stand up slowly and Ric watches me approach the board. I find Stefan on it right away-this photo wasn't in the file, probably because it's a more recent one-he's dressed in a blue plaid shirt, with a black hat on and a bruise on his left cheek, he's looking so angry and I feel as if I'm standing right in front of him as he tries to burn a hole in me

"I gotta take that one off" Ric comes behind me and pulls the announcement for the missing then fourteen year old Stefan

"He ran away a few months ago and it took me five weeks to find him again. Is just that he runs so often, that I don't feel the need to remove this anymore. I just change the date he went missing and run it back in the system." he says sadly. "That's the reason why your friend Caroline couldn't find him at first-he continues, his voice hoarse. I know he cares about Stefan-I can see it in the way he's talking about him. He's not just another orphaned kid for him, he really wants to change things for the boy "Cause he was in the missing kids files and she was looking at those who are at foster care right now."

"How long has he been with this new family?" I ask curios "Are the threating him alright?'

"Just for less than two weeks. It's been hard to find him a family these days, once he runs away, they don't want to take him back in anymore" I wonder how many families has he been to. This sounds like an eternal cycle of pain and misery "And as good as any foster family I guess" he shrugs his shoulders "I haven't been there to see him since I left him with that woman and a bunch of other younger kids. I was going to go and check things out next week, but it's good we're doing it now."

"Why so?"

"Cause he's been too silent this past week and when he's doing so it means his up to something" he gave me a tired smile "Come on, let's go meet your brother." he patted me supportively on the shoulder and I followed him, feeling concerned, lost, but still sure of one thing-I couldn't leave this boy to deal with everything on his own. I had to find a way to help him. I had to take care of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Damon's POV**

On our way to Stefan's house, which is in a neighborhood quite far away from when I live and work, we stop by a diner to pick up burgers. Ric said that we shouldn't go empty handed, because he was sure, that the kids would be hungry. Stefan especially, liked giving up his food if there were younger kids in the house who needed it. He also added that Stefan would most probably refuse getting anything from us. He hated people pitying him. I was eager to learn more about him so I began asking Ric questions.

"So, what does he like to do in his free time?" I ask and Alaric laughs as he places the bag of burgers on the back seat behind us.

"You mean besides stealing and fooling around?" he says and I can't figure it he's joking or not, which obviously confuses him. He gets that this is all new to me

"Well, he wastes all his time, basically. He barely goes to school, I'm pretty sure he'll have to repeat this year and I'll actually kick his ass about that when we get down there" he announces calmly, but I know he must be mad that Stefan is ruining his education and so am I. I can't imagine why he would want to desperately ruin his own life.

"But that doesn't mean he's not smart, on the contrary, he's really good with numbers." Ric explains and smiles more to himself than to me, probably remembering witnessing my brother being a smart kid who is great with math and numbers "I used to make him go to competitions when he was younger, but he stopped doing that a long time ago" he continues explaining, while furrowing his eyebrows this time

"What else?" I ask eager to learn more

"Well he is a very good runner. I mean he has to be because he steals all the time and he has to run fast, which is something, that just causes me more trouble since it makes him difficult to find. He's a bit of a Robin Hood, he hates rich people and he steals all the time, then goes and gives the money to some kid who needs them, and then he usually disappears from the face of the earth for the next few weeks until I find him again."

"But you always do, don't you?" he smiles and nods, obviously proud with himself.

"I know him very well." he explains patiently "I guess that makes it easier for me to find him, but he's gotten smarter the last few times. He's not that naïve kid who ran away from foster care for the first time when he was thirteen and wandered the streets all by himself, until eventually when I found him he ran and cried in my arms." I tried imagining how hard that must've been like and swallowed feeling the limp forming in my throat

"Now he never cries or waits for me to find him" Ric says and I feel the sadness in his voice "Now he just tosses and turns and tries to get away from me when I finally end up figuring out where he is. "

"So he likes math and he's good at running, what else is there about him?"

"He's good at many things, he just likes ruining his own potential. It's just who Stefan is. He doesn't believe he's good at anything, there is always someone better above him, he doesn't know how much he can do if he just puts some effort into things." I watch him run his hand through his hair and sighing heavily, slowing down as we obviously approach the car

"He loves reading as well" I look at him and for the first time I smile. So there might be something we have in common after all "When he was a child especially, I would always bring him books, whenever I had to go check up on him. He was such a cute child, always sitting in the corner of some room, buried in his own world. He would never talk much, he barely spoke to me, but the first thing about him that you notice, is how compassionate he is. He just hides it very well by being rude, so be prepared to see him as a total asshole." while he talked to me and explained all this I couldn't help but ask myself why?

Why would Stefan be like this? Why would he hide all the goodness in his heart? And then I realize, that I was stupid to even ask this question-he was alone his entire life, he never trusted anybody, he never had anyone to lean on or to cry to, he must've been hurt many times when he was a child, not only emotionally but physically too. Judging by the way Ric was talking about him, I figured this-the boy has lost all hope, that there's something good in this world and who could really judge him

"You just have to be patient and pay attention" Ric continues "When you do, you will see it-Stefan is a good boy. He is just very ruined."

He stops the car in front of a small house with two floors in a relatively nice, but definitely not rich neighborhood. Once we're out of the car, I realize that it looked far better when I was watching it from there. As we approached it slowly, I realized how old and shabby it looks-the yellow paint of the front façade was practically non distinguishable, the front yard was full of toys, but they were mostly broken and we saw a boy playing with a truck in the alley leading to the front door. There were a few holes on the roof, one of the windows on the second floor was broken and the front porch was a mess of shoes and clothes or all kind of tools just tossed somewhere-it wasn't the worst place to live, Alaric had said, but it's not very good either, I thought.

"Hey, there" Ric turned to the little boy, who couldn't have been more than five years old, dressed in a relatively nice and new jeans and white simple shirt. He raised his head from the ground and when he saw Ric, he jumped off scared, probably realizing who he is, or at least suspecting.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you" Ric explained and put his hand on his shoulder which made the kid relax a bit. He probably realized that we're not here to do anything bad and when I gave him a smile he smiled back "What's your name, little fella?" Ric asked

"Danny" he answered so silently that I barely heard him

"Hey, Danny, do you know where Stefan is?" Ric asked and I assumed this might be one of the kids my brother is living with. Gosh, this will turn out to be way more complicated than I ever thought it could be. I watch the boy nod, but he doesn't say anything, which makes Ric sigh, while I'm confused as to why Danny doesn't seem like talking.

"So?" Ric asks again and I watch Danny cross his hands on his chest

"What will you give me if I tell you?" he asks and my jaw hung open. A five year old kid was bargaining with us and it made me both laugh and feel kind of sad. "I know that you're the social worker." he continues

"And Stefan told you to keep you mouth shut if I came?" Ric asks and Danny nods. I watch Ric pull out ten dollars form his pocket and hand it to the little boy before us. He looks around, probably making sure there's no one watching him and grabs the money, shoving it in his back pocket

"He went out to get dinner." Danny responds immediately after that and I watch Ric pull out more money from his shirt's pocket. He'll probably get broke if he continues with this game, though apparently that's the only way to find out where Stefan is. I don't know why Alaric couldn't ask the woman who's taking care of them what's going on. I was afraid she might not even know, considering how Ric was questioning this child, believing he'll tell us more about my brother.

"If I give you this" Ric hands him over a twenty now "You'll tell me if he goes to school and if he's still selling cigarettes illegally?" Danny takes a moment to consider if there will be any consequences of him blabbing out all he knows, but in a minute or two he grabs those money as well, hides them in the same pocket and speaks up

"No to the school and I don't know about the cigarettes, but I don't think so." Ric furrows his eyebrows and sighs annoyed with the response he gets, which makes Danny tense a bit. I wonder if anyone ever abused him the way Stefan was abused. Is this why he was so scared when he first saw us? Did he think we'll do something bad to him?

"Can you go get your mom for me?" Ric asks again and the kid shrugs his shoulders, not sure what this man wants from him

"I don't have a mother" he responds and it breaks my heart, God, this is too much and I haven't even seen Stefan yet

"Okay, I meant Mrs. Collins, can you go get her?" Danny now understands and runs back to the door, pushing it hard and running inside, we can hear him talk fast to someone else and there are other children voices coming from inside.

We approach the front porch and when we get on there, using the half broken stairs, a woman in her late thirties, who is too skinny and with a very messed up curly blond hair leans on the doorpost, looking as if she just woke up.

As soon as she sees Alaric, she gets nervous and tries composing herself, but I can tell that she's not trying too hard. There's something really wrong in the way she's looking at us and she even gives me a flirty stare, which to me is way too disgusting an inappropriate right now

"Mr. Salzman, to what do I owe the pleasure?" she asks with a hoarse, kind of drunken voice. She smells a bit like vodka to me and the smell coming from the inside isn't too pleasant either "Is there something wrong?"

"We're just here to check up on Stefan." Ric explains and she furrows her eyebrows, probably trying to remember, who Stefan is out of all the kids she's taking care of, which honestly pisses me off.

I look back at Danny, while her and Ric exchange a few more sentences and notice how lost he is in his own world while playing with this broken truck on the porch, he keeps humming, imitating the engine and pushing the truck forward to the stairs then making a rapid turn and crawling to the other side of the broken filthy porch. Everything here is so…wrong and it takes me only one look to make this conclusion.

Just when we're about to get inside, Danny stands up and yells from the porch

"Stefaaan!" he says and I see him jump from the stairs. I know who's he looking at and for a moment I'm afraid to turn around and finally see this boy. There is some fear inside me, but I know, I don't really have any choice-I came down here to meet my brother, so that's what I'm going to do.

When I finally find the courage to look I see a boy, who only vaguely resembles the one from the pictures Alaric has showed me. He is walking down the street, approaching the yard with a slow, but steady pace, while carrying a big package of what seems to be burgers in hand. He's wearing a blue baseball cap, which covers his eyes good, very washed out jeans, which are a bit too big for him or they're just like that, from those baggy stuff the teenagers wore, a white t-shirt under a brown plaid shirt which had a hole on the elbow and was also too big for him, and old black converse trainers with dirty shoelaces.

There's something really tortured in his expression and only when he approaches the house and welcomes Danny, do I notice his black eye and him furrowing his eyebrows as soon as he recognizes Ric.

He doesn't pay any attention to me at all, it's like I'm invisible like the paint on the wall behind me-he's only staring at the man next to me, with so much hatred in his eyes already.

I see Danny grab his leg and start pulling him. Stefan leans down to his level, takes a burger from the bag and hands it to him.

"Here you go, little troublemaker" he says and ruffles his head. Danny is about to run back to the house and enjoy his meal, when Stefan pulls his shirt and brings him back closer to him. He gets a popsicle and a bubble gum out of his pocket and hands it to Danny "Only for you" I hear him say, they're very close to us now, only a few feet away from the porch stairs "Hide it good."

"Thank you, Stefan!" Danny hugs him and runs back to the house. I'm amazed at how good he is with the kid. Alaric was right-his heart was big, I could see it just from this little gesture. I watch Stefan then stand up and stretch his hands annoyed at us.

"Why on earth are you here?" he asks and Alaric furrows his eyebrows. I guess now I would see the other side of him, the one where he's a rude fifteen year old who doesn't give a damn.

"We need to talk" Ric explains calmly, he was obviously very used to his behavior.

"What for, you weren't supposed to be here before the end of the month." Stefan continues, willing to just drive us off here, while Mrs. Collins is still leaning on the door, not paying any attention to us or our argument at all. Stefan glances at me for the first time and gives me an angry and unwelcoming look.

"Yeah, and you are supposed to be going to school." Ric continued and I realized this was going to be a very hard conversation. "But you're not."

"I will do whatever the fuck I want" Stefan responded harshly and very rudely, without actually giving a damn, that he is hurting another person, who cares about him.

"Let's just get inside, we have to talk about something" Ric glances at me and I nod while Stefan huffs annoyed and Mrs. Collins says we can go to the kitchen, while she deals with the kids.

Stefan hands her the bag of burgers and she takes it happily, he doesn't pull one out for him so I'm glad that Ric and I stopped by to get some food. It seemed like Stefan hasn't eaten in a long time. He looked so skinny, practically probably everything would look too big on him.

The house is even more filthy from the inside. I catch a glimpse of at least four more kids sitting on a couch in a living room opposite from the kitchen where we're headed, staring at the TV and eating pop corns. I wonder how many kids are here, Stefan was most probably the oldest one, everyone else seemed to be between the age 7 and 13.

We get in the kitchen and Ric and I settle on the shabby chairs near the table while Stefan hops on the kitchen plot, pulls out a packet of cigarettes, opens slightly the window behind him and lights it up.

"You said you'll stop smoking" Ric points out and Stefan shrugs his shoulders

"You also promised to find me a family when I was five and look where we are now." he is acting like he really doesn't give a fuck about anything at all and that's really sad. I thought that he would be broken, I just didn't suppose it would be that bad. Ric hands him the burger, but when Stefan doesn't take it, he just leaves it next to him and sighs annoyed with his behavior already

"You're not wearing the clothes I gave you" Ric states sadly

"I gave them to someone who needs them more" Stefan explains and I catch the same compassion in his glimpse as when he was giving Danny the popsicle "Who's that suit that you brought?" he nods to me and lets the smoke out "Oh my God, Ric did you bring a fucking shrink?" he looks at me with disgust

"He's not a shrink" Ric says again very calmly, figuring out that we're getting to the point here

"I told you that I'm fine!" Stefan is not convinced, that I'm not here to evaluate how good his emotional state is.

"Oh, I can see that" Alaric is not even slightly disturbed by Stefan raising his voice "Nice bruise you got there, did you try to steal something again and got caught?"

"Just cut to the chase, why the fuck are you here?" Stefan avoids his questions and tosses the cigarette off the window, after which he leans on the wall behind him and takes his cap off. I can take a better look of his face now, though that doesn't make things better. There's something really screwed up in the way he's acting and just looking at everything around him-he seems to be covering all his pain with the rudeness in his voice. He hates that we've come here, he despises it with every fiber of his being and he just wants us gone-I can see it.

"Cause you've been silent for too long and that means only one thing-you're planning to run away again."

"I'm not" Stefan responds way too harshly again and squeezes the plot with his hands. I only now notice how strong he actually is, even despite the fact that he looks like a ghost

"You're lying" Ric says simply and crosses his hands on his chest as he leans back on the chair. This entire time I just stare between the two of them and listen to their conversation, it's like I'm not even here anymore "Why aren't you going to school?"

"Because there's no point in school" Stefan responds as he laughs out loud "What's with the suit?" he turns to me again, I don't know why he thinks I'll bring him trouble

"Oh, Jeez, are you the owner of that sweet shop that I stole from a few weeks back? You look like him."

"I'm not" I speak up for the first time and Stefan furrows his eyebrows, feeling even more confused than before.

"My name is Damon Salvatore" I finally find the courage to speak up and Ric gives me a reassuring nod. I stand up and approach the kitchen plot slowly and when I'm finally in front of him I stretch my hand

"It's nice to meet you, Stefan." he gives me another pessimistic look, stares down at my hand, but doesn't take it, he seems kind of scared, or at least he has no idea what to do, so instead he looks back at Ric

"Did you bring a fucking priest over here? Oh my God, I can't believe you, Ric. I knew you were getting old but I had no idea you're going so crazy!" he exclaims and moves away from me a bit.

My hand hung in the air untaken, and I hide it behind my back, feeling more sad than ever. I watch Stefan roll his sleeves up, probably because he's feeling too hot, while Alaric stands and approaches us, I'm guessing now is the big moment.

"He's not a priest, Stefan. He is your brother." and just like that Alaric says it out loud without any hesitation. Stefan gives him a look of disbelief and looks between him and me for a moment, probably waiting for one of us to say something until he laughs out loud

"Nice joke, Ric." he says after that, somehow relieved that this can't be true

"He's not joking" I speak up this time and he looks at me as he furrows his eyebrows angrily. I don't think he wants to let this sink in at all "I'm your brother." Stefan peaks his right eyebrow and stares at me for a moment, trying to decide if there's something we have in common, but we're really way too different when it comes to the looks. He then turns to Ric, probably feeling a little bit scared and gives him a questioning look

"Damon came looking for you a month ago." he explains

"How?" Stefan asks and hops off the kitchen plot, we're all very close to each other and I swear to god, I feel so bad for hurting him like this now when he looked so ruined already

"My mother" I speak up stuttering as I remember losing one of the most important people in my life "Our mother" I correct myself "told me about you before she died."

"I don't have a mother" Stefan responds harshly and gives me a cold look "And I certainly do not have a brother. I don't give a shit who you are or what happened to you, I don't want to talk to you" he says and tries to get out, but Ric grabs his wrist and pulls him back

"No running away, Stefan" he says calmly but doesn't let him go "Damon did everything he could to find you, he wants to get to know you"

"I don't care." Stefan is bitter and I can see the pain in his eyes, this is really hurting him way much more than I could even assume "Let me go!"

"I'm not!" Ric raises his voice for the first time since we came here "I refuse to keep watching you ruin your life anymore, do you understand?" he asks, but Stefan is still trying to pull back

"Damon, give us a moment, will you?" he states and even though I don't want to leave, I feel like maybe Ric will be able to convince him that he should give me a chance, so I just nod and head outside to the front porch, far away from them so they wouldn't think I'm trying to eavesdrop.

And I already feel like crying.

**Stefan's POV**

As soon as I saw Alaric on the front porch, I knew I was in some kind of trouble again. He has said he'll come at the end of the month to check up on me and now what? He was suddenly back here? What for, it didn't make any sense? I was just hoping he has no idea what I was planning to do these days, but that's honestly the least of my concerns when he tells me who this guy he brought with himself is.

I'm quite literally stunned.

All my life, I've been an orphan, a boy they shipped from group home to group home. I rarely made any friends, I was all by myself, dreaming of my family coming to save me from this mess I was in. I didn't have dreams like the other kids-I didn't want to become a race driver or a doctor, I just wanted to find my home or if not that, for Alaric to find me a family, who would adopt me.

I continued living like this for many years until my thirteen birthday when Alaric moved me from one awful foster home where they beat the hell out of me, to a nice house in Savannah. Then I just realized that I won't ever get adopted, that my family has gave me up and won't come looking for me and I let all my hope disappear. I suddenly became a different person. I started running away from the homes Alaric found for me, I would hang out with the boys, who had the worst reputation including my friend Michael, who got killed six months ago and who's the only reason why I haven't packed my stuff and left this house by now.

I've accepted the fact that some people are just meant to be alone. That's it. You have to live with some realizations and when you actually let it all sink in, nothing else seems significant-school was boring and I had no patience for it, stealing was a thrill in the beginning, now it's just a means for me to find enough money to eat, running away used to be fun until I changed too many places and I saw most of the state. There wasn't much to live for anymore, if I have to be honest. There are nights when I ask myself why do I even keep bothering when there's absolutely nothing out there for me?

And now what? Some rich guy in a suit appears out of nowhere and says he's my brother?

How could I ever believe that? Even if it's true and we're related, I don't feel anything for him. I never could. He seemed quite stunned by my behavior, I noticed how silent he was the entire time I talked to Ric and now as I think about it, it makes me laugh-he probably thought I'll welcome with him open arms, hug him and beg him to take me away from here so we could have a good chat.

I wasn't that guy. I didn't need anyone's pity or silent promises. I hated promises. They turn into regrets which keep you up awake at night. That's why I didn't trust anyone. I stopped doing that a long time ago.

I wanted to respect Ric, because we've known each other for years, but lately he's just been shipping me from home to home or preaching that I have to go to school. I couldn't care less about my education if I have to be honest.

"Let me go!" I hiss again once Damon leaves us alone and Ric finally sets me free, but makes sure to stand in my way, so I wouldn't just disappear from the room.

"Listen to me and you listen good" Ric says sternly "I'm done with your awful attitude and your running away. I get that it's hard, okay? Trust me, I get it, especially after Michael's death, it's been hell for you without anyone out there, but you need to give this guy a chance" he says calmly and start shaking my head in disapproval.

"No way."

"It's not a choice, Stefan." I look up and see the stone cold expression on his face, which meant only one thing-he was pissed off at me. Really pissed off. I played too much with his patience

"You are going to start meeting with Damon every week or else I'm shipping you off to a group home and I know how much you don't want this to happen."

"You wouldn't!" I say through teeth. Group homes were hell. He has promised me after Michael's death, that he'll never send me to a group home again, no matter what. But I also promised him that I won't run and I did.

As I said-promises suck.

"Oh, I would" he says in a way which suggests he's not joking at all around "You need to be taught a lesson. I tried everything and I realized I've been doing it all wrong-I keep getting you out of your messes, paying your bails, helping you get rid from your troubles, going around and begging people not to press charges when you're caught stealing. I've been trying to find you good homes after you run away from all the bad ones, I've been getting you clothes and food that you simply reject, I've been talking to your teachers, praying for them not to kick you out of this school and now what? You simply throw everything away, Stefan and I'm tired of watching this." He sighs and I do realize that I've put him through hell, it's just that I had my own personal one and that's why I couldn't bring myself to apologizing to him

"Damon is a really nice guy. He cares, I can see it in his eyes, he would be good for you, so that's why I want you to start meeting him. You need some normality."

"He is not my brother, even if we share the same blood." I say stubbornly. He won't just come out here and want from me to be best buddies with a guy I haven't met before.

"Yes, but he's the first person, who cares and you need someone like this in your life, Stefan. So I want you to make this right, I want you to meet with him and talk. I want you to give him a chance."

"And if I don't?" I ask and he shakes his head tiredly

"Stop being so stubborn" he says seriously "Or else it will just get worse." he doesn't want it to get worse, I can see it in his eyes. Ric is a nice guy, he is rarely mean to anyone, but I'm guessing I've been fooling around for too long and now he was tired.

That didn't matter to me though, I hated people telling me what I should do. There was a reason I was still around and it was because I wanted to get back at the guys who killed Michael. After I'm done, I'll run so far away, that Ric won't be able to find me this time. I'm not going to a group home, no matter what he says. I'm not living through this again. I just had to keep this charade up for a little while longer and then I could leave.

I _will_ leave, no matter what. This isn't my home. In fact, I don't have a home. I wasn't used to having my own bed or clothes-I lost things all the time, Ric would move me whenever he feels like it if the foster family ends up screwing up. I've been to more foster or group homes than my age.

"Just stop pulling up a fight. I want to help you, so let me and Damon help you. What do you say, Stefan?"

"You're not actually giving me a choice here, you do realize that, right? So stop making it look as if I have one." I say through teeth and he puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly

"Just try, Stefan. Please, just try." he begs me and for a moment we're staring at each other intensely until I pull away from him and cross my arms on my chest.

I just want all this pain to be over with and this guy meant exactly the opposite-he would bring pain and misery, he would bring out stuff that I've buried a very long time ago. He would bring hope in me and I didn't need hope. So I had to fight it all with all my strength.

I couldn't get close to anyone. I would never trust a word he says. I would never let him in.

Never.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for the nice reviews and the follows. I hope you will enjoy this story, I'm still a bit uncertain if I should keep writing about it and how long should I make it, but I hope you like it. **

**To the guest reviewer alex-if you have a profile, write me a personal message here and I'll answer all your questions about The sky above us. You can also find me on tumblr, my url there is stefansplaidshirt. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Damon's POV**

I wait for about half an hour before Ric and Stefan come back to the front porch. Stefan seems really angry, he doesn't look at me at all, even though I'm observing him and waiting for him to give out any reaction at all, but all he's doing is clenching his fists. The more I look at him, the more I realize, that he's way more screwed up probably both mentally and psychologically than I assumed in the beginning, but right now he looked like he wants to punch me in the face and that doing this, would only bring him pleasure.

I assumed that me coming into his life wasn't something he considered good at all. I was probably going to mix up all his plans, whatever they were, and turn everything upside down. I don't think I myself, has realized the fact that this is something completely new for me as well. Whatever happens from now on, would be something I've never been through before. And I knew lately my life was a complete mess, especially after mother's death, I drank and slept most the time, Bonnie, my secretary, keeps saying I'm depressed and have to find a way to get over this, but I just can't.

Even though a month has passed, it seems like a day to me, like I've buried my mother only yesterday and then I look at Stefan and realize, that he'll never get to know her, but that wasn't the worst-it was the fact that he never had a mother in his life, no parent at all, actually. And even though I was told that he was an orphan, I don't think I understood what this really means.

Only looking at him was painful. He was such a ruined boy, he didn't look like a teenager, who's having a good time, even though Ric continued telling me he's not doing anything significant, but only wasting his time, judging by the way he looked-he wasn't happy.

Actually, he was a very sad boy. The big circles underneath his eyes and his slightly shaking hands which have picked up the cigarette out of the box inside, were telling me he's on edge and lacking sleep out of some reason. Leave that alone, but the fact that his clothes were so shabby, made the pit in my stomach even more awful.

When they get back on the porch, Ric smiles and pats Stefan on the shoulder

"You're going to meet next Wednesday for dinner what do you say?" he looks at me like he's asking, but I know this is directed more to Stefan than to me, probably making sure that he'll behave and do what he's told. I don't know how he managed to convince him, but he did and I'm grateful for it, I wanted to spent time with my brother.

"Sounds great" I confirm and Stefan frowns at me.

"Come with us" Ric says and walks down the stairs of the front porch. I follow him, not sure what he has in mind, but Stefan remains at place, not even looking at us

"Stefan!" Ric says it like an order and Stefan wakes up from his dream, following us to the car. He wants to kill me with one single stare, if he could, he would've done it. He really hates me right now. Whatever Ric did, it pissed him off majorly.

I watch Ric open the trunk and he looks for a bag there, one which is obviously full of clothes. He pulls out a shirt which seems like Stefan's size and hands it to him, but he doesn't stretch his hand to get it.

"Throw this old one and change it with this" Ric says in a begging tone, but Stefan's just looking at him, he doesn't want to do this, I can see how much he hates someone pitying him and me being here makes it even worse. It embarrasses him even more. I'm standing between them dressed in a nice expensive suit, running a publishing company, healthy and safe, having everything I could ever ask for, thanks to my mother and there was Stefan in his old clothes, all alone, not a single soul out there giving a shit about him, ruined, tired, broken and he wasn't even eighteen yet.

"I don't want it." he finally grunts out and takes a step back, trying to tell Ric that the conversation's over, but Ric grabs his wrist and pulls him back

"Please, Stefan, you look like hell, just take it" he says and they stare at each other for a moment, I know Ric won't let it go and I can see Stefan needs at least one decent shirt. I wonder if he has any clothes besides those at all.

"Come on, son" he says again and brings Stefan back to earth. Stefan grabs it a little too roughly, he hates being told what to do and today we've been doing this exactly that. He takes off this old yellow torn out shabby shirt and throws it in the trash bin in front of the house and puts this one on. I agree that it makes him look a bit better-it's a blue plaid shirt and when he buttons it up, it makes him appear less like a homeless teenager and more like one who has someone to take care of him.

"Do you have money?" Ric asks and pulls out his wallet, but Stefan is really not going to let him do that now, this time he grabs his wrist and makes him look up

"No need for this" he grunts through teeth and looks Ric in the eye. Just when the older man tries to argue with him, a truck stops on the other side of the street and a boy who seems to be in his twenties yells from the window and waves at Stefan

"Kai!" Stefan yells back and I see him smile for the first time. He lets go of Ric and takes a step back "Are we still going?" I wonder where are they headed in half past nine in the evening and judging by the other guy, who despite the fact that was dressed better than Stefan, didn't seem to be very responsible or mature either.

"Of course." he replies with his raspy voice, which is a bit too scary for me, but not for Stefan and he smiles as he takes a step back, ready to pass the street, leaving us all behind. Ric grabs his hand however and pulls him closer again. He's been a little bit too rough today, not that Stefan doesn't deserve it. He seemed like he's in trouble and the bruise on his face only confirmed this suspicion.

"Get your ass here!" he yells again, but Stefan doesn't turn around, he can't cause Ric is grabbing him and making him look him in the eye

"You're going to school tomorrow!" he states sternly and Stefan huffs annoyed "And if I find out that you didn't, you're in serious trouble, okay?" I watch my brother furrow his eyebrows and push away

"Do you understand me, Stefan?" Ric says slowly, which makes me think there's something between them, which I don't know. For sure, Ric has found a way to threaten Stefan somehow, in order to make him obeying, but what was it, I had no idea, not for now at least.

"Yes, I understand" Stefan replies through teeth and finally moves away. He hurries to turn his back to us and cross the street where his friend is already waiting for him off the car. They greet each other and this guy puts his hand on Stefan's shoulder, while telling him something, obviously serious because Stefan is staring at him intently.

Ric and I get in the car, unhappy with the situation before our eyes, but we keep an eye on the boys before they decide to leave the truck and walk down the street.

When we finally leave and make a turn a little down the road, we see Stefan, Kai and four other guys who looked strangely scary talk together. It was something like a gang and Stefan seemed like the youngest one there. They weren't his friends, that's for sure, but he was there for some reason and whatever it was, I assumed it would only bring him more trouble. Ric couldn't stay and keep an eye on them, he decided that if something happens, he'll just get a call from the police later on, so we drove off and I asked Ric to drop me back at my office. I couldn't home, I didn't want to, even though I was supposed to.

I sat back on my desk and worked for three hours before I finally stopped and began eating the Chinese takeaway that Bonnie has bought for me, knowing well enough that I'll end up here instead of my own flat late in the evening.

I pulled out Stefan's folder. The one that Ric gave me to see today and opened it up, desperate to read and find out whatever I could for this boy, who seemed so ruined and closed. There wasn't much information about his personal affairs though, I assume Ric took that out. There were only photos, school grades and timelines showing where he was living at what age and I swear, he's been to more homes, that I could even imagine.

When I finished eating and reading, I stared at the photo on the front page-the most recent one, with him dressed in the blue plaid shirt and the bruised cheek. He was angry at the world-I could see it and this anger it was making me so sad, because a boy his age should never look like he has lost all hope that life can be good.

Then again not all boys were orphans.

* * *

Wednesday comes in a flash, literally. I can hardly make a difference between the days lately, though I was eagerly waiting to meet with Stefan again. I wanted to try and talk to him somehow, to break his walls, though Alaric has told me that this is something he never succeeded in, so he's putting all his faith to me, hoping that I would somehow manage to bring back the happy optimistic kid that Stefan once was, despite all the awful things in his life.

I wait Stefan in a diner not far from his school. It's dinner time and he's already thirty minutes late, but Ric warned me to wait, that he'll be doing all this on purpose, trying to make me give up on him, trying to push me away.

When I finally see him walk through the diner's door, I notice that he's dressed in the same shirt that Ric gave him, his bag on, a pack of cigarettes sticking up from his shirt's front pocket, the usual black baseball cap on, covering most of his face.

It was slightly cold outside, it's been raining in the past few days, but he didn't even have a jacket or a sweater on-only the shirt and the washed out jeans, his trainers warn out as well, probably with holes on, though I couldn't see them and there he was, getting in, with the sad expression on his face and the angrily furrowed eyebrows.

I see him and stand up to greet him, but he only rolls his eyes when I wave a bit too enthusiastically. On his way there, a few guys in suits, who must've come here to grab dinner after a long day at the company just opposite of this place, are trying to leave and one of them pushes Stefan in the shoulder. I don't get if Stefan's doing this on purpose-hitting them or if it it's all unintentional, but when they pass by him, they yell at him for not being careful enough and not watching his step and he only smiles devilishly before he approaches me.

I've furrowed my eyebrows, ready to defend him if I have to, but he doesn't pay any attention to me and sits down opposite of me, rolling up his sleeves.

I roll my eyes, reminding myself to be patient with him like Ric has begged me to and sit down, giving him a light smile. I'm tired. I don't think I've slept more than six hours in the past few days, but he seems pretty tired to me too, he yawns before he picks up the hamburger I've ordered for him alongside french fries and a big milkshake. Alaric said he eats everything except soup. He hated soup and I don't think there was soup in this diner anyway, so I hoped I'm not screwing this up. I've bought him some clothes as well, but I didn't bring them in here with myself, hoping that if dinner went well, I could take him somewhere else and then give him the stuff he desperately needed.

"Hey, Stefan" I say as I sit down and he looks at me, furrowing his eyebrows, but continues eating silently, he seems really hungry right now. We stare at each other in silence for a few minutes and I feel the pit in my stomach grow-this wasn't going to be easy at all

"How was your day?" I ask, I wasn't going to give up, if he didn't want to talk, then I would. Eventually he would break down, one way or another. Ric has warned me he might not want to talk.

Stefan grunts tiredly and puts his burger down, which I understand as a sign that he'll finally talk back, but he doesn't. He picks a fry and dips it in his milkshake, eating it with delight.

"You like that?" I ask and arch my eyebrow, I never understood why people did this, it's so awful, ruins the taste of the nice fries. Stefan chuckles at me, but doesn't say anything, instead he just takes his cap off, since he forgot to do so when he began eating-he was obviously hungry and I watch him destroy the burger before my eyes.

"Do you want more?" I ask and he nods, without saying a single word. I watch him dipping fries in the milkshake and eating them and my heart clenches-he's still a kid, a very fucked up kid, who probably didn't have anything to eat all day long and now was happy with having the opportunity to eat all he wants.

I wave at the waitress and point at the plate of fries, showing her that we need more and in a minute she comes back with our order.

She's a simple girl, dressed in an old shabby black skirt and white shirt, which is too big for her. I notice that Stefan pays attention to her and furrows his eyebrows when he notices how she's smiling despite the fact that her life seems so screwed up. He stares down at her flip flops, which look so bad, as if everyone who passed through this diner today, stomped all over her. The tray she brings is too heavy for her, she's a skinny girl and there's a bandage on her hand, suggesting she's clumsy and she burned herself in the kitchen. I notice that Stefan's look softens suddenly and when she puts the fries down and smiles at him, despite everything, he swallows hard and watches her leave, consumed in thoughts.

In the last moment, I watch him bury his hand in his back pocket and bring out fifty dollars out of some expensive leather wallet, which I'm not sure he owns, and throwing them back on the floor just behind her.

"Excuse me, miss" he raises his voice, trying to beat the noise around us, there were many people during that time of the evening, yet no one else has actually noticed that girl, not even me. I furrow my eyebrows wondering what the hell he's doing. The girl turns around and smiles at him, thinking that he'll want something else, but has just forgotten and I see my brother point out at the money on the ground "I think those fell from your back pocket" he continues and she looks down, furrowing her eyebrows confused at what this was. She leans down and picks them up, staring at them as if she has found pure gold on the floor of a dirty diner.

"Those are not mine" she says, afraid that someone will accuse her of stealing or something like that and Stefan shakes his head, disagreeing with her

"Well, I saw them fall, miss." he smiles and shrugs his shoulders innocently. "If not that, then you must be lucky today I suppose." he continues, trying not to offend her in any way. She picks them up, looks around herself sacred, probably worried what her boss would say if she saw this and shoves them in her pocket.

She probably decides that Stefan saw the lost money, but instead of taking them, he pointed it out to her and she got lucky that there was for once someone out there, who didn't care about themselves but for someone else.

"Thank you" she whispers, knowing far too good that he's just saved her day, or at least made it a bit better, he nods and watches her leave. When he turns back to me he goes back to his sad annoyed self and continues eating his fries in silence.

"Really?" I sigh getting frustrated with him "You're not going to say anything about this, Stefan?"

"What do you want me to say?" he asks and for the first time he actually speaks to me today, which honestly surprises me "The girl found some money on the ground."

"This was your money" I point out, thinking how he just wasted them on someone else, when I knew far well how much he needed it

"It wasn't" Stefan laughs "I stole the wallet from one of the suits leaving the diner when I got in." I stretch my hands helplessly and he chuckles at my reaction as he shakes his head, thinking how stupid I must be. Now it all made sense, him hitting this guy in the shoulder, so he would get closer to his jacket and pick the wallet out.

I know, that I giving him a speech now will be pointless, obviously he doesn't care much for people's words or advice, so I just run my hand through my messy black hair and look at him patiently.

"And why did you do it?"

"Because he was some rich prick" Stefan says shrugging his shoulders "And this girl could use those money better than him. I bet they didn't even tip her." he spills the last sentence out in disgust

"Am I a rich prick to you?" I ask next and he looks at me at first cautiously and then he laughs

"Yeah" he says it out loud, not really thinking twice about it, which means he wasn't doubting his initial judgement "You are." he adds and drinks some of the milkshake

I sigh tiredly, I hated that we started off like this. I could see that he won't give me any opportunity to show him that I'm not some guy who doesn't give a crap about him and is doing this out of guilt, I wanted him to see me for who I was and that was going to be quite difficult.

"Look, Stefan" I decide to start off and clear things out, but before I can even do so, he interrupts me and sighs tiredly, as if he knows everything I'm going to tell him already.

"Oh, God, please don't give me one of Alaric's speeches how I should stop doing this and think of my future and all that. I really don't need this right now."

"I wasn't going to do that." I say angry that he interrupted me "Just let me speak."

"I don't think there's anything worth listening to" he cuts me off and leans back on the chair, staring at me intently "You know why I'm here right? It's because I don't have a choice. Alaric screwed me up and now I have to come every week and spent an hour with the person I didn't want to ever see again in my life after he showed on my doorstep." he puts his cap on "But, hey, one thing I learned from life up until now is that it's not fair, so I guess that's just another thing I have to swallow, accept and just move on somehow. That doesn't mean I want to get to know you or talk to you at all."

"But I do." I continue stubbornly "I'm just trying here, Stefan" I say sincerely and for the first time today, he doesn't look at me angrily, at least for now, but I can't read his expression either "I want to start it all somehow, maybe with the little things, like how your day has been or is school too difficult or like I don't know, where did you get that bruise on your face, or that big scar on your hand?" I blab out a bit too fast and I see him sighing a bit too heavily ass he stares down at this big scar starting from his elbow all the way down to his wrist. He looks up and again, I see how pissed off he is, out of some reason.

"I got the scar when I was ten" he speaks up, I can see he's having a hard time sharing, he obviously doesn't do that at all "I broke my hand"" he explains, I don't think he's actually talking to me, he seems to be remembering something, probably this awful time he hurt so much

"I'm sorry" I spill out, because I don't know what to say, I've no idea what seems normal to be said to a boy who spent his entire life alone

"I'm not" he responds and I look at him surprised "I broke it so bad, I had to go to a hospital and they did a surgery. It was Christmas time so I spent the entire holiday in the hospital instead of the group home, which was awesome, because it meant I won't have to deal with all the people who pitied me for being an orphan only once a year. People like you." he pointed out, but he isn't being mean, just honest and that hurts me way worse than I could've expected

"How did you fell?" I ask, because I don't believe any other words would make him respond to me. Surely not the _I'm sorry_ for a while back, it would only make him hate me more

"I tripped down the stairs" he says and I'm not sure if he's being serious, cause that was a pretty cliché way of hurting yourself, though he was just a kid so I guess it was possible

"The thing is" he adds "I did it on purpose" I look at him stunned, trying to figure out if he's being honest or not and all I can see in his eyes is pain, that's how I know he's not lying. He did this to himself. A child hurt himself intentionally just so he would get out of the awful place he was living in. I swallowed hard and felt the tears in my eyes, but I cleared my throat in a desperate attempt to overcome the sadness that has suddenly consumed me

"You wanna know all about my life?" he continues "It's not a life, it's a nightmare." he says and I look at him not sure what to do next.

How do you respond to this? To someone's unimaginable pain. I would never know what he went through, I wouldn't even remotely understand him even if he decides to start talking to me and tell me things. I'm not fooling myself here, he said this now, he shared it, because he wanted to scare me and push me away, but all he did, was make me feel immense sadness.

I couldn't believe, I was seeing such a ruined person at such an young age. Someone who didn't know what he was doing, had no purpose in life, wanted to cause himself pain, I couldn't…I just. I compare him and me when I was the same age and all I can remember is how foolishly happy and immature I was. How I used to date girls and go to parties and never come home, but still managed to keep my grades up somehow, just because teachers favorited me since they knew, who was my father. My mom would wait up late for me to come home and scold me for being drunk and Stefan? What about him?

He didn't have anything to eat right now. He's spent his entire day in school where he probably hated it, then went out in the open while it was raining-his clothes were still soaked and now? Now he had to spent an hour with the person, he probably hated most in this world-me.

We stare at each other and I see him gently stroke his scar, probably remembering what the pain felt like. I was just hoping he never wants to feel this pain again, because what he did back then, if it really happened like this, was not only sad, it was cruel. He was willing to do something to himself, just to get out of this awful place.

I don't know anything about this boy, but the more I observe him, the more I see how tired he is. And being tired at this age, means only one thing-you've seen too much. He's been through more things, that I ever would be, he probably knows what to do half the time I don't. He is fending for himself, finding himself clothes, helping other people-surviving. Somehow, barely, but he's doing it.

We're interrupted by a knock on the glass and we both look outside. I see the same boy that came by his house that day when Ric and I went to see him-a tall, twenty year old guy with dark hair, baggy jeans, a big sweater and a jacket on top it as well as a nice black hat-he's dressed good, unlike Stefan. His clothes seem new and he's giving my brother a serious nod, meaning he has to go outside.

Stefan stands up without excusing himself and I look at him, wondering if he'll even come back, but I don't follow him right away. I watch him get out and greet this guy, I think his name was Kai. Stefan smiles and Kai pats him on the shoulder supportively. If you're looking from a far, you would think that they're brothers and that this guy actually gives a shit about Stefan, but I recognize the look in his eyes, I'm observing him carefully-he's using him. I'm not sure if Stefan knew that, it seemed like he was faking this whole thing a bit too much, maybe because he was scared of this guy, but wouldn't admit it, maybe because he was desperately looking for some kind of approval, from anyone.

I can't hear what they're saying, but I try to read their lips, which is a bit hard for me. Kai seems to notice that my brother's trembling and his wet shirt is the only thing he has on, because he takes off his jacket and his sweater and wraps it around Stefan's arms, something that didn't even come to my mind. He must've been trembling all this time since we came in here, but I was consumed so much by the idea of making him like me, that I forgot to actually stop and…look at him.

Stefan thanks him, he actually accepts his help, which is something I have a hard time believing, and pulls out some money from his back pocket, but they're not the as the ones he gave to the waitress, which were from the wallet he stole. Those were different and I barely manage to catch a glimpse of him sliding it in Kai's hands. He takes them and counts them, happy with Stefan, obviously, then takes a few bucks and shoves them in Stefan's hand. This time my brother tries to argue, but he doesn't have much of a choice.

I watch Kai pull back his bag and hand it to Stefan-it was obviously full with something, then he grabs his cap off his head, looks at it angrily, and throws it in the trash bin next to them. After that he pulls his own cap and puts it on Stefan's head. Stefan grunts unpleasantly, but he accepts this present as well and I'm stunned.

For less than five minutes this guy has done more for Stefan than I did for an hour.

I get angry and jealous, because I can't get why is Stefan so talkative in front of someone, who has nothing to do with him at all. But then again…nor did I. I was a stranger to him, I don't know how I let myself forget all this. Maybe it was because I felt him too close already, even if I've seen him twice. Maybe because…I wanted to desperately get to know him, for him to see me as a good person, yet all I was doing by now was actually…disappoint him in too many ways.

I go outside, in a rush, after I toss the money for the check on the table. Stefan hasn't even finished his fries, but I know we won't go back in here-I was too pissed off to sit now.

""Stefan!" I yell at him when I end up outside and the boys are too lost up in their own conversation. Kai gives me a confused stare and furrows his eyebrows while Stefan turns abruptly towards me "Let's go" I say and I see my brother tense

"Do you know this suit?" Kai asks Stefan and he nods, obviously too embarrassed to admit it out loud "Do you need some help, kid?" I watch him put his hand on Stefan's shoulder and that pisses me off even more

"Let him go" I say as I approach them and I see Stefan take a step forward as if he wanted to keep me from making a scene

"What on earth is wrong with you man?" Kai asks and gives me a hateful look "I can't believe you're talking to this guy, Stefan!" he turns to my brother and he sighs tiredly

"It's fine" Stefan promises, trying to calm him down, seeing how good this guy was at getting pissed off really fast "I can take care of this." he reassures again and Kai cools off, taking a step back.

"Stefan, let's just go" I say and surprisingly he agrees with me. He promises his friend that he'll see him soon and we wait until he walks down the street and makes a right turn. Once, I realize that he's gone, I take a deep breath, happy that he's no longer here. I don't know why, but I had this bad feeling about him. Stefan doesn't look up at me and he starts walking in the opposite direction, putting the bag on his right shoulder and passing me by as if we haven't spent the last hour together.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask as I stretch my arms and try to block his way

"Home" he responds as calmly as he can and tries to pass me by again but I grab his shoulder

"Let me at least give you a lift there" I nod to my fancy new SUV and I catch him staring at it with disgust. He shivers when I touch him too, I remember Ric telling me that it's best if I don't do that-he was kind of scared when people tried to do this, even if it was friendly and I remembered that while I was watching him from the diner, talking to this guy, he has shivered as well when he patted him on the back.

"I'll walk" he grunts unpleasantly and I sigh tiredly. Gosh, why is this so damn hard?

"Then, I'll walk with you" I say and hurry to level up with him since he was walking really fast. I had to run to the car to grab something I wanted to give him and I rush back to him. Ric was right, I'm sure he is a way better runner than me, it was just in the way he was carrying himself-he was a tough boy. I can't even begin to imagine what he must've been through

"Suit yourself" he responds again clearly annoyed with me, but I'm not here to give up. I wouldn't have started it, if I knew I knew I was going to let it all be in less than a few days. I had to fight for this boy-he needed me to do this for him, since he was so bend on destroying himself.

"So you do accept people's help after all" I say giving him a curious look which he mistook for judging and stared down at the sweater he has just received. I noticed the big dark circles under his eyes when I was so close to him-they honestly gave me chills.

"I earned this" he says, thinking that I consider his behavior stupid-If I haven't, I wouldn't have taken it-he doesn't want me to think of him as a dishonest person and I knew that he wasn't. His pride seemed to be a thing that worsened things for him. And for me right now.

"This guy" I begin quite cautiously "What is his deal?" I feel like maybe he's willing to talk now and that I will be able to get some information out of him. I refused to believe that my own brother wouldn't stand my company. But this time he doesn't say anything back, he just huffs annoyed, rolls his eyes and fixes the bag on his shoulder. I wonder what it's full of? But I'm well aware that if he doesn't want to talk about himself, I won't make him tell me such vital information. "Is he your friend?"

"I don't have any friends." he says after a few minutes of complete silence when we take a left turn down the street, getting closer to his house.

"Good" I say and he peaks his eyebrow surprised at my words "He seems to be using you for whatever it is that he wants. You shouldn't let such people in your life" Stefan chuckles and shakes his head, God knows what he's thinking, but he surely does not agree with me "I mean it, Stefan. You might not like me, but you shouldn't let others have a bad influence on you. It's wrong and it will make things worse for you."

"Things are already worse for me" he says and I can see how close we are to the wrecked house he currently lives in. I caught a glimpse of Danny playing again on the front porch, but he hasn't noticed us until now, because if he has he would've run to Stefan. Most of the windows are opened, even though it was raining up until now. It seemed like there was no adult figure inside, I could only hear children's voices and I wondered if Mrs. Collins is inside or out somewhere. But I knew I wouldn't get the chance to find out as nobody would let me in, Stefan surely wouldn't welcome me.

"But you know what?" he stops and turns to me "I think you are right." I give him a surprised look "We shouldn't surround ourselves with the wrong people." he smiles at me. I can't believe that he does, I wonder if he's faking this or if he's really honest. I can't decide, but I'm glad for once that he's actually talking nicely to me.

I nod with a smile on my face and pull out the book I've brought for him from the paper bag, handing it to him.

"Here" I say and stretch my hand. He's still looking at me like a good polite boy, his eyes glimmering with hope. Does he really agree with all I'm saying? Is he actually smiling at me now? "Alaric told me you like to read and this one isn't officially out on the market yet. I decided to bring you a copy." he doesn't furrow his eyebrows and he actually stretches his hand to catch it, but it slips his hand and we both immediately lean down to get the book from the ground. We hit our heads while trying to do so and I laugh. He grabs my hand and pulls me up and I'm surprised by his actions.

"Thanks" he says looking at it now curiously. I really hoped he would enjoy it. He doesn't ask me what I work or where I got it from, it seems like he doesn't want to know anything about me, but for now, I'm okay with this, I'm okay with just knowing that he's fine and that he actually…didn't consider something I said, stupid.

"I'll head back inside, I have to do some things." he apologizes and I nod, watching him pick up the bag from the ground and head inside. Danny runs to him and throws himself in his embrace. When he sees me though, he furrows his little brown eyebrows and asks Stefan something. He seems to be afraid that I'll take Stefan away.

My brother doesn't look back at me anymore. He gets inside and slams the door behind him.

I walk back to my car and get in, somehow feeling happier and deciding to head back to the office, even though it's kind of late.

When I get there and search for my keys, because Bonnie has already locked the place up, I can't find them in my pocket. I can't find anything actually and when I shove my hand in my back pocket, searching frantically for my wallet, I realize that it's gone.

I close my eyes and remember the moment we leaned down to grab the book from the pavement and how he gave me his hand after that, raising me up, closer to himself, so he can grab what he needs.

He has played me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Damon's POV**

I'm rushing down the stairs after slamming the door of my flat. I barely managed to put my jeans on and find a clean white shirt. I didn't even think of taking my jacket, even though it was a bit cold outside, especially at night.

I just had no time to think about anything, once I finally woke up from Alaric's constant calls. I've called him after my dinner with Stefan, pretty pissed off that I got played like this and told him all about it, I practically let it all out at a person, who didn't deserve it and I was on the verge of blaming him for what happened, though it wasn't his fault at all. He got pretty mad as well and promised that he'll take care of it right away.

I didn't ask him how he'll do this, I didn't even want to see Stefan now, because I knew that if I did, the only thing that would happen, was me snapping at him-everything I needed was missing-my wallet with all my credit cards, my ID, I had quite a lot of money as well and the keys for the company! Everything. He stole everything and I couldn't find any reason for him to do this, except for trying to get it back at me when all I was doing was help.

So I got home. I was pissed off and I drank half a bottle of scotch before calling my secretary to tell her that she has to find someone to change the locks on the main door and our offices. She figured something's wrong and wanted to come help me, but I simply hung up. I felt too numb for this right now.

And so I drank the other half of my bottle, probably because I was already feeling too lonely in this old damp messy flat. Then I passed out on the couch with the TV on, after I crashed the bottle in the wall opposite of me and cursed everything and everyone I could think of in the drunken state I was in. That was until Ric woke me up with his calls. When I finally picked up, he was pretty angry that I wasn't responding, said he's trying to find me for an hour, but he seemed relieved.

I wondered what the hell is up, until he explained that things got wrong with Stefan and that he's picking me up in ten minutes. I had to be there, he said. I don't know why, but I wasn't angry anymore, a new feeling appeared, an unknown one-concern.

"Hey, Damon!" Ric yelled at me from his truck with a fake, weak smile and I rushed there, looking messier than ever in my life, probably

"Ric, what's wrong?" I asked as I leaned on the opened car window.

"Hop up, we have to go to the station." he explained with a sad smile and I furrowed my eyebrows

"They caught him?" I raised my voice in concern and he shrugged his shoulders as he let a heavy sigh out

"Not exactly, it's partly my fault. Get in here, I'll explain on the way there" he begged me once again.

I don't know why, but I took a minute to ask myself if I was doing the right thing here. Maybe we were pressuring the boy too much and that's why he was acting out, or maybe I shouldn't have tried to find him in the first place-our lives were too different and he has lost and hurt too much.

I was starting to lose hope that there's a way to ever fix him. But then again, I wasn't someone who gave up too easily. Yes, he has disappointed me, tricked me into thinking, that he's actually starting to like me, and then he played me, but it's not like I haven't really expected it, right? What do I want from this kid? For him to welcome me and hug me with open arms?

I jump in the car and fasten the seatbelt. Ric doesn't waste a minute and drives off right away.

"So you want to tell me why the hell are you trying to find me so hard? I told you I'm not up to seeing him tonight."

"I know." he says sadly, probably wondering if I gave up already, considering whether or not it was a mistake to come get me "After you told me what happened, I called a friend of mine at the station."

"You called the cops?" I asked in disbelief as he took a right turn and I had to grab the dashboard to steady myself, since I almost jumped up from the information he was giving me "Really, Ric?"

"It's not like that, I just asked him to warn Stefan, make him understand that he has to behave."

"You wanted to scare him?"

"Something like that" he nodded "But Stefan, being Stefan, tried to fight them and run away when they grabbed his shoulder, so my friend's partner got pissed off and they drove him to the station."

"Amazing." I stated bitterly and he rolled his eyes, probably getting annoyed with my behavior as well. I wondered how much before he gets too tired of both Stefan and me. We were giving this guy hell, though I don't believe that what he did was really smart.

"You'll help me talk some sense into him." he looks away from the road and gives me a worried look "Please. He's not himself lately and I don't know what he could do. He's too unpredictable." I sensed the worry in his voice and decided that there's no point in being snarky anymore.

I wasn't angry either, I was actually consumed by sadness. The way Ric talked about him, make the pit in my stomach so big, that I felt like I wouldn't be able to stand up and keep moving.

When we arrived there, I followed Ric inside the building, he said, he knew where they've taken him, so we didn't even need to wait on the front desk. We took the elevator upstairs and he walked me through a narrow hallway, leading to an office with a blue door. The guy inside, a nice young blond officer smiled as he saw us from inside and waved at us to get in.

"Hey, Ric, it's been a while!" he welcomed us and stood up to shake Alaric's hand. "You must be Stefan's brother" he turned to me right away, not wasting any time to introduce himself. I barely managed to nod and take his hand in mine when he continued talking "I'm Matt Donovan."

"Damon Salvatore" I responded with a raspy drunk voice, God, I hope I didn't look too bad in front of those people. I was after all supposed to be the person who should be taking care of his lost young brother.

"Where is he?" Ric asked once they exchanged a few polite lines about how they've been lately and I failed to follow their conversation. Stefan was the only thing on my mind at the moment, so I was only brought back to reality when they mentioned them.

"Come on, I'll show you" Matt said seriously as he stood up from his place and abandoned the paper work he was currently dealing with "I'm sorry, Ric, my partner was pretty tired so when Stefan pulled up this attitude, he got pretty mad and arrested him. He tried to fight us, you know?"

"Why am I not surprised?" Ric responded with a sight and this almost brought tears to my eyes-everyone has lost hope in this boy. Everyone. Matt stopped in front of another door, just at the begging of the same hallway where his office was, with the exception that the blinds were down and you couldn't see anything from the outside.

"I kept him here" he explained "He's cuffed to the table, because he wouldn't stop trying to get away."

"Stefan's scared of confined places" Ric said and I felt like he is trying to justify Stefan's actions before Matt. It's like he has forgotten I'm here as well

"Why so?" I asked and he turned to me a bit too abruptly. He shook his head, refusing to give me an answer now and nodded back to Matt, assuring him that he can let us in. I thought, that Matt will leave us alone, but he didn't. He promised he'll stay in case Stefan gets too violent. Violent? Huh. I wanted to laugh. When did they started considering a fifteen year old boy too violent?

When he finally unlocks the door and we enter the small room, I see a too tired fifteen year old, with his head buried in his hands, lying on the table, his right wrist cuffed to the table, preventing him from moving away. When he hears us opening the door, he looks up and the minute he realizes that I'm here, he grunts annoyed and gives me a hateful look.

"Let me out!" he says as soon as he sees Ric and Matt and stands up, pulling up the cuffs-I can see his wrist is red already, he must've pulled up quite the fight.

"Stefan, calm down!" Ric begs as he raises his hands defensively, which makes me wonder why on earth is he doing so. Is he trying to convince Stefan that he won't do anything bad?

Well he already screwed that up, the boy was in the station, cuffed to a table. Stefan seemed really ruined and confused. There was this animal fear in his eyes and I understood what Ric meant by him being scared of confined places-he has sweated. His nice shirt was wet in front and his hands were clenched in fists. Matt hurried to go behind him and pull him back on the chair, but Stefan tried to shake him off and kick him with his elbow, which really pissed the officer off.

"Calm the hell down, boy!" he put his strong hand on Stefan's shoulder and pinned him down to the chair

"Fuck you!" Stefan grunted as he tried to raise again "Fuck all of you!" he continued trying to let go of Matt's grip, but he wasn't succeeding at all and he looked like a trapped animal to me. Gosh, he was so lost-he was so desperately trying to move up and down, to get away, he couldn't spent even a minute more here, I saw it in his lost scared eyes.

"Stefan!" Ric raised his voice as he approached him and sat on the chair opposite of him "Stefan, stop it!" he asked and grabbed his free hand "The more you try to get away, the more you'll hurt" he warned him and Stefan finally huffed and stopped resisting as he stared in Ric's brown stern eyes. I followed up behind him, but I didn't sit down

"You did this!" Stefan turned to us both and for the first time since I came inside, he actually gave me his attention

"You made us do it!" Ric reminded as he hit his fist in the metal table and scared the hell out of Stefan, who jumped on his seat. I wondered what they've done to him if he gets scared from such noises or rapid moves. I didn't even dare think about it, how they must've hurt him, or yelled at him or did God knows what else.

"Stefan you need to stop with this, for real." he began his speech and I saw how Stefan immediately lost interest. He was looking away, staring at the door, begging to just get out of here-he was going out of his mind. "You stole from your own brother."

"I don't have a brother!" he raised his voice again, stubbornly denying my existence, even though he was burning up a whole in me as he stared with his green eyes, full of anger and resentment.

"Boy, do you realize that he can press charges against you?" Matt disrupt the momentary silence as he grabbed a bag from the floor and began taking out stuff from it. "And not only him, but everyone else you've stolen from." he began taking out wallets and lining them up on the table between Stefan and Ric

"Stefan" Ric began again "I'll get you out of here if you promise to stop doing this, okay?" he said and Stefan laughed out

"Go to hell, Ric." he responded bitterly and Ric sighed, leaning on the chair again, he was starting to get tired of this and I didn't really do anything up until now to change things. Just when I was about to speak up and try to intervene, Matt got out a pocket knife from the bag and put in on the table. That made Ric stand up abruptly out of some reason and stretch his hand to grab it

"What is this?" he asked Stefan and I watched my brother look down at his cuffed hand, which was bloody from his resistance. "I asked what's this, Stefan?"

"Ric, what's going on?" I asked, this wasn't his typical judging tone, he seemed worried now.

"Don't tell me that you've done this again." he begs Stefan and I can see Stefan getting frustrated "Please, don't."

"You know what, Ric!" Stefan says tiredly as he raises up and looks up at Ric unafraid this time. Matt is shifting his look between the two of them and I'm just awkwardly standing in between, wondering what was this all about, since it wasn't about stealing or being stubborn.

"You can let go now." he says "You can stop caring, you can stop trying and you can leave me the fuck alone. I don't need this. I don't need you giving me lessons or teaching me things. I think you've seen enough to know that things won't change" he takes a deep breath and I notice Alaric trying to protest "You can cuff me, put me in a cell, throw me in a group home, I don't give a damn anymore. I-" Stefan tries to continue but Ric is too pissed off for all this and I see him reach out and grab Stefan's wrist. Stefan struggles and tries to pull back, but Ric is holding him pretty tight and I watch him turning his wrist to us. He starts pulling up Stefan's shirt and I gasp when I see it.

He has cuts. He has cuts all over his wrist. Some look pretty deep and very fresh, the first few look older and healed, but they've turned to scars you that won't ever disappear. I feel my breath gets stuck in my throat-he was hurting himself.

That's why Ric was so pissed off, this had nothing to do with stealing or running away, he didn't own a knife because he wanted to use it against someone else, he owned a knife, because he preferred carving his sadness on his own body, instead of showing it out in the open, letting us find it in his green eyes or his boyish smile.

"Leave us" I spoke up for the first time and Ric turned surprised to me. Obviously he was about to start scolding Stefan, though his eyes were full of confusion and sadness "It's okay" I reassured and I gave Matt a slight nod "Leave us, I need a minute with him." Ric surprisingly agrees and Matt obviously has nothing against it, so I wait till they close the door behind them and sit down. I reach out to his cuffed hand and pull him down. He seems angry that they've found out about this. Angry at the entire world.

"Stefan," I reach out and grab his hand "I'm not your enemy." he grunts like a hurt animal and tries to pull away

"Look me in the eyes" I demand and he looks up "I am not your enemy" I repeat slowly and I see his face relax as well as his hand in mine. I realize that he must be really scared now, frightened to dead, not only because he got caught, but also because they locked him here and this freaked him out, he was slightly trembling, I only realized that now. We were doing this all wrong. We were yelling at him, trying to bargain with him, promise him something in exchange for his good behavior and he was a rebel, he hated us, he hated this life, he hated the world he lived in and we couldn't change that.

"Just let me out." he begged as he pulled away from me, but I considered even this a progress

"I am, I won't press charges, I won't leave you here."

"Yeah and what would you want in return?" he asked, already aware of the fact that as everyone else, I'll demand something from him.

"Not to do this to yourself anymore." I said as I gently grabbed his wrist and turned it to him. One of the cuts was slightly bleeding, there was this small drop of blood, rolling down his hand. The sight of it made me want to throw up, but I tried to keep it down.

"Why do you care?" he asked as I let go of him.

"Because someone has to." I responded silently "I don't know why you're doing this, I also realize well enough you won't sit down here and talk to me about it either and that's okay." I stated, letting him know that I'm not giving up, I won't let him go when he's falling so damn fast to this hard ground. "One day, maybe, you will. And even if you don't, I won't just sit around and watch you hurt yourself."

He sighs and looks away annoyed. He doesn't believe me. He has probably heard people promise him this far too many times. He won't let me in, because he doesn't trust me.

I walked out and found Ric outside, waiting for me, leaning on the wall.

"You can let him out" I said as I sighed. I was so damn tired "I won't press charges."

"Damon I-" Ric decided that he needs to explain this to me, but I shook my head

"Get him home. He'll need some stitches or at least a bandage." I say as I shake my head sadly and decide it's time to go. I walk down the hallway feeling so much grief and sadness that I can't even comprehend where it's coming from or how will I be able to swallow it-it's so damn hard to see a boy like this, so damn ruining when you realize that you can't help him.

* * *

I spent the next couple of days worrying over Stefan. I kept calling Ric every morning after I woke up on my damn office couch, with an awful hangover, having tons of things to do, but the first thought of every day was him and whether or not he was fine.

I don't know how, but I even had nightmares with us sitting on the front porch of his house. We're not talking, just staring somewhere before us and then just when he decides to speak up, he chokes and starts grunting from pain and I wonder what's wrong with him, until I look down and realize that he's gripping his wrist, trying to stop it from bleeding, but he can't, it's too much and it's getting out of his control. And I stand up and pull my shirt out as I wrap it on his hand, he gets paler by the minute and starts begging me for help. Then I pull him to my chest and grip his shoulder, rocking him up and down and promising he'll be fine until he loses consciousness and I freak out.

That's when I usually wake up as well. That or Bonnie wakes me up worried that I'm yelling too much.

I don't even know when I let him in. It's like I only met him yesterday and I already felt him so close, even though he hated my guts and couldn't stand me being anywhere around him.

I don't know how this happened.

But I wasn't asking myself anymore. All I needed to know was that he's fine, I was neglecting myself, because my pain meant nothing compared to his. And so Ric said, that he's been calling. Stefan wasn't up to talking, but at least he seemed to be doing relatively fine, so when I ended up back at the same diner on Wednesday evening after a long day at the company, I was hoping to see him again, not because I was so eager to get to know him now, but because I needed to be sure he's fine.

He didn't show up, though. I waited, I really did. For more than an hour and a half, but it seemed as if he has forgotten all about it.

It got me both mad and worried, but I decided that I won't call Ric right away. I realized that doing this lately is only bringing Stefan more trouble and it's contributing to screwing up our relationship even more, or whatever is there of it. So I drank my coke, stood up, fixed me tie and realized, that I have no choice, but to get myself together and go check up on him.

There was nothing I could lose.

So twenty minutes later, I was at their front door. It seemed as if there's no one inside, which was strange, because the last two times I could hear the children's voices from across the road. I knocked for quite a while and I was just about to give up, after trying to get a peek through the dirty windows and twisting up my neck in all different directions, when someone opened the door.

I swear to God, at first it freaked me out, because I saw no one in front of me. That was so, because Danny was staring up at me with a confused and worried expression.

"Hey, Danny!" I smiled in his direction and leaned down to his level. He tried to give me a smile as well, but I guess there was something bothering him, because he didn't move away from the door right that instant-it seemed as if he was scared. "What is wrong?"

"Why are you here?" he asked in his childish voice as he finally let go of the door handle and leaned on the frame. He was so sweet and sad-dressed in blue shorts and light blue shirt, crossing his little arms on his chest, he was making my heart melt

"I am trying to find, Stefan" I explain and he sighs in a this innocent childish way that kids do sometimes, making me wonder if Stefan looked like him when he was that little "Is he inside?" Danny nods, but he doesn't respond in any way, he seems so sad and I can see the tears in his eyes. Only when he lets his hands hang beside him lifelessly, do I notice the bruise on his tiny wrist and I furrow his eyebrows angrily. Something was wrong here. "What's going on?" I raised my voice slightly and he almost jumped away scared "Where is Mrs. Collins?"

"I think you should come inside" Danny says and he reaches out for my hand "I think Stefan needs help" he continues and pulls me in. I follow, not thinking twice and I notice how empty the house is. The other kids are gone as well and Danny notices my confused look so he starts explaining

"Everyone went out and the old witch is still at work." he says and I would've laughed if the situation didn't seem so serious

"You mean Mrs. Collins?" I ask and Danny nods as he pulls me towards the stairs. I stop him, I need to know what's up before I get there, I am aware that Stefan won't talk to me. "Danny, what happened? Where did you get this?" I ask him as I pull his hand gently to me. He doesn't try to get away like Stefan, but he does look up sad as he sits on one of the stairs and looks down at his bare feet

"Mrs. Collin's boyfriend was here last night." he explains silently and I see the tears roll down his eyes "And I wanted to go grab some candy from the kitchen, but I was running around and he was sitting on the couch and I tripped over in him and broke the beer bottle he was holding and he got real mad." he pulls his hand away from me and hugs it to his chest. I have a hard time fighting my own tears "And so he grabbed me and wanted to kick me but Stefan heard us and got to me."

"He helped you?" I ask as if I can't believe it

"Yes, Stefan always helps me" he says with determination "He never leaves me behind!" he looks up and I see the tears in his eyes and how hard he's trying to hold them but he can't and he's not looking out for my pity or my consolation, he is just broken

"And so he told me to go back upstairs to my room and hide under the blanket. I always do this, when I'm scared, I hide under the blanket." I nod, because I don't know what else to say now, it seems like he's not expecting me to do so either, since he continues explaining, his voice sounds way too mature for a kid his age "I heard them yelling and it seemed as if they're breaking things, but I didn't leave, because Stefan made me promise not to go downstairs when something like this happens."

"You did the right thing." I assure him as I put my hand on his tiny shoulder and squeeze it

"I think I should've broken my promise" he looks up again and stands up, stretching his hand to mine. I grab it and raise up, without letting him go

"Why so?" I ask again, trying to comprehend what the hell could've gone wrong here. I'm scared as he leads me up, afraid of how I'll find Stefan, but I have no other choice, but to follow Danny.

We end up on the second floor, where I can see four doors and Danny leads me to the one at the end of the hallway. He lets go of my hand in order to push the door and nods at me to come in. I take an uncertain step inside, only to end up in a pretty cold and empty place. I stare in front of me and see nothing but a mattress on the ground and a boy lying there under a shabby blue blanket with his back to me. There wasn't even a pillow, nothing. A bunch of books here and there, his bag, the one that Matt has opened up at the station, a chair in the right corner, where he obviously threw all his clothes, there wasn't a desk anywhere, the only other furniture was an old cupboard, which seemed quite empty to me and had no significance anyway.

I watch Danny run to him. I think he must've been sleeping next to Stefan, because I saw a smaller blanket tossed next to my brother's feet. I must've waken him up with my constant knocking.

He shakes Stefan's shoulder

"Stefan! Stefan, wake up!" he begs, but Stefan doesn't move at all at first and I feel my heart clench. When I hear a groan coming from there, I let myself breathe-he was alive, he was alive oh God, he was alive, I got so scared for a moment.

I rush to Danny's side and kneel down to the ground, finally catching a better glimpse of Stefan. The part of his face I can see, is blue and swollen right under his eye, but that's not what scares me-it's the blood on the mattress coming probably from his head.

"Stefan!" I shake him and I gently push Danny behind me. "Stefan!" I raise my voice and he finally moves and turns to me. The blanket falls off and I see him holding his stomach with one hand as he grows at me as he opens his right eye and stares up, blinking and trying to focus me. I grab his chin and examine his face

"It's okay, it's fine" I reassure and he laughs out loud, without trying to push me away, I'm guessing he doesn't have the strength to do so "Danny, can you go bring me some ice from downstairs? Frozen peas? Anything you can find?" I beg him and he disappears right away.

"Ugh, what is this fuss all about! Let me go" Stefan grunts and tries to get away, but I don't remove my hand from his face. Instead I turn it right and stare at the blood coming from his head. There's a wound just above his ear, it's not too big but he has bled a lot. I take my shirt off and tear down my sleeve, gently wrapping it around his head. He doesn't fight me, I think it's a bit blurry to him and all that.

"I'm fine" he protests "Go away."

"Shut up, you're bleeding out, we should get you to a hospital and stich you up."

"No" he grabs my wrist and stares at me with his only open green eye "No hospitals, they'll ask where I got this and Ric will kick me to a group home. I'm not going anywhere."

"But-"

"Damon, no!" he says my name for the first time and stares at me with his eyebrows furrowed as he tries to raise up. I help him and lean him on the cold wall behind him, still quite stunned, that he has spoken to me like this and the sentence didn't involve _let me go_, or _fuck off_. Just when I remove his hand and push his shirt up, Danny storms back to the room with the frozen peas, but he stops abruptly at the sight of Stefan blue stomach-it looked like someone was kicking him, I could see the dirty boot marks there and that made me tremble with anger.

"Who did this thing?" I asked angrily and looked up at Stefan, who was acting like this is the most normal thing on earth to happen. He removed my hand away and stretched out to grab a bottle of what seemed like whiskey from the floor. He must've used it to kill his pain, but I stopped him before he could take a sip.

"Save this for when I patch your head" I say seriously and turn to Danny "Do you know where you can find some bandages and gauzes, Danny?" and he shakes his head worriedly

"They're in the cupboard above the sink" Stefan groans as he finally succeeds in taking a sip from the whiskey while I'm distracted "But you'll fall if you try to get there" he tells Danny and I realize how even in this state he still cares about everyone else first

"It's better if you go" he nods to me and I stand up "Danny, get to your room" I hear him say, but the boy doesn't move even an inch and when I come back from downstairs with a rusty box of "supplies", he's on Stefan's right side holding his hand, he refuses to let him go

"Why are you making such a fuss out of this, I've been worse." he grunts when I remove my shirt's sleeve from his head and start cleaning up all the blood.

"Are you really asking me this question now?" I say as I push the bandage on the wound and he hisses

"Danny go to your fucking room!" he yells at the kid, I'm guessing he doesn't want the boy to see him like this and in my opinion it was too late for that already, the kid has slept next to him, watched him bleed out and felt helpless, that he couldn't do nothing about it. I promised him that it will all be fine and when he heard me reassuring him, he left us alone and ran to his room with tears in his eyes. Stefan's been too rough to him, but he didn't really care right now, because he hurt too much. I finished up the bandage and made him hold the ice on his cheek as I examined his stomach.

"Danny told me what happened."

"Ugh, will you stop pushing where it hurts, you idiot!" he removed my hand away from him and started raising up, but I could see he has softened, for the first time around me he wasn't acting like he is going to stab me in the stomach when he looks at me

"That kid blabs way too much." he stands up an I watch him stagger out of the room and just when he's about to start taking the stairs a bunch of kids storm inside from the front door, two girls and a boy, all younger than Stefan, followed by another girl, who looked twelve or thirteen. She looks up at me and Stefan and grunts unpleasantly when she sees my brother, but she's not surprised by his behavior unlike me.

"I bought you aspirin" he gets a bottle out of her pocket and climbs a few steps to hand it to him. She's beautiful, nice dark brown hair and beautiful big brown eyes, though she seemed quite pale as Stefan "Is that-?" she begins and looks at me

"Yep" Stefan cuts her off "And thanks for this" he opens up the bottle and takes two pills, chewing them as he walks down. "I need my hat" he states and starts looking for it in the pile of clothes on the chair near the door

"It's on the table outside" she says as she drops her bag. Stefan nods gratefully and starts heading there, it seems like he has forgotten all about me "Madelyn!" he yells before closing the door behind us. The girl turns around annoyed "Take care of Danny." he begs "He's upstairs." she nods and changes her initial direction heading to the stairs now.

"Where are you going?" I ask him when I watch him put his hat on, trying to cover the bandage, which is impossible

"I need to get out of this house" he answers for the first time without being snarky "I just…need to leave for a bit."

"Good, I'm coming with you" I state and he gives me a surprised look

"There's no need to" he tries protesting as he walks off the front porch

"I'm still coming" I say as I level up with him

"Gosh, you're annoying." he lets out in a huff

"So I'm told."

* * *

_**A/N: Exams are coming my way so I might take more to update. Thank you for understanding! :) **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Damon's POV**

I follow Stefan down the street, he's walking slowly, probably trying to undergo the pain he's still feeling, but he seems like he doesn't want to spend even a moment to stop and talk to me. I have to constantly try and catch up with him, because he really wants to get rid of me.

"So, will you tell me what happened last night or?" I ask as we take a right turn down the street and he fixes up his black hat

"I thoughts Danny told you everything" he grunts out annoyed "Plus, I do not owe you an explanation."

"You do, if you don't want me telling Ric about this whole thing." I decide, that I should start playing by his rules. If he's rude and trying to push me away, then I would give out what really is going on in that house.

"You can't do that, because I won't have anywhere to live then." he tries playing it cool, but I can distinguish slight worry in his voice. For a guy who claimed, that he doesn't give a fuck about anything, he seemed to be too concerned over living at this house. I wondered why that is. Maybe Ric wasn't right when he thought, that he wants to run away. Maybe he had some unfinished business here or he didn't want to leave Danny alone, knowing how bad things were there…who knew. It could be something else.

"Watch me." I say seriously and he immediately turns to me, furrowing his eyebrows in my direction. I'm daring him and I don't give a damn if he's not okay with this. I really had to tell Ric, those kids were in danger and if they stayed there, God knows what could happen next time. What if they hurt him or any of the others worse? What if it wasn't just a kick in the stomach or a bruise on the head, what then? I would blame myself for not saying anything, that's for sure.

I try to surpass him this time, but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back.

"You're not going to say anything" I chuckle at his words. Does he really think that he can change my mind here. I shove him off and take another step back, but he blocks my way

"Fine, what the hell do you want from me?" he stretches his hands helplessly. "I'll do whatever you want me to do, just don't tell Alaric, he can't do anything anyway, it will probably just get worse."

"Are you trying to bargain with me?" I cock my eyebrow in his direction and watch him avert his gaze. There was again this hate in his eyes, like he can't get rid of it when he's talking to me, like he can't stand my presence at all, yet he has to.

"Is it going to work, or should I just pack my stuff and run away now?" he asks and I cross my hands on my chest, he wasn't going to run, I was sure of it, or at least my guts told me so, but he was daring me as well. We were both staring stubbornly at each other and neither one of us was willing to give up.

"Fine then, I want you to spent the day with me and let me show you what my life looks like."

"Oh, God this is the most boring thing ever!" he raises his voice as he takes a step back and fixes up his hat "I think I can kill myself right now and it would hurt less. Actually, you know what? Go ahead and tell Ric, I don't really give a damn." he huffs and tries to continue going down the street, but he suddenly stops and it surprises me how tense he's all of a sudden.

I look around before noticing what he's staring at and I notice a group of boys about four or five taking a turn in our direction. They're talking about something else at first and they don't really notice him, but he does and he seems really nervous. He starts walking down the street and when one of them finally sees him, he shrugs the guy next to him in the ribs and nods in Stefan's direction. I look at them all confused, it's not like they notice me at all and start walking slowly down as well. Stefan seems to be in a rush to get done with this encounter, but when he tries to surpass them, one of the guys blocks his way and they suddenly all surround him.

"How is it going Williams? Still crying over your dead buddy?" one of them asks as they push his shoulder and he takes a step back-he's fucked, because they're too many.

"Fuck you." Stefan responds and tries again to walk past them, he's obviously not in the mood to argue right now, he doesn't want to get into a fight, which surprises me. It seems that he hates these guys, yet he doesn't dare them.

They push him back once again and surround him yelling things in his direction

"You feeling sorry, that you couldn't save his ass?" one of the guys say "Can't say this lying piece of shit didn't deserve it though, what do you guys think?" the leader of this gang speaks up and the others laugh. This really pisses Stefan off and he decides to push the one who's holding his shoulder back. They get mad, of course and just when they're about to fight, I finally remember, that I'm just damn standing there and not doing anything. I've frozen for a moment.

"Hey, Stefan!" I yell and they all turn in my direction "Gotta go, come here." I call him but he doesn't make a single move. He's such a stubborn ass. He got beaten last night and he's willing to suffer through another one yet again.

"Who are you?" one of the guys ask

"Someone who'll call the police if you don't let him go." I approach them and we stare at each other for a few minutes, it's like a competition, but they look at me and probably decide that I'm serious and Stefan's not worth the trouble right now.

Their so to say boss nods at them and they begin leaving, though they keep throwing snarky remarks in Stefan's direction

"Who's that, Williams? A new foster brother to save your skin? You're so pathetic." just when they've passed by, Stefan decides that he wants to run after them and clenches his fists, but I grab him and push him gently back

"Stop it. What do you want here?" I'm getting angrier "Why do you want to get your ass kicked again, can't you see that you're already screwed enough?"

"I don't need your help!" he grunts annoyed, that I've intervened more than what any of these guys told him in the first place "Just go away." he starts walking and I sigh tiredly, but I follow him, this time in silence.

He gets annoyed by it, but he seems to be too lost in thoughts right now, his hands are in his jean's pockets, and he's hugging himself in his blue sweater, because there's this chilly wind. I look up at his head and see that the bandage is soaked with blood again, I wasn't able to stop the bleeding completely, but it looks like he doesn't really care about it, he just tucks his hat closer to his eyes, trying to cover his face.

"We were about to make a deal before we met your pretty friends." I start again after a while when he seems to have cooled down a bit

"They're not my friends" he responds angrily "And I'm not making deals with you, I just want to be alone for a while, can't you fucking get this?" he doesn't raise his voice, on the contrary, he sounds extremely tired right now and I feel bad for pushing him so much

"Here" he stops suddenly and pulls out something from his back pocket and I watch him hand it to me. I realize he's returning my wallet and my keys. Everything he stole from me "If this is what you want, you can have it and then go." he says and I notice this sadness in his voice. I look back up at him. Yes, I wanted this, but this wasn't the reason I was trying to follow him or spent time with him.

"Come with me" I say, but I don't take the keys or the wallet from him, I just nod across the street, suggesting that we leave.

He furrows his eyebrows, confused at my reaction. He probably thought, I just want this and then I'll run away, so now he was surprised.

"Where to?" his voice is hoarse and when I take a step forward before turning right back to him, I look at his face and realize how damn tired he looks and the bruises on his face aren't making it any better at all. I notice him still putting his hands on his stomach every now and then, which meant it hurt him, but he was neglecting it

"I'll show you where these keys lead to." I nod to at the building where our company was and which we can see from here. It's five or six blocks away and we could make it there in less than half an hour

"If you come, I won't tell Ric about what happened, okay?" he shakes his head, he doesn't believe me. I'm not sure I can keep my promise either, but I was thinking that even if I don't tell Alaric, I could still convince Stefan to call me if there was a problem or I could go check him up at least every other day, even if he doesn't want me there.

"Give it a shot, Stefan." I say and I take another step crossing the street and leaving him behind, hoping that he'll follow.

At first, I can't hear his steps and every one I take, is making my heart heavier, until I've ended up on the other side of the road and I finally hear him running in my direction

"Fine" he huffs out "But only cause I don't want Danny ending up in some group home right now." he feels the need to explain himself and I just nod in understanding, not judging him at all for his decision and trying to hide the happiness from my face.

It takes us half an hour to get there, because I notice that he needs to take it slow. He's still hurting very much, then I saw staring at the shop windows-he was hungry, but he didn't want to say so, so I got inside a diner and bought us burgers. I asked him how long has it been since he had food and he shrugged his shoulders, without giving me a proper answer. I won't be surprised if it turns out that it was that evening when we were alone in the diner. He didn't seem like a guy who eats a lot anyway.

I watched him trying to sneak fries from the bag, but eventually he gave up and agreed that we'll eat when we get there. I was feeling too bad for him-I didn't want to imagine how much his life actually sucked, since he couldn't afford having the basic things.

When we arrive at the company it's late in the afternoon and most of the workers are leaving already, greeting me on their way outside. Stefan seems quite fascinated when we get in there, but he hurries to cover his surprise with boredom and show me how he doesn't really give a damn about what I do. I show him around the floors, even the room where they're printing out some books and he gets lost inside. I smile when I watch him observing curiously one of the guys when he's showing him how the machines are controlled and how they make a book an actual book.

I observe him from the door and see him standing in the middle of this huge room, at first a little bit confused by all the noise the machines make, then staring up at the ceiling and noticing all the workers carrying boxes with already packed freshly printed books.

"Come on" I wave at him, showing him that we should move up. He doesn't want to leave at all. I think, that if I've left him there, he could've stayed all evening, but the workers had to leave soon anyway so the place was going to be locked up

"Do you like it?" I ask him once we take a step outside and can finally hear each other over the noise still coming from in there

"I like the scent of just printed paper" he finally lets out as we start taking the stairs "So this is what you do? You print books?" he asks just before we enter my office. Bonnie my secretary stands up from her desk and gives me a wide smile

"You didn't show up all day!" she starts scolding me. Bonnie and I-we don't have the typical secretary-boss relationship. We're more like dear friends and she just can't help but scold me every once in a while, which makes me love her even more.

"What the hell is going on? And who's that?" she points at Stefan who seems a bit too stunned by her behavior "Don't tell me you're hiring more workers! You don't have the money to pay them! You should stop taking pity on every unemployed person that you meet, Damon!"

"Stefan, meet my secretary Bonnie" I introduce them "Bonnie, this is my brother Stefan. The one I was trying to find, remember?" I've told her all about it one night when she was trying to finally leave home and found me drunk in my office. I had spilled it all out-I didn't really have anyone to talk to anymore after my mom died, so I kept it all inside, and it was getting just too much.

"We're not brothers" Stefan mumbles again under his breath, but he doesn't have much time to protest, because Bonnie stretches her hand and he has no other choice but to take it

"Nice to meet you. Quite the bruise you got there" she puts some folders back on her desk "It must hurt, do you want some ice for it?" she asks him politely and he actually smiles at her which really surprises me, because Stefan doesn't smile at anyone he just met, surely not at me.

"We already took care of that" I assure her with a slight nod and she shrugs her shoulders, pretending to have agreed with me

"If you let Damon take care of something, then you know it's only halfway done" she winks at Stefan and he chuckles

"How is he running this company then?" Stefan asks

"Well, I'm here, ain't I?" she comments and I clear my throat behind them, pretending to be hurt. Just when I'm about to protest, one of the workers knocks on the door and opens it up slightly before we could even answer

"Mr. Salvatore, sir can you come for a second, it's important" he says in a single breath "One of the machines just broke, I think you'll have to call that mechanic."

"Let me take a look at it, I might be able to fix it, Jake" I respond as I start leaving the room.

"Do you need anything?" Bonnie asks before I leave, without realizing that Stefan is still standing there. Poor boy was leaning on one of the desks, with his too big shirt and shabby jeans, the bloody bandage on his head and the dirty blue cap, looking so out of place

"No, but just-" I glance between Stefan and her, wondering what I can say in his presence and what not when he huffs annoyed

"I'm not three, I can handle myself" he lets out and I nod, but I glance at Bonnie one last time, trying to tell her that I still need her to keep an eye on him.

I would be lying if I said I trusted him-he hated me, ergo he was capable of doing anything. I closed the door behind me with a heavy heart and followed the worker, who has just called out for me, yet I couldn't get rid of the image of Stefan's wrecked self, leaning on that desk with that tiredness in his eyes and that sadness in his posture.

**Stefan's POV**

I think the only good thing out of this visit turned out to be his secretary, because she brought me coffee and she didn't blab all the time, but she was nice at the same time. I don't know why I agreed to come here. I guess, I really needed a change after everything that happened last night.

I can still imagine Danny up in the air, the guy holding him by the collar and his feet kicking in the air helplessly. I really wanted to kill this guy. I got so damn angry, I couldn't breathe. Of course, he was stronger than me, that's out of the question. I haven't been myself ever since Mike died, I stopped eating that much, or playing basketball with the guys form the neighborhood, I've lost weight and he was like a mountain.

I don't really care about the pain he caused me-I could live with that, I was used to it, but I could never again let him hurt Danny. When I saw how blue his wrist was, I got even angrier than before, which resulted at me trying to attack the douche once again and that caused the bruise I currently had on my stomach.

"So, do you like the company?" Bonnie asks after she realizes that I've lost myself in thoughts. I take a sip from the cup. I really want to light a cigarette now, but I can't, we're inside, plus it would only set the fire alarm and I didn't need a shower right now

I shrug my shoulders, not really sure what to say, so she continues

"Damon's working really hard on it. After his dad died, the financial situation wasn't the best." she continues, mistaking my politeness for curiosity

"Well, I'm glad now he has enough money to lie in silk sheets again every night" I make a snarky comment, but she doesn't take it as an insult

"So, that's it?" I stretch my hands and look around "His office is bigger than any room, I've ever slept in, so that must be nice."

"His father and his partner began from scratch" she explains when we enter Damon's office, which looks like a mess, but still…it's a nice mess. It still looks expensive. "Damon spent a lot of time learning how to actually run this thing." I chuckle as I sit on his chair and put my feet on his desk

"You're right. It is nice here." she furrows her eyebrows a bit, probably angry at my behavior, but I really don't give a damn about it right now. This guy had the life he always wanted while I slept on floors and got beaten by foster parents. I would never accept him as my brother, no matter what happens, just because we're too different and I would never find it in myself to get over the fact that I was given up by his mom and he was kept. I was the child nobody wanted.

"You can have something like this yourself one day too" she points out once she walks to one of the shelves and stares at the books put there, brushing away the dust there "You just have to work hard enough to make it."

"I don't want anything like this" I interrupt her as I put my feet down "I have no intentions of becoming a rich douche like Damon."

"He's nothing like that" she defends him and I chuckle "And he's not that rich"

"I really don't care what he's like."

"You're lying" she responds confidently "You might hate him and be angry at the entire world for some reason, but you must've saw it by now-he only wants to help people."

"And I don't need that" I'm getting angry at the way she's twisting things. What is she thinking? That I'm here because I can't wait to see how his life looks like or how good his heart is? Is this some kind of joke, a plan? He made her stay with me so she would convince me how amazing of a brother he could be.

"The way you look says otherwise" she responds, but not in a mean way, more like in a sad, pitying one and that's exactly what drives me mad. I stand up abruptly and clench my fists, but before I can speak she interrupts me

"Look, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. I'm just saying that you should give him a chance. He's been really lost without his mother, he has no one else in this world and I don't know you, but you look pretty lonely to me as well."

"He might've lost his mother, but at least he had one" I let out quite harshly "And trust me, I'm not lost" I try too hard to prove my point "I know exactly what I'm doing." we stare at each other for a moment until we heard another knock on the door and that same guy who came asking for Damon says, that he wants Bonnie to make some call.

She rushes out of the room and leaves the door half opened after her, probably because she didn't trust me-neither of them did, yet they had it in themselves to call me lost and whatnot.

I wasn't lost.

I look around myself and notice a picture on one of the shelves-it's a beautiful woman with red hair and the same blue eyes that Damon had. She's sitting on a bench, covered with a light blanket, enjoying what seems like a nice afternoon in her backyard, but there's something in her smile…it's like mine.

I swallow hard and take the photo in my shaky hands-is this really her? My mother?

Is this the woman who gave birth to me and left me right away? How did she have the heart to do so? How could she just leave me? I've been wondering all my life how she must've looked like and now that I can see her, I feel both empty and hurt-I never expected it to hurt so much. She was my mother…my mother and I never knew her, because she gave me up.

I close my eyes, feeling the darkness consume me. I start shaking my head, trying to get rid of this, but I can't. I have this moments now and then-moments when I completely freeze and start shaking, my breath hitches and I get these episodes of when bad things happened to me. It usually happens at least once a month, but ever since my best friend died and I was left all alone, it's been occurring way too often.

I hear myself dropping the picture on the ground and the frame breaks. I stumble back, lean on the wall and collapse down on the floor, covering my ears with my hands.

No, no, no, not now, please not now.

Images of a five year old me being carried to the second floor of a damp old house by a man too strong for me to get away from, flood my mind. He's yelling at me for breaking two plates in the kitchen, while I was running around with the other kids, fooling and playing. He's gripping my hand so tight, that I yell out in pain, but no matter how hard I try to get away, I can't and my feet are kicking in the air just like Danny's last night.

"You're gonna learn to watch your step, boy!" he slaps the back of my head and I feel myself getting colder, I can't breathe. I try to shake my head and feel my fingers, but I can't snap out of it "You're gonna learn to respect me as well!" he opens the door of the small room and tosses me inside.

I end up on my knees, rolling around a few times, I hit my head in the wall too. Before he closes the door, I stand up and deicide that I have to run to it and try to get away, but I'm not fast enough. He's actually enjoying this, so he waits until I get to him, puts his big palm on my head and pushes me back. I end up on my butt, but I hurry to stand again and run, we repeat this a few times and he never gets tired of watching me fall-sometimes he pushes me, sometimes he trips me, but by the time he gets tired of it all, I'm covered in bruises. Yet, all I want is for him not to close that door, but he does, he slams it and locks it and when I run one last time to it, I hit my shoulder in the door and bang my fists, begging him to let me out. I'm crying, my tears are falling down and I can taste the blood in my mouth.

"No, please, don't!" I beg again and I feel as if I'm losing myself more and more. I turn around and see that the day is at its end-it's almost dark outside and I was scared. The room was very small, you could barely fit a bed in here. They used it to keep old unnecessary things so it was full of boxes and broken stuff. I turn back and hit myself again "Please! Please, let me out! I can't breathe!" I yell again and I really can't. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Suddenly I remember that the only way to snap out of this thing, is to cause myself pain. My hand instinctively goes to my wrist where I've cut myself exactly in moments like this one and I tear it apart. I open my eyes for a moment, staring at the biggest cut, the one from last week and dig my nails into it, letting it bleed out. The pain makes me yell out, but I remember that I have so get myself together before Damon has got back, so I bite my lips and silent my grunts, but it turns out to be too late since I can hear someone rushing inside.

**Damon's POV**

Bonnie and I were just climbing up the stairs and getting inside when we heard someone yell from my office. I gave her a worried look and she shrugged her shoulders, trying to tell me that she has no idea what was going on. I rush inside and face my at first sight empty office, until I hear another groan escape Stefan's lips and turn around to find him cuddled on the ground behind the door.

He's breathing heavily, there's sweat all over his forehead and I notice that one of the cuts on his wrist is bleeding again. I immediately kneel beside him and grab his hands, preventing him from hurting himself anymore since he has dug his nails in the wound

"Let me go!" he whispers out, but he's still squeezing his eyes

"Stefan, what the hell?" I begin "What happened?" I ask him and he shakes his head, but he's trembling and his hands are extremely cold

"I'm okay now" he promises and tries to get free from my grip, but I'm holding him tight, refusing to let go until he finally looks up and I see how confused and hurt he really is.

I can't figure out what's going on here and then he shuts his eyes again and presses his back to the wall, trying to get away from me again. It seemed like he was having some sort of episode, because he began yelling

"Please, open up!" he begs "Open up the door!" he says again and I furrow my eyebrows, what the hell is he even talking about? What was wrong with him, why was he like this?

"Stefan, it's okay, I'm here" I try to convince him, but he's still that tense and I let go of his hands, just because I'm afraid I'm hurting him too much, until I realize that he's trying to cause himself more pain by digging his fingers in the wound again-he was doing it almost instinctively, like it was the most logical thing and I separate his hands again

"Stefan!" I shake him, trying to get him out of this place of darkness he's currently residing in, but it's not working. I hear Bonnie gasping behind me and when I turn around I notice that she's holding a glass of water, she probably thought we'll need it

"I don't know what to do!" I exclaim worriedly while trying to keep Stefan from hurting himself again. He keeps groaning and tossing and actually hitting himself in the wall behind "He's having some sort of panic attack, I think" I say as she kneels down and shakes her head

"Not exactly, he looks too scared, it's probably PTSD" she lets out in a breath and pours some of the water on a napkin she got from somewhere and places it on his face

"Hey, Stefan" she says gently. I feel him relax a bit and finally open his eyes "Hey, it's okay" she smiles as she brushes away the sweat from his face. The coolness of the water seems to be working and to slowly be bringing him back to us-there's this fear in his eyes and I'm pretty sure he can't make sense of anything around him right now.

"Take a deep breath "she suggests and he follows her lead.

Once he starts calming down, he grips my hands back and I try to give him a smile. He stares down at his open cuts and lets a tired sigh out, then leans back on the wall, trying to find some support in it. I finally figure out why he has cut himself-it was a way out for him from all this pain. It was how he snapped off it when there was no one to help him like me and Bonnie now.

"I'll go bring some bandages" she stands up and leaves us alone. Stefan is ashamed to look at me, but he pushes me away, takes off his hat and buries his bloody hands in his hair. He's still breathing heavily, but at least he's a bit better, or so he seems.

"How long have you been in this state?" I ask him, but he doesn't respond at all, he just buries his hands in his hair even more and I watch him close his eyes again, trying to calm himself down "You know that you need some help right?"

"Fuck you, Damon" he spits out his usual hate and looks up at me "You know shit about me. And your pretty office and your nice secretary talking good things about you like its some fucking resume on your life, won't change things. So don't delude yourself-I don't need any saving from you or Ric, or anyone else. I can deal with this on my own" he states

"Is this" I turn his wrist to us "you dealing with it, Stefan? Is this why you're hurting yourself?" I ask him "Gosh, what on earth have you been through that you have to do this to save yourself from your own demons?" I say out loud though I'm asking myself this question than actually directing it to him.

He looks up and I see the dark circles under his eyes so vividly now that they make the pit in my stomach grow. He shakes his head and looks down and I decide to put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it supportively, but as soon as he figures I'm trying to touch him, he raises his bloody hand and shoves mine away-it's an instinct, he's trying to protect himself. Once he realize what he's doing, he looks back up and I try to give him a slight nod, assuring him that I just want to help him, but he shakes his head, grabs my hand more gentle this time and puts it in my lap.

"You can't help me" he says with his hoarse voice "No one can. It's too late."


	6. Chapter 6

**Alaric's POV**

I sigh as I put down the phone receiver and bury my hands in my messy hair, which is getting whiter with every day, that I have to deal with Stefan Williams. I stare down at all the paperwork I got and I become even more frustrated than I already am-I want to get up and start tossing thing, but I know, that I need to keep my anger down-it was just a little after lunch break, everyone were here at the office, I could hear people moving around in the hallways, but I was glad, that at least my door was closed.

I sigh as I shove away some folders and put my legs up on the desk, grabbing the cup of coffee that I've just bought and wanted to enjoy, but no, I just had to get this phone call.

I stare at the board on the wall opposite of where I'm standing and I see Stefan's picture up in the right corner. It's still there, even though after his brother came to look for him, I intended to put it down, hoping that I won't have to ever reside to looking for him again. He's dressed in that blue plaid shirt, that he liked to wear and I can see the dark circles under his eyes from my desk.

I really thought that once his brother gets into his life, things will start changing, but I guess I was wrong-they just called to tell me he is officially expelled from school. He just didn't have enough attendance and I wonder what on earth has he been doing all this time when he was skipping it-I assume it wasn't anything that would lead to improving his current state.

Damon was supposed to make it better for him, but the more he tried to show Stefan that he cares and he is willing to get to know him, the more Stefan pushed him away and kept telling me that all my efforts are going in vain-he's not going to start liking a guy, who had everything he could ever want in life and popped up out of nowhere saying he was his brother. He had a brother-Mike, they weren't related but they were very close and now Mike was gone, Stefan was alone, hurting himself and hating the world and he would never trust a soul out there again.

It's sure as hell, that he stopped trusting me and that hurt a lot, because out of all these kids that I've been taking care of, Stefan is the one, who just really found a special place in my heart and feeling useless like I did now, was making the lump in my throat only bigger with every passing day.

He must've spent last night with his brother so maybe I'll call Damon and ask him how it went and if he knows where Stefan is, since I doubt he's at home right now. He was only there late in the evening, because he cared for Danny and wanted to make sure the kid is fine. I wonder when he'll start caring about himself.

I wasn't ready to give up on him. I've promised him that I never will, but he was making it damn hard for me to do so. I felt like he was just…giving up completely and it really hurt me watching him ruin his life.

I close my eyes and rub my temples, leaning my head back to the chair and moving my legs up so I can feel more comfortable. I feel memories of when I found out that the foster family I've moved him to just after he turned six, were beating him up and leaving him without food, locked in a room up on the second floor. I had my suspicions that something was wrong when I went to check him the previous month, because I noticed this bruise on his wrist, but he denied everything, saying that he just fell down. The more I observed him and the more time passed, the more I realized that he was lying out of fear, so when I finally got to this damn place, after we received a police call from the neighbors about all the noise coming from the house, I was terrified.

I will never forget what I felt when I opened up the door of this damn damp cold room and found him.

_It's a mess everywhere around me, police officers are moving up and down the stairs and I notice that all the social workers are with the kids they're responsible for-two little girls are snuggled on the couch crying and a boy in his late teens is leaning on the wall behind them, staring through the window with an empty look-everyone are there, except for my boy. Except for Stefan._

_One of the officers rushes down the stairs and when he sees me, he sighs relieved._

"_There's a little boy up there" he says as he points his index finger up "We can't make him move from the floor and he's not talking at all, can you-"_

"_Yes, I'm on it" I promise as I start jumping up the staircase. The last thing I see before getting upstairs is that awful guy being cuffed and carried out of the house and when I see how awful he looks, I curse myself for ever letting Stefan get in this home in the first place. _

_When I'm finally there, I don't waste time and wonder, which room is his-I know it by heart, I've been here when we moved him in. Stefan was a boy, that I recently got to take care of-less than an year ago. I've been working for four years now, but the first time I met him, he crushed my heart so much, that when I got home I cried like a baby and got myself drunk-I've never seen a more scarred child, a more lonelier or sad one. And his sadness…it just got to me. It just…partly destroyed me I suppose, and I made myself a promise, that I'll take care of him, but here we were-I've obviously failed._

_I push the half-opened door up and find him lying on the floor, his back to me-it's bloody, his shirt is a mes and I feel the anger build up, he's hugging his legs and barely breathing-he looks so lifeless. I run to him and kneel down, putting my hand gently on his shoulder, but the minute I do, he shivers, turns around and tries to pull away-he's scared to death. _

"_It's okay, buddy, it's me. It's just me" I raise my hands in the air, promising that I'm not going to hurt him. His breathing eases and when he lies on his bag he almost cries out from the pain he feels. I grabs his hands, but I don't notice that the fingers on his left one are blue and bloody and when I tighten my grip, he squeezes his eyes in pain-I can't get a sound out of him_

"_Sorry, I'm so sorry, buddy" I apologize "What happened, huh?" I ask him when I put him in my lap_

"_Do you want to tell me what happened?" I try again and he finally looks up, tears in his eyes, his beautiful blond hair-a mess, like his life was, his green eyes dark and sad. He shakes his head and one of the tears finally rolls down his pale cheek._

"_Don't worry" I promise him as I raise him up in my embrace and he hugs himself in my chest "I'm getting you out of here, okay? We're going to leave, you and me, do you understand?" he looks up again, wondering if I'm being serious _

"_And you're never coming back here." I clarify. He lets the rest of the tears go and lies down on my chest. I can't even rub his back, because I know it will cause him pain-I feel the anger burn inside me and I just want to kick that asshole's face and kick and kick again until he can no longer breathe normally like the boy in my hands. _

_I carry him out of the house, slowly moving down the stairs, so that I don't cause him pain-he's holding on to me at first, but then he gets too tired and his hands hung lifelessly on both my sides-he's exhausted, I can feel that, but I have to get him to a hospital, there's just no other way-I need to make sure he's fine and that he doesn't have any internal bleeding or something. He was a six year old kid, for God's sake, he was only six…who would do this to a six year old kid?_

_When I try to put him in the backseat, he doesn't want to let me go, he's scared, he has finally found something to hold on to and he didn't want to lose it, so I move him to the front seat, even though I wasn't supposed to and hold his hand on our way to the hospital. I try to keep talking to him, to keep his spirits up somehow and to prevent him from falling asleep, but he doesn't respond in any way and I start getting quite worried, that that person didn't leave only physical scars, but that he hurt his soul as well._

_When I get him out of the car and carry him inside, he's half asleep and he doesn't seem to be getting any better at all. I'm angry when the nurse tells me, that I have to wait, because there are too many patients right now-I almost raised my voice, but I sensed Stefan shivering in my embrace, so I kept my mouth shut and sat down, waiting for us to be called. _

_I leaned down, removed the hair from his forehead and gently kissed it-he was getting warmer, probably had temperature and when he looked up at me again with his green sad eyes, I realized that he was in pain, but he didn't…or couldn't say anything._

"_It's okay" I say again and again, the same words, I doubt he believes it anymore "Hey, look at me, Stefan" I grab his healthy hand and caress his palm with my thumb "I promise you, buddy, I'm never giving up on you, okay?' he looks at me, but I don't think he understands what I'm trying to say_

"_Do you understand, Stefan? I'm not giving up on you." he gave me a slight nod and snuggled himself in my embrace again. Every now and then he would squeeze my hand, probably because he felt pain somewhere and the more we waited, the more I wanted to just kill someone-I was so damn angry. This wasn't supposed to be happening-he was just a child, God, how did I manage to screw it up._

_I gently lift his shirt and when I see how bloody and bruised his back is, I feel sick so I put it back down right away. He fists my shirt when the material touches the open cuts and I'm thinking, that maybe I should remove it, but just when I'm about to, the nurse finally calls me out and leads me to a room at the end of the hallway._

"_Well hello there" she greets me and Stefan with a polite smile, but when she sees that I'm holding a beaten six year old in my hands, too thin for his age, too broken and barely with his eyes open, her expression changes immediately _

"_Come on, you can put him here" she nods to the bed and I put Stefan down. He doesn't want to let me go again, he holds on to my shirt for dear life and I have to sit down next to him and promise to hold his hand. _

"_Hey, Stefan" she says as she checks his name in the blank I've filled "I'm doctor Fell. Will you let me take a look at your bruises?" she asks him and he gives me a worried look. I tighten my grip and give him a small nod, assuring him that it's fine-by that time, I can't even hold my own tears back. _

_He lets go of my hand and she gently takes his shirt off-she barely manages to hide her gasp as she sees his bruised body. There aren't only cuts at the back-yes, it's worse there right now, but there are old ones on his stomach and his chest and I look away, barely holding my. He is so thin, you can see his ribs, his arms are so little and his stomach is barely visible._

_She first takes care of his hand and he winces a lot from the pain, but he doesn't speak at all, he just squeezes mine with his healthy fingers. _

"_Oh, you're a brave little fella, aren't you?" she praises him while she applies pressure to his smashed little fingers "Wanna tell me how that happened?" she asks and he looks at the door, letting go of my hand and pointing at it. At first I can't understand him, until the doc speaks up_

"_Oh, you jammed your fingers in the door?" she asks and he shakes his head_

"_Someone else did" I speak up with a hoarse voice and clear my throat. Stefan nods this time and both me and the doc swallow hard. When she wraps his hand in a big bandage, she decides that she should give him some painkillers before she moves to the cuts on his back. He doesn't even flinch when she brings the injection out and fills it with some kind of medicine and this really fucks me up to no end-this is the first time I see a kid not being scared of a needle and the doctor she seems surprised at his lack of reaction right now too. I used to bring other kids here too, and they all tried to run away from this room, but Stefan…he's the worst one I've ever brought here. The first one I've seen so bad in the years since I began working._

_Stefan only squeezes his eyes a bit when she sticks the needle in his arm and then she makes him lie down, so I have to move away from the bed. Again, he refuses to let me go and I assure him that I'm here, I keep holding his hand while she cleans all his cuts and he continues wincing or silently grunting every time she touches one of them. She puts some bandages on the deepest ones and then raises him up, helping him put the shirt on. A nurse comes in to drop by some file, carrying a bag of chips and I notice Stefan staring at her hands while she explains something to Fell before leaving us in less than two minutes._

"_Hey, Stef, how long has it been since you ate?" I ask him and the doctor gives us another worried look. I watch Stefan raise three of his healthy fingers at me_

"_Three hours?" she asks him and he shakes his head while I swallow hard_

"_Three days?" I try again and this time he nods. Me and Fell exchange worried glances and she nods to the door, suggesting that we have a talk alone. Stefan is too tired so he lies down on the bed and after I promise him that it will be just a minute, he lets go of my hand. _

"_What the hell happened to this child?" she asks once we're out. We've known each other for a while now, I've been here with other kids, older and younger than Stefan and I preferred her to the other doctors, because she was so nice and gentle to the kids, they barely ever cried when we came here._

"_He was abused."_

"_Yeah, I can see that. I'm asking who's the bastard who did it so I can kick his sorry ass!" she's angry, just as I am and I understand it but I can't do anything about it. It's done-Stefan was really screwed up right now and not only physically and it was my fault that I placed him in this home, all of it, it was my fault._

"_Well you're staring right at him" I say without fear and she gives me a confused look "I placed him there, Meredith" I explain "I should've never done it. I knew there was something off about this family, but I just…"_

"_Hey, Ric, it's not your fault there are monsters out there who call themselves parents, you know that right?" she tries to console me, but I just shake my head. I don't want to talk about me right now, I want to talk about Stefan._

"_He's not talking at all" I say and she sighs tiredly_

"_It's probably from the shock. You need to give him a few days, he'll probably start talking again, but you should really look up for a psychiatrist to work with him." she suggests and I nod, I was already thinking about it "He'll need help."_

"_I know. I won't place him in a home right away, he needs to be taken care of first. I'll take him with me."_

"_Okay, good. I'll prescribe you some meds and make sure he eats, he's the skinniest six year old I've seen. You have to take care of his cuts, change the bandages, that counts for the hand as well" she explains and I nod, promising that I'll do what I'm told "If you need anything" she hands me a piece of paper she just tore from the file she was holding "That's my personal number, call me and I'll come right away."_

"_Thank you. I owe you big time." _

"_Make it right with this boy" she says before opening the door and getting back to Stefan again "He's suffered enough already."_

_I make another promise for the day and follow her inside. I wrap Stefan with my jacket and pick him up in my embrace again, he doesn't seem like he wants to walk and I'm not sure he can, so I don't even suggest it. I get him out of there and he keeps snuggling in my embrace. When I take him to the shop and buy some stuff for dinner, explaining him that he'll be staying with me for a few days, he points at the ice cream before we leave and I smile, buying him as much as he wants. _

_That night he eats more than I do and I can't help but feel both very sad and a little happy, that he will get better, he had to. I'll make sure of it this time. _

I open my eyes from a sudden knock on my door and I see one of my colleges bringing me some paperwork. I thank her and she closes the door behind her with a worried look. I take a look down at myself and realize that I've almost fallen asleep and my clothes were a mess. I sigh as I run my fingers through my hair and stand up, ready to get out, but Stefan's photo catches my eye again and I take a few steps to the board, staring at it intensely.

I can still see that sadness in his green eyes-the same he had when he was six. Meredith turned out to be right-he did get really screwed up. And this time wasn't the only occasion-he kept being screwed up. I've gotten him out of other foster homes like this one, places where people tortured kids or made them do things impossible for them and I hated it. I hated it how I never found a home for him, how I never managed to get him adopted, how he felt so unwanted all this time. All alone.

And now I had to go to his house and tell him he no longer has to go to school.

**Stefan's POV**

I woke up abruptly from another bad dream I've just had and realize that someone moved me from the floor to the couch in Damon's office. I can't remember very good what happened, but I think I had one of those attacks and I was trying to cause myself pain, but they found me and helped me.

Once I'm able to take a deep breathe, I stare down at my bandaged wrist-someone has taken care of my cuts and covered me with a jacket-probably Damon's. I see that they've changed my bloody white shirt with another one, which was too big for me and put a grey sweater on. I grunt out from the pain I feel in my stomach and move up my shirt only to see that of course-it's still pretty bruised there and it won't go away any time soon. I put it back down and rub my forehead with my healthy hand, trying to get rid of the bad dream I had-it was a combination of many things, but I don't know why for some reason that memory of Alaric getting me out of this house when I was six, was the only thing I could remember right now.

"Hey, you're up" I hear Bonnie's voice as she opens up the door of Damon's office, she must've heard my grunts or me yelling in my sleep, which happened often. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine" I respond quite rudely as I stand up. I need to get out of here, judging by the light outside it was early in the evening and Danny spent the day all alone, I had to check up on him, especially after everything that happened yesterday.

"You don't look fine." she says, probably noticing the dark circles under my eyes "Look, Damon went to grab something for us to eat, so-"

"I'm not staying, I have to go" I let out as I start walking in her direction, meaning to just surpass her and keep it on

"Hey, hey, wait up, you can't just leave!" she argues grabbing my elbow gently. I shake her off as carefully as I could-I wasn't a bad person, but those two were starting to get on my nerves "Damon wants to talk to you."

"About what?" I laugh out as I start walking down the stairs, I wasn't going to change my mind just because of her.

"Stefan, you need help, you know that right?" I'm not sure that's meant to be a question, but I can hear her walking just behind me, trying to catch up with my pace. Every step I take, makes the burning pain in my stomach grow-I was pretty bruised, but I wasn't going to sit around and wait for Golden boy to come back and give me another speech

"Stefan!" she tries again

"Look," I stop and turn to her "I can see that you care about Damon, you really do and you two can play your saving game all you want, it's none of my business" she gives me a very confused look and I almost laugh, was she trying to pretend that she doesn't like him

"I have no idea what you're talking about" she denies and her words seem so fake to me right now, which makes me dislike her and Damon even more.

"Please, I saw the way you look at him." I state and I can see her blush a little, removing a strand of hair behind her ear nervously "And I don't really give a damn about this, what I want you to tell him, is to leave me alone." she seems too stunned to even respond right now, I guess she didn't think I'll actually confront her like that

"Now, excuse me, but I have to get home to my brother." I state harshly "Because I have to take care of him." she seems surprised by my last words, but she doesn't follow me when I continue going down the stairs.

Before I open the front door of the company, which looks quite empty right now, I turn once more and see her sadly and slowly walking up the stairs to Damon's office. I look around myself one last time and with a heart full of resentment towards this place and these people, I shut the door behind me.

On my way home, I pass by the store and buy Danny some ice cream with the last few bucks I had. I was well aware, that I have to sell the rest of Kai's cigarettes by the end of the week if I wanted to get my cut out of this and have money for food. I could've stolen that ice cream, but I wasn't really in the mood right now, plus I knew that one of these days this could actually get me to juvie if they caught me and the only reason I was getting away with it now, was because I've been lucky or because Ric's been covering my ass.

When I get inside the house and I don't find Collins, I sigh relieved-at least her shitty boyfriend won't be coming by tonight to make our lives a living hell. I yell out Danny's name but he doesn't appear from anywhere, so I head to the kitchen and finally hear all the noise coming from the backyard.

Maddy-the thirteen year old that Damon met this morning is sitting on the back porch observing her brother Morrison playing in the back yard-he was younger than me and her, but older than Danny. Danny was the baby here, however Maddy always took care of her brother and neglected Danny, so I had to take care of him. He was kind of a silent boy, reminded me of myself a lot-always suffering on his own, trying to deal with it by himself, which is why I wanted to change things for him-I tried to make him speak up more, be more talkative, I thought him how to have fun and I played with him whenever I had the time.

Right now he was playing soccer with an old ball in the back yard with Morrison and the view of them trying to do this made me smile. Morrison didn't like Danny-actually he kind off bullied him, I've caught him do so, which is why Danny stayed close to me. Now was one of the rare occasions when Morrison wasn't being an ass, I suppose.

"I've bought ice cream" I tell Maddy who's crossed her hands on her chest and leaned on the door frame, staring at her brother and making sure he doesn't fall or hurt himself

"For us all or for Danny?" she asks. I don't know why but for some reasons she really hated me. Maybe because I was dealing with those illegal stuff or stole, though I've known that she had history with stealing too, but she just resented me. I almost couldn't believe that she brought me those pills this morning. Maybe it was her way of saying that we're even now after last night I took the beating and not her or Morrison.

"For all of you." I say through teeth, quite pissed off with her behavior. She turns around and doesn't acknowledge in any way my words. She calls in for the boys to get inside and Danny runs to me with a big smile on his face, crashing in my leg. I lean down and pick him up in my embrace-he was really thin for a five year old.

"Hey, buddy" I smile and ruffle his hair "How was your day?" I ask and he starts talking all about it when we just get inside and hear someone ringing at the door. I sign and grand Maddy an angry look, telling her to get check out who can be, but she's dealing with her brother at the moment and she ignores me. We fight with stares for a few minutes until I sigh and head to the door, Danny still in my hands. He still felt kind of scared so he didn't want to let me go.

When I open the door, I wish Maddy has really taken this one, because I could have figured out something and hide in my room, but now I had to face a what seemed like an angry Alaric so late in the evening when I was exhausted by everything that has happened today.

"Hey, Stefan" he says seriously and Danny turns away from my chest so he could look at him. He always got kind of scared when Ric came, because he thought he would be taking us away, separating us and that was his biggest fear. I knew that one day this would happen and it broke my heart and made me feel guilty, because maybe I should've never gotten so used to him, so close.

"We need to talk" he states and I realize that something's wrong this time if he's not starting with the usual scolding, but gets right to it.

I nod, not willing to actually argue with him right now and let him in, glad that the house wasn't such a mess as it was last night, because he surely would've suspected something. I lead him to the kitchen and give Maddy a look, which means get off here. She doesn't argue when she sees Alaric and scolds Morrison to grab his ice cream and head upstairs.

However, Danny wants to go back outside and I can't leave him alone now, so Alaric and I follow him and sit on the porch stairs, watching him play around with the ball.

"So what's up again?" I ask and I mentally praise myself for deciding to remove the bandage on my head that Damon made, because it would've caught Ric's attention. Thankfully the sweater is hiding the cuts on my wrist and the bandage there, not that he is paying attention right now. He seems lost in thoughts "Don't tell me it's about Damon again" I say with a sigh, tired of dealing with this guy.

"No, it's not about Damon" he says and I relax, since I was scared he might've told Ric that things here aren't exactly okay. "I got a call today from your school" he continues sadly and I feel where he's going. I haven't been there in the past two weeks even though I've promised him

"You're expelled." I don't know what reaction he expects out of me, but I don't say anything at first. I just fix my hat and put my hands on my knees, staring at little Danny in front of us.

"Aren't you going to say something?" he asks "You just got kicked off another school, Stefan. The fifth one." I shrug my shoulders and refuse to look at him.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask him "That I'm sorry? Because I quite honestly, am not. I just stopped caring about school a long time ago."

"I know, but now you'll have to repeat the entire grade." he announces and I sigh tiredly, school was the last thing on my mind "And I'm pissed off that this is happening."

"You're always pissed off, Ric" I finally look up "You're never actually content with anything I do, so I just don't get why you keep bothering?"

"You know why" he states and I almost want to laugh at his face until I see how serious he is and acknowledge the unshed tears in his eyes that he's trying to hold up. Yes, I knew, it was a promise he gave me a long time ago, when I was just a kid a little older than Danny is right now. I wish he has never made this promise, because I actually screwed his life more than I thought it was possible.

I didn't like Ric, we had certain issues so to say, but that didn't mean I didn't feel close to him. He was actually the only person, who really gave a crap about me and despite all our disagreements, I couldn't let this go like this and shrug it off.

"The worst thing is that I know you can do this, but you just choose not to" he continues, while I'm still thinking over his last words "For some reason you keep screwing everything on purpose-school, friends, your brother, your entire life. Do you want to enlighten me why? For real, Stefan, I need to know." he's begging me and I'm not sure I really have an answer for him right now.

"My brother is right over there" I nod at Danny, because I get really pissed off when he calls Damon my brother and he sighs tiredly, though he knows that I really feel like this for Danny, even if we weren't one blood. "And it's okay, Ric, you don't actually need to know why" I give him a sad smile

"You need to know if you should keep trying in the first place and that's fine." I stand up and grunt from the pain in my stomach, but I manage to steady myself. He gives me a worried look as I put his hand on his shoulder

"You can let go now" I assure him "I'm setting you free from that promise you made so long ago" I say with my hoarse voice, this actually hurt way more than I thought it would "You don't have to do this anymore." I assure him as I pat his shoulder and move away "Danny, come on, let's get inside!" I call him out and Ric stands up, grabbing my wrist and trying to pull me back. There are tears in his eyes, real ones and I know he's angry, but under all that anger, I see relief and I realize what a torture this has been for him, trying to keep me safe all this years.

"Stefan, you don't understand" he tries again, but I shake my head. I didn't need to do this only for him, but for me as well. I've felt too guilty when it came to Alaric and I had too much on my plate anyway

"Don't tell me that you don't want this as much as I do? Be honest" I beg him and he doesn't say a thing, he just slightly opens his mouth and his eyes go wide, this isn't how he expected things to turn out when he came here. I knew that he cared for me, but at some point this had to end and both him and I knew it.

"I'm not just going to just give-" he tries once more, fighting with himself, but I've already seen what I needed to see in his eyes-he was damn tired of it all. Of me. And everyone get tired of me eventually, because no one in this damn world will care.

"It's fine" I raise my voice trying to get rid of all that weakness stuck in my throat "Danny, I said come here!" I call for him once again and he finally follows. I pick him up and we head inside.

"Stefan, wait, it's not all over, I can't sign you up for summer classes and you can get a job somewhere, I'll help with that. Damon can help you too. We'll figure it all out, you don't have to give up." he suddenly starts blabbing out and can't stop himself, he's so bend on doing something, because he feels things slipping and he knows he can't do anything anymore.

I turn around and Danny squeezes my shoulders, wondering what's going on here, he's observing me patiently when I speak up to Ric again.

"Have a good night, Alaric." I just say before we disappear inside and I start climbing the stairs to my room. Danny fists my shirt and looks at me with his deep blue eyes

"Did you tell him bout your head, Stefan?" he asks as he removes my hat and touches my wound with his little palm, but I don't wince, because it doesn't really hurt right now "Is that why he got mad?"

"No" I shake my head and give him a quick kiss on the forehead, which makes him smile "He came to say goodbye."

* * *

**A/N: I know there wasn't actually Defan in this chapter, but I wanted to show some stuff from Stefan's past and I'll continue showing flashbacks (they'll all be in Italic like this one) from his and Damon's childhood as well, so you can get a better view of what their lives were. I'll make up for the lack of Damon in the next one! Hope you still enjoy this and thanks to those who are reading. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Damon's POV**

I was heading to Stefan's house, slowly, patiently, trying to calm down the excitement I was feeling from the fact that I was about to see him for the first time in a week. I've missed him, I don't know how it happened, but he grew on me in matter of what? I don't know if it's even been a month since I first met him. Despite the fact that he didn't want to have anything to do with me, I was still optimistic that eventually things will change, I had to have hope, otherwise it meant I would most probably continue my miserable existence all alone until that eventually kills me and I couldn't keep it up-like Bonnie loved to say, I was slowly destroying myself, especially ever since my mother's death.

However, there was this sadness present, that I just couldn't get rid of, no matter how hard I tried. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Stefan never said goodbye last week and gave Bonnie another speech how he does not need my help. I was honestly pretty terrified after I saw the condition he was in-I am guessing that's the reason why he left so suddenly-he didn't want us to see this part of him, the most vulnerable one.

He has really freaked me out. When Ric said that his mental state wasn't great, I never thought it could be that bad. He was having these episodes, that left him breathless, that made him hurt himself and want to cause himself pain and when we've finally succeeded in putting him to bed and he fell asleep, he was still talking and mumbling things under his nose, suffering even when he was supposed to be relaxing. I felt so bad for him, that I forgot all about my problems.

He needed help. Real help.

So I called Ric, deciding to tell him all about it, because he probably had absolutely no idea that Stefan had these panic attacks or whatever this was-I guess we would need a psychiatrist to determine that-and of course, he said he had no clue, that it was this bad. He was aware that it was happening before, when Stefan was even younger, but my little brother has convinced him, that this isn't happening anymore.

Anyway, Ric wasn't very enthusiastic to start dealing with it right away. He said he has just seen Stefan the previous day and Stefan tried to push him away, saying that he doesn't need him and he can stop dealing with him like he's used to. They've also expelled him from school and I suppose this was really what made Ric lose all his hope for now. From what I gathered, they didn't have a really good conversation, but Ric assured me that he has no plans to give up on my brother. He can't just let another worker deal with him or leave him be like that, especially when we knew how awful things were right now.

I didn't say anything about the fact, that I've seen Stefan beaten up to death by this woman's boyfriend and I felt really bad when Ric asked me if there was something else I would like to share. I had given him a promise and I was hoping that everything was fine, at least for now. I would tell Ric eventually, I had no plans to put Stefan's life in danger.

However, that "eventually" decided to knock on my door today and scare the hell out of me.

The more I approached the house, the more did the pit in my stomach grow and when I was finally there my breath got stuck in my throat once I realized the tremendously loud noise coming from the house. There was music busting from inside, but all the windows were closed and it seemed like it's only playing, because they were trying to silent whatever was going on in there.

Some of the neighbors were peeking out from the windows and cursing them, others just got out of their houses and went for a walk, but nobody seemed to actually care and that completely stunned me. What kind of people were they? Did they know the kids were getting beaten and still remained silent? Or was it that they did the same to their children as well?

The only person who comes out of the house opposite of theirs, before I even have the chance to approach, is an old lady, maybe in her mid-seventies, and here I am thinking how she'll start scolding me and yelling why are these people not shutting this nonsense down, but she surprises me when she gives me a worried look.

"Sir" she addresses me with her silent hoarse voice "I'm really sorry, can you do something about them?" she asks as she limps towards me with her wooden cane "They've been yelling since noon and now this music it's just…"

"They've been yelling?" I ask worriedly and she nods, concern clouding her face as well. "Stay here, I'll take care of it" I promise and she takes a few steps back to her porch, but she doesn't go inside and I'm grateful, cause if something happens at least I have a witness.

I run to the door and start banging, calling Stefan's name, but nobody answers. I can hear someone yelling from inside indeed and there are continues thuds as if someone's dropping heavy things on the ground. I can't distinguish the voices, but I'm sure they're all fighting, though no matter how hard I try, nobody answers-they probably can't hear me from the music.

I step back, sweat covering my forehead and look up at the window of Stefan and Danny's room, but I can't see them inside-it looks completely empty. They are either all down there or they are hopefully out.

Then, when I looked left to one of the wooden chairs standing on the porch, I saw Stefan's blue sweater, the one I've last given him when he was with me and Bonnie and the blue plaid shirt which his wearing on the picture Ric first showed me, which is how I'm sure he's in there. When I also notice the little sneakers under the chair, which I'm sure belong to Danny, the world almost starts spinning-God, no, the kid can't be in there. Having Stefan inside was awful enough.

I decide to try and sneak from the backyard door, but that is closed as well and all the curtains are down, I can't see anything even if I wanted to. I continued knocking and yelling but nothing seemed to be helping. I finally stopped, when I heard a hellish scream coming from inside and it took me a less than a minute to gather myself together and get my phone from my jeans.

I decided that there's no time to call Ric. By the time he came here it would be too late. God knows what could happen by then. So I called the police and stepped back from the door, hoping that they would soon be here.

**Stefan's POV**

The past week after I left Damon's office and Ric came by to tell me that I'm expelled, has been hell. I was still kind of sore after that fight and I kept having those panic attacks, or episodes or whatever else I should call them.

Danny was helping me a lot-he would come late at night when he knew I feel worse and lie down on my mattress with me-he never left me alone and I was afraid that one of those nights, I'll wake him up screaming, because this has happened before and I hated myself for it.

We've barely had anything to eat and it was hard for me to steal these days, because all the shops in the neighborhood knew me and getting involved with the stores on the rich side of town was dangerous and could get me in big troubles.

The sale of the cigarettes was going bad as well and Kai was angry, that I'm not earning enough, so he didn't leave me a big cut. Whatever I managed to buy, I had to split between me and three other kids and I usually didn't leave anything for myself at all. It was getting worse with every passing day and the more I thought about it, the more I believed that it would be better if I run away.

The only thing stopping me was Danny. I didn't have the heart to do this to him. I just couldn't. And getting him with me was practically kidnapping, which would get me in an awful mess. So I decided to keep trying for him. I had to protect him and make sure he has clothes and most importantly-something to eat. Last night he had half a sandwich and a very old cold piece of pizza and that wasn't enough for him, but it was all I could get my hands on before the other two idiots.

Mrs. Collins was MIA these past few days and I knew she's not been only at work, but probably at her boyfriend's place. It was all fine by me as long as he wasn't here.

The thing is, last night he came by very late and I've been nervous ever since. I forbid Danny to go downstairs, afraid of what might happen again and it was all good until the next morning they began yelling after they got up. The TV was on and the volume was up in the sky-that's what woke up the kiddo in the first place.

He was drinking beer and she was smoking pot on the couch next to him. They began teasing me and yelling the moment they saw me, but I didn't pay any attention. I grabbed whatever food I could find for Danny and got back upstairs.

But it only continued getting worse. I don't know what exactly happened, but they were yelling too loud and they were surely both high and drunk. Somehow Maddy and Morrison have gotten in the middle of it down there and in order to silent their screams and their frightened cries, they turned on the music too loud.

I left Danny sleeping inside. I don't even know how he fell, he was probably too tired from not catching enough rest last night and got back downstairs.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I realized that they probably can't even hear me. That big guy, the same, who beat the hell out of me less than a week ago was pushing Madelyn down on the couch, shutting her mouth with his heavy palm. I don't know where Mrs. Collins was, but she was obviously gone and Morrison was yelling and bumping his little first on the closed kitchen door. That monster must've locked him in there so he could get at her.

I felt sick the minute I saw that his other hand was on her jeans, trying to pull them down.

Anger consumed me and I grabbed the baseball bat which was leaning on the floor-I knew it wasn't right, I was well aware that it will most probably get me in juvie, but I didn't give a damn-I had to help her and her begging terrified eyes only urged me to hit him in the back as hard as I could.

**Ric's POV**

I close the door of my crappy SUV with a thud, crossing the street leading to Stefan's house where I can already see two police cars as well as Damon's one, waiting nervously for some kind of information. He called me when the officers have already arrived and I silently cursed him-he should've found me first. God knows what has happened and in what mess Stefan is right now. I might not be able to do anything about it.

"Ric!" he exclaims in relief once he sees me and I try to hide my anger from him "Thanks God you're here."

"What's going on?" I ask without taking even a second to acknowledge the fact that he's actually shaking right now "What did you see?"

"Nothing much, I just heard the noise from the inside and I-I had no choice" he stretches his hands helplessly "Someone was screaming and I thought it might be Stefan. I couldn't risk it."

"It's okay, you did the right thing" I assure him, even though I keep having this pit in my stomach about this, maybe he shouldn't have called the police right away. "I'll go deal with it now" I promise him and he gives me a slight nod, but he puts his hand on my shoulder before I can disappear

"Ric, please, help him." he begs and I nod one last time, patting his arm before crossing the front year and heading to the porch. I flash my badge at one of the officers and he agrees to let me in, closing the door fast behind me.

Once I'm finally inside, I wished I've never come in.

The house is a mess and I hear a girl whimper on the couch opposite of the TV and one of the woman cops were sitting next to her, trying to calm her down, rubbing her shoulders and trying to wipe away the blood from her nose.

I remember her from when I first got Stefan here. From what I gathered they didn't understand each other well, but they weren't fighting either. Another officer comes down the stairs with Danny in his hands and soon as the kid sees me he starts wiggling from the man's embrace and tries to get away.

"Ric!" he yells "Ric, you gotta help Stefan!" he begs me as the officer finally lets him down. He runs to me and embraces my leg "Please, you gotta help, Stefan!"

"I'm sorry sir, who are you?" the officer asks and I take off my badge from my pocket again

"I'm the social worker responsible for Stefan Salvatore and this little guy here" I explain as I ruffle Danny's hair and grab him in my embrace "They just called me and told me something's wrong. Can you give me more details?" I ask and he nods

"There was a fight." yeah, obviously, I am not dumb, the house is a mess and Danny has never been more terrified in his life. He was shaking in my hands and he was looking nervously between me and the cop, but he probably had no idea what exactly has happened, for which I'm glad. He didn't have to witness this as well.

"One of the boys, your Stefan actually, attacked some idiot who was trying to force himself on the girl over there" he doesn't give many details "They're in the kitchen you should go there if you want" he advises me and I agree.

"Danny, go outside with the officer, okay?" he starts shaking his head immediately, he doesn't want to leave "Damon is there, stay with me until I figure what's up, do you understand?"

"No, I want to see Stefan!" he almost cries out and I can see the tears in his eyes. He reminds me so much of Stefan as a little boy, that it's breaking my heart all over again. I realize that I'm failing yet anotherkid even after so many years has passed and I've promised myself to never let this happen.

"Danny!" I say sternly "Listen to me now. I have to help him, I can't be worried about you too. Do as I say, okay?" he gets a bit hurt, I can see it in his eyes, but he complies and jumps off from my embrace. The officer grabs his hand and gives me a weak smile, promising that he'll take care of him.

But I don't trust anyone with Stefan and Danny.

I head to the kitchen just as another officer comes out with what seems like a guy in his thirties, who is already cuffed. He leads him out of there and I notice that his head is bleeding and his nose seems broken, there are scratches on his face and he's slightly limping.

Oh God, did Stefan do all this? I ask myself and when I finally get in there I see two officers surround a boy with a dark blond messed up hair, who is also being searched. Some of his belongings are already on the table as well as his bag, which is turned upside down-I notice at least five illegal cigarette packs and I swallow hard

"Stefan" I call out and he looks up.

He's very worried, I have never seen him so worried before. The officers are roughly searching him and cuffing his hands, turning upside down all his pockets and I watch them get out another knife similar to the one Matt and I have found when we searched him down at the station

"What's going on?" I ask the officers

One of them grants me a disgraceful look before going on with his work.

"He attacked the other guy and he was in possession of illegal cigarettes so he's probably headed to juvie" he says and I swallow hard. No, Stefan can't go there. I can't let him go there, this will completely ruin him. He was very close to getting behind bars last year and I got him out with Matt's help, but now…now Matt wasn't here and I was helpless as well. He shouldn't have continued doing this stupid thing with the cigarettes or I should've at least tried harder to stop him, God dammit.

"Ric" Stefan lets out barely audible and I give him a slight nod, trying to calm him down

"Don't you dare say a thing, Stefan" I warn him and watch the cops finally getting done with the searching and watch them carry him outside

"Ric!" he yells again "Please, make sure Danny goes to a nice home" he begs me. We all know things are upside down right now. I have no idea if they'll ever see each other again or what will happen to Stefan. I follow them outside and try to look as strong as I can

"Don't worry, I'll get you out of there, you'll see" I promise him as I walk by the officers but he shakes his head. At least I'm glad he doesn't have any bruises. Actually I'm proud of him for trying to stand up for this girl, if only he has decided to call me fist and let me help instead of getting himself in this mess.

"Danny" he whispers again "I don't give a shit about me, make sure the kid is fine" he begs once again before the cops roughly pull him outside

"Shut up!" one of them says and pushes his head down and I wanted to scream at them

"Hey, you can't do this!" I yell "He's just a child, calm down, he hasn't done anything wrong." I continue, but they're stubborn and they keep on tugging him down the lane. I see Danny is next to Damon, listening to my words and as soon as he sees Stefan, he tears himself away and runs to Stefan.

"Stefan! Stefan!" he starts yelling and trying to wrap his arms around Stefan's leg

"It's okay, buddy, it's all fine" he tries to reassure him, but Danny doesn't believe him, because is smart enough to realize that being cuffed and surrounded by officers doesn't mean that it will be fine

"Go to Ric." Stefan says, but Danny refuses to comply and puts his little hands up in the sky, which is the only time the officers stop rushing him to the car

"STEFAN!" he cries out and embraces Stefan's hands. He's barely above knee high and Stefan can't even stretch his hand and soothe him. "Don't go, please don't go! Everybody leaves me!"" he begs once again "Please don't!"

Stefan struggles to free himself from the officers, but their tight grip doesn't allow him to move even an inch. He finally manages to kneel down and they're really angry that he's pulling those stunts. This would make his situation serious later. He attacked another guy, even though yes, he was trying to protect someone, then they found the cigarettes and now he was disobeying the officers. He was in big trouble.

"Listen, Danny" Stefan leans down and stares in Danny's eyes. Damon approaches us as well and I see the tears in his eyes "I promise, I will find you again, okay? I won't ever leave you, but now you have to with Ric." he tries to convince him, but Danny only shakes his head

"When did I ever break my promises, huh?" he asks and the little boy looks up "Now be good and go with Ric. He'll find you a new family, a better one" Stefan promises things that are not up to him at all, but he's trying to give the boy hope when he is the one who needs it. I keep wondering what is going to happen, how am I going to get him out of this mess?

"I don't want to!" Danny cries out and throws himself in Stefan's embrace, hugging his neck with his little hands

"I know, I know" Stefan sooths him and even pulls back to give him a kiss on the forehead. Only now did I realize how close they've grown and how much they needed each other. It wasn't only about Stefan helping Danny, it was about Danny supporting Stefan in his struggle after he lost the only person he ever cared about. Danny wasn't going to be the one whose life got ruined tonight-Stefan…this was an ending for him as well and it would only get him worse.

"Now, listen" he states seriously and Danny looks up hopefully at him "Take my hat off" he orders and I only now realize that he's wearing his nice black baseball cap.

I don't know how it hasn't fallen off while he was fighting, or maybe he tried to cover his eyes and his face when the police came by. Danny complies and holds it in his shaky hands

"Now put it on" Stefan orders "You'll keep it safe while I'm gone, okay?" Danny nods and puts it on, it is too big for him, so he moves it up in order to see Stefan.

He is crying, the tears are falling down his beautiful rosy cheeks and Stefan's clearing his throat in a last attempt to look strong

"Now take Ric's hand and hold it" he grants me a tired look and Danny refuses to move right away "Come on, Danny" he begs and the kid finally complies. He grabs my hand but he doesn't squeeze it tightly

"Close your eyes" Stefan begs him once again, his voice very hoarse, probably from smoking so much. Danny surprisingly complies "And don't look up." the last words come out barely audible, but me, Danny and the officers can hear them.

They raise him up and start tugging him to the car. Danny holds still next to me with his eyes closed, but the tears are still falling down while Damon comes by my side as well, he's as white as snow, worriedly shaking or running his fingers through his hair.

"S-Stefan" Danny cries out and just when they've pushed him inside the police car, he rips himself away from me and runs there. Before anyone can do anything, he's hitting his tiny fists in the window and Stefan's head is glued to it, whispering him to go away. I come behind and grab him, tearing him apart so that he doesn't get hurt

"Stefaan!" he yells again as we watch the car take him away

"Danny, calm down, it's going to be fine"

"Stop saying that!" he turns around and yells at us and God how much does he remind me of Stefan and that time he told me the same thing

"It's your fault!" he turns to Damon "It's all your fault! You shouldn't have called the cops, we were fine!" I assume Damon told him what he has done while they were waiting outside and now Danny was the most pissed off five year old I've ever seen, because he lost his family…again.

"Danny, that's enough!" I raise my voice and grab his hand "Come on, we should go!" I pull him to me. I had to get him home and then go check up on Stefan and see what happens with him now. I wouldn't be able to find Danny a home so late in the evening, plus I wasn't in any rush to ship him somewhere else. I had to find a good family. A proper one now. I had to find people who were willing to give shelter not only to him but to Stefan as well. I wasn't going to separate them, no matter what it costs me.

"I hate you!" he turned around to Damon one last time "I hate you!" he repeated and Damon's eyes filled with tears. He gave me a worried look and I shook my head-the kid doesn't mean it, not right now for sure. He's just angry.

I put Danny in the car and closed the door.

"What now?" Damon asks me before approaching his car. The lights from the messed up house behind us were throwing a shade on his bent up figure, making him look way too ruined.

I shrug my shoulders and bent my head down before answering.

"Now I have to do whatever I can to keep him from juvie" I say "And find him and Danny a good home."

"What can I do?" he asks helplessly "I have to do something! I messed up!" he's angry at himself and he pushes his hand in his jean's pockets, because he doesn't know where to put them anymore and to hide how much they're shaking.

"Go home." I advise him. He has done enough for today "I'll call you tomorrow." I can see he doesn't want to comply, but I give him one final nod, begging him to just listen to me and he heads to his car. I get inside my car and let out a heavy sigh for a moment forgetting all about Danny being in the backseat.

"You okay over there buddy?" I ask him and turn around to see him gripping Stefan's hat with his little hands, he's furrowed his eyebrows and he's looking at me with such despise and anger that I feel like he won't ever talk to me again, but he actually raises his voice and his words fill my heart with worry and sadness

"If you separate Stefan and me, I will run away like he does and you'll never see me again!"

"Danny!" I raise my voice tiredly. He's a child he can't run away.

"He is like my brother!" he protests again "I am not losing him."

"Good, I promise to find you both a home" I reassure "Just not running away, okay?"

"I don't want your promises. I don't believe in them" he continues in the same stubborn manner "I want actions. Find us a place. A good one."

"Okay." I promise and he relaxes a bit, leaning on the seat, still gripping the hat. I sigh exhausted and take one last look at this wrecked house. I had to find something good for them.

A real home. A real family.

**Damon's POV**

Ric doesn't succeed in getting Stefan out of jail this time. His trial is two days after they arrested him and both I and he went there. The judge sent Stefan to juvie for three months. Ric said it would've been more, but he has at least pulled some strings and made a few calls the night before for which I'm glad, though the situations still wasn't good.

Stefan looked really screwed up at the trial and he granted me a look full of hate and anger, I assume he has found out I called the cops. He was dressed in this blue jump suit with some yellow numbers on the back. It was really hard to see him cuffed and broken and I find myself losing the ground under my feet on couple of occasions. I'm glad Ric was there to help me get myself together.

A week later we were finally allowed to go to visitations and now we were waiting impatiently in this big room, hoping they would get him out soon. The door on the other side opens and many boys get out before he finally does. The officer places him on the seat opposite of us and uncuffs him for the time being.

We're separated by a big glass with small holes in the middle of it, which would allow us to hear each other, and I can't even take a decent look at him. We can't touch, not that he would want to, he hated me and the minute he sees me, I acknowledge the hatred filling his sad green eyes.

"Hey, Stefan" Ric speaks up first. I've decided that I'll wait before I talk. The guard warns Stefan to keeps his hands on the table and Stefan complies without protesting, but he furrows his eyebrows annoyed. They were treating him like this hard core criminal when in fact he was just a boy, who tried his best to protect a girl who was about to get raped. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm having the time of my life." he responds with the usual sarcasm and I feel Ric relax a bit next to me. I guess he was too worried Stefan would've completely lost himself for the two days he's been there. I believe there's still time for that, even if I don't want it to happen

"How is Danny?" he wastes no time. Not that we have much anyway

"He's fine. I found him a really good home this time" Ric explains patiently and I see the disbelief in Stefan's eyes "The Gilberts are amazing, they're hard working good people and they love him. He likes it there too." I see my brother sighing in relief on the other side and leaning back on the chair. "They've agreed to take you as well once you're out."

"Yeah, as if this is happening soon" he lets out sarcastically

"It will. They can let you go a month earlier for good behavior, so work on it." Ric partly scolds him, partly orders him "For once, listen to me, will you?"

"Fine, I'll try" I can't believe that he's actually agreeing. I assume that it's really hell in there if he's complying so easily. "Is Danny really okay?"

"Yeah" Ric nods and pulls out something from his pocket "He misses you" he continues as he unfolds it and I see a drawing "And he sends you this" Ric turns it to Stefan and the moment he does, my brother's breath gets stuck in his throat.

It's a drawing of Danny holding Stefan's hand and wearing his nice black hat. They're eating ice cream in the middle of a big green field. Stefan's eyes fill with tears and it takes him a minute before he clears his throat and looks away.

"Tell him I miss him, will you?" Stefan begs and Ric gives him a light nod, promising to do so.

"I'll leave you and Damon talk some" he says suddenly, because he knows there isn't much time and he pats me on the shoulder, moving away "I'll be outside" he tells me and I grant him a polite smile.

Once we're all alone again, Stefan buries his hand in his hair and the guard starts moving impatiently behind him, I know we don't have much left so I decide to talk

"I came to apologize" I say and he looks up, surprised by my words "I shouldn't have called the police right away, I was just worried something's going on and I had no other choice. You have to understand-"

"I do" he responds and his words shock me so much that I gasp a little. He smiles at my reaction for a brief moment

"I understand. But that doesn't change the fact that ever since you came into my life, things got even worse, if that's possible." I try to speak up but he doesn't let me interrupt him. His words sting like an open wound

"I know you don't do it on purpose, but here's the thing Damon. You're messed up." he gives me another sad smile "You're way too messed up right now. I don't know if it was your mother's death" he still refuses to acknowledge her as his mother too "Or if it was something else, but you're drinking a lot, you don't sleep and you're a walking mess full of desperation. And I can't do this now. I am too ruined myself. I'm not….well you saw how I am" he brings up the moment he lost control in the company

"And…I don't even know if I'll survive this" he looks around himself "But if I do, I have to make sure Danny is okay, because he's the only person I care about and I can't let him see the things that I've seen." I nod, I understand him, he is completely right. I was not myself. I was as ruined as he was right now and he needed someone to help him, guide him, to get him on his feet

"And you…you need to find yourself or fix things somehow I have no idea what it is that you're going to do, but…I think it's better if you just let me be." that was his way of saying that he doesn't want to see me right now.

"I am sorry that you're in there. It's not fair." I say silently after a minute or two and he nods, chuckling a bit to himself

"Well…life is never fair. I tried to do the right thing, prevent a girl from getting raped by an animal, but I ended up locked inside because of owning a few packs of illegal cigarettes, which were my only way of providing enough for a five year old starving kid. So life is never fair and I didn't expect it to be any better now."

The officer behind him approaches us and puts his hand on Stefan's weak shoulder.

"Time's up" he says and Stefan rises up slowly

"Goodbye" he mumbles while they're cuffing him. I can see that deep inside he's scared to go back in and I wonder what on earth is going on in there that it got a fearless boy who didn't have a care in the world so freaked out.

"Be safe" I respond and he nods one last time before they take him away.

I walk outside slowly, trying to get myself together, but I give up. I just give up, I can't pretend anymore, so I open the door of Ric's SUV and hop inside. He is holding some folder and when he sees me grants me a smile, but once he realizes how sad I am, it turns upside down and he tenses next to me. He doesn't ask anything, instead he just hands me the folder after a few minutes of complete silence.

"Here are the documents you asked me to print" I don't stretch my hand to get them and give him a confused look "The applications for becoming a foster parent?"

"No" I shake my hand and push it back to him "I won't be needing them anymore"


	8. Chapter 8

**Alaric's POV**

At first, Stefan couldn't do much to cut his sentence short, even though he was acting good and staying out of trouble or so he claimed in the rare moments when I went to see him. Finally a few weeks before he was supposed to go out, the judge decided to change his mind and let him go earlier. I was supposed to pick him up with Grayson-his foster father, this Friday, however I got a call in the middle of the week, saying they're going to let him on Thursday because there's been a fight. Apparently the other kids in there weren't happy that he's leaving earlier than them.

No matter how hard I tried to figure out if he's okay or not, they wouldn't let me see or talk to him, so I decided to just wait and here we were Grayson Gilbert, one of the best surgeons in town for his 32 years, the guy who agreed to take Danny and Stefan under his roof, and me, waiting for that blond troublesome kid to finally get out of this hell.

The Gilberts were a really nice family. I did a lot of research this time before I picked Stefan a home and I wasn't sure they'll agree to take two kids, but I've found out they had a child of their own Elena, who was Stefan's age and an adopted boy Jeremy, who was I think nine. They were fostering some other boy, but things didn't work out, so he was sent to a group home, which is why I wasn't sure they would want to take care of anyone as troublesome as Stefan.

When I went to talk to them, I really had to do some convincing, I could see they had no problems taking Danny, but Stefan, who has just gone to juvie and who failed yet another school year, was a challenge.

One, they decided to accept, thanks God.

I wondered a lot if I should call Damon last night and tell him that Stefan's getting out.

Last I heard of him was a few weeks back. As far as I knew, he was doing better and he kept asking me about Stefan, but he never joined me on visitations days. I don't know what happened between the two of them, but I was hoping they can work it out. Even if Stefan is going to a good foster home, I still believed that having his brother in his life would only have a good influence on him and he was in a desperate need of fixing things.

The few times I saw him while he was inside, however, he seemed really hopeless. He wasn't even joking anymore, he wasn't talking back, he was in a rush to get away from me, we would talk for no more than five minutes and then he'll ask to be brought back inside. I felt like he was hiding something, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"It is a really cold day" Grayson spoke up and brought me back to earth. It was true, even though it was the beginning of the summer, it was raining like hell and the wind was really strong "I'm glad we took this jacket for him, he'll probably need it" I nod, agreeing.

The Gilberts have done everything right even while Stefan was still inside. They've prepared him a room and bought him some clothes, making sure he'll have everything he needs.

Finally, we see some movement at the back exit of this damn building, where two cops are guarding. We're waiting on the other side of this electric fence, there's a long lane leading to the door and we manage to see a guard taking someone out.

I immediately recognize his blond sticking- in- all- directions hair, though I can't see him good from here, so I make a few steps to the fence, Gilbert following me nervously from behind. Once they start moving, is when I realize that something's wrong. He was limping. And this guard's hand was on his shoulders, trying to guide him outside.

"What the hell!" Gilbert let out next to me as they finally turned to us and began walking towards the door. His face was unrecognizable, half of it bloody, a big bandage on his left eye, his one hand fisted, the other was hanging lifelessly next to his body in this twisted unnatural position.

I was told there was a fight, not that he was beaten to death.

He's dressed in his old clothes, the one from when they arrested him and the guard was holding a box of his belongings-Stefan looked up at us and saw our confused expressions, then he stared down at his broken shoes, swallowing hard. For some reason, the guard stopped in the middle of the way, because another one passed by and they began discussing something, which pissed me off. Stefan was shifting and trying to find the best position to stand still, so it wouldn't hurt him.

"Hey!" I yelled as I approached the fence "Hey, you!" the guard turned to us with an annoyed expression, sighed and pushed Stefan to keep walking to us, but he couldn't. I wasn't blind, he was barely managing here.

"What the hell is going on here?" I asked once they finally approached the door and Stefan shook his head lightly, meaning that I shouldn't pick up a fight.

Now it became clear to me, why they were letting him go earlier-he was a burden to them, he needed medical attention and they've barely patched him up, so they can kick him out of there

"What have you done to him?"

"We're letting him go" the guard huffs under his breath as he pushes Stefan roughly through the door and hurries to close it back and hide behind it. "He's no longer our responsibility."

Stefan staggers and both Grayson and I hurry to grab him and put his arms over our shoulders.

"Ric?" Stefan says my name as a question, though I know he's confused and scared right now. God knows what happened to him yesterday and how much he is struggling right now

"Ric, it's okay." he tries to reassure me as we start practically carrying him to Grayson's SUV. I look up at Gilbert and notice the pain in his eyes from seeing Stefan like this, which surprised me because I thought he would be angry that he has to deal with such a fucked up kid now. There was no trace of regret on his face though.

"How is any of this okay!" I exclaim annoyed with the way he just accepts things

"Don't worry, Ric, I'll take care of him" Grayson intervenes as we finally open up the back door and help him get inside. Stefan sits up and I rush to grab the jacket from the front seat and hand it to Grayson, who covers him up-Stefan was trembling in his white t-shirt and it was still raining.

Grayson kneels down to his level and gives him a light smile, letting the rain pour down at him, not caring about it at all.

"Hey, Stefan. It's nice to meet you, I'm Grayson."

Stefan attempts to grant him a smile, but his lip is busted and he gives it up. Grayson stretches out to grab his hand, but Stefan shifts uncomfortably, he hates someone touching him and when he tries to escape Gilbert's hand he squirms in pain.

"It's okay, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" Grayson apologizes and Stefan grinds his teeth, his hand was still lying in this unnatural angle and I'm not sure how much he could see with his only opened eyes. "Look, I'm a doctor, I'm going to help you" he promises and Stefan looks between him and me, probably wondering what to say or do, but when Grayson pulls his chin up and takes a better look at his face, he doesn't pull back "Let's take you home, what do you say? Everybody are dying to meet you" Stefan doesn't respond, I realize that he has barely spoken, but we help him get his legs inside and he leans on the backseat tiredly. He lets Grayson put over his seat bell and I feel like hell whenever I get a better look of him.

Grayson drives slowly, because there are many bumps on the road in this neighborhood and he doesn't want to cause Stefan more pain.

"What happened to your eye?" Grayson asks as he looks at him from the rearview mirror

"They stabbed me with a fork" Stefan responds with his hoarse voice and that makes both Grayson and me shut up surprised. I swallow hard and curse myself mentally, realizing that I'm doing this a bit too much

"Ric?" Stefan asks from the back seat after a couple of minutes and I turn to look at him, surprised that he has decided to talk.

"Yes, buddy."

"How is Damon?" he asks and his question takes me unprepared. I never thought he'll ask about his brother. I thought he hated him. Whatever happened to him in jail, it really changed him, that's for sure. I could see it in his eyes-he was broken in two and the reason for it was I.

"I haven't heard from him in the past two weeks, but I can call him. Do you wish to see him?" I ask and he slightly shrugs though that brings him pain and he leans back on the seat.

"He…he sent me a book when I was inside. The one that I wanted to read" he explains and I peak my eyebrow, I had no idea Damon has done anything like that. "I couldn't though, the guards took it away from me."

"Oh…" it's the only thing that comes out of my mouth, which is extremely stupid. I don't know how to react right now "I'm sure we'll find you another one." I promise him.

I can see he's not really himself now, he seemed really tired and probably couldn't make much sense of anything. Gilbert and I exchanged worried glances, but he gave me a light smile, promising he'll fix things. Looking back at him, I realized that he was sweating, he must be in pain and that's why he talked like this. Yeah, that's my way of reassuring myself that he hasn't gone completely insane. He couldn't have, he had to get better. It must be because he hurts, surely, it won't be anything serious. Juvie couldn't have fucked him up more than he already was.

I see him shake his head as if I don't understand what he means at all.

"No, there was a letter from him inside. I didn't get to open it" he explains impatiently and I stretch out to put my hand over his

"I'll call him, Stefan, I promise. I'm sure he'll want to see you" that's a lie.

I had no idea if Damon was willing to see his brother right now, he's been burying himself in work in the past few weeks as far as I knew from his secretary Bonnie. She said he's trying to get himself together, but if you're asking me, he was still running from his problems, one of which was currently barely breathing on this back seat.

I feel like Damon really wanted to get to know Stefan, but now he was pulling back, maybe because he was afraid of getting hurt, maybe because he wasn't sure what his influence was on the kid, I had no idea. I had to convince him to come see Stefan, one way or the other.

We got to the Gilbert's house half an hour later and Stefan has fallen on the way there. We barely woke him up when we opened the door and we needed a few minutes to get him out of the car. Once we walked in their lane, Grayson's wife and real daughter Elena opened up the front door and were obviously taken aback by the view in front of them.

"Miranda, honey, I'll need some warm water as well as our first aid kit" he said as we finally helped Stefan climb up the stairs

"What happened?" she asked obviously too confused by the beaten and bruised boy before her. Stefan only slightly raised his only opened eye to them and then looked down ashamed, blushing a bit.

"We'll talk later" he said calmly and she ran inside to get the stuff he wanted while Elena opened up the door for us and we ended up in a very spacious house.

I've been here before when I talked to them about whether or not they'll agree to get the kids, but for Stefan it was all knew and once he realized that the hallway we were currently in is not actually a room even if it looked like one, we stop right in front of the stairs, which are obviously supposed to be leading to his room, but Stefan shakes his head as soon as we try to make him climb them.

"No, I can't" he lets out barely audible "I'm sorry, I don't have enough strength." he turns to Grayson as he explains all this and he nods in understanding, so we slowly turn to their living room and just when we're about to get in there, a five year old kid comes out the kitchen yelling with a bright smile on his face. Danny freezes as soon as he sees us supporting Stefan and looks at Grayson confused, asking what's wrong. His foster father tries to make him go back to his room, but he runs to Stefan and crashes in his feet, refusing to let him go.

"Hey, Danny" Elena's voice interrupts the reunion and the boy finally separates from Stefan "Why don't you come upstairs with me?" she suggests.

"I don't want to." he responds stubbornly but she kneels down and whispers something in his ear which obviously convinces him to leave. She takes his little hand and leaves us all alone.

Watching Gilbert help Stefan turns out to be way more painful than I initially thought it would be. He first cleans his dirty, bloody face with a wet towel and carefully removes the bandage on his eye. When I see the way they've hurt him there, I feel like throwing up and no matter how hard I keep asking him about why this happened and who it was, he shakes his head and refuses to talk.

Gilbert gives me pleading glances, begging me to stop torturing the kid and I finally sigh, sit on the chair next to them and watch while he fixes this broken boy. Turned out his shoulder is dislocated and his ankle was twisted, but Gilbert fixed this as best as best as he could, even if Stefan's screams filled the living room. I wasn't really worried about this, I knew Grayson will take care of him and do his best to make him feel alright again, I was afraid that his emotional state was too bad and all he did was hide his feelings deep inside.

An hour later, Gilbert finally pushed him down and made him lie on the couch, covering him with a blanket and giving him some medicine to help him sleep without feeling pain. Before he fell, it was only me and he in the room, Grayson went to talk to his wife and the rest of the kids were somewhere upstairs.

I leaned down and caught his healthy hand when I realized he was still in pain. He looked up with his only healthy eye and the sadness in it killed me.

"Ric" he said silently

"Yeah, kiddow?" I responded with a smile, trying to encourage him that it will all be fine

"This place is too good to be true" he let out with his hoarse voice and I chuckled.

"No, it's not. You've just never been to a good home until now." I explain and I see the confusion in his green eye. I was sad that the other was still covered with a bandage, but the marks from the fork were deep and I'm not sure how much he could really see because when Gilbert raised his fingers and asked him how many are there, he said two and in reality they were four.

I was sure he'll get better, the scars on the outside would heal, but those stuff he went through while he was inside…I had no idea if he'll ever forget that

"This is your fresh start, Stefan. Don't mess it up." I said and he nodded. Just when I was about to get up and he closed his eye for a moment, I felt him gripping my hand again

He didn't want me to leave him while he was still awake, he wouldn't beg me to, but he needed it and I gave him a light smile, promising not to go away. I kneeled down next to him and buried my hand in his messy hair.

He sighed and closed his eyes.

I understood him. I was the only one he knew here in this house full of strangers. He was confused, messed up, he has just gotten out of this hell he's been in for almost three months and he ended up in an enormous house full of kids and adults which were too nice-he had no idea what to do and I was his only anchor. He needed something to hold on to, even if for a few minutes. I closed my eyes as well as I sat back on the chair and I watched him doze off.

He was all alone in the world, but he was wrong. I wasn't the only one who knew him.

He had a brother too. And together they could bring each other back.

**Stefan's POV**

_We were in the laundry room. We've been there all day, they made us do stuff, work while we were inside, something which I didn't mind, because it helped time pass by faster. The rest of the guys here either ignored me or hated me. I wasn't of much interest to anyone until one of Kai's guys showed up the other day and made it clear that my ex-boss needs all his money back. _

_When they busted me, they took all the packs they found in the house and that was quite a lot, plus things before that weren't going exactly as planned, so Kai was displeased with me even before I went inside. I thought that at least here, I would be safe, but I turned out to be wrong._

_Nothing has happened in the past two days since this guy visited me and tried to warn me. He wanted money, I told him I had none and promised that once I'm out, I'll figure out a way to pay Kai back. I must've been convincing, because they didn't come back again. _

_I was just finishing up with my last laundry and heard the guards calling us to line up as it was time to get back to our cells. I was as usually last one, because of the number on my back. When we were all set and done, the guard up front opened the door and boys my age or older began getting out slowly, tiredly. We were all fucked up more than one way. Just when we I was close to get outside, there were no more than four or five people before me I heard the guard behind me shout._

"_Salvatore!" I froze on my place. _

"_Yes?" I asked as I turned around and I saw him coming to me_

"_You're staying" he simple said and I furrowed my eyebrows._

"_Why? What's up? I did everything right!" I began pulling up a fight right away. I really should've learned to keep my mouth shut here, but the truth is, I only made things more difficult for myself. _

"_You need to redo your last order" he mumbled with his fat greasy mouth. He must've just had one of his big burgers_

"_But I-" I began protesting again and he raised his truncheon, hitting me on the head. I staggered and put my hand over the hurt place. When I dropped it down I saw there's blood. _

"_Shut up, boy" he cut me off "Hey, John, open the door" he ordered and when I turned around I saw the other guard, who was supposed to let me out, open the door widely so two guys, both older and stronger than me, can come in._

_I immediately recognized one of them. It was the boy, who came to talk to me about Kai two days ago. _

"_We've got it from here" he said and I pressed my back to the laundry machines. My head still hurt and my ears were ringing. I mentally cursed myself for being so naïve and stupid. I should've never got involved with Kai, it just wasn't worth it. It was better to just steal and get caught, then to get in bed with gangsters. _

_I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I heard the guard's steps towards the exit and them shutting the door with a thud, locking it so I would have nowhere to go._

_I looked up and saw them both smiling at me._

"_We heard you're going out soon so we had to get this over with." he says with a wicked smile on his face and I watch him get out a fork from his pocket, he must've sneaked it out when we were having lunch. _

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

"NO! No! Please, don't!" I wake up from my own yells and sit up in the bed abruptly, which causes me a lot more pain than I initially expected.

It takes me a few minutes to look around myself and remember, that I'm no longer in juvie, that Ric got me out earlier and they brought me to my new foster family. It's dark everywhere around me and I'm trying to catch my breath, I notice that I've dug my nails in my arms while I was sleeping, but at least I haven't hurt myself in any other way like I usually did.

I sigh and lean back down on the pillow for a moment, waiting to see if someone has heard me, but it looks like no one has. The light coming from what I think is the kitchen calms me down and I wipe away the sweat from my forehead as well as the tears that were streaming down my cheeks while I was sleeping. I touch the bandage on my eye, it doesn't hurt me, but it's annoying that I can't really look at the world like before. Though was there anything I wanted to actually see right now? My leg is raised up on another pillow and my ankle was wrapped in a big soft bandage that somehow felt cold, which I guess was good, cause I was burning up. I noticed there was a sling on the table, probably for my shoulder, but I just huffed at it annoyed, knowing that I don't need that.

What I needed, however, was a cigarette. I had to shake this dream off, so I sat up and moved my feet to the cold floor. I saw the box with my stuff from juvie on the table before me, but I couldn't reach it and I looked around for something that would help me. Once I found the crutches that this man, I think he was called Grayson, must've left for me, I grabbed one of them and began pushing the box to me.

I knew I would find one my sweater in there as well as my wallet, a lighter and my old black cap. I dug into the sweater's pocket and got out an old pack with two cigarettes inside. I put it between my teeth, my busted mouth kind of hurt, but I was determined to get outside, hoping that this living room really led to a kitchen and that on the other hand, to a back porch like it usually was with houses in such a neighborhood. The biggest problem was to get myself up-that required a lot of effort, but I finally made it and I began limping to the other room with the crunch under my healthy arm.

I was right-I ended up in a relatively spacious kitchen with a big fridge. My stomach groaned at the sight of it-I haven't eaten in a while, but right now I wasn't up to it. I wanted to use this strength to finish my mission to the back porch. Thankfully there wasn't anyone awake and why they left the lights on, was a mystery to me.

When I went outside and took a deep breath, I smiled to myself for a brief moment. It has been raining and the air smelled like a new beginning. I lit the cigarette and sat on what seemed like one of these wooden benches people put in their backyards.

Ric has really outdone himself this time, I'll give him that. This house was good, the family seemed nice, I even remember Danny running to me and this girl getting him upstairs, I suppose I'm no longer his favorite if she managed to make him leave without pulling a fight.

I sigh as I take another drag from my cigarette and struggle to pull out something from my back pocket. Before they took away my book with Damon's letter inside, I managed to get out this photo he has stuck inside. I unfold the crumpled picture and stare at his beaming face. His hand was over my shoulders, and he was pulling me close, I was huffing annoyed and rolling my eyes, but he didn't care that I didn't look happy. I remember that Bonnie made this photo when we were in the factory, before I had this panic attack, before he left to help this other guy.

He looked surprisingly happy. I realized that I've never seen him like that.

While I was still in juvie, I realized that I'm not being fair when it comes to him. He was only trying to make things right between us and yes, he was the one who got to keep his family, he wasn't the left out, he wasn't tossed from place to place in matter of months apart, but one thing was true about him-he was broken just like me.

I didn't know what to do right now. Should I try to really get to know him or should I push him away? I meant what I said when he came to see me after they've arrested me. He was a mess and I couldn't allow another drunk with a screwed up present anywhere near me, but I needed _someone_ in this life. Someone to help me hold on, because I was losing my mind and I was scared. Frightened actually.

"Hey there." I heard someone's voice behind me and almost jumped in my place, trying to shove the photo back in my pocket.

I saw the girl, who welcomed me on the front porch, closing up the door behind her and joining me outside. She was in her PJs, but has put a sweater on, to keep her warm. Her nice long brown hair was falling down her skinny arms and she gave me a weak, sleepy smile.

I hurried to throw the cigarette on the ground and stomp it with my healthy leg which made her chuckle

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to rat you out." I nodded, and looked away feeling ashamed to be here with her. I haven't been around girls in three months and I wasn't much of the boyfriend type-I slept randomly with girls, who didn't want anything seriously before and that was okay with me. But now it was different-I was broken and ashamed of myself. I was also very lost.

"I'm Elena." she announced as stood before me and stretched her hand

"I'm Stefan" I finally responded with a hoarse voice after I stared at her for a big and pulled out my healthy hand. She sat beside me and granted me another smile, probably to make me feel more comfortable "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"No, I couldn't really sleep, but I did hear you screaming. Are you okay?' she asks concerned, as if she actually cared. Something with which I'm not really used to

"Yeah…just a bad dream" I swallowed hard. So someone has heard me after all.

"Do you feel better?" she seems genuinely interested in me and I shrug my shoulders

"Not really." I haven't managed to stick the photo back in my pocket and I was holding it folded in my hurt hand, though my fingers were shaking.

"My dad will fix things, you'll see." she promises as if it's that easy and I almost laugh at her enthusiasm. I let her do the talking, she seems like she wants to make me feel good, but I can't shake off my dreams and feel them stabbing me in the eye over and over again, which makes me want to vomit or hurt myself to get over it "I hope you like it here. Danny kept talking about you and how you saved him."

"I didn't save anyone" I interrupt her, but she doesn't pay much attention to my words. She talks slowly, but her words have a certain weight and I catch myself staring at her while she speaks, the moon lights makes her look as if she's older

"Have you been to many homes?"

"More than I can count." I respond with a light laugh as I shake my head

"Didn't anyone ever want to adopt you?"

"You surely ask a lot of questions, don't you think, Elena?" I ask her and she looks away nervously and I curse myself for making her feel bad. She's been nothing but nice to me. The problem was, I wasn't used to it. I take out my other cigarette and light it up, letting it make me feel better, if that can still happen, it seems like I'm unfixable now.

"What about you? Tell me more about this family." I ask her and she explains patiently how she's the only non-adopted child. Her parents fostered and then adopted Jeremy, a boy who was nine and they used to foster another kid, but things went wrong with him so they had to send him away. When Ric came and suggested they foster Danny and me, they agreed. Her father was a doctor, her mom worked in this firm downtown as a sales manager.

"So you're practically perfect." I huff out. I've never been to a family that didn't look shady before. This was new to me. She shrugged her shoulders as she spoke up again

"I don't think any family is perfect" she disagrees with me "We're just trying to do good."

"Hm…to do good, huh?" I ask repeating her words. I haven't been threated good by anyone but Ric in my entire life and our relationship was a mess right now. She nods and leans back on the bench, yawning tiredly. I finish my cigarette and look up at the sky for a moment. Strangely, I enjoyed her company.

"What's that?" she asks about the folded picture in my hand and I open it up, staring down at Damon and I, once again this evening, allowing her to see it as well. She rises up and I feel her breath on my neck, which makes me shiver a bit.

"Damon." I explain simply and I see her smile genuinely next to me, though still wondering what's our relation "He is my biological brother" I explain, realizing that I've never admitted it up until now, never said the words out loud.

" You two probably get along."

"Not really. Until a few months back I didn't know he existed. Now we're not talking to each other."

"Why not?"

"Because I am too messed up" I finally let out the truth that I wasn't willing to admit even to myself "And I didn't want to hurt him, so I just pushed him away."

* * *

**A/N: I know there wasn't actually any Damon in this chapter, but I'll make it up to you for that. To answer your question-no, Danny was a means to an end, he still is to some extent when it comes to upcoming things, but I won't dig deep with him. Also, I've said before that when I write a brotherly fanfiction I don't dig deep into the romantic relationships between the characters, but yeah...Elena is here now, she made an appearance. Hope you still like this and I would appreciate your opinions on it. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Damon's POV**

I park my truck in front of the school Stefan's been going to ever since he got out of juvie. Even though everyone were already done with it, the Gilberts insisted that he went to summer school, since he had to start doing something about his education and he has just failed another year. They were hoping he could manage to pass the summer school with good grades and that he won't have to repeat the year with the younger kids but start the next one. I wasn't sure how that will work out since I knew Stefan wasn't a fan of studying, but it seemed like these people were pretty stern and they've set some rules or so has Ric told me.

I was away on a business trip to Chicago, trying to close a deal about publishing this promising young adult novel, so I wasn't here when they got him out, but I received a call from Ric and he told me things have messed up.

There's been obviously some fight while he was still in and they kicked him out earlier, just so that they wouldn't have to deal with him. He was really bad and Ric thought the Gilberts will refuse to take care of him, but they surprisingly didn't and for that I was grateful.

My biggest surprise was, that he has actually asked for me. I haven't been there to see him after he told me that he can't have such a mess-up in his life, but I did sent him this book he was dying to read when he came to the company as well as a letter and photograph. I don't know what happened to it, but Ric said he couldn't get to reading it, which made me really sad. It's not that I've written anything that significant in this letter, not at all to be honest, but I wish he had read it.

Now I was waiting for him to come out. It was early in the afternoon and I have taken the day off, so I could be with him. He had no idea I would be the one getting him after school. I've called the Gilberts and asked them if they were okay with this, they said they don't mind at all and were actually hoping, that I'll talk to him and make him feel better as it seemed that they weren't succeeding in it.

He's been, from what I gathered, quite sad and very closed. He barely talked to them, but he wasn't putting up a fight or causing troubles either. I think they wanted him to start going to these meetings with a group or councelor or something, but he obviously was refusing. I don't know what has happened, but even without seeing him, I felt like something has significantly changed in his behavior.

When he finally got through the gates, I noticed that he was surrounded by two other boys who were explaining something to him, which he obviously didn't like. It seemed as if they were threatening him or at least giving him some ultimatum, because when he didn't respond, one of them caught him by the collar and he pushed back, hissing something in their direction. They left him with a laugh and he continued staring for a moment, before going down the lane.

I got out my truck and leaned on it, waiting patiently for him to notice me.

We haven't even talked yet, but my suspicions confirmed. There was something different about him. It's not like he wasn't the same brooding Stefan, but he wasn't walking with this confidence that he can shut you off with a sarcastic comment-he seemed like he didn't feel like himself.

The Gilberts have dressed him all nicely-a really nice ironed long-sleeved red plaid shirt, new dark blue jeans, his hair carefully combed, his trainers shiny and new, only the bag thrown over his shoulder was the same old one I remember seeing him with-as if he carried all his life in there, and he often must've, as Ric said he used to like running away.

But those nice new clothes couldn't cover the fact that he seemed like the loneliest, saddest boy on this earth-it was just in the way he walked, you could see it if you observed him patiently and carefully-he was wearing some weight on his shoulders and it was pushing him down, making it hard for him to breathe. The bandage on his left eye was still there-Ric said they've stabbed him and that it might take more time to heal, the thought of someone doing this, made me sick to the stomach.

He finally notices me and stops a few feet away from me surprised. I move away from the truck and take step forward. He seems as if he can't believe I'm here, I see he wonders how to react. I know he wanted to see me right after he got out of juvie and I was long late, because of this business trip, but I was hoping he still wouldn't mind talking to me. Maybe we had a chance of a new beginning after all.

"Hey, Stefan" I greeted him hoping to get him out of his state. He relaxes a bit and gives me something which resembles his old smirks.

"Damon" he only says, as if that's enough and right now it is, for me it's more than enough, that he didn't pass me by and tried to get rid of me like before. "The Gilberts said someone else is picking me up after school but I didn't know it was going to be you." he announces as he approaches me, his voice so hoarse and sadly realistic that it's burning a hole in my chest.

"Look at you" I say as I open the door for him and smile "All dashing and clean, I can't even recognize you."

"Ah" he sighs as he sits back down and closes the door behind him, I join him, behind the driver's seat "I can't either if I have to be honest." I turn on the engine and drive off, watching him stare at the guys who were talking to him when they were getting out, wondering what's the deal there, but afraid to ask him right way, thinking he might burst out at me

"Where were you, Damon?" he asks simply and I swallow hard, feeling like I've betrayed him somehow for not being next to him right away.

"I had to go to Chicago to sign up a deal and it took longer than expected." I explain and he nods without saying anything "But, look at the backseat and see what I've got you" I urge him and at first he doesn't dare move, but then after I assure him it's all fine he stretches out to the backseat and grabs the package I've left there.

"Come on, open it up!" I forget that he isn't used to receiving gifts, so I have to remind myself this is all new to him. He unwraps it and sees the newest edition of the book I've sent him at jail. He smiles and throws the wrap in his feet, eagerly turning the book from both sides and opening it carefully, as if he'll tear the pages just from looking at it.

"Thank you!" he gasps after he finally remembers where he is and I chuckle. I wish I could stretch my hand and bury it in his hair, ruffle it and tell him it's all fine and I'm glad he liked it, but I know we're far from getting there, if we ever even do.

The fact that he feels like talking to me, means he's decided to give me a second chance, but not that he's all over the fact that my mother left him behind and I was the kid she kept while he suffered for 15 years.

"Ric told me you didn't get to read the copy I send you in juvie" I comment and see his eyes darken when I mention the last word, his hands are slightly shaking too, but he grips the book and tries to steady them.

I sigh slightly, silently to myself, thinking how whatever he has been through before was ruining him, but juvie was the last straw and now I couldn't even recognize him. That realization scared the shit out of me-we couldn't let him lose himself into his own world, we had to do something about it.

"So how are the Gilberts? You liking it there?" I ask and he nods, still staring down at the book and his feet, not feeling like he should actually give me a real response and talk about it all freely.

It's not because he's stubborn this time, I can see it, it's more like he had too many things on his mind and was so deep in thoughts that he wasn't registering anything else

"Okay, how about you tell me what is wrong, Stefan?" I ask him, trying to sound serious, but not in a scary way "I saw you with these guys at school."

He sighs and gives me e a sheepish look, before staring at the window and avoiding giving me a decent answer. I feel like he's wondering whether he should tell me and ask for help or not, but for that to happen he had to swallow his pride and I knew that was hard for him to do.

"Look, I know you're used to taking care of everything on your own, but now you don't have to do it all by yourself, you know that right?" he laughs out ironically and for a moment I see the boy I first met, which makes me heart clench.

"Why?" he asks "Cause I know have a decent family to live with and a brother to take care of me? Come on, that's bullshit." he shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, I notice the cigarette pack sticking up from his shirt pocket and think how that's another thing that hasn't changed. I wished he would stop ruining himself, but for that, I realized, the world had to stop ruining him.

"Give it a try, will you?" I suggest still with the same calm voice, hoping that it will make him open up. He sighs and I can see he's in a big fight with himself, but he finally leans on the seat and grips his knees with his hands, probably trying to kill the nervous shaking of his legs

"Do you remember this guy Kai, who came to see me when we were having dinner at the diner?" he asks and I nod, not interrupting him and listening carefully to what he has to say "He supplied me with the illegal cigarettes. When the police came in the house" he clears his throat nervously and I tense when he gets to this part, because we both know whose fault it was for them to be there and for him to end up in juvie. I am the cause for him getting beaten up and going through yet another nightmare. I had to find a way to make it up to him. "They got all the packs I had and that was a lot. So now, he wants me to give him back all the money he lost."

"And of course you don't have them." I conclude and he nods, we're approaching my apartment, I wanted to change before we went anywhere today, but I felt like I won't be getting upstairs "Is he threatening you?"

"His guys beat me up in jail" he explains sadly and looks away afraid to face me. I swallow hard at the sight of his broken face and the big bandage covering his eye.

Gilberts said that he doesn't know if he'll see like before after this. They stabbed him with a fucking fork, are these people in their right minds! The thought got me more angry than I thought it would and I clenched my fists.

"And he's saying he'll completely blind me next time if I don't bring the money soon" a shiver goes through his body as he says the last part, he looks up at me and I see that he's barely holding himself together

"Damon" he says seriously "I don't want to be blind."

"You won't be" I assure and take out the keys from my pocket "Tell me where I can find this guy or someone else from his people?" he first furrows his eyebrows confused until he realizes that I'm about to go out and deal with it.

"Damon, no!" he raises his voice suddenly, but I ignore him, handing him the keys to the flat

"Just tell me and get upstairs, kiddo."

"No, no way! This is my problem, I'll deal with it." he moves away, refusing to grab the keys and looks at me angrily, but I keep my eyes on his stubbornly "Damon, they have guns! You're not going down there. Do you not see what they did to me!" he points at his eyes and I look away because I can't bear the sight of him being hurt

"I can take care of myself, Stefan" I promise him and I mean it. Some twenty years old guy, selling illegal cigarettes won't scare me. I grab his hand and he tries to pull away from me, afraid of my touch.

Gilbert said that he doesn't let anyone touch him, he jumps away afraid and leaves the room feeling awkward, but I don't let him pull back, I grab his fisted hand and open it up, leaving the keys in there

"Tell me where." I say and he grunts unpleasantly "Seriously, Stefan, I won't drop it. They beat you up! They made your life a living hell, they deserve to rot in hell for all I know."

"I don't give a shit about myself he interrupts me and eyes me warily, I wonder what's this all about, why is he always trying to undermine his problems.

He sighs as he realizes that he's not doing a good job at convincing me, but he's stubbornly silent. Finally, after ten minutes of me making him realize that these people can't do this to him and they have to be taken care of once and for all, he tells me where I can find some of Kai's guys and I watch him get off the car and head inside the building. I wait for a while, making sure that he's not coming downstairs and following me, but he doesn't, because I've warned him to stay inside and he seemed pretty tired as it was, so I was hoping he would fall asleep.

I drive off and think about ruining my own brother more than these guys ever could and I managed to do so only with a simple phone call. What an idiot was I exactly?

I tried to push this at the back of my mind and I realized, that once I'm done with these guys, I had to do something about him being so scared and acting like a he's afraid of everyone. He needed to protect himself and find a way to fight his demons.

And I was going to teach him how to do so.

**Stefan's POV**

I wake up from someone opening abruptly the door of Damon's flat and jump in his couch, yelling. I've fallen asleep when he made me get up here, I barely got any decent rest these days, I just constantly had nightmares and today was no exception, only now I saw him getting hurt in my sleep and I wonder what does this mean.

I sigh relieved when I see him closing the door and approaching all in one piece, no visible wounds or anything, the only thing that seemed out of place was his loosed tie and his crumpled shirt-he was always so neat.

He first smiles at me, probably reassuring me that everything's okay, but when he sees me shaking and sweating, he realizes something's wrong and he furrows his eyebrows.

"What happened?" I ask as I stand up, feeling too much out of place here. I know that I should be mad at him for being partly the reason I went to juvie, but here's the thing-while I was in there, I realized that this was bound to happen, with or without him making the call, I was just in too much trouble already and they would've caught me stealing or selling these things and maybe then it would've been even worse.

It wasn't his fault, Ric kept saying that he was just trying to make sure I'm fine. I don't know how much any of this was true. Who would care for such a fucked up person like me?

He puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes me down on the couch as he sits next to me . I feel like I complete coward for not going there with him or for not dealing with this whole mess on my own.

I am ashamed of myself.

"I gave them half the money you owed and made it clear that they can't bother you anymore or I'll get them in some real trouble" he explains and I see that his knuckles are slightly bruised

"You fought them?" I ask and he shrugs, refusing to answer "I'll pay you back, I promise. The Gilberts want me to start working anyway, so I'll give you everything back." he chuckles and shakes his head, as if he doesn't want to even listen to me anymore, which made me quite angry. I wasn't going to let another person pay for my mistakes.

"What happened to you?" he asks as he grants me another full of worry look. I shrug and move away from him, feeling uncomfortable in his presence. Maybe it was time for me to leave. He senses this so he puts his hand on my shoulder again

"No more running, kiddo." he states "There's no one who can hurt you now, but yourself, you realize this right?" I refuse to look at him, his words actually make sense, but it's not like I was really hurting myself. Or so I thought. "Come on, get your ass up!" he orders and I look at him surprised.

I watch him remove the small wooden table away and clear some space and I wonder what the hell is wrong with him.

"Come on, what are you staring at? Get up and take this ridiculous shirt off. It's summer out there and you're dressed like a monk" he scolds me.

The truth is, I was trying to cover all the scars I had on my wrists, but he wouldn't know that. I watch him taking off his jacket and his nice white shirt and for a moment I wonder what's his goal here, but I decide to play with it, I had nothing to lose anyway, so I take my shirt off while he digs for something in a big duffel bag.

"Catch!" he yells and throws me boxing gloves

"We're going to fight?" I ask confused "I didn't even know you fight!"

"Oh, he speaks!" Damon chuckles and he approaches to help me put the gloves on. I notice him looking at my cuts, but he doesn't see anything, nor does he seem like he's going to throw up just from looking at them like everyone else "You don't know many things about me, kid."

"Oh, right. Cause you know so much about me" I want to get back to my old snarky self and sometimes I manage to do this, but most of the days, I feel like someone beat me up to death and I don't even want to talk.

"I don't" he says seriously as he starts putting his gloves "But I want to if you're willing to share."

"I don't talk about my past with anyone" I respond silently, but not harshly. I just want to make sure he understands that I'm not digging deep in stuff that are already gone. They were my burden to carry.

"Okay, get your shit together and let's fight" he says once we're all done

"What exactly do you want me to do?" I say stretching my hands out, feeling a little bit uncomfortable

"I want you to hit me, Stefan." my only opened eye gives him a look of disbelief. I sigh and take a step back, not feeling like doing this at all. I've got my ass beaten too many times, I don't need this right now "You're too scared kid. Look at yourself, you're shaking!" he nods at me and I try to steady my weak body

"I'm not scared!" I say as I feel myself getting angry

"You need to start fighting these demons inside or you'll end up getting worse."

"I am already worse" I respond, feeling the frustration build up inside me. Part of me is wondering if he's doing this on purpose "But I'm not a coward!" he smiles at me and gets closer

"Good, prove it. Hit me! Come on, we both know you always wanted this" his smirk makes me so damn angry that I don't even realize what I'm doing until I try to hit him in the face.

He chuckles and ducks down before I succeed. Soon we're jumping in a circle and I try desperately to hit him every other minute, but he's damn sneaky and always manages to get away with it.

However, when he swings, he hits me every time and I'm telling you-he didn't care how much I was still sore, his punches were pretty hard. I gritted my teeth and welcomed them all silently, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't punch him.

He stops me here and there, showing me how I should hit and protect myself, he tells me I'm not even standing right and he shows me the positions I should take when I'm defending myself and when I'm attacking.

Then we start again, but I'm so damn unsuccessful that I feel my hands hurt too much and I want to give up, but I can't show him how weak I am, so I keep going and playing his game until he stops

"Okay, you know what's your problem?" he states as he throws a towel at me and I manage to wipe the sweat off my face "You are too damn angry, all your moves are predictable, come on" he urges me and jabs me in the ribs as he nods to the other room "I know how to solve this."

"Why do you even bother?" I sigh and mumble under my breath, but he hears me and as he takes off his gloves and kicks them in the corner of this new small room we've ended up in, he grabs my wrist and looks me in the eye

"Because you are my brother" he states with certainty "And I don't care what the Gilberts are trying to teach you. Sometimes when they hit you, you have to fight back." I smile lightly and nod, agreeing with him. I was bad at not acting out when I wanted too, even though I was bottling all of my emotions inside.

Sometimes I just wanted to kick and scream till I've let it all out, but I couldn't. I haven't done it in God knows how long, that's why I keep hurting myself or getting drunk-it was just so much easier.

I see a punching bag in the other corner, this looked like a storage room where he placed all the junk he doesn't need, but it was mostly full of boxes and old furniture. He stood on the other side of the bag, holding it tight and made me start punching.

"Come on, think of everyone that ever did something bad to you and punch as hard as you can" he doesn't even need to say anything else, I'm already imagining the guy who used to lock me in the room upstairs when I was a little boy, then comes every other foster parent, who's ever beat me up and made scars on my back and my chest, then comes the guys who killed my best friend Michael, and so many more.

I close my eye for a moment and keep punching as I remember all their faces and how they used to torture me, I am afraid to look at Damon, thinking how he might be scared if he sees the pain and anger in my eyes, so I refuse to look up, but I feel the sweat coming down my face and my hands hurt so much, but I just keep punching until they're completely numb.

I move back and see that Damon has moved away from the punching bag and is sitting on a big box next to me, staring me with a goofy smile on his face, but I notice how his eyebrows are slightly furrowed.

"You better, kid?" he asks and I nod, though I'm feeling so damn tired, I could fall on the ground and sleep right this minute.

"Can we…do this again some day?" I ask and he chuckles as he stands up

"Of course." he was probably glad I was willing to see him again "Now go shower while I get us something to eat, what do you say?" I agree, but just after I've removed my gloves, I feel the bandage on my eye slipping down probably because of all the sweat on my forehead. I tear it down and look away from him, bothered by the fact that I was so ugly, but he stands in my way and moves my chin up with a big grin on his face

"Oh look who's back to being ugly." he jokes and I slap his arm. I know he's trying to make it all better, but the truth is, I can't help but feel quite awful

"The rest of the kids at school call me captain Hook" I admit and he peaks his right eyebrow before he bursts out laughing and I furrow my eyebrows angrily

"Really? Captain Hook? Don't they know he lost his hand, not his eye? Idiots." he mumbles to himself as he leans down to pick his gloves "What's wrong with all the kids these days?" he continues trying to make me feel better, but I just follow him outside the room with my head bended down and I guess he notices my sadness

"Hey, Stefan" he says as he turns in my direction and speaks seriously now "You know pirates are actually the cool characters?"

"Shut up, Damon" I punch him lightly and move away, but I can see him swallowing hard at the sight of my eye. I don't keep it open too much, because it hurts me, plus it's all reddish and what I see is one big mess of colors in front of me, but I don't tell him this. I haven't shared it with anyone.

I jump in the shower and by the time I'm out he's already back with a big bag of burgers and fries that he places on the wooden table. I lean down to get back my long-sleeved shirt, but when he sees me he shakes his head and goes to his wardrobe, tossing one of his black t-shirts at me

"Cut this crap, Stefan" he says as he notices me staring down at my wrist uncomfortably "You don't have to hide your scars. They're not anything to be ashamed of. They're battle wounds and they're proof you beat the crap out of another one of these demons living inside you. Whoever doesn't like it can suck it for all I know" he states and his words make me slightly smile and feel better about myself.

He passes me a burger and I sit down on the couch next to him, feeling like this is the most normal thing I've done in years.

"The Gilberts stare at my wrists sometimes at dinner" I admit, still thinking about it all and he shrugs as he clenches his fist, probably getting mad at them

"Oh yeah?" he asks "Well they can stare. Next time they do, tell them that you have some on your back if they want so much to see more of it." I nod, listening to his advice and taking a big bite of my burger 'What else is there to these people anyway?"

"They want me to do better in life" I explain using their words "To go to school and get good grades, they'll find me a job as well. On Sunday we go to church, but I don't think that's too bad."

"Hm…" he only says as he grabs some fries and shoves them in his mouth "So they treat you right?"

"Yeah…I guess. But I'll probably end up disappointing them" I admit and he gives me a confused look

"Why? Because you're not ashamed of who you are?"

"No, because that's what I do. I screw things up." I explain and I see that he doesn't like my response, but he doesn't argue with me either. We eat in peace and talk about other things, he tries to press the issue of the Gilberts wanting me to go to this meetings or a psychiatrist, but I tell him I'm not up for discussing this so he drops it, but I can see he supports their idea.

He drops me off at their house and it's already about ten in the evening. He gets off his truck and sends me to the door and we talk some more, I seem like I can't say my goodbyes with him today, it felt good to be around him. It felt normal. And I have forgotten what this is like.

The Gilberts were nice, but I couldn't let them in. Not that I was going to let Damon in, but still…I felt out of place in this house. It was nice and all that and they were giving me a fresh start, but I couldn't help but suffocate inside.

It was somehow harder to fight my demons and get rid of my nightmares even when I had a nice bed to sleep on and new clothes. They weren't judging me, but I could see the fear in their eyes whenever they had to wake me up so I would stop yelling in the middle of the night. I think Grayson felt sorry for me and I hated this so damn much. The only person who understood me to some extent was Elena, but there was another problem with her. I think I was beginning to have some feelings which I had to just bury deep down before it's gotten too late.

Just as I think about her, she opens the door and goes out with the trash bag in hands. She smiles and blushes uncomfortably when she sees me and Damon outside

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you're out here" she apologizes and I grant her a sincere smile.

"Let me take this for you" I say and she looks away uncomfortably, blushing slightly. There were moments when our hands would touch while she was helping me study and I felt that awful tug in my stomach and my heart clenching-it was annoying and new and I had no idea how to stop it

"How was school today? Do you have much homework?" she asks willing to help me right away. I could really use her help if I have to be honest, that Chemistry assignment was killing me and we talked a bit about it before I remember, that Damon's still here with us. She goes back inside in a few minutes and lets me and Damon say our goodbyes.

**Damon's POV**

I observe him and this girl carefully and I can't help but have a bad vibe about it all. It was just in the way he was looking at her…like he's falling in love and she was blushing so hard, that even the evening twilight couldn't hide it. He was staring at her like she's the best thing to ever happen to him and the way they talked to each other was like nothing I've seen before with Stefan. He was so carefree and sincerely smiling, he was actually having a conversation with her-the boy who refused to talk to anyone at all.

I didn't like this. If he fell in love that would cause him only troubles.

"What was this all about?" I ask a bit too roughly after she left us alone and his smile faded immediately

"What do you mean?" he says confused

"I mean you're practically drooling right now, Stefan."

"Oh, shut up, she's just helping me out" he explains and throws his hands in the air angrily, but I know better. I'm older, I've been in love and I can recognize his attitude right away.

I stretch out and grab his hand, trying to make him listen to me carefully

"Stefan, she's your foster sister, you can't have anything going on with her or they'll throw you out of this house! You just find a good home, don't fuck it up!" I say through teeth, trying to be as serious as I can right now and I feel him growing frustrated with me.

"Fuck you, Damon. There's nothing going on between us."

"Good, I believe you." I try to calm him down, because I don't want to screw our relationship just when it's gotten a bit better "I'm just telling you to be careful and take care of yourself."

"Right! Comes from the guy who shipped me off to juvie for three months" he bursts out and starts climbing the stairs leading to the door "I don't need your damn advice, Damon!"

He shuts the door in my face and I sigh tiredly as I bury my hand in my hair.

I sucked at being a brother.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I saw you were all passionate in your reviews about Stelena. The thing is, as I've said before, that when I write Defan, I don't get deep into the romantic relationship. For that, I write seperate SE fanfics. You just have to wait and see, but I don't really plan to make a big thing out of this, it simply has another purpose. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Stefan's POV**

_I wake up from someone's yells in the kitchen and my eyes pop wide open. I swallow hard as I realize that I'm still lying on the ground and I've dozed off hiding under the blanket, playing with the Gameboy I stole from one of my foster brothers earlier. _

"_Stefan, you lil piece of shit where are you?" I recognize her voice right away and I hide the Gameboy under the pillow, standing up as fast as I can and running to the kitchen. _

_I feel so numb from sleeping on the floor and my legs hurts from running around yesterday, but I somehow made it there and when I see the rest of the kids standing next to each other in line before her, I know that we're in trouble. She did this only when she was about to punish us for something. _

_I silently find my way next to Mary, a five year old girl with long black hair falling down her skinny shoulders, I notice that there's strawberry jam on her fingers before I stand next to her, but I keep silent._

"_So" our foster mom says as she starts walking up and down the kitchen staring at each and every one of us six kids, who are too hungry for their own good and who she liked to torture in her free time "Who is going to admit, huh?"_

"_Admit what?" I dare speak up and her piercing blue eyes send shivers down my spine. She really hated me, I don't know why but she did and the rest of the kids always found a way to get away with everything or just received a few slaps here and there, but me…I was always the one to blame._

"_Someone ate the strawberry pie" one of the older boys said through teeth when he felt our so called mother get angrier. _

_I squeezed my eyes as I remembered Mary's stained fingers. She as shifting uncomfortably next to me, and was trying to shove her hands in her pockets, but I moved my hand behind her and found her small palm. _

_She looked up with her big brown eyes and I saw all the sadness and guilt inside them, but mostly there was fear-they would punish her if they found out and I knew she was so damn hungry this morning, which is why she must've dared to eat the remaining slices of the pie. _

_While the woman wasn't watching and was talking to the other kids, I grabbed Mary's hand in mine and rubbed them fast, staining my fingers with the jam instead._

_Before she knew what was going on, I stepped up and raised my hands, just as our foster mom has started yelling at one of the older boys. _

"_It was me" I say out loud and I see her head snap in my direction, her eyes fill with anger and she rushes to my side. _

_Before I realized what was happening, she was already pulling my ear and kicking my behind with her foot, as she dragged a chair to the darkest corner of the kitchen and roughly put me on it there, making me stay on my knees with my hands above my head. I had to stay there all evening and wait for our foster father to come home, so I could receive the right punishment._

_The only thing I ate in the next two days was some stale bread from that Mary stole for me._

I wake up when I feel myself rolling off from the bed and before I know it I'm already on the floor. I feel a sharp pain in my back and it takes me a minute to regain my strength and take a deep breath before I actually open my eyes. When I finally do, I see the blanket and my pillow are still up on the bed and I'm lying there on the cold floor with my sweated shirt and shaking hands.

I sigh tiredly and lay back, closing my eyes and breathing heavily. This was the third time this week I fell from the bed and I have been having nightmares even since I came to this house three or maybe already four weeks ago, I lost count.

At first I was sharing a room with Danny, but I kept waking him up with my screams at night and the Gilberts made us switch rooms, so Jeremy came to sleep with him and they send me off to the smallest room on the floor which I think wasn't even supposed to be one before, but now that there were too many kids inside, they had to use every possible space.

I preferred to be alone, I was waking people up with my screams even when the door was closed, mostly Elena, because she was sleeping in the room next to me and she was covering up for me in front of her parents, lying to them that I've been good and that she doesn't think I have nightmares anymore, just because she knew they would send me off to that shrink or some group meetings or whatever and I didn't want that.

I hear someone open the door and I recognize her light steps.

"Stefan?" she asks and I groan tiredly. If it wasn't for the light coming through the window, I wouldn't be able to recognize her at all. Her hair was a big mess and she was dressed in a red tank top and green shorts "Are you okay?" she asks as she approaches me and kneels down beside me.

She didn't need to ask what was going on, she knew far too well already an when she stretches her hand and helps me raise up slowly I thank her with a wide smile, even though my back hurts so much from falling and I already had bruises.

"How bad was it this time?" she asks as we sit on the bed and I bury my head in my hands, but I don't respond, not right away, I need to gain strength in order to lie to her that I'm fine, but before I could do anything at all, I feel her hands on my wrists and as she pulls them away, she smiles at me. I close her eyes when she cups my cheek and presses her forehead to mine.

I can't stop thinking about Damon's words and how right he was-this was more than friendship and the last two weeks prove him right. I have fallen hard for her and no matter how much I tried and was desperate to rip my heart out and stop feeling anything at all, I couldn't.

At first, I was trying to pull away and so was she-we were both aware of the fact, that this is too damn wrong-we were living under the same roof and we were foster siblings, we couldn't be kissing or fooling around, but then one night I had this awful dream and I kept trashing the bed, without being able to wake up. I felt her small hand on my shoulder and she didn't pull back when she heard me scream or yell, or when I dug my nails into my own arms out of the fear I was reliving again and again.

She slipped in bed with me and kept rocking me in her embrace until I calmed down and my breathing returned to normal. She didn't say anything just like now, she only brought me some water and kept stroking my hair. Then we laid down on my bed and I tucked her with my blanket, pulling her close to my chest.

I don't know how it happened or why I did it, but I leaned down and kissed her and she didn't pull back. I didn't let her go for a while and she didn't make it better when she snuggled closer. Once we finally separated to catch a breath, we stared into each other's eyes and wondered what the hell are we going to do now.

We still haven't figured it out. At first we tried to avoid each other, which didn't help at all, actually all it did was bring me more problems, because without her help I failed the Chemistry test and Grayson was extremely disappointed in me.

Then she just couldn't resist not coming to my room when she heard me yell and I loud be lying if I say that I didn't lock the door because I forgot. I didn't forget…I just was afraid of being so damn alone.

It's been a long time since anyone cared about me and now that Damon was in my life and we went out every week and Elena took care of me when I felt like shit, I couldn't even realize what was happening to me.

I only knew, that it can't be good. Good things didn't last long and rarely happened to me. I was afraid of letting myself be happy and I was pushing all feelings away or trying to bury them. I think Elena noticed this, but she was patient and didn't pressure me in any way. I believe she was very confused herself. I doubt she expected to end up hooking up with a beaten orphan boy that they've brought to her house and told her she has to accept and treat him like a brother.

"I'll go grab you a glass of water, okay?" she said as she kept rubbing my back and I thanked her with a nod, before I watched her disappear and barely heard her steps down the stairs. She was very silent at night not that she needed to be-Grayson was working a nightshift this week and Miranda slept really deep. I think she took some pills to help her with that and even if she didn't, she was really tired from working and taking care of four kids, so barely anything woke her up, even my yells at night.

I don't even hear when she comes back, I'm still trying to push away this awful nightmare, a memory more like it, when I feel her hand at the back of my neck. I look up and take the glass from her hands, drinking it all at once. I know she's observing me carefully and probably waiting for me to say something, but I don't. I only thank her with a kiss on the forehead and grab her hand in mine, caressing it with my thumb.

"You should go to bed" I say with a light smile and she shakes her head as she pushes me down the pillow

"I'm not going anywhere, Stefan, you're still shivering, look at your hands" she says and I stare down at my shaky hands.

I don't stop her when she helps me take off my sweaty shirt and slips under the blanket , joining me on the pillow. I know she's looking at me, but I refuse to stare into her big brown eyes full of compassion. I feel guilty for making her go through this with me. There were nights when she would stay and leave at dawn, but even with her by my side I still had nightmares and woke her up. I felt calmer knowing I'm not alone, but I couldn't always cheat fate-sometimes it took her five minutes to wake me up and when I finally opened my eyes I would see her staring down at me worried.

"Elena…" I sigh tiredly as I remove a strand of hair from her cheek and tuck it behind her ear. She smiles at me, but I can see that she's tired too. I hate myself for waking her." I'm so sorry" I apologize as I lean down and place a gentle kiss on her lips.

When I'm about to pull back, she puts her hand at the back of my neck and refuses to let me go. Our wet tongues intertwine and I feel her smiling while I kiss her. Her hand travels down my stomach and then on my back, so when she touches my bruises I grunt silently, but we don't stop and I feel her moving up and caressing my back.

I pull her closer and roll on my back, placing her on my lap. She smiles, obviously glad at the position I've chosen for her and I allow my hand to trace and explore her flat stomach underneath her top. I soon get to her breasts and she leans down, placing small wet kisses on my neck. I hear her moan silently when I cup her breast and her already hardened nipple and she giggles lightly in my embrace.

"Stefan" she breathes heavily in my ear when my hand travels back to her stomach and stops above her shorts. I start pulling them down and I feel that she's wet already, which only makes me smile and feel good about myself-for once, I was doing something right, or so I hoped. "We're going to wake everyone' she hisses silently and her hair tickles my face. I laugh as throw her back on the pillow and switch positions, ribbing my hand in her soaking panties, she was burning up, there were little drops of sweat on her forehead and as I kept teasing her down there, I continued staring in her big brown eyes, thinking how beautiful she is, but not saying it out loud because I knew how cheesy and stupid it would sound.

"Then you're going to have to be quiet" I suggest with a devilish smirk and she smiles again.

"We can't keep doing this" she mumbles and I sigh realizing how right she was. I remove my hand and cup her cheek, without breaking eye contact

"It's a bit late for that, don't you think?" I ask and I see her swallow hard. She felt guilty, though she shouldn't be, this is all my fault, I could've stopped it, but I didn't and now she was suffering inside just like me.

She sees I'm lost in thoughts again and pulls me down for one last kiss. I knew now's not time for fun, so I collapse down on the pillow and hear her ragged breathing next to me-she's trying to calm herself down, but she's having a hard time. I turn my back to her, closing my eyes and the moment I do, I see that woman and her husband, who beat their foster kids because they dared eat more than they were given.

I don't realize that I've began shaking again until I feel her hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me over, but I don't want her to see me like this-I refuse to let her take a look into my watery eyes and recognize all that darkness that I live inside with, but no matter how much I try to pull up a fight, she finally succeeds and turns me over, after whispering my name for more than fifteen minutes.

"Hey, hey, you're shaking again" she says and I feel her bury her hand in my hair.

I close my eyes and refuse to look at her even though I'm pretty sure she realizes why. I don't move away when she pulls closer to me and I finally embrace her, letting her head fall on my bare chest. I'm so damn tired, but I'm not sure if I will be able to fall asleep-I'm too scared of the nightmare repeating again. She caresses my chest and looks up, but I pretend to be trying to fall asleep. I barely hear her say

"I think you have to do something about this, Stefan. You can't keep going on like that" I look at her and move my hand to her head, stroking her gently, smiling at her, without responding to it at all.

I close my eyes and she gives up on talking to me as well. Twenty minutes later she's out and once I'm sure she's safe and at peace, I let myself doze off as well.

I wake up from her hair tickling my nose and making me sneeze. Her eyes snap open and once she realizes that I'm not having a bad dream and everything's fine, she chuckles lightly and leans down to give me another kiss. I don't even realize that it's way past dawn, that the sun is finding its way through the curtains and I can hear the steps of the other members of the family outside the door.

I'm not thinking about any of these side stuff that are at the back of my mind, I let them slip and bury myself deeper in this love that is bound to be damned, so when the door opens and we hear Danny's sweet childish voice calling me to join him for breakfast, my breath gets stuck in my throat.

Elena pulls sacredly away from me and I pop up on my elbows, staring at a very confused Danny who drops the toy he's holding and stares at us with is mouth wide open.

"Stefan? Elena?" he asks confused "What are you guys doing?"

* * *

"Mr. Salvatore, would you may be like to take this test while you're not sleeping on your desk?" I hear Mrs. Hunters piercing voice coming from somewhere above and I abruptly wake up, staring down at the Chemistry test.

This was my second and final chance of passing this thing after I failed miserably the first time, but I was so damn tired from not sleeping all night and with everything that happened this morning I just couldn't concentrate.

"I'm sorry" I say shyly and look back at the list, scratching the back of my head as I'm trying to find a solution to all these problems.

"I suggest you apologize less and put your mind into passing this test" she scolds again before going back to her desk. I look up to see the other students staring at me and smiling devilishly-they probably considered me the dumbest kid here and I wasn't doing anything to prove them wrong.

I looked back down and closed my eyes, letting all the memories from a few hours ago flood my head. I've managed to convince Danny not to say anything to anyone, I even tried to fool him, claiming that Elena needed my help and that's why she was in bed, but he didn't believe it because he asked why were we kissing. He seemed so confused, he couldn't understand what was going on. He has started accepting Elena as her sister and me as his brother and now basically his older siblings were making out in bed.

My world shattered into pieces, I didn't know what to do anymore. I could see that things won't stay the same after this, one way or the other, Danny will probably let the words slip if he hasn't by now. I guess, I was glad that I wasn't going home after school, but meeting with Damon instead.

I couldn't get Danny's words off my mind

"_Will you get us kicked out of this house?"_ he has said and I saw the tears in his eyes.

He was right to be scared-if the Gilberts knew, that was it and I was aware that Danny is just a child, a very sensitive one. He'll torture himself with what he saw this morning all day and they'll notice, if they haven't already.

They would kick me out right away, probably call Ric in the evening or ask him to take me as soon as he can and I knew that even though he tries so damn hard, he was tired and would most probably send me to a group home.

I sighed as I stared down at my bag-I had some food in there, but surely not enough money, I couldn't catch a bus now and leave, plus Damon will be waiting for me outside.

The best scenario would be if Danny keeps silent till tomorrow, I pack some stuff tonight, get some money and leave before them realizing what's wrong. This way they won't blame Elena for anything and I will live to their expectations for being a miserable confused young man as Gilbert liked to say, who just ran away when they tried to offer him a good life.

The thing is-I really didn't want to leave this time. It felt good to have a nice place and to love someone. It was also great to be loved.

Despite the fact that I still couldn't trust him, it I felt nice around Damon and I didn't want to leave him. I knew that doing this, would completely disappoint everyone, including him-we've had a really nice time in the past two weeks, that we've seen each other and he taught me how to fight.

There wasn't really a choice anyway. If I stayed, I was doomed, if I went away, I left everyone behind me, including the brother that I just found and who seems to be the only person, who doesn't judge me, but I would be free of all this and I would keep Elena and Danny safe.

It was probably better even for Damon if I went away. He didn't need me by his side. It's true that we've been talking more, but he has no idea what I've been through in my life and if he even catches a slight glimpse of it, he'll get scared and push away.

I've let my guard down in the past few weeks, I've also been selfish-I let both Damon and Elena suffer with me from things they shouldn't have even known about.

Nobody deserved me neither as a boyfriend nor as a brother.

I hear the school bell ring and stare down at my empty test. I smile to myself, ruffling my hair and clearing my throat once I feel the tears in my eyes, trying to swallow them down-it was time to go. Before any of this happened, before Ric brought Damon home, that's what I wanted to do-I was planning to run away.

Well now I was going to do it.

I put the test on the teacher's desk and leave the room under Mrs. Hunter's stern stare, but I don't really care about this anymore. I put my baseball cap on and head outside, ignoring all the gossips behind my back.

**Damon's POV**

I wait leaning on my truck for Stefan to come out just like every Wednesday, but this time when I see him walking out the building with his head down, obviously buried in thoughts, I furrow my eyebrows confused.

"Hey there, buddy" I smile and he fakes one as well. I really wanted to hug him, but he's only let me do this on a couple of occasions by now and every time he did, he was so damn tense so I didn't push him, I knew he needed his time

"Hey, Damon" he responds barely audible with his hoarse voice. I can see that he's not only sad, there's something bothering him, because he doesn't lift his eyes to me at all, even when we settle inside the truck.

"So, what do you wanna do this time?" I ask him before I turn on the engine and I watch him shrug his shoulders while staring down at his new trainers" Well, we can go back home and train?" he shakes his head

"I don't wanna fight today" he says and I nod, but I'm still so damn confused by his behavior. I had to do something about it

"Well then why don't we go grab something to eat and drive to the park, huh?" I ask because I can't come up with anything else right now and he didn't seem like he wants to go and do something just for fun. I knew he liked this place by the lake and he enjoyed feeding the ducks there, I think it helped him relax, so I drove off while still throwing him worried glances when he wasn't looking up and couldn't notice me.

"So how was school? Do you think you passed the test this time?" I ask and he shakes his head

"I doubt it" he responds, though he doesn't sound sad, maybe a little distant though "But it doesn't matter anyway." he continues and I furrow my eyebrows. How does he mean it doesn't matter? This was his education, he had to pass everything if he didn't want to repeat an entire year.

"I'm sure you'll be just fine, don't worry" I try to cheer him up, but he just keeps staring at his feet.

When I park the car and we get out, he walks before me while I grab the hot dogs and follow him up. As we walk side by side I notice the dark circles under his eyes and I realize that he still must be having troubles sleeping, despite the fact that I knew he was trying hard to overcome them.

Grayson told me that they hear him yell at night and I'm sure he must be feeling like crap for doing this to them, so maybe that's partly the reason why he's in a bad mood.

That, and the fact that he was failing some subject at school and I'm pretty sure the Gilberts weren't happy about it. If they're really scolding him for this, then they're out of their minds-this kid has never been praised, the last thing he needed is someone bashing on him or giving him tough love for not doing great at school.

They should be helping him and I didn't see them doing so-I knew he was trying so hard to please them, but he did spent half of the school year actually outside school running around and trying to earn money, so he wouldn't die out of hunger, and I doubt they were taking this under consideration.

We settle down on the wooden benches near the lake and I take a bite from my hot dog, but he doesn't even touch his. I notice him staring somewhere before us, observing the birds in the lake or the clouds on the sky, but I don't say anything-I wait for him patiently to start talking and if he doesn't feel like it we can stay like this in silence all he wants.

I realized that with Stefan you can't push things-either he wants to tell you something or he doesn't and he wasn't a guy who opens up to everyone.

"Damon" he finally speaks up and I almost jumped surprised to hear his voice

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Tell me about your mother" he asks and I swallow hard.

We haven't talked about me much ever since we began spending time together. He doesn't like me digging into his past and I wasn't sure he wants to hear anything about mine at all, so we mostly trained or watched games, but we never actually discussed anything else and I knew that when the time comes, we will, but he surprised me with his question.

"What was she like?" he asks again when he feels my confusion and urges me to talk

I smile as I think of her.

"She was…" I begin failing at finding the right words "She was a really good mother" I say, hoping that I won't hurt his feelings too much by talking about her "She was kind and selfless and she always put me first no matter what. My father, he was a rude man, who only really cared about money. He wanted to shape me from young age and he would pressure me into doing things I didn't want to do. He dictated my whole life, my education, my future and I hated him for it. My mother was always on my side, she made sure I never forget that I can be whoever I want and do whatever makes me happy. She reminded me that even when the whole world is against me, I will always have her by my side and with her help I managed to end up doing something I loved."

"But I thought your father owned that company?" Stefan swallows hard and asks confused. I am not sure he was ready to listen to everything I had to say "Didn't he make you work for him?"

"Well yes," I nod "He wanted me to run it and even expand, but by the time I was in college, business was going down and soon after that he died, so there were decisions to be made. It took me some time to realize that I didn't hate the company, I hated the person who's been putting such pressure on my shoulders all my life and who I've been constantly disappointing. I loved books, I always have and I enjoyed spending time there, so I decided that I should try and save what is left out of it. Work was ruining me, though" I can say he's listening carefully because he doesn't even flinches "And that reflected on all my relationships including the one with my fiancé."

"You had a fiancé?" he asks surprise evident in his voice and I chuckle

"Yeah, I did" I nod as I remember Katherine and the way she hurt me "Anyway, she left me and it's not like I can blame her for it. I was spending most of my time at work and neglecting everyone else. Even when I found out she was gone, instead of spending the night in our house, I drove off back to work." I sigh as I run my hand through my messy hair

"My mom was by my side even then. I honestly think she was kind of relived when I told her, I guess she never really liked Katherine. She used to come by my flat and make sure I'm alright, she urged me to spent less time at work and do other things as well, but I preferred burying myself into it, because it took my mind of all the pain."

"Is this when you started drinking?" he asks, his voice shaky, not sure if he should be getting down there, but I don't really mind sharing with him, he was my brother.

"No, I began after we found out that she's going to die and there's nothing I could do about it. A day before she passed away, she told me about you and asked me to find you." I explain, but this time he doesn't even flinch, his expression is so damn serious, though I notice his hands were slightly shaking. "She hated herself for leaving you and said it was her biggest mistake."

"What did she die from?" he asks, ignoring my last words just as I assumed. I feel like we shouldn't be talking about this, not now at least, but he had questions and I couldn't do anything but answer him

"Brain cancer" I say my throat dry as I remember the endless hours at the hospital waiting for them to give me even some hope, anything at all, to promise me that she'll be alright, that I wasn't losing the only living relative I had and the only person on earth who gave a damn about me.

I see him swallow hard and shift uncomfortably next to me, but he still refuses to look me in the eyes, probably afraid of what he'll see there- a broken man, who lost everything in his life, just like he, who had nothing to begin with.

"Why did she leave me?" he asks, his voice breaking a little and I shake my head right away

"Stefan, I don't think that we should-"

"No, I want to know" I can't get where this sudden interest comes from "Tell me" he begs and I can feel both the sadness and fear in his voice-fear from what I am about to say. And I'm afraid as well, I don't know how to do this without hurting him, but I was certain that I will not lie.

"When she found out she was pregnant with you, she came back home to get me and run away, but my father found out about her plans and gave her a choice" I stare down at my feet when I finally feel his eyes on me. I feel awful, I can't do this to him, I don't want to hurt him, so I take a few minutes, trying to get myself together, hoping that he will give it up, but he reminds me of his presence with a light sigh and I have no other choice, but to continue, he's not dropping it. It's not that he didn't deserve the answers to all his questions, but I don't think now was the right moment

"She could leave town and never look back, but he was going to keep me with him or she could stay, give birth and give you up for adoption." I finally let out and as I do I realize that my voice is barely audible.

For a few minutes we stay like this, none of us saying anything, I give him some time to let it sink in and when he finally does and speaks up I can feel the deep sadness in his voice.

"So she chose you over me" he lets out the simple truth "She decided to stay with you and her husband and get rid of me."

"Stefan I-" I begin to apologize, but he interrupts me

"It's okay" he says "I don't want to hear your apologizes, Damon" I finally dare face him and I see the tears in his eyes that he refuses to let go.

He runs his hand through his messy hair and he suddenly looks too old to me. I don't expect him to speak up again and I wonder what are we going to do now. I'm sure that he's hurt, I can see it on his face-it's like I dug a hole in him, one that will however, never heal, I was just another thing to ruin him, just another person to completely destroy him.

"When I was little" he starts explaining "Like maybe six or seven I was in this orphanage and every two weeks a family would come and adopt someone to their liking" I listen to him carefully, not realizing where he's going with this, but it was the first time he shared something with me from his past and I couldn't help but feel a little bit optimistic that if not today, maybe one of these days he'll start opening up to me and the nightmares will stop torturing him so much

"They would make us order in this big row, both boys and girls, we put our best clothes, I had this nice white shirt and blue jeans, that Ric got for me especially for these occasions and I would always shower the morning before they came and comb my hair. People came and go, families more wealthier than I can even imagine back then. I remember women crying when they held their sons or daughters, but they never chose me" he explains patiently and I can barely keep myself together as I listen to his words

"And the truth is I wasn't disappointed at all." I peak my eyebrow surprised at his words and listen carefully as he continues "After everything was over they would give us a lot of food, probably to make the rest of us feel better and I remember that one time when Ric came. He has bought me ice cream and I was really happy, cause I haven't had one in probably two or three months." I feel my heart swell at his words, he was deprived of simple things, stuff that I always took for granted and even had the guts to bitch when something wasn't according to my taste. I was a spoiled little brat

"And I remember he said _"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll pick you up next time"_ and I responded that I don't want them to do so.

"Why not?" I ask confused and he finally turns to me

"I told him _"Because my mom is looking for me and when she finally finds me, she's going to get me home with her"_ his face is stern and his look is distant, he's probably going back at this moment, remembering his conversation with Ric.

I look away, unable to take all that sadness in his eyes, I feel like I'm going to break down right there, but I couldn't, I had to keep it together for him.

I realized that my pain is just something so insignificant compared to everything he went through, that I had no excuse to drink or try to forget my reality-he has been through hell and he kept going through it that's the worst part. Me? I was just a spoiled asshole who didn't know shit about life, who got duped by his fiancée, because he was too scared to face the problems they had and who lost his mother after she's been by his side all his life.

"I want you to take me home now" he says as he stands up and throws whatever bread left he has in the lake, watching the ducks gather around it.

"Stefan, maybe we should-" I start but he shakes his head with a sad smile.

"Just take me home." he asks again and I nod, standing up and slowly walking back to the truck.

**Stefan's POV**

I stay on the porch long after Damon's gone, thinking about everything he told me today about our mother. I don't know how to describe what was going on inside me, but I knew this-I was deeply sad and I haven't felt like this in months, probably even a year. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to talk to anyone, less alone eat-I just felt like someone dug a hole in my heart and left me on the ground all alone.

Until I realized that what he told me isn't news at all.

I will always be the poor orphan boy, who messes up and never gets picked up. I'll be always the one who's left behind no matter what.

I will always be alone.

I'm never the first choice, nobody puts me first. There isn't anyone to do so anyway.

So I skipped dinner and waited for everyone to go to bed. I told Elena I have a lot to study and gave her one last kiss on the forehead before she went to her room.

At midnight, I packed my old bag, grabbed a few shirts, some sandwiches from the fridge and everything I've saved from the pocket money the Gilberts gave me. It wouldn't be enough for starters but then again I was still good at stealing.

I could never be the nice boy the Gilberts wanted me to be-I wasn't meant for this kind of life and Damon only confirmed this today.

I went out into the warm summer night and bought a pack of cigarettes on my way to the station.

I was out of town before dawn.

* * *

**A/N: That's pretty much it with the SE moments in this fanfiction. I'm sorry it took me longer to update, but it was a tough chapter to write. Thank you for reading and I would appreciate your opinions on it! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Damon's POV**

We're driving around Austin, Texas on an early Tuesday morning. Alaric is very sleepy and I'm exhausted-I haven't been able to get any decent rest ever since Stefan disappeared last month. I was on edge, my body was giving up on me, I haven't been eating anything and if it wasn't for Bonnie, I wouldn't even remember, that I had to do so. I was holding a cup of coffee in my hand even now as it has been my best friend in the past few weeks.

I shift uncomfortably in my seat, trying to get rid of any frustration and sadness-I was very cranky these days, especially after we arrived here on Sunday and I was so damn optimistic that we're going to find him right away. I was so damn wrong and after wandering around town all day and checking out construction firms where he was supposedly probably working and not finding anything, I collapsed on my bed exhausted and allowed myself to even cry a little.

I was starting to lose any hope we're going to find him at all.

When Ric called me about a month ago to tell me Stefan has run away from the Gilberts, I didn't want to believe him. Yes, the previous days we've talked about our mother and all that, he did look kind of off and maybe a bit too sad, but he didn't seem like he has any plans to leave, he never implied it or so I thought until I remembered that when I asked him about the test, he said it didn't matter anymore and I've given him a confused look. Then I realized that he probably wanted to know so much about mother, because he wasn't sure if he'll ever see me again and he needed answers.

I was mad out of my mind. I practically destroyed my flat and turned everything upside down.

Then, I got sad and drunk, for I was left alone again and if Bonnie hasn't found me a day later sleeping on the floor hugging an empty bottle of scotch in hands and dragged me to my bathroom, reminding me that he's a fifteen year old child who ran away and needs me to find him, because he's confused and lost, I would've wasted even more time ruining myself instead of trying to find him.

Ric was already working on it, but we had no idea where he even was.

He first started looking for him around the state, checked out some of his old friends, foster brothers or sisters, who were close to him and could help him escape, but none of them knew anything, or so they said. It was a waste of time, we realized that about a week later, it was bad, we had no idea where he could've left and the Gilberts claimed that everything was alright before he left, despite the fact that I still believed they might've drove him away if they were pushing him too hard.

I don't think they actually ever recognized the fact that he has a real problem, I'm not even sure they knew how little sleep he gets.

Anyway, about three weeks later Elena, his foster sister surprised me when she knocked on my flat's door with a sad expression on her face and big dark circles under her eyes, just like mine.

She took out a book from her bag-it was his Chemistry book and when she opened it we found some note where he has written D.L-Austin, Texas. That was it, no address, no name, nothing. I supposed the initials meant someone's name, maybe a person, who'll help him and when we got to the station and Alaric flashed his photo at one of the cashiers she said she actually remembers a boy buying a bus ticket in the middle of the night two weeks back while wearing nothing but an old brown bag and black hat. He seemed sad, she said.

So here we were, just a few days later, trying to find him. Ric claimed that we will find him working somewhere in construction, because that's where he always got him in the last few times he ran away.

We checked other places too, hospitals and police stations included, but thanks God, he wasn't there. I was just hoping he wasn't stealing again, because that would bring him so much trouble, but Ric was pretty much sure that if he's out in the middle of nowhere, he probably didn't have a choice, even if he had a job.

Ric knew this friend of his, a cop, working here in Austin, and he got us a list of all the construction firms in town, helping us sort out those hiring minors or dealing with illegal stuff, but still getting away with it, which is why we were headed to this place at the north end of town and I was sighing tiredly, hoping that this won't all be in vain.

I close my eyes, going to my conversation with Elena from a few weeks back.

"_Anyway, I should probably go, I hope you find him" she says after she shows me the note and starts getting up and heading to the door. I put her hand on her skinny shoulder and turn he carefully back to me_

"_Elena…" I sigh "Please…is there something else I need to know?" I ask her and we stare at one another for a moment. I can see the tears in her eyes and I watch her look away from me and stare down at her shoes as she takes a step back_

"_I have to go, my parents are waiting for me" she tries to leave again, but this time I rush and stand in her way, raising my hands and begging her to stop. _

"_Does this have anything to do with the fact that he has fallen for you?" I ask and I see her eyes widen and her swallowing hard "Is that why he left? You two kissed or something and your parents threatened to ship him away?" I could see it in her eyes, I was right about this-he did love her all this time, probably from the moment he saw her and something has happened between them, something that made him go_

"_Just…please, find him" she begs one last time, after she has allowed me to catch a glimpse from the sadness in her eyes and realize that she has fallen for him as well and she was as worried as I was._

"Damon?" I hear Alaric call me out an my eyes snap open "Are you even listening to me?" he asks slightly irritated and I compose myself as I rise up and bury my fingers in my messy hair. I needed a shower, it was too damn hot around here

"I'm sorry" I apologize and he sighs, but not annoyed, he can see how tired I am. I realize, that we're very close to the place he was looking for, because I can see a relatively big and building under construction, which reminded me of an old and abandoned place when it was supposed to be someone's future home.

"I said we're here" Ric repeats ass he parks the truck a little before the big metal gate with bars behind which I see guys in jumpsuits and white shirts with orange helmets on walking by and carrying all sorts of instruments in hands.

We get off the truck and I fix my crumpled shirt while Ric looks for his badge. He gives me a reassuring smile, he never lost hope all this time, I have no idea how he does it, but he managed to remain calm and to keep looking without ever giving up. He said he has always found Stefan and he will find him again, no matter what it costs him.

We approach the gate and he yells at one of the boys, asking if he can get their boss out here and flashing his badge, which wasn't anything that special, but at least it gave him permission to ask questions, without being kicked out.

He wanted his cop friend to come with us today as well, but he was busy and now I was hoping we would manage to deal with this on our own without ending up being ignored. These people here didn't like getting too many questions, it was obvious that most of whatever was going on here, wasn't exactly legal.

A guy in a red dirty shirt and dark blue jeans approaches the gate, slowly and steadily-he was fat and bold, but his smile was wicked and when he saw us, he slightly furrowed his eyebrows while the boy explained that we were looking for him.

"Hello, sir" Ric says as the guy approaches the gate, but doesn't attempt to open it up or welcome us at all "I'm Alaric Salzman, I'm with the Child Services and I'm looking for a boy" he explains as he takes out the photo of Stefan we have printed, it was a new one, he got it for his summer school and I refused to look at it, because it made my heart get stuck in my throat, so I let Ric keep it in his pocket and carry it around

"I'm trying to find this boy, his name is Stefan Salvatore" he continues and I see that the man is not even slightly interested in looking at the photo, he keeps staring at Ric with disgust and annoyance and I can't stand him!

"I don't know no Stefan Salvatore" he finally speaks up for the first time and grunts annoyed as he tries to take a step back and leave us

"Please, just take a look at it, you might've seen him somewhere" Ric shoves his hand between the bars and practically raises the photo up to the man's eyes.

I observe him carefully and my breath gets stuck in my throat when I see his eyes pierced at Stefan's face. He opens his mouth a little and I notice him swallow hard as he takes a step back. Ric and I exchange optimistic glances-he has recognized him

"I don't know him. Now get out of here!" he practically yells at us and Ric pulls back, pretending to be disappointed. We turn around and he winks at me as we get back in the truck and take a big turn, moving up the street, but on the opposite side, hiding between the cars so we can still observe the entrance

"He knows him!" Ric yells out optimistically as we settle in the truck and he turns the engine off "I'm sure he does! Did you see the look on his face?" he asks and I nod, for the first time in weeks feeling hopeful, daring that this isn't just our minds playing tricks on us, that this guy has really recognized Stefan

"Now what?" I ask "Why did we stop here? Shouldn't we go there and pressure him to tell us where Stefan is?" I ask confused. I don't know why he stopped here, but he must have his reasons

"No, I know how these guys." Ric explains patiently "If Stefan's somewhere in there, he would call him out now and probably ship him off, because he would be afraid, he'll bring him trouble. We just have to wait." I nod and I lean back on the car seat, feeling my hands tremble slightly.

We had to get to him, we had to find him and convince him to come with us. I had no idea in what state he was, where he was living in the first place, how was he dealing with everything all on his own? I can't believe he has done this before as well…I can't believe he was a fifteen year old boy who ran away and started taking care of himself without anyone's help. At fifteen, I couldn't even wash my clothes or pick decent ones to wear….

We stay on pins and needles for the next half an hour and I feel that we're probably going to give up soon when we see the gate open and a boy dressed in a blue jumpsuit and white shirt, just like the rest of the workers, get kicked out of there. The fat bold guy pushes him outside and yells something at him.

He staggers a bit and almost falls on the sidewalk, but he manages to steady himself and hurries to get back at the guy, who's however already closing the gates. I see him gripping the bars of the gate and yell for them to let him go. When nobody responds or pays any attention to him he yells out frustrated and hits the gate with his foot.

"Get ready to run, Damon" Ric whispers as if he's afraid Stefan can hear us from here when he was pretty far from us. I wasn't even sure it's him, but when he finally turns in our direction for a brief moment and grabs his bag from the ground, tossing it back on his shoulder, I have no doubt it's him and I feel my heart skip a beat-I've found my brother!

He's a little broken and very desperate, but I found him!

I feel my heart fill up with joy-I was going to help him now.

"What?" I ask Ric confused once the words sink in and I notice how tense he is all of a sudden

"Get ready!" he orders again and he takes off and drives down the street almost next to Stefan, who's angrily walking off the building. When we almost level up with him, Ric tells me to get off and tell him to stop, so I practically jump off the truck and run down the street to him.

"Stefan!" I yell out and he freezes for a moment. I think he recognizes my voice, because he seems to need a minute before he turns around and looks at me.

I'm just a few feet away from him, but I can see him better now-he looks exhausted, worse than me, his hands are bloody, full of cuts and they're gripping his brown bag, the same one he used to run away with, his eyes lost and tired, but I see him tense like an animal, trying to decide what he should do.

He doesn't take too much to decide and the next thing I know, he turns his back to me and starts running.

"Stefan, wait!" I yell as I follow him down the street. I have forgotten about Ric and where he was at all. I know that I have to keep going in order to catch him and he's too damn fast. Ric was right when he said he used to be a great runner-obviously that was still true-he was sneaky and fast and he would look back to check if I'm still after him.

"STEFAN, STOP!" I try again, but I'm just wasting my breathe, he has no intentions of stopping and as he takes a right turn and continues rushing down the street, surpassing people and even crashing in some of them, but keeping up nonetheless, because he just can't stand me catching him. I feel myself getting tired and I'm sure he'll slip away soon, if he manages to get to a bigger street and head downtown, so I have to rush and get a hold of him before it's too late. I'm getting back to being desperate when he takes another turn left and I'm far behind him.

I hear the familiar noise of someone hitting the breaks and another person's cry out and my heart almost skips a beat when I finally turn around and see Ric on the other end of the street, blocking his way with the truck and Stefan lying on the pavement after he has supposedly crashed in him while running.

I rush there while Ric gets off the car and I am surprised when I see Stefan get up abruptly and looking for his bag with his hand pressed to his chest as if it hurts him.

"Let it go, kiddo, it's over" Ric's voice is tough but finally relieved and I see him place his hand on Stefan's shoulder as I manage to get to them just in time. "Come on, come on, it's all good" Ric soothes him as he pills him back to the truck's hood and helps him lean on it "Are you okay? Did I hit you hard?" he asks as he notices Stefan still gripping his elbow

"Stefan!" I gasp relieved as I approach them "Finally." he looks up at me and grants me an angry look while Ric continues holding him tight, even though I doubt he'll try to run away now. I can't help myself, I'm overwhelmed with emotions and I practically pull him to my embrace, hugging him tight.

For a moment, probably because he's too startled, he doesn't pull back and I get to hold him tight to me for a minute, before he starts struggling.

"Let me go!" he yells out for the first time, and I see Ric put his hand on his shoulder again, as if he's afraid he'll run away or try to hurt us, but the only one who's always suffered was him "Just fucking let me go!" he grunts and tries to shake Ric off

"Not until you promise you won't run!" he talks back, he's not afraid to be stern with him, while I still have problems with that. Stefan calms down for a moment and presses his hurt hand close to his chest while biting his lip and watching us nervously, but he steps back and leans on the truck again, which we take as a sign that it's okay for now and he won't try to leave

"What do you want from me?" he asks as he finally lets his hand down and I notice him squeeze his eyes slightly

"What do we want?" I ask getting angrier by the minute. I could not believe him sometimes! "You ran away, Stefan! You fucking ran away in the middle of the night and you're asking what do we want from you?"

"Okay, let's calm down" Ric reminds me as he tries to cool off and stands next to me, giving Stefan a serious look as wellb"Look, Stefan, you have to come with us now."

"What if I don't want to?" he asks through teeth and hops up on the truck

"It's not really like you have a choice here" Ric continues harshly "You're a minor, a child and I am responsible for you, so I have to take you back with us to Atlanta."

"Why?" Stefan asks through a fake laugh "So you can ship me off to some group home and pretend like you actually give a damn about me and care what's going to happen to me?"

"I do care for you" Ric explains "And right now I'm damn mad at you for doing this again, because it makes no sense to me whatsoever. I found you a good home and a great family, who took care of you and signed you up for summer school, trying to help you get your life back on track, but you, being you, decided to throw it all away and just leave to some unknown place and for what?" he asks as he stretches his hand in confusion "So you can become a construction worker for some breaking-the-law asshole? Really, Stefan?"

"You have no idea what happened, so don't you dare judge me!" Stefan manages to respond angrily and I see him clenching his fists, which only confirms my suspicious-something happened between him and Elena

"I'm not" Ric sighs "But I'm also really not up to giving you any more chances" Stefan tenses and I see him pretending not to give a damn, but he's actually pretty upset by these words "Luckily for you" he grants me a look before turning back to Stefan "There's someone who is."

"What do you mean?" Stefan asks doubt evident in his voice, his look confused "The Gilberts won't take me back and I don't want to go there either way."

"He is not talking about the Gilberts" I finally speak up and he grants me a hateful look like the first time when we met, this moment reminds me of that sad afternoon when he hated the entire universe and refused to accept he has a brother

"He means me, Stefan" I explain trying to sound patient, but I'm actually pretty nervous "I applied for becoming a foster parent after you left and I'll be getting my certificate next week." he furrows his eyebrow as if he's refusing to let the words sink in "You can come with us" I take out the plane ticket we got for him and hand it over "And stay with Ric for a few days while I receive it and then…you can come live with me." he looks up at me in disbelief and for a moment he doesn't say anything.

I'm not surprised when he laughs out loud a minute later and hops off the hood of the truck.

"You think I want to live with you?" he asks angrily "Are you out of your freaking mind? You ruined my life! My so-called mother chose you over me and abandoned me in some shitty ass town when I was a few hours old! Do you really think I want to have anything to do with you?" he shoves the envelope of my hands and lets it fall on the ground stomping all over it

"I hate you, Damon! You are a constant reminder of the fact, that I am always the second choice, the shitty orphan kid, who was too much of a problem for his mother so she abandoned him to get back to her fucked up family because she couldn't leave her perfect boy!" he says through teeth as he takes a step forward and looks me in the eyes with so much anger "Every time I look at you, all I can think of is the times when I was alone and hurt! All of it, because of you!"

"Stefan, watch your mouth!" Ric scolds him as he grabs his arm and pulls him away from me, cause I feel like he wants to hit me

"It's fine, Ric" I assure him "You are right" I smile sadly at my brother "You are completely right to be angry, I'm okay with that. Actually…I was waiting for it to happen a while ago. I could see it in your eyes, all that anger and resentment towards me and as much as it hurt me, I knew you had every right to feel this way. But as much as you try to hide it, Stefan, I know that you care and the reason you're doing all this" I look around for a moment until my eyes stop back at him"Is because you want to push us away." he lets a tired sigh out and I feel him relax a little, as if he's glad that someone has finally noticed all this

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to have a roof over your head, a real home with someone to care for you? Tell me that you want to keep busting your ass here in the middle of this big city, surrounded by strangers and not having anyone to call out in the middle of the night when you're breaking down! Tell me you are not tired of dealing with everything on your own! Tell me you're okay with being lonely! Tell me and I promise you, I'm going to leave and never bother you again!" I beg him and I realize that I'm breaking down, but so was he-there were tears in his tired eyes and he was desperately trying to prevent them from falling.

He swallows hard and clears his throat, but he doesn't say anything and I know why-he's breaking down, piece by piece in front of us and when we finally see him give up and let go, we realize that he's practically going to collapse, so I shove my stronger arms under his and pull him to my chest as I let him bury his blond head in the crook of my neck. I rub his back gently, but don't talk, I know that he doesn't want to hear anything right now, he just needs someone to give a damn about him and I did.

I held him there for a while until he felt like he doesn't need this anymore. Ric has got back in the truck and left us alone, taking our time.

When he pulls back and refuses to look at me, probably because he doesn't want me to see the tears on his cheeks, though he forgets I can feel them on my went shirt, I grip his arms lightly.

"I can't promise you that I'll be a good foster parent, Stefan" I say silently "I have a lot to learn and I'm still messed up after everything I've been through, but know this-I don't give up easily and I will fight for you for as long as I am alive." he still refuses to look up, but I know he's listening

"I'm not going to leave you or give up" I announce seriously and I squeeze his shoulders. I knew that he needed to hear me say this, because everyone has always left him behind and completely alone, which is why he didn't trust a single soul out there. "Now, let's get you back home, huh?" I suggest and he brushes away his eyes with his hand as he nods lightly. I take his bag and open the truck, helping him get in the back seat

"How long has it been since you last slept?" I ask him when I see him lie down and use his bag as a pillow.

"Three days or so" he says tiredly and I see him close his eyes-he was a wreck and needed his rest.

Just looking at him made my heart clench-he was so damn ruined. I grab my sweater from the front seat and cover him up with it. I watch him curl up like a little kid and I gently squeeze his arm, before I let him go and close the door, jumping back in the front seat next to Ric, but I don't stop looking back and checking up on him.

He falls asleep within minutes and I hate it when we have to wake him up once we arrive at the airport after Ric gets our stuff from the motel we were staying and buys a shirt and some khaki shorts for Stefan so he can change.

My brother is so weak and tired that he needs some help with that, so I do my best to put on his shirt and then get him to the bathroom, splash some water on his face and comb his hair. His hands are full of cuts and he winces as I try to wash away all the dirt and the blood from them-he must have been working really hard, because he's completely ruined and he has lost weight, he was so damn thin it actually scared me.

"You know what?" he asks while I'm brushing away all the dirt off his hands and think how he can't even get any rest as he kept talking in his sleep on our way here and toss and turn in the backseat, making my heart clench in pain "I have never…been on a plane before" he admits with a goofy smile

"It's okay, you'll like it" I promise him and he nods

"I always wanted to look at the world from above" he continues as I wipe away his face with the towel and gently grab his elbow, taking him outside. He's so exhausted, that he barely puts one feet in front of the other, I don't know how he thought he could go to work today-he was barely awake and in the words condition possible and that chase we did must have completely worn him out

"Do you feel like you're actually flying from up there?" he asks me childishly and I smile as I help him sit down in the waiting area while Ric is already coming our way with a burger he bought for him

"Yes, Stefan" I assure him as I rub his back and help him lean back "You do."

-I always wanted to be able to fly-he says with a foolish smile and Ric settles down next to us

"Got you something to eat, kiddo." he passes by the brown paper bag, but Stefan shakes his head

"I'm tired" he just announces and Ric and I exchange worried glances. I take off the bag and open it up, getting out the burger for him and unwrapping the paper

"Come on, just a bit" I try to convince him, but he shakes his head "You need to get your strength back, don't be a stubborn asshole!" I urge again, but Stefan pulls away my hand gently and leans back on the seat, closing his eyes for a moment.

I sigh tiredly as I look back at the bag and find that there are some fries as well, which makes me smile and grant Ric a grateful look

"What about some fries, huh?" I tried again, I knew Stefan loved fries and even though he's trying to resist it, he opens his eyes and looks down at my hand holding the small box with the food. He looks at them with disbelief and I raise them up to him a little more, hoping that my teasing will get his appetite back. When he takes too long, I grab a fry and shove it in my mouth.

"You don't want?" I say and I see annoyance flash in his eyes "Damn, you're missing out! They are so good" I tease him and he huffs annoyed as he takes off the box from me and tastes the fries. Soon, he's wolfing them and his mouth is full of fries and his face is stained with ketchup.

I laugh as I watch him eat and by the time he's done, Ric comes back with another refill, because we know he needs it and that won't be enough. He doesn't manage to eat all of them, but I'm happy he's got some food in his stomach now and both Ric and I laugh out loud at the sight of his face, before he wiped all the ketchup away-he was too damn funny!

He gets angry that we laugh at him and he gets grumpy, but by the time he's done eating and is relaxing back in his seat, he starts falling again. I can see that he wants to sleep but he's afraid he'll start yelling or tossing and we were in a public place, so I throw my arm over his shoulders and pull him to my chest.

"It's okay" I promise him "It's all going to be fine." and as much as I want him to believe me, I can see that he is still full of doubt and confusion, but that will change with time.

I was going to make sure of it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Damon's POV**

I've just fallen asleep on the couch in the living room after probably three nights of me getting no more than four hours and going to work as well as setting everything up for Stefan.

I took him home with me two days ago and I still can't say if everything was going that great-he was obviously very unstable, emotionally speaking, and he's been waking up every night ever since I got him here.

After we came back from Austin, he spent about a week at Ric's place- it turned out, that they needed more time before they gave me my license and I knew Stefan wasn't too happy about it as Ric was a bit too stern with him, but he gritted his teeth and survived it somehow, after many persuasions from my side. I knew that he wasn't feeling that great, neither there at his place, nor here. It was hard for him to get used to this lifestyle.

He was always the one taking care of himself and others helping him was new to him. School was also an issue, since we pressured him about it and I had to be a bit too stern with him when it came to that as well. I knew he didn't want to take any classes or get the grades he needed, but he had to. No matter how much he refused to believe, that there's a future ahead of him and that it could be a good one, I knew he had to keep going, I believed in it for him.

He was struggling with everything and on top of it he was barely getting any sleep. Ric said there was only one night when he didn't wake up from his nightmares while he was living with him and ever since he got here, I've heard him yell in his room in the middle of the night. He wouldn't let me console him or help him. I would rush to his room and wake him up, give him some water and try to calm him down, but he pushed me away.

Ric and I were really concerned about it, because we realized that things can't keep going on this way-it was reflecting on everything he was doing. He was distracted and tired, he couldn't do his homework, he barely ate and he has already lost too much weight. Ric has found him a nice group therapy he could attend, since he strongly refused meeting up with a psychiatrist on his own. I was hoping we could make him go there, he needed to start talking. I knew he refused to-we've barely spoken about anything related to him these days.

He would sit down and talk to me while we were watching a game, or ask me about work, but he was still very closed, lonely and sad-he refused to open up. I could see he's scared of it all-it was freaking him out, that he was like this and I could read this guilt in his eyes whenever he woke me up. He couldn't realize, that it didn't bother me at all. He never had anyone to do stuff for him and the awful screams at night only confirmed this.

He wasn't used to having a real family at all. He lacked a certain experience in some matters-he was stubborn and he liked to leave things for the last minute. But he was also a teenager, so of course, that made things even harder.

He didn't like it when I pushed him to sit down and study on the kitchen table, after I realized that if I leave him in his room, he would do everything else, but study. He ate too much at dinner and he would get a stomachache and refused to have breakfast-said he never eat when he woke up in the morning and he's not about to start doing so now. He drank too much coffee to keep himself awake and I tried to make him cut it down, but of course he wouldn't listen. He was used to wearing his clothes until they don't look like ones anymore and even though I bought him many new things, he would wear the same stuff every other day, probably because he was afraid that he won't have enough one day if he somehow ends up alone and without me. He didn't like me spending money on him and whenever I suggested buying him something, he refused, saying he doesn't need it, even though we both knew he did.

It was a struggle, but the biggest pain in my ass were the coffee problem and the cigarettes.

I've caught the smell on his clothes the other day when I came home from work and he was resting on the couch-it's been raining outside and he has worn nothing but a shirt and shorts-he also never considered how he should dress if it was colder outside, he would go in his shirt even if it was snowing outside, it's like he didn't care about it at all.

He smelled so bad of cigarettes that day that, I made him empty his pockets and change his clothes and gave him a big speech about how if he keeps it like this he'll get sick and he's done with the cigarettes. Of course, my speech had no effect on him, since when he got home today, he smelled like hell again and with a sigh I ran my hands through my hair and decided I'll deal with it later.

In other words-I was failing as a parent in all departments. I couldn't make him study, he was still ruining his life and I wasn't helping him get better at all.

I hear his room door open, but I'm not completely awake until he calls me out. It's the first time he does this.

"Damon" his voice is hoarse, sleepy and he sounds scared. I practically jump from the couch and rub my eyes, finally catching a glimpse of him, standing in the doorway, his one hand to the left side of his head, he looks tired, the big circles under his eyes are visible even in the barely lighted room and he has sweated again, which could only mean one thing-he had a nightmare

"Hey, buddy" I stood up right away and approached him carefully. He wouldn't allow me to touch him sometimes, especially after he has woken up like that, he would pull away or try to hit me.

Ric said it wasn't on purpose, it was just him protecting himself and ever since I showed him how to fight I think his punches got stronger and better and the bruise on my arm was a proof of that.

I raise my hands trying to show him that I won't hurt him, I knew that sometimes he got confused like that or wasn't fully awake and couldn't recognize me, but this time he doesn't protest when I put my hand on his shoulder and stretch out to turn the lights on. The light helps him calm down and I feel him slightly relaxing under my grip. When I take a better look at him, I see his hand doesn't want to leave his head and I take it up to get it away and see what's wrong

"What happened?" I ask him as I remove it gently and see the big bump on his left side a little above his forehead

"I…I hit myself in the bed board and then I woke up, I guess" he explains and I give him a small reassuring smile, promising him it's all going to be fine. I notice the blood on his arms again-he would dig his nails so deep while he was sleeping and scratch himself which made my heart clench. I made him cut off his nails, but it was the strength he was doing it with, he was hurting himself either way and tonight was no exception.

"Come on now, let's clean you up!" I announced and guided him to the kitchen where I put him on a chair and then got a package of frozen beans for his head, gently putting on the swollen place. He was avoiding my look, feeling ashamed of himself and I was guilty for not hearing him scream and coming to wake him up earlier.

"I'm sorry" he announces when I sit down with the peroxide and the cotton swabs, trying to clean the blood away from his cuts. He shivers when I put it on and gently clean the blood and soon he pulls away, which makes me furrow my eyebrows

"Come on, Stefan" I beg him "Don't be stubborn now."

"Can I do it myself?" he asks instead and I nod, even though I really want to help him.

He takes off the frozen peas and grabs the cotton swab with his shaky hands. He's barely holding it with his bony white fingers, but I know how stubborn he is and that he won't let me help him even if I wanted to.

He barely wipes away the blood, it seems like his vision is blurred and I can see the traces of tears down his cheeks-he has cried in his sleep and that's why he's avoiding my look now-he was embarrassed.

I can't bear watching him like that and after he's done with his left hand, I gently grab his wrist and give him a demanding look, telling him I'm going to finish up. I put the frozen peas back in his hand and make him pressure the bump on his head. He closes his eyes and I clean up the blood, trying to ignore the fact that he's still shivering too damn much.

"Want something to eat?" I ask him and he shakes his head while I clean up the mess on the table. I watch him lean back on the chair and bury his hands in is hair-he's tired of this happening every night, it's exhausting him and I don't know what to do to help him-he looked like he was suffocating in this flat and so was I-watching him like this broke my heart. I always thought that once he's here next to me and we were living together, I would make it all better for him, he would stop suffering, because he would feel safer, like home, instead I think he felt worse than when he was at the Gilberts.

He completely ignores my question, I'm not sure he even heard me at all and I sigh as I lean on the counter and rub my forehead tiredly.

"Do you regret it already?" he suddenly asks after a few minutes of us not talking at all. I raise my head up and give him a confused look "Taking me in? Do you regret it?" he asks once again and I push myself away from the counter, approaching him slowly and putting my hand on his shoulder, kneeling down to his level and giving him a serious look.

"Stefan, I will never regret taking you in and I'm not going to give up on you, alright?" I say and I can see he's still doubting my words in his mind, he does not believe me, but he still nods and agrees for the moment, because he probably doesn't want to argue.

I stand up, bury my hand in his messy hair and pull him to my chest, while rubbing his shoulders gently. He lets me keep him like this for a few minutes and I realize his breathing has eased and he wasn't that tense anymore. When he finally pulls away ashamed that he has let himself look weak, I go back to the living room, dig him a clean shirt and toss it at him.

"Come on, we're going out!" I announce and he gives me a confused look

"What? Where? It's after midnight!" he is surprised that I'm coming up with something crazy like this, but it was actually something normal for me.

After Katherine and I broke up, or more like after she left me, I could never catch any sleep so I would wander around town at night, go to the lively neighborhoods or downtown for a piece of cake at my favorite place which worked late. I liked the city at night better-it wasn't that crowded, though it still had people out, the lights were playing with the evening sky, making everything look so simple. These walks too away all that heaviness in my chest, they helped me breathe better, sleep better, feel good in the morning. I liked to pretend that if I survive the night then the day would have nothing on me.

"Don't be a pussy, come take a walk with your brother!" I joke as I watch him change his shirt "You could use to fresh air, you smell like shit."

"Still better than you!" he says and I punch him in the arm playfully. He rubs the back of his head nervously, he was still sometimes uncomfortable when he was with me and I knew the nightmare still took its toll on him, it was hard for him to forget and I was desperately trying to find a way to make him talk to me, but he wouldn't. He was so damn bent on pushing me away and that was a big problem right now. It was hard to help someone, who was so desperately trying to hide everything deep down and never think of it again.

"You're telling me I stink? You haven't even showered today!"

"I did, after I got home from school!" he groans at me and I chuckle lightly, content with seeing him willing to joke with me. It's a fight to make him put a sweater on, since it's kind of cold outside, but I succeed and once he's dressed he stares down at his arms, probably thinking how his scars aren't visible like that.

"Let's go, brother" I urge him.

He slightly furrows his eyebrows when I call him like that and I mentally curse myself for doing so. It just slipped my mouth and I hated when it happened.

I knew he wasn't on board with this. He was actually…not certain how to call me. Sometimes he would say "Damon" , sometimes he just said, "Hey, can you help me?". He wasn't sure what to do-I wasn't his parent, he still wasn't acknowledging the fact we were brothers, I probably wasn't even someone he considered friend, so when the words slipped and I called him brother, he would always give me a confused look and shift uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

When I shared this with Ric, he said I should keep saying he's my brother, he needed a reminder, he said, he needed to know he has a family, someone who's not going anywhere and once he got used to it, and started feeling like he's part of someone's life for good, he would let me in. I was hoping that one day this will really happen, but I knew I had to be patient with him.

We took down the street and caught a bus, which would get us downtown to a favorite place of mine. He was silent, and he kept holding his hands or shifting nervously on the seat next to me, thinking about something. When we get off, I buy him some fries from his favorite diner and we start walking. He's observing everything around him like a little kid. He relaxes the more time passes and I let myself feel better too as I watch him stop here and there and look at the shop windows or the posters on the street, advertising movies or games.

"So, you want to talk about your nightmare?" I dare ask him and he tenses next to me just after we surpass a big store with sports goods and I notice him stare at the red gloves hanging from the wall above the counter and I take a mental note to remember this and maybe buy them for him.

He shakes his head and looks down as he takes another fry and we soon approach the park where I took him before he ran away. He starts leading me there, I feel like he's tired and he wants to sit down, we've been walking for more than half an hour and he hasn't slept at all these days so he was exhausted. I let him choose a bench and sit down next to him, watching as his trembling hands hold the plastic box with the fries

"Not really" he finally says and I observe him carefully as he stares down at his feet, as if he's guilty of not wanting to talk, when I know how hard it is for him to even begin and explain

"That's alright" I tell him and he looks up at me, surprise evident on his face, he didn't expect me to just agree with him "It's okay if you don't want to talk now, I'm not going to pressure you." he gives me a slight nod, appreciating me understanding him "But one day you'll have to start talking, Stefan…otherwise this will kill you." I add and he sighs next to me, getting angrier after I add this.

He gets back to being hiding from me, shutting me down and when I put my hand on his shoulder again, he shakes me off stubbornly.

"I know that you're right when you say that I've got no idea who you are as a person and that I can't judge you, because I don't know a shit from what you went through. But I am a good observer and in the past days that we spent together as well as all the hours at Ric's place and all the times we were outside while you were still at the Gilbert, I picked up some stuff like… that you like your coffee with two sugars, that blue is your favorite color, though you prefer to wear black clothes, you hate taking a shower for some reason, I don't know what it is, but you hate it. You also brush your teeth with a certain unwillingness like it's the most awful thing you have to do after you wake up. You lose your socks all the time and wear different pairs, hoping no one will notice. You frown when you study and you clench your fists like you want to punch the damn book. You avoid my look when you're embarrassed and you tense or even tremble whenever I get close to you. Cars scare you, I don't know why-were you even in an accident?" I ask before I keep going and he looks at me so damn confused, like he can't believe that I know so much just by observing him. Nobody ever paid attention to him so now he's wondering where this is coming from.

"Anyway, I don't know what happened to you, I don't know your story or your nightmares, but I notice things." I shrug and he keep staring at me in disbelief

He looks back down and folds his hands, sighing tiredly, which makes him look too old for his age.

"Yes, I've been in an accident" he finally responds, neglecting everything else I've just said, probably because he needed some time to let it sink in and I wasn't here for some recognition or anything, I didn't need him to tell me he feels better, because I notice these things, I just want him to know that I pay attention "When I was nine or ten, I don't remember good."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask him and he shakes his head

"Not tonight." he lets out tiredly and looks me in the eyes, I nod, promising him that I'm fine and everything's alright" I…I am not good with talking about these things or about…anything at all" he admits and I squeeze his shoulder supportively once again

"Can I ask you something?" I try again and he nods as he leans back on the bench and my hand falls off his shoulder "I know that your life has been very tough and that the bad moments outnumber the good ones, but …was there ever a time you were happy?" I ask sincerely and he sighs next to me, thinking carefully before speaking up next. I see a smile form on his lips as he probably goes back in time

"About three or maybe four years I was living in this foster family" he begins explaining and I notice him furrowing his eyebrows "They sucked, honestly, more than the rest of them. The man wouldn't stop drinking whenever he got back home from work and the mom was barely home at all, I think she was using or something, which wasn't a surprise for me. All the kids were younger than me, three or four year olds as well as a baby that wouldn't stop crying. I was sad, everything was wrong and I hated the world. I wouldn't want to go out, I didn't leave my room, afraid that when he comes home he'll beat the shit out of me for nothing, just because he was drunk" I swallow hard as I listen to him carefully, refusing to imagine what it must've been like

"I didn't eat, didn't shower, nothing at all. I just laid in my bed all day long and tried to find a way of sleeping without everything hurting so much." as I listen to him, I realize that it hurts me not only because he was in this situation, but because now…it wasn't that much different from back then

"And then one day this boy arrived." he suddenly smiled "He was two years older than me and the minute he entered my room everything changed even if that sounds kind of silly. His name was Michael. He was this very tall strong guy with raven black hair and brown eyes, his hands rough, dressed in jeans shorts and some plaid shirt, a baseball cap on. He saw me lying there and furrowed his eyebrows as he crossed his hands and surprisingly, instead of feeling sorry for me, he scolded me and kicked me out of bed."

"He sounds like a strong person." I comment even though I didn't want to interrupt him, but Stefan didn't seem to mind

"He was. And he made me strong as well. He got me outside that same evening, he didn't want to lose any time" I remember that boy's name the minute Stefan spoke of him. It was that friend of his, who has died before I found him. That same boy, whose death was the reason for Stefan to get worse and to give up on everything. That was his best friend. The person who was the brother he never had those years

"He took me downtown, introduced me to some of his friends, he didn't hesitate or stop to think about the fact that I was this younger sloppy skinny foster brother-he took me with him, he didn't leave me behind. Anyway, stayed with them for a while and then he snuck me in this amazing stadium where high school teams played on. It was so big, I haven't seen anything like this in my life. I was very sore and I couldn't even keep my hands in the air, but he found us a ball and started teaching me how to play. I told him, I can't, that it hurts, I remember, that I couldn't even breathe, because my ribs were broken-I was whining and I almost cried out, I was so damn weak back then"

I wish I could tell him he wasn't weak…he was just a boy who was hurt and he needed someone to take care of him

"He stopped, came to me and told me to listen carefully-he said that like everything else, pain has its limit and you draw the boundaries. You can let it consume you and lie around all die, feeling weak, or you can grit your teeth and refuse to let it control you."

"And what did you do then?" I ask curiously, happy that he's willing to share something with me

"What do you think?" he smiles as he shakes his head "I cried my ass out at first and then I grit my teeth and started playing with him. This was the best night I've had in my life, I've never felt more happy or enthusiastic or…alive. It hurt, of course it did and he wasn't some sadistic animal. When we got home, he put me down and found me an ice pack and made sure I'm alright, but the truth is I really didn't hurt that much anymore. I was thrilled, because I felt free-he showed me a different side of life and of course, I loved it." he stays like this smiling at the nothingness before him and I watch as he dives in the memory of him being a child, who had no idea how big the world really is.

I wish I could've been that person, who taught him that. I wish I've found him sooner, helped him more, shaped him to be the person he is today.

"Where is he now?" I ask him, even though I know the boy is dead. I don't know why I'm lying to him, why am I not telling him that Ric told me all about it before we first went to meet him. I think deep down I just needed more answers, I wanted him to talk to me, to tell me all there is about them two.

Stefan smiles and looks up at the sky and then back at me.

"He's up there" he whispers barely audible and when I look at him, I see the tears in his eyes "And the answer to your next question" he adds, because he knows far too well what I am about to ask "Is again…not tonight. I'm sorry." he apologizes, but I'm not angry with him for not wanting to talk about it. I will never be angry that he's not ready. I wish he knew that.

I nod and give him a light smile while he avoids my look again. I notice that he's getting tired, sleepy and I urge him to get going. It's 3 in the morning when we start walking back to our flat, the city is calmer, emptier and we take our time even though we're both tired.

We talk a bit about other things and I smile at him when I see him in a better mood. At some point, when I look at his face, I realize something that I haven't noticed.

"Stefan" I ask him and he looks at me confused by my voice, but I'm actually kind of excited about it "Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately?" he furrows his eyebrows and shrugs his skinny shoulders and I use the moment to turn him to a window shop next to us and make him look at his face.

He squints his eyes as he tries to focus-after they stabbed him in juvie his left eye was a bit too screwed up and it was a struggle to make him study with the glasses we've got for him-he just refused to wear them.

He smiles as he touches his cheek after realizing what I mean and I throw my arm over his shoulders

"I have beard!" he says amused by it all and I chuckle. I don't know how I haven't noticed. Not that it was that visible, but still, it was there-the little boy was turning into a man. I watched him touch his cheeks with his skinny fingers and smile at the show window, the light coming from inside was helping him see his face better

"Looks like I'm going to have to teach you how to shave soon, huh?" I ask and he smiles, the first genuine smile all evening, as he gives me an enthusiastic nod. I pat his shoulder and poke him in the ribs playfully before I urge him to keep going down the street, but he was so sweet and funny-he kept stopping and staring at it on every other shop window and I felt my heart swell at the view.

At some point, I walked before him and when I didn't feel him following me, I got scared and turned around confused and worried that I've lost him, until I finally noticed him kneeling on the other side of the street near a closed store. At first, I thought something was wrong with him, that he fell and got hurt, so I rushed back up there only to find him staring down at something in his hands.

"Stefan?" I ask confused and he looked up. Only then did I realize that he was stroking a little black puppy, who was silently whimpering in his feet. "What's this?" I asked stupidly, as if I couldn't see myself

"Damon" he said sadly as he looked at me "He's so small!" were his only words and I kneeled down next to him.

The puppy was entirely black and no more than two months old. I believe it must've been a Labrador, but I can't be sure cause I was never good with dogs. When he looked up at me, I realized that his left eye was completely closed and kind of swollen, it must've gotten hurt somehow.

Stefan was looking down at it sadly and whispering stuff like "It's alright, boy" , and stroking him gently while the puppy was glued to his ankle and was trying to find a way to lie down in his feet.

"Look at him, he's hurt." Stefan said as he pointed at his eye and I sighed. It was a sweet dog, indeed and I felt bad about it, but it was three in the morning, we were both tired, haven't slept at all and he had school in the morning while I had to go to the company and fight for saving this damn thing before it has bankrupted.

"We have to go, Stefan" I urged him as I stood up and began walking, hoping he'll follow, but when I turned around he was still there with the little puppy, stroking him and talking stuff to him "Stefan!" I raised my voice and he looked up at me, both sad and angry that I've been trying to separate them "Come on!"

"I can't leave him!" Stefan says with determination "He's so lonely, Damon! They must've thrown him away when they figured he can't see good. Please, can't we take him?"

"Stefan, we can't take care of a dog right now, that's the last thing we need!" I scolded him and crossed my arms on my chest, giving him a stern look, but the more I looked at them, the more I realized how similar they are-abandoned, sad and screwed up.

Stefan's heart was breaking in two every time he looked down and the dog was already licking his hand with his little tongue. I can't say they didn't look sweet-they did and Stefan seemed so broken by the fact that someone left a little puppy like that out in the open, that it made me feel awful for doing this to him.

"Come on, boy, go show him how good you are!" Stefan told the puppy and he really did come near my feet, lay down and threw his little legs in the air, waiting for me to scratch his tummy. I was trying to keep up my stern face, so Stefan did that instead of me and the dog licked him gratefully.

"Stefan, please, we can't do this now."

"Why not? Damon, I'm not leaving him! Look at him!" he begged me again and I felt my heart clench-it was the first time he was actually asking me for something.

"Stefan, you need to focus on school, you have to go to the group meetings, you have tons of other things to do, we can't get a dog right now. Who's going to walk him? Take him to the vet? What about cleaning his poop everywhere around the flat? And when it gets older, huh? You're going to get sick of walking him out and I have no time for that at all." I list him all the reasons for which we can't do that and why am I being so much against it right now, but the truth is the sight of them playing in my feet was breaking my heart. Stefan's heart was too big for his own good and that would really screw him up one day.

"I promise you, I'll do all this! I'll take him out, and play with him. I'll clean the poop too!" he sounds so damn enthusiastic, he just doesn't want to give it up and the truth is that maybe a dog will do him good-he needed a distraction-all these nightmares were killing him, making him nervous and too silent. Maybe the dog will help him feel better? Plus, that will be a reason for me to take him out more often.

I groan pretending to be frustrated, but I'm already warming to the idea, though I'm still not sure we should do this. One look down at them is enough to melt my heart, though.

"Fine" I sigh tiredly and Stefan gives me a wide smile "But if you stop taking care of him, I'll find him another home, alright?" before I can finish the sentence, Stefan is up and throwing himself in me, hugging me tightly, promising that he'll do all of it and never ever let the dog out of his sight, that he'll teach him where to poop and take him out, that he thanks me for agreeing and I'm so taken a back at his behavior, that I can't believe that I'm actually seeing him…happy.

That's new for me, for him as well I suppose, but he's so gentle and caring that he refuses to allow himself and feel good even for a minute. I watch him lean down, take his sweater off and wrap the puppy in it as he takes it in his hands and keep stroking him.

On our way home Stefan can't stop talking to the puppy and smiling at him, comforting him and talking how he'll take care of him.

And I can't tear my eyes off my brother, who's happy for the first time since I met him.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for the amazing reviews and I'm sorry if it turned out to be too emotional. I honestly didn't specifically plan for it to be like that. I'm also sorry for the delay, I'm really busy these days.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Damon's POV**

I wake up groggily and with a loud grunt I move to the left side of my bed, facing the dirty white wall. Stefan shifts in his sleep next to me and I carefully remove my hand away from him-he's had another nightmare last night and when I found him tossing himself in his bed and crying, I couldn't take it anymore, so I just helped him stand up and brought him to bed with me where after hours of restlessly trying to fall, he finally dozed off and I covered him with my blanket, trying not to fall asleep myself since I was worried about him.

The truth is, things were finally starting to go good with us in the past week ever since we found that dog and took it in. Stefan's been very happy with it and I was surprised to see that he actually lived up to his promise to take full responsibility of it.

He cleaned it up, took it to the vet, bought him food, even tried to teach him not to piss all around the house, which proved to be a difficult task at least for now. I've never seen him smile so much and I was glad to know that this dog is actually helping him.

The other night I came home late and found Stefan asleep on the couch, with the Chemistry book fallen on the floor and the dog sleeping on his belly-they were very sweet. It turned out I was right about it-it was really a Labrador and it was male, Stefan decided to call him Bucky and he has already eaten half of Stefan's new shoes and even some of mine.

The dog adored Stefan, it was love from first sight and Stefan played with it a lot, he also took him out and the first thing he would do when he came home, would be to call him out and start playing with him on the floor while I was trying to make dinner or brought something from the diner across the street.

It was sweet to watch them like this, they were both very similar-sad, lonely, very hurt, but they had this will to live in them, this hope, and watching them fool around actually warmed my heart and made me forget, that this dog is not a big fan of me like he is of Stefan.

I felt like it's doing stuff specifically to torture me, like piss in my shoes right before work or try to steal away something while I'm making dinner, it would also come from behind me when I least expected it and start tugging my jeans-it was the devil himself and it gave me as much headache as Stefan did, if not more, but I realized, that I loved him despite all those stuff and even though I kept cursing him every now and then, the fact that it made Stefan laugh, made up for all the times this dog tried to kill me.

I silently got out of bed and looked at Stefan, trying to determine if he's sleeping peacefully or not. When he didn't wake once I stood up and continued snoring lightly, I sighed relieved and only now realized, that Bucky was cuddled near his stomach and opened up his eyes to give me a sad look, but he didn't bark as he usually did or gave me one of his silly grunts, it's like he knew how tortured Stefan is, so he didn't want to disrupt his peace either.

"Keep him safe, alright, you devil?" I whispered as I found myself outside his room and carefully closed the door.

Once I was out of his sight, I leaned on the wall and buried my hands in my messy hair. I was really tired and very desperate-things have just started getting better with Stefan, he hadn't got any nightmares for about a week and then again last night was a total disaster. I always thought, that things would start getting better one way or the other and they did, but when I saw how tortured he was last night, how sweated, desperate and mainly scared he was, I almost felt like crying too.

On top of that, I had problems at the company, it seemed that no matter what I'm trying to do, I won't be able to prevent the bankruptcy. Of course, I haven't told Stefan that, he didn't need to worry about those stuff, but I knew, that eventually I would have to talk to him about it.

I had to talk with this firm, which wanted to buy it out and it's been a very tough couple of months ever since I realized that this thing is going away-the company, that my father built with so much love, was going to disappear and I had no idea what I'm going to do if I end up without a job.

I was hoping to manage and stabilize things somehow, mainly because I wanted this company to be Stefan's one as well one day or if not, to at least help me provide enough for his future education, but now I had to sell it and I knew I won't get much out of it. I had no idea what to do, what kind of job should I start looking for, I was desperate and I was on the verge of falling apart, but I was trying to keep myself together. I was afraid not to take it out on Stefan one of these days, because I knew well enough he won't be able to take my bursts out and he was already falling apart.

I stood up and headed to the bathroom where I cleaned myself up and put on some shirt I found on the couch, so I could start on the breakfast.

I didn't even have nice suits anymore and I knew I had to dig one out of the closet for today so I could look more presentable. I was sad and nostalgic-I was losing all ground under my feet just when I was supposed to be strong.

I was afraid of letting Stefan down, of not having enough to provide for him once these money from the sell are all spent. I was already pretty much failing him as a parent, I was either rough with him sometimes or too good, I wasn't helping him that much with school, even though he was doing better there and the worst of it all-I couldn't stop the nightmares.

We kept going outside together and I was hoping that he would open up more and start sharing things like the last time we did so, but it took me a while to realize, that he has a problem sharing, that it's not in his nature to trust people, that he can't completely trust me ever, because it's just how his life has been up until now and I probably won't be able to change this.

He would still shiver sometimes when I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it supportively, he looked at me surprised when I told him how happy or proud I am of him getting a good grade-he didn't know what praise was, because nobody ever granted it to him and it hurt my heart to watch him suffer every day. Of course, he was trying to put up a good face in front of me, but I knew better-he was still suffering, in his own silent way and this new life style was messing him up even more.

I put on a few pancakes in his plate, hoping he would eat at least one, though usually when he had a rough night, I couldn't make him put a bite in his mouth, and poured some coffee in his cup, before ironing my shirt and putting my clothes on-we were short on time, but I wanted him to sleep as much as he could after what happened last night.

"Stefan!" I began yelling from the kitchen once I realized we've got less than twenty minutes to get to his school "Stefan, come on! We're late!" I continued as I began ironing his own shirt, I have turned into a housekeeper in a matter of two weeks, but what can you do when a boy needs both a mother and a father and I was doing a crappy job filling in either of those roles.

When he didn't appear after five minutes, I started getting angry and burst back in my room, to find him still sleeping under the blankets with the pillow on his head, trying to block all the noise I was making.

"Stefan!"

"Uhhhhh" a loud grunt escaped from under the blanket and Bucky jumped on the floor growing In my direction and showing me his small teeth. He was very funny when he was trying to be scary

"Oh, no! Don't you give me that attitude, Bucky!" I scolded him as I went to Stefan and began pulling the blanket away

"Get up!" I huffed annoyed, but without having a care in the world, Stefan just turned to the other direction and waved his hand at me while the dog started barking in his silly way and pulled my jeans "Stefan, we're late, get your ass up!"

"Sleeeeeeeeep" he finally let out with his hoarse voice and tried pulling the blanket back. Bucky jumped on the bed and stood by Stefan's side, as he kept growing at me

"No sleep, we gotta go, you have a test today" I reminded him as I kept pulling the blanket from under his skinny ass, but he wouldn't even move "And later you have an appointment with the group" he had to start going to therapy, it wasn't a choice anymore, I couldn't make him talk and I wouldn't watch him suffer like last night. It's not only about him, but about me as well-I couldn't take it.

"But Damoooon" he protested again and tried to pull the blanket closer to him while Bucky barked in his stupid stubborn childish way-I swear to God, they both sounded the same, it's like I was raising two kids now "I'm tired" he let out and I stopped pulling the blanket.

I knew he was tired, I watched him break down in front of me only hours ago, he was bad, and he could use the rest, but I couldn't let him miss another day at school-he had to learn that he can't have this careless way of living anymore.

I stopped pulling the blanket and went by his side, grabbing his shoulder and turning him to me slowly

"Come on, Stefan, please. Cut the childish behavior and let's go" I said seriously and when he looked up at me with his sad green eyes, I realized how much I hate myself for doing this to him.

Luckily, Bucky jumped in his lap and ran to his face, starting to lick his face, thinking he's cleaning him up. They were both very funny and Stefan, as he was very ticklish, started chuckling before managing to get up and put Bucky down. He finally dragged his ass to the kitchen slowly and grabbed his cup of coffee as he leaned down to put some food in Bucky's bowl

"There you go boy" he said as he scratched his ears and watched him mercilessly destroy the food

"Stefan-pancake!" I urged him as I tossed the shirt in his direction and with a heavy sight he started putting it on. The dark circles under his eyes were actually scary and the stubble on his face made him look older, his messy hair and his dark sleepy eyes dug a hole in my soul, making me wish I wasn't feeling that sorry for myself this morning. I had no right to do that, after everything he's been through.

"I'm not-"

"Eat!" I scolded him and with a sigh he stuffed one of them in his mouth and began chewing loudly, only to piss me off, that was his way of telling me he's cranky. He ended up on the floor, playing with Bucky and trying to teach him how to sit, a task, in which for now he was almost succeeding, while I went around to gather all the documents I needed for today in my black case.

"Damon, I'm going out with friends tonight." he announced just when I was picking a few folders from the ground and froze on the spot the minute he said this

"What do you mean going out? With who? When? What are you going to do?" I began interrogating him right away and he sighed with a smile on his face, meaning he's too tired of my constant worrying

"You remember Tyler?" he asked again and I nodded.

Yes, I remembered Tyler. He met him in school when I signed him up again, it turned out they knew each other from a foster family before and that they used to be friends until Tyler's uncle found him and got him out of the system. I didn't know the boy, he didn't seem like he's a bad guy, but then again I was afraid of trusting anyone with Stefan and that kid seem a bit too full of himself "He asked me if I want to hang out today and I agreed."

"You should've asked first, Stefan" I responded with a loud grunt as I closed my case. I wasn't very happy with those news, I was well-aware that going out might not be such a bad thing for him-he was after all a teenager, he needed to be amongst friends and he was all alone now.

Maybe partly, I was jealous that he would spent time with someone who wasn't me, or maybe I was scared and that's why my heart was clenching like this-I was afraid of him getting into some kind of trouble-he was just prone to those things

"Well…I'm asking now" he spoke with some kind of uncertainty in his voice now and when I looked at him I saw the sadness in his eyes again.

"Good" I finally sighed annoyed, I could maybe use some time for myself tonight, grab a beer, relax, try to figure out what the hell am I going to do from now on. "But I want you back by ten, alright?" he nodded with a smile on his face this time "And therapy this afternoon, don't forget!" I remind him and with a nod, he stands up and leaves Bucky on the floor.

He probably thought I would pull up a fight and when I didn't, he seemed happier than usually. He got himself ready pretty fast and shoved a bunch of notebooks in his bag. Bucky began whining when we were about to leave and tugged his jeans with his little teeth just when I came out of my room with my shoes in hand and raised it up at Stefan

"He peed in my shoes, Stefan!" I let out annoyed and saw him trying to swallow down his laugh unsuccessfully "AGAIN! I swear to god, if you don't teach this dog to stop messing all my shoes, I'm going to throw him away."

"You won't! If you do, you're going to have to throw me away as well!" he defended him immediately while I was looking for another pair of preferably clean shoes- I was still burning up with anger from inside-this was the last straw this morning and I was cranky "And what can I do about it when he just doesn't like you?" Stefan raised his hands defensively

"Teach him some manners" I grunted in his direction and he furrowed his eyebrows

"Don't listen to him, Bucky, it's all going to be fine" he consoled the dog and petted him one last time before we were about to leave

"Stefan, sweater!" I tossed at him and he tried to leave it behind, which resulted in another fight for the next five minutes, which we lost instead of actually getting where we were supposed to. I sighed when I parked the car in front of the school and watched him disappear inside.

There weren't many kids out here during the summer, but I caught a glimpse of a few people that he spoke to near the entrance, one of whom must've been Tyler. I left with a heavy heart and tried to remember if I've warned him about everything he shouldn't forget to do.

Stefan was like this-he wasn't used to things going down in a certain way, he had no idea what order or schedule meant so I had to remind him and he often forgot even when I did that-sometimes on purpose, other times just because he had other things on his mind.

I didn't even realize when I ended up in front of our small company, lost in too much thoughts, my head was killing me, it's been like this lately and I supposed it's because I wasn't getting enough sleep.

With heavy heart, I took my case and went inside the still lively building-I didn't have the heart to fire more workers after I cut half of them a few months back. I assumed that whoever buys this thing will let them continue working here, that was one of my conditions actually.

"Hello, Damon" Bonnie, my secretary, for whom Stefan kept saying I have feelings, welcomed me with a bright smile and a coffee in hands "Oh, God, you look terrible!" she exclaimed as if she hasn't seen me like this before.

I loved Bonnie-she was my best friend, she knew everything, that was going on in my life and we've known each other for years. She's been by my side when Katherine left me, when my mother died and now when I found my brother and began fostering him-she's seen me in my best and worst moments and she never left me alone-she was always there.

"Another sleepless night?" she asked worriedly as we headed to my desk and I collapsed on it tiredly and nodded while rubbing tiredly my forehead

"I could use some aspirin, my head is killing me."

"It's been like this for a while, that's not good. You're overtiring yourself."

"I'm all fine, stop worrying" we were like an old married couple, she liked doing this-scolding me.

I scolded Stefan and then came to work to get scolded by Bonnie. She furrowed her eyebrows at me angrily as she settled on the edge of my desk and when I looked up, I realized how great she looked today unlike me-my suit was a bit crumpled and my tie was loosened around my neck, I had to get myself together for this meeting

"You collapsed in your damn office last week, Damon, I'm not going to calm down!" she raised her voice and crossed her skinny arms on her chest-I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass if she wanted, especially now when I was so tired.

It's true what she said though-I felt a bit light headed one night last week-it's been a very tough one for me, with all the troubles both at work and at home-Stefan barely slept back then and I was sick worried about him, not getting any sleep either because I had to make sure he's fine.

Thankfully, Bonnie was with me and she brought me back with a glass of water and a few slaps on the face-I have forgotten to eat all day and the stress was a bit too much for me and that was all, but she kept making a big deal out of it, especially since I told her I'm not going to the doctor despite all her efforts to make me do so

"You need to rest."

"Trust me, I'm resting" I cut her off sounding a bit too hard, without her deserving it of course and I immediately start regretting it "Are those bastards here already?" I ask as I open a random file on my desk showing my how much the sales have gone down in the past months, just so I won't have to look at her

"They'll be here in an hour" she announces and I notice how angry she is right now, which only intensifies the guilt inside me "Do you want something else from me?"

I shake my head and hear her approach the door fast as if she wants to get here immediately

"Bonnie, wait" I stop her before she opens the door and she turns to me, only to see how desperately sorry I am for treating her like that.

For a moment, we stare at one another before I sigh and look down like a boy who just messed up everything in his mom's kitchen and waits for her to scold him

"I'm sorry" I apologize "It's just been a lot going on lately" I use this excuse a lot and she knows it, but she still hasn't found it in her to use it against me and make me get my shit together.

"I think you can use a bagel and another coffee" she says instead and that's her way of saying she forgives me "I'll be right back."

I sigh as I lean back on the comfortable chair and close my eyes for a moment trying to gather my strength-I just wanted this day to be over with already.

* * *

I wake up when I finally hear the front door open and someone trying to sneak silently and immediately jump in the couch I have fallen asleep on. I glance at the clock and seeing that it's almost midnight, I feel the anger burn up inside me. I hide the bottle of bourbon under the small wooden table-I wasn't drunk, I just had a glass after dinner, because it's been a rough day, but I didn't want him to see.

The minute he opens the living room door, I let a small sigh, which he doesn't hear-this is going to be a rough one. I wait for him to close the door and live in the deceit that he's alone for a minute more before I raise my voice in the darkness and scare the shit out of him.

"Well look who decided to come back" he freezes the minute he hears me and when he realized that he's caught, he stops and I see him raise his skinny hand to his head and run it through his messy hair "Turn the lights on, Stefan."

"Damon I-" he is already willing to start make excuses before we've even looked into each other's eyes and that pisses me off even more.

I never expected him to listen to me or to be obeying from the first day, but he had to realize that he was in a pretty tough position as it is and if we surprisingly had a visit from a social worker to check on how things are going, we were both screwed and he would be send God knows where if they decide I'm not doing a good job raising him. Fun was fun, but it had to have its limits and he had to realize that he can't keep living as recklessly as he did before. I understand that he never had a parental figure in his life except for Ric here and there and that happened only once in a while, but now it was time he understood that when someone is taking care of him they are responsible for all his actions.

"Turn the lights on, Stefan" I said calmly, but my voice was cold and only made the tension in the room worse.

I never expected to get more mad once I look at his face, but when I saw the blood coming from his nose, staining his white shirt and his bruised knuckles, I didn't even realize when I've clenched my fists. He looked at me only for a moment before staring down at his feet and I stood up, almost staggering for a moment, and cursing myself for not getting enough rest.

"What the hell happened?" I come closer and pick his chin up a bit too abruptly, staring into his pretty fucked up nose while he kept avoiding my look

"I-I got into a fight." he mumbled, knowing well enough he's in big trouble and I let go of his face as I tried to overcome the worry I felt inside and succeeded in it since I was pretty angry right now

"I can see that. Why on earth did you do that?" I raised my voice again and he shivered as he took a step back, closer to the wall

"Uh…well some guys were picking up on me and Tyler and-" he was loss at words, he couldn't explain and he actually realized how angry I am right now, because he did everything to avoid looking in my direction

"Is this why I taught you to fight? So you can go around and beat people? What the hell were you thinking, Stefan? You know we can't afford you getting into any troubles! You're still on probation, you're not supposed to be making any mistakes. Do you want to end up in juvie again? Need I remind you, that you barely survived it last time and yet you keep acting like you're so desperate to get there!"

"Damon I-" he tried again, but I raised my hand, trying to show him I don't want to hear it right now. I was pissed off

"You need to get your shit together and fast or else God knows what's going to happen to you! I can't be everywhere with you in order to keep you in check! I am trying here and you have to do so as well! Don't you understand?" I yell out annoyed as I turn around and sit back on the couch, still with my fists clenched, he was still near the wall, next to the door, refusing to take a step "Your old life is over! You are not some careless douche who goes around smoking cigarettes or selling them! By the way, you smell again!" I add as I let it all sink in-the moment I approached him, it just hit me "You just can't do this anymore!" I let one last time frustrated as I bury my hands in my hair and sigh tiredly-why can't he understand, that he has a family now.

I don't even want to look at him, because I get even angrier when I see his bloody face

"I…I didn't mean for it to happen" he finally let out, his voice barely audible, as if he was afraid to speak

"Of course, you meant for it to happen, Stefan!" I get even angrier at his words when I was just beginning to calm down "You are two hours late, on purpose! You left your cell at home and guess what-I got a call from the center and they told me you didn't go to the meeting. What? You decided to have fun instead and get into a fight?"

"I did went there" he protested for the first time this evening and I remembered he is actually a teenager

"STOP LYING!" I yelled out as I stood up from the couch again and he took another step closer to the wall, trembling.

Only now did I realize how scared he actually was-he was shaking uncontrollably, he looked awful, with all this blood on his face and the blue starting to show on his nose as well, his hair was messy, he had a few scratches on his arms, that I was sure are not from him having a dream, because they weren't there last night, his shirt was a mess, they must've pulled it, but it was his eyes that screwed me up-there was so much fear in them, that it broke me and despite the fact, that I was still so damn angry, I found it in myself to sit back on the couch and try to calm down

"Go clean your face and come back here!" I ordered and he didn't wait for another invitation before he rushed to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, he came out with a relatively cleaner face, but there was still some blood coming from the cut of his swollen nose. He approached me carefully and stood before me, still slightly trembling and refusing to look into my eyes-I was surprised how he could be this careless brave boy one minute and a complete disaster the next-things were so badly screwed up, that I didn't know what to do.

"You're grounded" I announced and he didn't even move, which made me wonder if he considered this an actual punishment "No going out, nowhere-I get you to school and then back and you sit on your ass and study, because we both know how behind are you with things. You're not leaving the house even to walk Bucky! No cell phone and no TV. And no secret meetings with your buddy Tyler." I hated doing this, I really did, but it was a necessary evil. I've been too good to him lately, I've spoiled him and he had decided he can do whatever he wants just like before

"No more smoking! It's going to get bad if I find out you did that, alright?" he nodded at me, now he seemed a bit calmer, though just as sad as before "And you're going to start getting to those meetings-I'll drive you, watch you go in and wait with you until it's done, do you understand?" he nodded again and I sighed as I leaned back on the couch and crossed my hands, looking up at him and wondering if there's something I'm missing.

When I couldn't figure anything else out, I thought he'll decide it's time to get back to his room, but he didn't even move. I waited for a minute or so before looking up at him and giving him a confusing look.

He spoke up with a steady voice, although I could see he was cracking.

"Can you please…not use the belt?" he asked and I looked at him even more confused than before

"What do you mean, Stefan?" I asked right away as I was tired of playing games

"When you punish me" he shifted uncomfortably and looked down at his feet as he crossed his hands behind his back "Can you not use the belt? I can take everything else, but I think I'm too old for this" I swallowed hard before I finally realized what he meant.

He thought I'm going to hurt him, beat him or shove him in some room an lock him, he though I'm actually going to hurt him, because I was mad at him for being a reckless teenager….and he was begging me not to use a belt.

I felt a wave of sadness hit me when I realized he was being completely serious right now and suddenly it was so much harder for me to breathe. I barely managed to swallow down my tears and speak up.

"I'm not going to beat you, Stefan" I said as I tried to prevent my voice from shaking

"You're not?" he asked in disbelief and he didn't even dare hope he could be right. I realized why he was so calm-he has accepted his faith and he was waiting for me to beat the crap out of him.

"Your punishment is you being grounded, do you understand?" I asked and he raised his eyebrow at me. His fifteen year old self couldn't let it sink in, he could not believe that nobody's going to hurt him.

"Oh…" he said as if he thought I am not being serious. I could read in his eyes-he didn't believe me and he probably thought, that tomorrow I'll change my mind and come in his room only to leave him breathing unconscious on the floor.

I looked at him for a moment and he hurried to stare back at his feet, making everything much harder. I wanted to get out some emotion from him, but the only thing I could recognize was confusion and it broke my heart.

"Go to your room, Stefan" I ordered, but he didn't leave right away, probably wondering if I'm going to change my mind and give him the punishment he thought he deserved, before he finally left slowly and closed the door silently.

I buried my head in my shaky hands after I was sure I was alone and let myself cry for the first time in months.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, honestly, it's been really hard for me to write this chapter, especially the ending. I hope you're not going to get angry at Damon, he's just trying to do what's best for his brother and Stefan does need to learn a few things. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Stefan's POV**

I was heading home, happily holding my History test in hand, eager to finally show it to Damon and maybe make him happy.

I got an A. The first one this summer, and I was hoping to bring a smile to his face-he seemed so sad lately, very stressed as well, especially after I came home all bruised and battered last week and he grounded me.

I still don't understand what's so bad about this-he wanted me to be all alone and study and that's what I do anyway-is this a real punishment? I've noticed how much on edge he's been, how he barely puts anything in his mouth and neither did I-I felt the tension in the flat was too much and even Bucky, who was the best thing right now, couldn't do much to change it.

I don't know why, but I always thought that living with Damon will be different and in many ways it was-I could eat whatever I want, whenever I wanted it and nobody yelled at me for that, we had a fridge full of stuff, I had new clothes, more than two shirts and two pairs of shoes, I didn't have to sell cigarettes to support myself and I actually got pocket money for school, which was very new to me.

All that great life, however, couldn't change the fact, that I was still a mess inside. I've grown even more silent than before and that was saying a lot for me. Once Damon got me out of this environment I was so used to living in, I lost all contacts, yes, I had bad friends, but they were friends, now I was all alone and besides him, I wasn't hanging out with anyone.

I was used to being idle and free, to hang out on the streets late at night, smoke or steal, or just drink beer in the park and suddenly I couldn't do that anymore-I had to be a good guy, to study hard and not get myself into messes, because I was on probation and even one little insignificant thing could get me back in juvie. It was hard for me.

On top of that, I couldn't get rid of my nightmares. Actually….lately, I've found a way, I know it was the worst one possible, but I just couldn't keep going. I've been trying not to wake Damon up in the last few days when I would trash the bed in the middle of the night and he seemed to be in a deep sleep, something for which I was very glad.

He made me go to these group meetings, but he had no idea that up until now, I haven't talked even once in front of them, despite the fact that this shrink was desperately trying to make me do so.

I think, he believed that once I started going, there will be some progress and I didn't want to disappoint him right after the first time, especially with me getting in trouble last week. So, my buddy Tyler managed to find me an old and very strong bourbon from his uncle's collection and I paid him a fair prize for it-he said that two glasses would knock me out and he was right. I would go to bed around midnight and wake up two hours later in sweat and with the blanket on the floor, so I would find the bottle and basically….get myself slightly drunk, so I could fall. It's not that I didn't wake up anymore-sometimes I did, but only for a brief moment, before falling back.

I knew, that it was wrong. I realized it. But I felt so much better seeing Damon fresh and rested in the morning-the dark circles have disappeared, there was a smile on his face while he made breakfast, and honestly, that was the only time I saw him in a good mood for the day. He would be so dark, sad and desperate whenever he came home from work, than I didn't know what to do. I supposed he's having a lot of stuff to do lately, or maybe he had some problems there, though he probably wouldn't tell me.

Why would he? I don't trust myself, let alone even think someone else could. I hoped, that me being good and obedient will fix his mood, but in the past week, he seemed so devastated, that his fake smile, couldn't fix things.

He was not a bad person. I've come to realize this. It was not his fault that his mother left me and chose to stay with her family and I had no right to blame him. Yes, I couldn't get rid of this weight I carried inside, that uncertainty towards him and I had no idea if it will ever disappear, but he was a good person and he's showed this to me-he would cover me up with a blanket if I fell asleep on the couch, he made sure I always have everything I needed, he fed me and put the clothes on my back and that's more than anyone has ever done for me.

It felt good, knowing that someone cares, despite the fact that it was a new and unknown thing to me, it was still good. Nobody in my entire life ever loved me and I would be a fool to think that Damon will, but it was nice knowing someone cares.

I admit I completely deserved him beating the shit out of me that night. I know that 90% of all my previous foster parents would've. I was actually starting to question if it was a good idea for Damon to have me anywhere around him. Maybe I was just like this-I fucked people up and screwed their lives, because mine was a mess and I was a disaster.

I unlock the door of our flat, I was a bit late, because I had a few extra classes, that he insisted me to take and it was already dark outside. Once I was in, I heard the TV in the living room was on, which meant Damon was home and I was happy for I would show him my test and maybe….maybe even make him feel proud?

I hide the crumpled piece of paper in my jeans pocket and toss my bag on the chair as soon as I get inside. I surprisingly don't see him in the living room and decide to head to the kitchen, thinking he might be making dinner there.

"Damon?" I ask, but I realize he probably won't hear me with the TV on and the volume up "Damon, I'm home!" I raise my voice, which for the first time in ages, sounds cheerful. I am surprised when I don't see him in the kitchen and I actually start worrying about him, until I hear his voice coming from behind me

"Stefan" he says and the minute he does, I know that something isn't right. I turn around slowly and hide my hands in my pocket, as if afraid of something going wrong and I see him, with my one good eye, the other still can't focus that well, standing in the doorway leading to my room with Tyler's half empty bourbon in hand.

I swallow hard and almost feel the world spinning once I realize what's going on. I can't make a step closer to him, I'm scared-I never thought he'll find it, I've hidden it in the drawer under all my textbooks, or maybe I didn't care enough to hide it good last night after I've woken up and decided to overcome all my pain and pray to fall asleep.

"Do you care to explain what the hell is this?" he asks, his voice very cold and distant as he takes a few step towards me. The living room is not that big and I could feel the tension.

If he wasn't going to beat me the other day, he surely will now, there's no getting out of this thing

"I come home after a long day at work and decide to clean around a bit, check your room and change your sheets and guess what I find under the bed!" he continues as he comes even closer holding the neck of the bottle, while I curse myself for being so reckless last night to not even hide it good.

"I-uh…I" I start stuttering and I give him a fearful look. He seemed very tired today, somewhat worse than any of the other nights when he came exhausted after work, the closer he got to me, the more I started shivering-he would beat the shit out of me and call Ric to take me away. Maybe it was for the better, maybe…it wasn't meant to be for me to have a family.

"Goddammit, Stefan, come on!" he doesn't sound that angry anymore…just desperate "Tell me, what am I doing so wrong that you're hiding alcohol in your room?" I look down at my new trainers, I couldn't tell him.

If I told him, I'm drinking in order to get a relatively decent amount of sleep, he would know the therapy is not working and then for sure, he would kick me out, if there's even some chance for staying at all, so instead, I just sigh and decide to apologize

"I'm sorry, Damon" it's time to man up and maybe get what I deserve. I couldn't keep trembling in front of him like a lost puppy, so instead, I clench my fists and decide to gather all the strength I was left with.

The more he approaches me, the angrier he gets, I can see that he just wants an explanation and I am surprised when he passes by me and enters the kitchen. I know this is nowhere near over, so I turn towards him and lean on the counter, feeling the test in my back pocket move. A test, I would never show him now.

He opens the fridge and grabs a beer, unscrewing it with one swift move and tossing the cap on the table where he sits before taking a swig. He looks like a complete disaster, dressed in his oversized plaid shirt and old washed out jeans that he wore at home. He runs his hand through his messy hair while I shift uncomfortably before him, waiting for him to explode, though I was getting quite annoyed myself.

"So you won't give me a reasonable explanation why you were drinking then?" he asks again with his hoarse voice and he seems so ruined to me in that moment. I was used to seeing Damon strong and smiling even in the hardest moments. I missed that right now, without even realizing it.

"I wanted to forget" I decide to give him half the truth. It's not like I'm lying, I'm just hiding the real reason because I didn't want to hurt him. I did want to forget it all-all the pain the dreams brought, all the memories, all the fears-I wanted them to disappear.

"And you thought that's the best way to do it?" he raises his voice slightly, but it almost makes me jump.

I watch as he takes another sip from his beer. I'm sure he's doing it all casually, that he has no idea watching him like this, scares the shit out of me and brings old memories. I am afraid of not getting one of these panic attacks. I can't do it in front of him, not again, so I try to get my shit together.

"Stefan, this is hard liquor, very strong. Don't you think that you've spent half your life ruining your health that you need to drink such stuff at the age of fifteen?"

"Oh, come on, like you're a saint!" I don't even know where it comes from, but he pissed me off.

Yes, I was ruining myself, but it was my choice. After everything that people did to hurt me, I had every reason to try and want to escape from all the awful stuff I felt inside and he had no right to judge me for it, because he never knew what it's like to grow up like that

"Don't you think I don't notice, Damon?" I ask him and for the first time since I came here, I raise my voice. I haven't stood up to him since he found me in Austin and brought me back

"Your few glasses of bourbon every night? The bottles disappear faster than me changing my underwear. You actually have a beer in your hand right now if you haven't noticed."

"That's ENOUGH!" he raises his voice and hits the table with his fists as he stands up. I jump away from him and remember, that I shouldn't be afraid.

When he sees that I'm actually scared, he calms down and leaves the bottle on the table. I am on the verge of tears and I don't know where to go as he approaches me

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Stefan, I didn't mean to burst out." he raises his hands defensively at me and I try to breathe in easily, but I'm starting to freeze and that's how I know I'm going to go down soon-when I feel my hands and feet numb, is when I know that's the beginning of those episodes, but I'm trying hard to hold on for now. To keep up the good face in front of him. I know he's sorry-it's all over his face

"I didn't mean to scare you, I am so sorry" he says again as if he's not short his words sunk in the first time "The truth is…I've been drinking more lately and I'm sorry. I promise, I'll cut it down." oh, I've heard those words before, especially when the social workers came and one of us kids have complained the foster parents are drinking, they would always say _"You know, we've been really stressed out, that's why we have a few beers per night, but we'll cut it off. In no way do we want the kids to feel uncomfortable, we're sorry."_ And then once they're gone, they beat the shit out of us for even considering speaking up.

"I've heard this too many times before, Damon" I say honestly as I try to ease my breathing. He's standing before me with a sad expression on his face and I feel bad for talking like this. I was the reason for his drinking, I knew it. I was ruining him.

"I know. I don't want to make excuses. I just had a couple of rough weeks at work" he admits as he leans back on the table, giving me my space and I furrow my eyebrows confused at him "Stefan, I have to sell the company" he finally lets out with a sigh and I feel my jaw open a little bit. What is he even talking about? That's his father's company, the place he works at, last time he took me there, I saw how much he actually loves the place

"W-what?" I say even more confused than before "You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all. The last six months have been really bad and I'm at a great loss right now, so a couple of bigger firms offered to buy it and I finally settled down the other day." he says it with such pain in his voice that I already regret bursting out at him as well. I actually feel the sadness settle in me. That wasn't good, not at all.

"But…that's your company." I stare down at my feet as I still try to get myself together. Why is it suddenly so hard to breathe?

"There's not much left of it anymore, Stefan" he says with a sad smile as he crosses his arms and shakes his head "I tried saving it…I really did, but I am just a small fish in the sea."

"So…does that mean that you're gonna call Ric?" I ask with a shaky voice and he grants me a confused look

"Why would I do that?" he can't get where I'm going with this

"To ask him to take me away?" I suggest fearfully, afraid that I'm pissing him off even more now and I hate myself for doing this, but I need to know if I'm going away again. I just wasn't sure how much I can handle this

"WHAT? Are you insane? Stefan, I thought I made myself clear-you're not going anywhere, no matter what." he tries to explain and I have a hard time believing him honestly. I see that he notices this, which is why he seems to get even sadder "You're here for good. I'm not going to give you up, because I'm losing my company or anything else for that matter. I'm going to get good money out of this deal and then cover all the loans I have taken from the bank. We'll have enough to live good with the rest until I figure what I'm going to do." I listen to him carefully, but somehow there's this doubt inside me.

I just couldn't believe that someone's willing to keep me with them through their worst. Having a teen at home wasn't easy, I must be costing him so much money that I can't even imagine it.

"So…you're saying you're not giving me up?" I ask again, just to make sure and I can see that he gets angrier with my behavior.

"Of course not! Why do you think I'll give you up, Stefan, I can't get it!"

"Because that's what people always do!" I respond just as angrily "They give up on me! They leave me!" I explain and I see his eyes well up, which is new to me-I don't understand why he would feel so bad for a boy he didn't even know that well

"Somewhere in the middle of the night, in some other house or just on the street. They dump me, toss me, from place to place-it never ends. And I don't expect it to now." I tell him and I see him standing up and stretching his arms as he walks to me, he wants to hug me and because I don't want to hurt his feelings, I let him.

And it feels great, actually, it's awesome to know that you're not alone, that there's someone there you can lean on.

But then I realize that he smells like beer. And that pushes me off right away, it makes me freeze, because it brings so many bad memories.

I don't know why it's like that-I can drink myself and not feel bad, but when I smell it on other people, it just gets me sick.

Damon is not a bad person, he is not a drunk-he just drinks a few glasses after work every now and then, because he needs to let the steam off. It's not about him at all-it's what brings out in me, all those awful stuff and I clench my fists, I do all I can to gather myself together, even though I feel I'm falling apart.

I realize that he needs someone as well right now, he's alone and in a very bad place-he is losing something that matters to him, but since I never had that, I couldn't completely relate to him. Though that didn't mean I don't have a heart. He pats my back, even though I don't hug him and I wait for him to step aside-it feels like forever and I'm already slightly shaking-I can't hold it for much longer.

He smiles at me as he grips my shoulder and I fake a smile in his direction as well.

"It's alright, kiddo" he says, but I'm barely listening anymore, it's starting to get blurry and I know what's coming

I nod and look down, shaking my head and trying to gather whatever strength I am left with.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap" I say and he nods, without disagreeing.

"You sure you're alright?" he asks one last time as I'm already turning and exiting the room, heading to my own and hoping not to collapse in the middle of the way there

"All good, just tired." I respond trying to sound reassuring.

Once I'm sure he's keeping himself busy with other things, I basically rush to my room. I hope he's not watching and I close the door with a thud once I'm in. I slip down and end up on the floor-already shaking

"No, no, no, no!" I mumble as I close my eyes and try to calm myself, but I already can't find enough air in my lungs and I feel my nails digging into my arms. I hit myself in the door accidentally as I feel a rush of pain going through my body and I close my eyes shut, which was the biggest mistake possible. I feel my chest is on fire and I can't breathe-I'm pretty sure I'm going to collapse, so I just squeeze my knees and pray to get this over with.

But I only end up on the floor, reliving one of the most awful memories I've ever had. I can practically feel the punches in my stomach and the way they've jammed my head into the heavy wooden door, I can smell all the beer, the cigarettes, I can imagine the room, I can see myself as a child, bleeding on the floor.

Ten minutes later I am breathing again.

But I don't have strength to get up for another hour.

**Damon's POV**

I'm knocking on Stefan's door before slowly entering. It was a late Saturday morning and I waited for him to wake up, but he didn't show any signs of getting to the kitchen at all.

Last night he refused to have dinner. He has somehow made it to bed and fell asleep, his room was a mess when I entered it around midnight. I've tried to wake him up earlier and get him up, but he refused, saying he's too tired to eat and he just wants to rest.

I asked him if he's sick or if something hurts, but he just said no and hid himself under the blanket again, refusing to face me. When he didn't wake up early this morning, I felt even worse-something wasn't right with him, but I decided to wait-maybe he really was tired and needed his sleep. I didn't hear him yell last night or maybe I myself was too tired when I went to bed to notice it-I always left my door room open, in case he needed me, but since his was closed, I wasn't sure what was happening.

When I tried to get him out of bed this morning, he refused. I suggested that we have breakfast and go out, sat beside him on the bed and tried to touch his shoulder, she shivered and pulled away.

Concerned, I tried to turn him to me, but he refused, and told me to let him go. That's when I knew something's wrong. He has put on his sweater, which meant he might've had bad dreams and scratched himself but refused to show me, I tried to get him up, but there was no use to it-he didn't want to talk to me and he freaked me out completely when he pulled away from my every touch. His face was pale and the dark circles under his eyes have grown significantly over just one night-his hands were shaking, but he seemed to be realizing what was going on, he was just pushing me off, refusing to talk.

I went back to the living room and worriedly took out my phone, wandering what to do and who to call. I could get Ric here, but I had no idea how much he could actually help right now, plus he would probably have to write this in his report and that wasn't good neither for Stefan nor for me, because they could take him away if I'm not taking good care of him.

So instead, I decided to call Bonnie. I was aware that it was her first free day in the last two weeks and I hated to do this to her, but I was really scared and I knew that her and Stefan are on good terms, so if not I, at least she could get to him somehow.

She didn't even need to hear the whole story, when she heard my voice, she knew something was wrong and twenty minutes later she was knocking on our door.

"Hey" she greeted me and passes me a cup of coffee to hold on to, she just knew me so damn well "What's up? Where is he?"

"Still in his room" I said sadly as she took off her heels and swiftly entered the living room, which is why I lowered my voice, not wanting Stefan to hear us, if he was paying any attention at all "Bonnie, I tried everything" I shake my head sadly "He refuses to talk to me and just lies there, he hasn't put a bite in his mouth since yesterday morning, I don't know if he even slept! I just thought he's tired last night and that he needs some time to himself after I told him about what's going at the company and all that and-"

"You told him what's going on there?" she raised her voice and crossed her hands on her chest "Are you insane, Damon!"

"Well what, should I lie to him? " I am getting angrier at her response, I promised him, I will always be honest

"Damon, he is a boy who never before had a home in his life. With you for the first time he actually has some stability and you're telling him that you're losing your company, which basically means all ground underneath you! What do you want him to think? He's not going to accept the news lightly." she scolds as she takes away the coffee from my hands and sighs as if she's so tired of my behavior. "And that's for him, not for you." is she actually depriving me of my coffee?

"I know, I maybe shouldn't have…delivered it like that, he asked me if I'm going to call Ric and make him take him away." she opens up her mouth to protest, before I manage to interrupt her "I realize that what I did was wrong, but it's not just that, Bonnie, he's been acting out so weird and I caught him drinking on top of everything. He just doesn't want to talk to me!" I explain before going into detail about the bourbon I found in his room while I was trying to clean and how I confronted him about it

"Alright, alright! Calm down and sit your ass on this couch. I'm going to talk to him" she says in her typical let-me-do-my-job way "And no eavesdropping!" she warns as she points her finger at me and pushes me down.

Just before she enters his room, she turns around and gives me another judgy look

"It might not be a bad idea for you to take a shower, you stink like beer." I sigh as I pick up my plaid shirt and bring it to my nose-it does smell a bit.

**Stefan's POV**

I squeeze my eyes when I hear someone open my door and I hate the fact that I'll have to explain to Damon for the hundred time today that I am in no mood to talk. The night has been very tough-I couldn't sleep at all and in the moments I did, I had nightmares and woke up with scratches all over my arms.

"Hey, Stefan, it's me Bonnie" I hear a gentle voice enter the room and I open my eyes, facing the wall, surprised by her being here. Damon must've called her, once he figured out that I won't agree to doing anything today

"Can I sit next to you?" she asks me and I just shrug my shoulders under the blanket, refusing to speak up. I hated talking. It made everything so damn complicated. The bed bends a little when she sits next to my feet and I still refuse to face her, preferring to stare at the wall instead, though I can smell coffee and I almost wish I had the will to stand up.

"Brought you coffee" she announces as if this isn't torture enough already and I dread having to talk to her, I just want to be left by myself "It's delicious, your favorite. Wanna try?"

"I'm not hungry" I announce barely audible and I feel her shift on the bed, she's not one to give up easily and I know I'm in for some trouble now

"Well, I'm not giving you something to eat actually" she continues in her half-cheerful, half-serious way and I just sigh as I pull the blanket up my chin, refusing to face her and the world for the millionth time today "Your choice, but you're missing out" I hear her take a sip form the cup and I start planning ways to get rid of her .

"So" she begins again after a few minutes of silence between us "What's up your ass today that you scared your brother so much?" I almost want to laugh at her candor. She always cuts straight to the chase, that's what I liked about her

"Nothing, I just want to be left alone so if you don't mind" I begin, hoping to cut her off before she's started giving me speeches

"I do" she interrupts and I hear her put the coffee on my desk before she turns back to me and I feel her elbow on my hip as she leans closer and tries to get a peak of my face "Want to turn that skinny as to me so we can talk like the grown people that we are?" she is no longer joking, despite her choice of words

"What is there to discuss? The world as I know it sucks and I'm in no mood for speeches, so you should better get home and enjoy your free day." I'm starting to get slightly irritated with her being here. I never asked for her help.

"Huh" she sighs surprised before she moves away a bit, though I actually feel her staring me from above "I knew you were a troubled kid, but I had no idea you were a coward." damn, she knew how to push my buttons, but she chose the wrong day. I turn around slowly and stare at the serious look she's giving me

"Gosh, what's your deal?" I ask sincerely "What do you all want from me?" I raise my voice slightly before covering my eyes with my am for a moment and trying to get myself together

"To talk" she says simply and I huff annoyed, before I feel her hand on my arm and I tense at her touch.

She removes it away from my face and stares at my eyes-she's surely not as worried as Damon was this morning, which somehow made me feel a bit better. I hated causing people pain, because of my own problems. She smiles as she moves my arm to my chest and I almost wince at her touch-I had many scratches and cuts from last night, but I wouldn't let her see them

"You want to tell me what happened last night?" she asks and I look away again, refusing to actually face my problems. She sighs and stares down for a minute herself, giving me the time to change my mind and speak up, except I don't "Okay, let me tell you what happened instead" she clears her throat before she starts talking "You came home from school, tired, most probably you just wanted to play with that dog that's staring at us from the corner and eating your sock right now" I look at Bucky and smile at the sight of him fooling around, he was the only lively thing in my room in the past few days "But instead, you found a raging Damon blaming you for drinking yourself to oblivion and you got into a fight until he confessed that he is being edgy lately, because his company is falling apart and he's selling it." I want to interrupt her for the first time today, but I actually manage to stay calm enough "You got scared that he'll ship you off to some group home again, rushed to your room and had one of those panic attacks like when you were in his office" I swallow hard at the realization how good she is at guessing things "Maybe not even one, maybe two or three and it emotionally drained you until you found enough strength in yourself to lie in your bed and lost all will to move from it at all." she finishes up quite content with herself "So, how good am I on a scale from 1 to 10?"

I smile sadly at her before I reach out to my back pocket and get the test I wanted to show Damon. I hand it to her, and with a confused expression she takes it and opens it up. I see her gasp at the realization that I had an A, as if nobody believed it could actually happen.

"You're a nine." I smile at her "I wanted to show him this. And I had one of those episodes two times, but then the evening came and with it all the nightmares" I don't know why I am admitting this to her, I just feel like…she will understand me. I see in her the sister, I never got to have. I liked her and she actually made me willing to talk, even though that's the last thing I wanted to do.

Her hand drops to the bed, still holding the test and she looks me in the eyes.

"Don't tell me that if we roll up the sleeves of that dirty black sweater, I'll find cuts and scratches?" she says in an almost pleading voice and I shrug my shoulders as I lift my arm under my neck in order to raise myself up and see her better "What about the alcohol? Why drink?"

"Because the meetings Damon takes me to are not helping and I can't get enough sleep-"

"But you wouldn't want to tell him that and worry him so instead you drink yourself to oblivion in order to find some peace" she finishes my sentence and I nod while she sighs and shakes her head, probably taking a few seconds to gather back her strength before speaking up again "That's not the way, Stefan."

"I don't know any other ways anymore, Bonnie" I admit and for the first time today our looks meet "I am tired of everything." she puts her hand on mine and squeezes it tightly "I think it was a mistake for Damon to take me in. I am ruining his life."

"No, don't you dare talk like that. If anything, you're the best thing that happened to him in the past months, even years, Stefan!" she immediately disagrees with me and I feel it in myself that I want to believe her, but I can't "You should see the way he talks about you, how excited her gets when we're heading home, how much he wants to help you, how proud he is of you for going back to school." her words made me angry for some reason, probably because they can't be true. I suddenly sit up on the bed and shake my head stubbornly

"No, that's not true!" I say in disbelief "Nobody's ever been proud of me." I feel her hand on my shoulder and I turn my head to face her

"But he is. Damon is your family and yes, he gets a little messy here and there, he might be tense or edgy lately, because of all the stuff he has to deal with at work, but he loves you and he's proud of you, even if he's not saying it out loud, probably because he's as stubborn as you are." she grants me a smile and I feel myself relax a bit.

Her hand is on the back of my neck, stroking me gently, like a mother I never had and when I feel her bury it in my head, I give up-I can't hold it anymore, I'm only human and I let her pull me to her embrace.

I let her console me and I don't even know how much time passes, but Bucky notices that we're sitting there and she's rubbing my back, trying to bring me back together, so he comes by and lies in our feet as he whimpers sadly a few times and then just stays there, because he can feel how much I need someone.

In what seems like forever, she pulls me up and brushes away the tears from my cheek, just when Damon opens the door and gets a bit uncomfortable for a moment

"So…there's some vanilla ice cream on the kitchen table that's waiting for us to attack it." he says half-smiling and I grant him a smile as well when I stand up and Bonnie follows behind me. They all head to the kitchen, but I decide on something else.

"Damon" he turns around surprised by me calling him out and all I can think of is that…I have to open up to him, one way or the other, I don't want to be all alone anymore.

I am not sure I can keep it up in the first place. So I roll the left sleeve of my black sweater with my right hand and reveal all the scars on my arm. He is not surprised or terrified by the view, he only seems a little sadder, his blue eyes darken for a moment, but when he raises them up to me, they are calm and full of certainty, like he promises that nothing bad will happen to me.

He comes by my side and gently grabs my wrist

"Let's clean that up first, kiddo" he smiles and I follow him.

Because I was not alone anymore.

* * *

**A/N: I had some inspiration and free time to write these days ergo this chapter. I promise, I'll try to make the next one happier! Also, I know that I don't usually include Bonnie that much in things, but I thought she could change the dynamic between the brothers a bit. Hope you like i****t and I would appreciate your opinions on it. Thank you for all the reviews and the sweet messages on tumblr as well! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Damon's POV**

I come home from spending a Saturday morning outside with Bonnie, leaving Stefan to get some rest, since he fell asleep late last night again.

Lately, he just refused to go to his room before midnight-said there's no point, that he won't fall either way, so I would usually leave him in the living room and around three he fell asleep on the couch. He has basically moved there and I would wake up at four and check on him, cover him with a blanket and make sure he's not restless.

Even if he was, he wouldn't wake me and I was sleeping pretty deep lately due to all the things that had to be done at work to finalize the deal and make sure everything's fine.

When I told him I'll be going out with Bonnie, he gave me a big snarky smirk and started bugging me about it. For a moment, it felt as if we've known each other for years-he was the typical annoying little brother.

The true reason why I went out was because she said I could come over her place and we can dig out an old bicycle form her loft that used to belong to her brother. I wanted to give it to Stefan. I noticed him staring at some boys passing by the other day when we were in the park. It was clear that he wanted one as well, but this is Stefan, he would never ask me for anything. He was so used to wearing his clothes until he had holes in them that when I took him to buy him a new jacket for the fall he said he has two sweaters and doesn't want one.

I had to fight with him about it. I guess that now when he knew I'm selling the company, he believed that he is not allowed to want anything because there won't be enough money. I had a hard time explaining that we will be alright, I think no matter what I said, he just didn't believe me. He's been living so hard through most of his life, he wasn't used to having everything he wants. I still fight every morning with him about having breakfast-he's used to eating only once or rarely twice a day and I'm driving him insane.

Anyway, I cleaned the bike, it was actually pretty new. Bonnie's brother has went away to study in another town a year ago and she said he won't come back anytime soon and if he did, he probably won't ride it since he hated bikes.

Then we had some time for ourselves at her house and before I knew it, it was already noon and I wanted to rush and get back to Stefan, so we can have the rest of the day for ourselves. I was sure he would bug me for being so late. He loved implying that Bonnie and I had a thing going on and I had to deny it every time he brought it up, although I admit-it was getting harder and harder for me to do so. Deep down, I knew I had some feelings for her, but I was afraid to let myself act on them, first because of Katherine and how things ended up with her, though I know Bonnie is nothing like that and second because the situation with Stefan was very messed up now and I had to think of him first. I couldn't let things get messed up. I couldn't lose him.

I open the door and Bucky welcomes me in the hallway with a loud bark. He lets go of the lists he was chewing on and I wonder what it is that he's trying to destroy this time.

"Hello, monster!" I greeted him "Where's Stefan?" I ask and he barks again as I lean down and try to pat him.

He wasn't a big fan of me though, so he tugs my jeans with his small teeth for a moment, then loses interest fast and runs back to the living room. My attention goes back to the few pages on the floor and I notice something written with a red pen there. I carefully pick it up and try to figure what it is until I see a big A on the front page next to Stefan's name.

My eyes fill with prideful tears once I realize this is his History test and I flip through the pages, only to see his uneven writing. Since he couldn't see that great with his eye after the time he spent in juvie, he sometimes mistook the lines and wrote in a very messy way, which obviously hadn't bothered the teacher. I kept flipping through the pages and felt my heart clench. Why hasn't he told me about this? It's so awesome.

"Stefaaaan!" I yell again and only when I get inside to I hear him training in my room. I had a punching bag there and when he was alone he would train, especially if had a rough night and wanted to get all his frustration out.

Sometimes he even refused to work out with me, saying that he'll probably hurt me without wanting it and he was pretty strong when he was angry. In the past month he's got better at it, ever since I showed him some stuff, he's been practicing and he grew so much more stronger than before, the only problem was that he had to eat more-he was still looked so skinny and pale some mornings, that I felt guilty making him go to school at all-he was like a shadow.

He obviously couldn't hear me, sometimes he would lose himself in his thoughts and refuse to come back to reality. It honestly scared me, it's like he flipped and couldn't control his actions. I was afraid he'll get in some fight in school and that would be it-they'll ship him back to juvie and I'll be left wondering what to do with him.

All his life people had treated him badly, beaten him, mocked him, made fun of him-his anger was building up and it could ruin his life. When we fought sometimes, I noticed him switching off and forgetting about where he is in the first place-those are the times when he hit so hard, I felt like he could break his hand, hurt himself.

When I watched him hit the bag, it would scare me how he wouldn't even consider stopping-he would almost always bruise his knuckles, it's like he wanted to feel pain, as if it took his mind away from everything bad.

"Hey there!" I leaned on the doorway and he finally stopped punching the bag. He has sweated, a lot, his shirt was wet as well as his hair, but at least he has put his gloves on this time.

"Hey, Damon" he greeted and granted me a sincere, but very tired smile as he pulled away from the bag and started taking off his gloves "How was Bonnie's? You guys finale made out?"

"Dear, God, won't you ever stop!" I joked as I came closer and started helping him take the gloves off since he looked pathetic. For a moment I stared down at the scars on his wrists and swallowed hard, trying not to show how much this actually upset me.

"Are you kidding me?" he was so surprised "This is outrageous! You gotta ask her out! Come on Damon, I'm fifteen and I had more girlfriends than you!"

"Really? You did?" I say with a smirk getting ready to laugh at him, even though he could actually end up being right about this "Should I be concerned about this or-?" he chuckled and shook his head. We haven't really discussed things with him. As I think about it now, I never asked him if he's been in love.

"The only thing you should feel bad about is not having the guts to ask Bonnie out. If I have to watch you drool all over whenever she comes by, I might want to do it instead of you."

"I'm not drooling!" I disagreed immediately and crossed my arms on my chest pretending to be angry while I was actually glad that even though he was so tired, he was still in a good mood. I watched him take off his shirt and brush away all the sweat from his back. Noticing all the scars he had, made me shiver and once I again I had to hide it

"You do. It's so bad, that after she leaves, there's a puddle on the floor from it all." he claims in a very serious voice, but I know he's just being sarcastic now. "Not to be the mean one here, but you do know it's your job to make a woman…want you not the other way around?" he says with a wide smile while he rubs away the sweat behind his ears, he looks like a child now. There are moments when he looks older than me, then there are those when I realize he's just a boy, yet he's been through so much.

"I'm very grateful for your relationship advice, Stefan" I say, pretending to be pouty "But I think I'm old enough to know what I'm doing."

"That's the thing-you're not doing anything" he jokes again and I feel like this will turn into a playful fight, one that we haven't had in ages "I bet I have asked more girls out than you ever did!" that's actually very possible.

I had a girlfriend back in high school, but I wasn't some kind of popular guy who slept around with everyone, I wasn't a loser either. I was normal I guess, as normal as you can be in high school actually.

My father was too busy coming up with plans and extra classes for me to actually let me have fun, which is why when I went to college, I started partying hard. When I met Katherine it went even worse-we were very irresponsible and the worst influence on each other. I had to go to the library and study there for days if I wanted to catch up on the stuff we did through the semester and she would always come and distract me.

Once we got tired of it all, it got better and we cooled down, but still Katherine was Katherine-it was always some party around her. At least she didn't screw up my grades that much in the final year when I was questioning my graduation and kept disappointing my father

"I don't even get why you wouldn't do it" he sighs annoyed with my behavior

"Probably just like I can't understand why you didn't show me this?" I take out the test and he looks at me confused before finally managing to focus and realize that I'm showing him his test. He runs his fingers through his messy hair and sighs

"Stefan, that's your first A, how could you not show me that!" he shrugs like it's not such a big deal, but I know better than that. He had his reason, he just refused to share it with me and he didn't look very pleased with the fact that I have found the test. He stands up and tries to surpass me, so he can get to the kitchen, but I grab his shoulder and stop him "Wait a second, mister, there's something I want to show you." I give him a smile, suggesting that I won't pressure him about this anymore and he seems relieved.

He nods and follows me to the hallway where I've put the bicycle. I lead him there, making him close his eyes so it could be a surprise and he surely doesn't like that fact, but he follows my lead.

"Damon, what the hell, why do I need to close my eyes?" he asks, suspicious of my behavior while I tug his bony hand to the place where I've put his present. Once we're there and I lead him through the door, I stop abruptly and he bumps into me. We both "ouch" at the same time and I look back at him worried that I hurt him only to see that he has opened his eyes. It takes him a moment before he looks up and sees the bike and I see his jaw hanging once he realizes what it is. "Damon….what's that?" he asks confused as if he has never seen one and I smile, happy with his reaction. It was supposed to be a surprise after all

"That's a bike, Stefan. For you" I clarify, since it seems like he still doesn't get me. He still looks too stunned to even say anything so I keep explaining, trying to make him relax "Before you've started protesting, I should tell you that I didn't spent any money on it and that it's not exactly new, but Bonnie gave it to me, said it's only gathering dust in their loft, plus I saw you staring at those boys the other day and I assumed you would like to have one" I say with a big smile, but he just swallows hard

"Damon, I can't take it" he bows his head down and puts his hands behind his back nervously

"Oh, come on, Stefan, it's not a big deal. It's just a bike and-"

"No, it's not that" he starts shifting uncomfortably "I mean, it's great that you thought of this and Bonnie is amazing for lending it but…I can't ride a bike" he admits and he immediately blushes.

I've rarely seen any color on his face, but now he's red and looks extremely uncomfortable. I start feeling bad myself, for I never actually thought about him not having a bike or someone to teach him. He grew in orphanages and foster care, he didn't even had decent clothes and I thought he could own a bike.

"But I can drive a car" he says somehow trying to compensate for it

"You can drive a car?" I ask surprised and he nods very enthusiastically, like a little kid who's so proud of himself for being capable of doing something after he has just admit that he can't ride a bike. He was very funny.

"Yeah, Mike taught me when I was fourteen. It was in this truck, it took me a while, but I got it" he says, again, content with himself, though as he says his dead friend's name his eyes fill with tears, that he tries very hard to hide from me. For the first time as he speaks, I realize that he has probably done many things, that I haven't even thought about when I was his age

"But you don't have a license, Stefan" I point out, quite confused with his revelation

"He didn't either, but that was never a problem!" Stefan continues like it's the most normal thing in the world "You look surprised" he continues and slightly furrows his eyebrows, not being able to understand my confusion

"I'm just beginning to wonder what else have you done and whether or not I should give you the talk" I joke, but he looks at me and squirms in disgust

"Please, don't, Ric already tried that two times and there was no need for him to do so" he squeezes his eyes and pretends to be choking, which makes me laugh out loud

"Why not?" I ask. I feel like I don't know anything about him at all. It's making me sad that we've been living together for almost two months and I was missing out on significant things like what he can't or can do, for once. I'm not sure I even knew his favorite color and the realization hits me hard "Wait…" I look at him, suddenly letting it sink you "You've done it already?" I ask surprised and he gives me a shy smile

"When I was thirteen" he stares down at his shoes "It was one of Mike's cousins. Actually that's why he taught me how to drive, we had to go to Virginia and meet up with them in some old family house." that's unbelievable.

This kid probably had more experience than I ever did in my entire existence. I stare at him surprised as I feel the need to sit down. I can't believe I never actually talked to him about those things. It's unbelievable how stupid I felt right now-he had a whole life before me, one I didn't know anything about and even though it was mostly very sad and full of pain and desperation, he must've had his good moments, especially when he was spending them with his best friend, who taught him everything significant, or so it seemed.

"Damon, are you alright?" he asks again, confusion all over his face and I nod, smiling "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, not at all. It's just that you kids mature earlier than we did back then, I suppose" I smile and squeeze his shoulders.

"Why, when did you…you know, do it for the first time?" he asks and blushes all over again and I laugh out loud at his shyness, he's so funny when he talks like this, but I am happy that he's interested in it-he rarely asks me questions and I'm happy that we're sharing now

"Oh, well I was your age" I say and I feel myself blushing slightly as well "It was with a high school sweetheart of mine. The only one I had…actually" I explain and we both burst in laugh. I haven't seen him genuinely smile since last week and I feel my hear clench with joy. "But seriously now, do you need me to tell you all about protection or are you-"

"Oh, God, no, please no!" he begs and covers his ears while I laugh out loud. "I can't go through with it again" he continues once he's sure I'm not going down there "But I promise that I am responsible" he says seriously and I nod, knowing that he means it.

I still don't trust him entirely with it, considering that he's a teenager and not so long ago, so was I. I know how reckless and consumed by all the different emotions they could be and I felt the need to protect him from the world, so one of these days, I might actually talk to him about it, despite the fact that Ric did it already.

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping, promise!" I raise my hands and he finally relaxes next to me "Now let's go" I urge him and push him to the door

"Go where?" he gets back to being defensive about this, refusing to trust me completely with anything, even if it's just a suggestion to go outside.

"I'm going to teach you how to ride a bike!" I say with a big smile on my face and he gives me a nervous look as he shakes his head

"No, Damon, I don't think so" he refuses and takes a step back, but I put my hand back on his shoulder and tug him closer to me, and the bike, which seems to be terrifying him

"Come on, it will be fun. I know this playground a few blocks from here, that nobody goes to anymore, you won't get embarrassed."

"No, you don't understand, it's not that…I just…I don't want to disappoint you" he admits and stares at the bike as if it is some monster that will hurt him if he doesn't manage to tame it.

I know that he wants to learn, it's in his eyes, that light in there that he gets when he secretly wishes for something, but can't say so, yet he's afraid and I want to show him he shouldn't be.

"Stefan" I say seriously "You can never disappoint me." I want him to believe me, but I can see the doubt in his eyes and it makes me so sad. "Now go put a shirt on and let's leave!" I pat his back and urge him to get ready.

* * *

"Okay, so basically, you just sit here" I explain, first and he follows my orders, though I can feel how terrified he is that he'll fall right away "First, you walk just on the ground with it a bit, to get used to it all" he starts doing so and he's very sweet while trying to feel the ground under his feet and sit on the bike at the same time "Okay, good, now put your leg on one of the peddles and push yourself from the ground with the other" he stops now, looks at me with his big green eyes and his sad face and begs me to stop "Come on, buddy, it will be fine, I'm here, I'll be holding the handle bar with you, promise" I say and with a deep sigh, he finally turns back and looks before him-we're on one side of a big basketball court and I'm hoping we'll get to the middle of it, at least.

To him-it looks like the biggest adventure he has ever taken, despite the fact that he has ran away so many times and drove to another state without having a license.

He does as I tell him so and manages to balance himself on the bike for a short moment before he starts falling to the left and hits the breaks before he falls.

"Sorry" he apologizes and I shake my head, assuring him that there's no need for that.

He starts again, unwillingly, but he trusts that I'm next to him and won't leave him alone. We've taken Bucky with us as well and the dog was jumping around us and happily barking, which I hoped only made Stefan feel better. He tries again and we repeat the same thing a few times-he just can't get himself on for more than ten seconds and he gets angrier

"Damon, I think we should-"

"No, we're not giving up Stefan, you're almost there, come on. You're not a quitter. Remember how you didn't want to hit me in the beginning when I was teaching you how to fight?" he nods and I smile, thinking how we already have memories together "If you've given up now you wouldn't be kicking my ass every time we train, okay?" he nods and tries to give me a weak smile

"Damon" he says and I look at him while I watch Bucky run before us and turns barking in our direction, begging us to follow him "If I learn how to do this, you gotta promise me you'll take Bonnie out on a date" he's smirking devilishly in my direction and with a sigh I shake my head

"Stefan-" I am not sure I should agree to this

"Come on! Pleaaaase!" he's begging like a seven year old for ice cream and I laugh

"Alright, alright!" I agree "Let's see what you got. I'm starting to think this was a bad idea" he chuckles lightly before he gets back on it and this time he manages to keep peddling, we get almost to the middle of it, when he stops because he's afraid he'll fall.

A few more times like that and he's getting better and better at it, though he doesn't want me to let go and keeps saying "Damon, I swear if you let me go I'll kill you.", which makes me laugh so damn much. It's very funny and actually quite sweet to watch him like this.

Eventually, I manage to trick him that I'm right behind him and he keeps peddling away from me, not even realizing that I'm far behind and he's doing it all on his own.

I realize that it was a mistake, when he gets to the other side of the playground and can't make a turn, because I never taught him how to do so. I watch him stumble and before I could even run to him, he's already falling to the ground.

"Stefan!" I rush there and see him gripping his knee with one hand and grunting in pain. I turn him over to me and he tries to smile

"It's fine, it's nothing" he mumbles through teeth, but I don't even wanna hear it. I take his hand off his knee and see that he's bruised himself pretty hard and the blood is dripping down his leg "It doesn't even hurt that much" he continues, trying to make everything alright, while I pull him away from the bike and rise him up to my embrace, making sure there's nothing broken.

I never even thought that he could hurt himself, how stupid am I exactly? Just because he's not five, doesn't mean he can't fall. I touch his knee, making sure there's nothing broken and he yelps in pain from my grip

"Doesn't hurt, huh?"

"It's okay. I've been far worse" he says as if he wants to remind me of those scars on his back and how much he has suffered as a child.

I still remember that day when I went to see him just after we've met for the first time and Danny brought me to his room, only to find him bruised and battered as if he's been to war. I curse myself mentally for not thinking twice about it and the guilt consumes me, which is why I don't even realize that he's trying to stand up.

"Stefan, no, no, wait" I try to push him back down, but he's already half up and his arm is thrown over my shoulders, begging for support. I have no choice but to help him and when he's back on his feet, he winces from the pain, but manages to make a few wobbly steps, just like a child

"See! Fine! You need to stop worrying so much, Damon" he tries to reassure me, that this is not a big deal, but I can see that it's starting to swell and I just want to go home and take care of him "You can't save me every time I fall" he gives me half a smile as he staggers to the bike and tries to get it back up

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask confused as I see him trying to get back on it with his leg still bleeding

"What does it look like to you-I'm gonna ride this thing! I finally got the hang of it." he explains like it's the most normal thing in the world, as if I didn't just watch him get hurt.

And the truth is-I've seen him bad every day, but just because he was mentally unstable, I underestimated the pain he was in and how much it took its toll on him, but now that there was blood, it scared me, it made me helpless and I realized that I'll always worry about him-he was this skinny, always confused and sad child that has been through hell-I had to make sure he's fine. It was my job. Because nobody up until now cared that much about him and that's why he had to grow up earlier than everyone else-he needed to take care of himself. Now, I was here though and I wouldn't let him do it on his own.

"Stefan, no, we should get home, come on!"

"What are you talking about! We just got here! Plus, I really want you to go on this date" he winks at me, but I can see he's still in pain.

Despite that, he gets on the bike and starts peddling again. This time, I don't allow him to get too far without me, worried that he'll fall again. And he does-this time, there are no bruises, but he falls and he actually laughs about it.

He considers it to be something normal, he's fine with getting hurt, he has no idea how my heart clenches in pain whenever I see him lose his balance.

In less than an hour, he gets even better and soon, he is making circles all around me, with Bucky running next to him and barking happily. I don't dare look away from him-I'm so worried he'll hurt himself, but he doesn't. He's fine, despite the fact that he was still slightly bleeding and the blood has soaked his sock and even his shoe.

Finally, with many persuasions from my side, I manage to convince him it's time to get back, since there are really dark clouds above us and it's going to rain very soon. I can't make him get off from this thing and I'm too worried to let him ride on the busy streets right now all the way home, so instead I take off my sweater, put it on him and tell him to run to the flat while I get back with the bike. He refuses and while we argue, it actually starts raining.

"See! You could've been home by now if you weren't so stubborn!" I argue with him as I get on the bike myself and he starts running next to me

"But why? The rain is so cool!" he exclaims and looks up at the sky, closing his eyes and letting it all pour down on him. I stare at him in this moment and I laugh-despite the fact that we both might catch pneumonia, he looks so happy that I can't find it in me to scold him, his hair gets wet and he stretches his hands, welcoming it all-he seems free and relaxed in this moment "Damon, this is awesome!" he exclaims while I watch Bucky jump next to him in the puddles while sitting on the bike

"Yeah, it won't be that awesome if we get sick, come on!" I finally urge him and he gives me his pouty face, but he runs back to me and we head home. He's running too fast for me to even catch him, despite the bruise on his swollen knee and I think how good he must be when he's not in pain. I remember Ric told me he used to compete for his old high school's team, but I've never brought it up. I wanted him to get back on his feet before doing anything else.

"Stefan, do you know you are a good runner?" I ask him and he chuckles, while still staring at the sky in awe

"I used to compete before" he shrugs off as he ends up splashing a puddle next to us, as he didn't see it earlier and his foot end up soaked in the dirty water "I wasn't that good."

"You should try again" I say casually, I never wanted to pressure him into it and he doesn't respond, looking deep in thoughts "I'm just saying you know?" I say and he nods with a smile on his face

"I'll think about it" he promises just before we reach our building and I urge him to get inside. We run to our flat and I let him beat me or so I'm telling myself, because I refuse to admit I'm getting too old for those kind of things.

"Get in the shower!" I scold him when we turns it all into a fight in the hallway and he keeps trying to tickle me, unsuccessfully.

He argues with me, saying I'm soaking wet and I'll get sick, but I don't even wanna hear him and just push him to the bathroom.

When he's gone, I smile to myself, content with having the best afternoon in forever with my little brother. I pass by this old cupboard I had in my room and take out a photo of my mother that I've hidden here after Stefan came to live with me, not wanting to cause him any pain with it all. I look at it and smile-she's been gone for about six months and I still felt like it was yesterday, I still missed her as much."

I hope you're happy with what's going on, mom" I say as I stare down at it "Because I'm trying really hard and…honestly he's a great kid. I wish you could see him now. I hope that you can, actually." I smile and I put it back down, tears running down my already wet cheeks and I brush them away, not wanting Stefan to notice me cry.

**Stefan's POV**

The next day I woke up around ten and I needed fifteen minutes to figure out why something didn't seem right. I have fallen asleep on the couch like usually. I had quite the hard time falling, I think I finally managed to doze off at dawn. It's not that I had nightmares this time, I just didn't want to sleep, afraid of what might happen if I wake up sweated and screaming-I wanted to give Damon one night without all that, he could use it, especially after the great time we had yesterday.

I haven't felt that alive in months, probably ever since Michael died. It was so cool to feel all that thrill and excitement and I loved riding the bike, but what I enjoyed most was spending time with him and then running in the rain. I've missed smiling, I've missed being careless and happy.

I shifted on the couch and grunted from the pain in my back-it always hurt me whenever I slept here and that has been happening too often lately. I tossed away the blanket from me and sat up, staring at the bandage on my knee that he has made after we came home. It barely hurt me anymore, though it was a little swollen-there would be a bruise and maybe even a scar left, but I was glad-it would remind me of something good, unlike the rest of them.

I ran my fingers through my messy hair and looked up-I couldn't see Damon in the kitchen. I actually realized something wasn't right when the usual noise he made every morning in there was missing right now.

Suddenly, worry overwhelmed me and I stood up a bit too abruptly-it was very dark and gloomy outside, it was still raining and it felt like it was still dawn even though it was late on a Sunday morning.

"Damon!" I called him out and started staggering to his room once I was sure he's not in the kitchen "Damon, where are you?" I was starting to get nervous and confused, I hated not being able to find people that should be just there, right in front of me. It scared me.

I rushed to his room and slowly opened the door, only to find him still in bed, under the covers, mumbling something in his sleep. I furrowed my eyebrows and came by his side, gently shaking his shoulder

"Damon?" I ask as worry consumed me once again, he didn't look good, he seemed so pale and he has definitely sweated, his nose was also slightly red and he was breathing through his mouth "Damon, are you alright?" I shook him again and he finally opened his eyes. At first he got startled and almost jumped in bed until he realized that it's just me

"Heyy, buddy what time is it?" he asked but his voice sounded so strange and he sneezed the minute he tried to sit up "Oh, damn."

"Damon, you're sick" I concluded when I finally got a better look at his face-he looked awful and I stretched out to touch his forehead, only to realize that he was burning up

"I'm fine, it's just a cold" he brushed me off, but I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed him to the pillow again

"No, you're sick. Wait, I'll make you tea and give you some medicine" I said with a shaky voice.

I know it was just a cold, but I wasn't used to see Damon of all people sick. When I was a kid my older foster brothers and sisters would take care of me when I caught a flu, then when I grew up, I started doing the same for the youngsters, I knew what to do, but I hated the fact that Damon was unwell

"Just don't get up, alright!" I hurried to order and he laughed at me, as he tried to stand up again

"I'm fine, Stefan, come on" he got up and immediately staggered and if I wasn't there to catch him, he would've fallen, so instead I pushed him back to bed and got angry with him

"Damon, get your ass down! You're sick" I repeated again and pulled the blanket over him again "Wait here and don't go anywhere" he laughed at my seriousness, but I was actually worried.

What if he got worse? What if he got pneumonia and died? Maybe I should call a doctor? Or take him to a hospital? But how do I do that? I don't have a license, though I guess I can drive without that and hope no one will catch me. Or maybe I should call Bonnie? Yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. But then again this is her only free day I wasn't even sure she's in town, Damon has told me sometimes she goes to see her grandmother in the weekends. Okay, it's alright, Stefan, it's all gonna be fine, let's just make tea and take care of him and if he gets bad you'll take him to the hospital. Though, he'll be alright, okay, he'll be fine, that's Damon.

I kept reassuring myself that it's all good while making tea and soon I was back with it and a Tylenol and helped him swallow it. He asked me for some tissues but we only had toilet paper so I got him that and he laughed.

"Stefan, it's alright, stop worrying so much" he tried to calm me down as I put a wet cloth on his forehead to take the fever down "It's just a cold"

"You got it because of me" I said as I stood up to fix the blanket and he caught my hand

"Stefan, it's alright, it's nothing serious. Come here!" he pulled me down as well and unwillingly I settled next to him. I let him ruffle my hair and tossed a pillow at me, so I can lean back without my back hurting. I think he knew how much uncomfortable it was to sleep on the couch "You need to change your bandage" he looked down and I shook my head, it was funny how we were trying to scold one another

"I'm alright. You're sick."

"As you've pointed out five times already" he sighed annoyed and stretched out for the remote so he can turn the TV on "Now stop being such a grandma and let's watch FRIENDS marathon and laugh" he was trying to distract me but I knew he felt bad, he wouldn't stop sneezing and he trembled slightly next to me.

"FRIENDS? I thought Desperate Housewives was your favorite? You're such a disappointment, Damon!" I joked and he poked me in the ribs

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!" he exclaimed pretending to be irritated

"Damon, you know how I can't sleep right?" I ask him as I raise my eyebrow "I hear you watching this shit every Thursday, you don't have to lie to me. It's alright. I understand that you have a …soft side." I keep bugging me and he tosses another pillow in my face.

We fight a bit, but he's tired and I steal the remote from him before he has sneezed all over it. After we finally settle down, he falls asleep twenty minutes later and I keep changing the cloth on his forehead and making sure he's fine. I had to wake him up a few times and give him more medicine and tea and he would whine a lot, but I knew he just didn't want me to worry.

I did of course. He was still the same in the morning and I kept taking care of him like I did the previous night. When Bonnie called to check how yesterday went, I told her Damon's sick and she was there twenty minutes later, scolding me for not calling her earlier, which made me laugh. She argued with both of us and rushed around the flat, cooked, gave Damon medicine and practically acted like our mother all day long while mumbling "Stupid boys, running in the rain" under her nose. In the evening, when Damon was better, she scolded me for not sleeping since last night and kicked me to my room.

"He'll be all fine, Stefan, you don't need to worry that much" she said as she tucked me in

"I don't worry, Bonnie" I opposed stubbornly as I looked away from her and let the warmth of the bed help me relax

"Yeah, right, you're funny when you pretend that you don't care about him" she lets out with a laugh and ruffles my hair

"And you're funny when you pretend that you don't like him" I joke back and I feel her tense

"What are you talking about?" she asks, confused, even though she knows exactly what I mean. I just smile and hide under the blanket while I hear her exit the room and turn the light off and I almost feel normal in that moment.

I actually feel loved.

* * *

**A/N: I'm trying to write more before I get back to college, so yeah...hope you enjoy it as much as I love writing it. I'm glad you like Bonnie. Thank you very much for reviewing and reading, you really don't know how much it means! :) **


	16. Chapter 16

**Damon's POV**

I was driving downtown with a very angry Stefan on the seat next to me. I could practically feel the frustration radiate from his entire human being and even though I partly felt bad about it, I knew that this has to be done.

I was taking him to the psychiatrist's office downtown and it took me about thirty minutes to make him move from the couch and beg him to finally come with me. He hasn't even changed his clothes from school-he was still wearing a very crumpled red plaid shirt and his not-so-new jeans. He was covering his eyes with his hand and for a moment, I even thought he's trying to fall asleep.

I've been really neglecting him this past week. The last time we got to spent a few hours together was when I taught him how to ride a bike and then I got sick which resulted in Bonnie coming to our flat and acting like our mother for two days straight.

After that, I had to go back to work and I was swamped there, resulting in me coming back to our sweet home late in the evening when he was already falling on the couch. I couldn't even ask him how he was, he answered me halfway asleep and I left him get his rest. I was worried, for I wasn't paying so much attention to him and I hated the fact that I went to his room to check for alcohol or cigarettes, just because I was worried that he is using whiskey again, to help himself fall.

There hadn't been any nightmares this week and I was happy, thinking that maybe, finally, he was starting to feel at peace, that he felt this place like home and knew I would never leave him.

However, the dark circles under his eyes, as I now noticed, were still present and I wanted to hit my head in the wall for not asking him about his sleep earlier. I've been so consumed by my own problems, that I didn't even remember to ask him about those things, I just…got used to him not waking up screaming for the past few days.

I knew he felt guilty for me getting sick as Bonnie has pointed out when she told me how she had to put him to bed and convince him I'm going to be alright. I remember how worried he was back then, terrified even, he wouldn't let go of my hand and he was constantly by my side, even when she came by to make sure we're doing good and brought some order in this damn flat. She was a life-savior, but they were both very funny when they were competing who to help me eat or give me medicine, it has surely lifted up my mood.

Then, no matter how many times I implied, that everything's alright and that those things happen and he can't do anything to prevent them, I felt like he wasn't listening at all.

He was silently obeying to everything, even when I wasn't there to watch him-he wrote his homework and well…he wasn't that great at eating, but he tried, he even did the laundry and made his bed. I knew he spent a lot of time with Bucky, running outside ever since I suggested it, it seemed like he has taken it under consideration, because he came home with his shirt dripping from sweat.

I was glad he has found something which maybe helps him cope with all the awful things, that happened to him before. I even suggested that we go out together for a run, but he shook his head, saying that maybe when he gets better, we can do it. I felt him quite distant and…sad. Even though I felt that he was getting used to his life with me, I still realized that he wasn't always happy and that really hurt a lot.

When we finally made it to the office and I turned off the engine, he didn't even attempt to move from his seat. He was frustrated that I was making him do this, maybe even a little embarrassed, but I had no other choice-he has skipped half his group meetings or when he rarely made it there, he didn't talk.

I had received a call from the psychiatrist and he told me that clearly this type of treatment won't be working for him-he was doing everything in his power to get away with it, so he suggested that we started going together. Maybe this way we could improve our communication and get to finally talk, since I knew basically nothing about him and he wasn't a fan of sharing.

When I told Stefan, he tried to argue with me, saying that he doesn't want to do it and trying to promise, that he'll keep going to the group meetings and improve, but I knew it was all a lie, and a little bit sternly, I made it clear that this was it and there's no getting away with it.

He was so frustrated, that he took off with Bucky before I knew it and got back home four hours later, after I had gotten worried sick about him. We argued again, but this time he just ignored me and went to train with the punching bag for another hour in order to calm himself down.

I hated the fact that we were yelling at one another, but then I remembered he was a teenager and after all, that's what was supposed to be happening.

"Come on, Stefan" I urged him and with a sight, he got out of the car. He took a few insecure steps as he followed me to the entrance and suddenly stopped. I turned confused at him, getting quite annoyed with his behavior and almost had a heart attack when I saw him pulling a pack of cigarettes from his jeans pocket and taking out one.

"I know you don't want me doing this, but right now I need it or my heart will burst out" he said seriously as he lit it before I could say anything

"Stefan, this is not-" I tried to interrupt him as approached him to the wall in front of the door where he has leaned on and was taking a long drag from the cigarette

"I know it's not the way for you, but it is for me, so just let me finish this if you want me to be capable to go inside" he said seriously and I sighed, helplessly stretching my hands and taking a few steps away from him.

He didn't seem to care about me or my frustration and for a moment I saw the exact same boy I has first met when Ric took me to that old house-he looked careless and he surely didn't give a damn about anything, yet he seemed to be prisoner of his own body and mind-he was so tensed, I felt like he would burst out one of these days and I knew it won't be good, especially if I'm not there to save him.

Only now, with the help of the daylight, did I realize that he still had those enormous black circles under his eyes and I mentally scolded myself for not paying attention again-he might not be waking up with yells, but that didn't mean he was getting a good sleep.

As I waited for him to finish the thing that would most probably result him in getting lung cancer if he keeps smoking at this rate, I realized that he had many different characteristics.

He could be silent and obeying one time-feeling very sorry for everything wrong that he did and then he could be careless and free and just…it felt like he was switching something inside him and stopped caring. I noticed that this happened when he was pushed against a wall and felt like he has no other choice.

And today….today I surely didn't give him a choice, which explained his behavior.

When he was done, he followed me inside and luckily, we were exactly on time so doctor Hunter took us right in. He was a nice man in his late thirties with a bright smile and big glasses on his face, that made him look like he was still in college. His hair was a little messy, so was his shirt under his white scrubs and somehow that made the atmosphere lighter and welcoming, at least for me-Stefan was still very much on edge and I felt like he wants to punch me every other minute.

The doctor urged us to sit on the two empty chairs on the other side of his desk and in a minute he settled down as well, welcoming us with a bright smile.

"I'm glad you're both here today" he said somewhat cheerfully, but I could sense he's about to get serious any minute now.

He might seem dorky, but he knew what he was doing. Bonnie has did some research and asked around a lot about him before I took Stefan to him-he was really good in his field and he didn't seem like one of those people who enjoy torturing you and getting the life out of you by asking questions, even though that's what's probably going to happen now.

Stefan huffed at his words and I grabbed the chair handles with my shaky fingers. I smiled and said we're glad to be here too, to which again, Stefan rolled his eyes and that didn't go unnoticed by the doctor, who however wasn't making us uncomfortable by taking notes or anything.

His desk was a bit of a mess quite honestly, full of files or books.

"Okay, so, we're going to start with simple questions so that you can get to know each other better and see how much you already are aware of for one another, since Damon, you told me you two have problems communicating" he explained with a smile while Stefan stared down at his feet and refused to let a word out "As you know, Stefan," he turned to my brother directly "this is also part of your probation and I'll have to send my observations on your behavior to your social worker before he finishes writing his report on you, alright?" Stefan nodded, letting him know that he does understand.

He was fully aware that violating his probation was going to most probably result in him being taken away from me or ending up in juvie again-he was supposed to be coming here and he has missed his appointments with the group on couple of occasions, so I was starting to worry what will happen if this doctor decides to write all about this in his report.

Yet he has assured me that he wants to try and really help his patients, instead of sending them back to the system, which made me believe he'll probably miss notifying Ric about Stefan's lack of attendance here. Stefan knew well enough that fighting, stealing, running away-all of this was forbidden. As well as he alcohol, which is why I was on pins and needles every time he was supposed to make a test, especially that week when he was drinking himself to oblivion, though he didn't seems scared at all, he's been in the system for a long time after all.

"Okay, let's start with something simple" the doctor said now seriously, though still welcoming "How do you both feel about being here?" I looked at Stefan who didn't seem to be eager to start talking, so instead I took matters into my own hands

"I'm happy to be here, I think it will give me the opportunity to get to know Stefan better" I responded with a smile and the doctor nodded as he turned to Stefan who rolled his eyes

"Well, obviously, I prefer jumping off a bridge to being in this room, but I wasn't exactly given a choice."

"And do you know why you weren't?" doctor Hunter asks extremely calmly and Stefan nods, but he doesn't actually respond, which somehow is okay with the doctor "Good" he hummed to himself as he stared down at a file on the desk, but didn't open it, instead he looked back at us and shot another question

"Why don't you two start by telling me how you met?" he looked at me again, since Stefan obviously needed some time to warm up to the idea of speaking up in the first place

"I found out about Stefan from my mother" I start explaining and he listens to me carefully, while Stefan sinks back in the chair "She was on her dead bed when she told me that she had a child from another man and that she gave it up for adoption."

"What was she suffering from?"

"She was dying of brain cancer. We found out that she's sick around Christmas last year and four months later she was dead." I swallow hard as I try not to go back there, though the doctor obviously notices this

"That must've been very hard for you, taking care of her, watching her fade away?" he asked and I nodded, squeezing my eyes for a moment, before I felt Stefan staring at me from his seat. When I looked up, I caught a glimpse of compassion in his eyes, but it quickly faded when he looked away and embarrassingly fiddled with his fingers.

"What about you, Stefan?" he turned to my brother this time "How do you feel about that?" Stefan shrugged and stared down at his sneakers

"I don't feel anything" he let out sincerely "I never had a mother. Only girls that were like sisters to me in some foster homes and who took care of me when I was young and sick."

"What about foster moms?" he asked instead and Stefan shook his head "Not even one was good to you?" Stefan furrowed his eyebrows as if he tried to think of something, to remember it

"There was this one lady" he speaks up "I think I was about eight years old" he says carefully as if he's not sure it's even true "She was very nice to me, she wanted to keep me with her, I remember she even thought about adoption, but it all fell through"

"Why so?" I found myself asking instead and Stefan shot me a surprised glance

"Her husband died and she lost her job so she took me back to the orphanage."

"Has this happened often?" the doctor asked this time and Stefan laughed

"Well, obviously!" he joked "I am still in the system, aren't I? People give up kids all the time when they see how hard it is to actually care of them."

"Sometimes they don't" doctor Hunter says

"I wouldn't know" Stefan responds getting frustrated by all these questions

"Do you think Damon will give you up?" he asked next and even though I knew Stefan hated the fact that all those questions were directed to him, I was aware however, that after all this therapy was so he would get better and not to solve the problems that I had

"Most probably" his answer surprises me and I give him a confused look

"I wouldn't!" I respond right away, interrupting their conversation, though the doctor didn't seem to mind "Stefan, I would never give you up!"

"You've got no idea how many times I've heard that" Stefan says with a sad smile and I want to keep reassuring him that I'm not going anywhere, that I have no intentions of letting him go, but doctor Hunter doesn't give me the opportunity to speak

"Do you like living with him?" Stefan shrugs his shoulders and says yes "What about everything else? How is school going? Are you getting enough rest?" Stefan just nods and refuses to actually talk about it all in detail "I know you have a history of getting in trouble with bullies? Is there anyone bothering you?"

"No" he answers a bit too abruptly, which is how I know he's lying. He always rushes into answers when he's trying to cover something. Doctor Hunter notices is at well, but he doesn't pressure him about it anymore.

"Your brother told me you had troubles sleeping" he picks up another subject. I'm amused by how lightly he changes the topic. I can't make Stefan talk about anything "When was the last time you had a nightmare?"

"Damon" he says my name but looks at the psychologist, who seems somehow confused "Not my brother" he clarifies "Just Damon" I can't say that it doesn't hurt me when he says that and doesn't even look at me-it does and I have to swallow my pain down my throat and remind myself that he still doesn't consider us a family and that was alright, he needed his time.

The doctor nods, agreeing with him and waits until he speaks again

"And I think the last one was three days ago" I sigh again and nervously run my hand through my hair-I didn't even know about it. Then he asked Stefan if he got them often and he responded that now not as much as before, which was a good thing, but I would've appreciated it if he has told me something was wrong and he wasn't feeling that good.

"Let me ask you something, Stefan" the doctor fixes his glasses and leans on his desk, watching Stefan in the eyes, which somehow didn't seem to bother my brother at all now "What do you want to happen from now on?" Stefan gives him a confused look

"I don't understand" he responds warily

"Do you want to keep going to school? To apply for college, to have a good home and live with Damon or do you want to go back to living with abusive foster parents and have no direction in life whatsoever, only to end up in juvie again?" Stefan seems a bit taken a back, he can't get where this is coming from and even though the doctor's been quite calm when he asked him those stuff, he probably took it as an attack and whenever he felt threatened Stefan either became very silent or fought back. Most of the times, he shut himself out to the world

"It seems to me like you aren't trying that hard here."

"Are you kidding me?" he asked completely blown away by this statement and I feel the need to defend him, but the doctor grants me a look asking me to stay calm and observe

"You're lying, Stefan" he says with a smile and leans back on the chair "And you know what, that's fine by me, when you're ready you'll tell me what you want to tell me, but you also have to remember that you can't be reckless now. Your brother caught you drinking a few weeks back-that's stupid and irresponsible, especially while you're on probation. You could've been caught." he scolds him, but it sounds more like advice coming from him-his voice is not judging, it's calm and understanding.

Stefan laughs sadly and looks at the doctor seriously for the first time since we came here

"All my life, I've watched people get drunk in front of me" he starts calmly "They would use alcohol to drown their pain and misery. I watched them hurt me, I let them hurt others for I was too weak to protect them." he swallows hard and I want to look away and not see all that pain in his eyes, but I just can't "Then, I would sit on the floor and cry. When I was little, I would cry for hours until one day I stopped. I just kept watching, observing, letting it all sink in-the way they got drunk, the way they intoxicated everything around them too, me included. _They drunk me with their pain,_ with their sorrow and they left their tears in the form of scars on my back" at that point it was hard for me to even listen to him

"And in the morning, I would still be drunk. I can tell you, I am hangover even now. _I am forever drunk in pain_" he ended his monologue and gripped the chair handles "So, by all means, you can call Ric right away and take me back to juvie. I won't sober up any time soon. And to answer your previous question" he continued, his voice getting hoarse "I just want all this pain to stop, but it won't, so it doesn't really matter what I do from now on. I'll carry it with me forever."

We remained in complete silence for the next few minutes. Obviously, neither I nor the psychiatrist have expected him to say that. Stefan on the other hand, seemed to be back to his calm and non-caring self, he leaned back and closed his eyes, hoping for this to be over as soon as possible, he loathed being here, I could see it.

Doctor Hunter prescribed him some pills to help him sleep better and then asked for Stefan to wait outside while h explained, that I should be very patient with him, that we need to keep coming in order for him to make progress. He advised me not to pressure him when it comes to talking about his past and to keep a close eye on him as he could lash out and do something stupid. I promised that I will and when I finally went outside, I found Stefan smoking on the hood of the truck-he looked young, but tortured and I didn't scold him about it, even though I wanted to.

I refused to let it sink in right then, but his words had hurt me and at the same time I was so worried about him and I loved him so damn much, I wish I could tell him.

I guess in ways, I was as scared as he was.

* * *

We start driving home, but I stop a few blocks before our flat and decide to buy some stuff for dinner from our local shop. I ask him if he wants to get in with me, but he just shakes his head-he seems so lost in thoughts ever since we left doctor Hunter's office and I was too-I think partly the reason I decided to stop now was because I couldn't concentrate on driving-all I could think of was Stefan's words about being eternally drunk in pain and I had no words to describe how much they had affected me.

A minute after I go inside, I turn around to check on him and see him already on the hoop of the truck, just like in front of the doctor's office, taking a cigarette out and as I turn back around to the aisles, I shake my head and wonder what the hell am I going to do with this kid.

I get lost in thoughts and forget half the stuff I wanted to take, so I have to go back in the different sectors to look for what I needed. By the time I finally make it to the cashier, I realize that I must've spent about twenty minutes in here and I get concerned that I left Stefan alone for too long.

Just when I'm about to pay, we hear a tremendous noise coming from outside and both me and the girl behind the counter turn abruptly only to see a bunch of guys staying in circle and yelling something. My heart sinks as I leave all the groceries behind and push the glass door open only to hear them yell and even kick-they are about six or seven people and they're staring at two figures fighting on the ground.

There's no one else on the sidewalk-everyone were crossing on the other side of the street, avoiding the fight, which however wasn't that untypical for this part of town. I pray that the red shirt I'm seeing on the ground isn't my brother, but I know he is and by the time I manage to make my way between the people so closely standing to each other and yelling, I realize that not only is this Stefan, but that he's crushing the other guy.

He was standing above a boy dressed in black and he was smashing his face. There was so much blood on it already that I felt like he would soon choke on it. Stefan seemed to have been lost in his own world-he didn't hear the crowd yelling, his eyes didn't register all the damage he was making, all he was aware of was, that he had to keep punching that boy.

His knuckles were bruised and bloody and I noticed that his lip was busted and his left eye was getting blue and swollen, but in comparison to the boy he was trying to kill, it was nothing.

"Stefan!" I yelled at him, but he didn't seem to register my words "STEFAN!" I yelled again and rushed to grab his fist.

I pushed him to me, using all my strength and when he finally turn his head in my direction, he got out of his trance. He looked me in the eyes and he knew something was wrong-I must've been pretty worried by that point, but all I could think was, how to get him out of there.

With the corner of my eye I noticed the girl from the store observing us-she would soon call the cops and then Stefan was screwed-he would go back to juvie and there's nothing I would be able to do to stop them. I pulled him sternly to me, but it seemed that his legs were limp-suddenly, he was terrified.

He stared down at the boy whose face was bloody and who seemed to be losing consciousness and then he stared back at his hands-he couldn't believe that he has done this, but now was not the time to think. I pulled him once again, harsher and urged him to the car

"Come on! Come on, we need to disappear before they've called the police."

The other boys kneeled behind their friend though one of them noticed us trying to get away and I felt his hand on my shoulder. Luckily, I managed to brush him off and get inside the car. Stefan soon followed, though the other boy was desperately trying to catch up with us and get the revenge for his friend.

I drove off as fast as I could while Stefan panted next to me. I looked left and saw him trying to catch his breath, his hands were on his chest and his eyes were wide open-he was having a panic attack. I grabbed his knee and squeezed it tightly.

"Stefan! Stefan look at me!" I urged him and he complied "Grab my hand!" I ordered and he took a minute before he obeyed-he was frozen with fear, he couldn't move at all, but I found his cold fingers and tightened my grip around his bloody hand. The pain from his bruised knuckles being pressured by my fingers brought him back and in a few minutes his breathing eased "What the hell was that?" I asked then angrily "What on earth were you thinking?"

"I-I-" he stuttered "Oh, God, I could've-" he mumbled

"You knocked him out! If I hadn't stopped you God knows what could've happened!" I yelled at him and he sank deeper into the seat "I can't believe you! Why would you do this? Have you forgotten that you are on probation! That something small an insignificant will bring you back behind bars! Is that what you want?" I continued raising my voice and he clenched his fists, but not angrily, he was just trying to get himself together

"Stefan! I asked you a question goddammit!"

"He-he-" he began stuttering again "He was there when they killed my friend" he explains slowly "He was there when they killed him and-" he stops as if it all flashes before his eyes "He passed by me and started calling me names and he said I was a coward and I just….I don't know what happened, I can't….I don't understand" he said confused and I closed my eyes for a minute letting it sink in.

I've seen what he was capable of-sometimes when we fought, he would get like this, he lost himself in it and all he knew how to do was keep going, keep punching and hurting-all that anger building up inside him for those years of abuse, was finally getting out and he had no control over it. He simply couldn't understand what he was doing-he was losing himself in his own pain-drowning in it and then lashing out, because it hurt too much, he couldn't bear all that-it was suffocating him.

"Damon, what's happening to me?" he asked once I parked the car in front of our building "What-what-I…I don't under-"

"Shhh" I soothed him, he was back to shaking again, he would probably have another panic attack, or an episode or whatever they call it-he was breaking down in front of me.

I tried to grab his hand, but he was shaking so hard, he wasn't registering me being there for him. I opened the truck door for him and slowly lead him upstairs-his eyes were void, his hands still bloody and he was shivering so bad, I was starting to worry he'll lose consciousness-the sweat on his forehead was cold and he was extremely pale. I put him on the couch sitting and covered his weak shoulders with a blanket, but he wasn't himself and I felt bad for lashing out on him.

"They'll call the police" he said frantically "They'll catch me and they'll-"he gasped "Damon, I can't go back there!" he said and looked at me, finally just as I was bringing ice for his bruised knuckles. His eye has swollen-it was his bad one, but I was hoping he would be alright physically, it was his emotional state that was worrying me.

"You're not going anywhere" I assured him as sat next to him and pulled him closer to my chest. He kept mumbling things that hardly made sense and I kept consoling him. I was hoping he would fall asleep, but I would be lying if I say that my heart wasn't clenching at the thought of someone ringing on our doorbell right now and taking him away-I was scared too. I was terrified.

"You shouldn't have taken me" he finally whispered while still shaking in my embrace "You shouldn't have" he repeated louder this time "I brought you nothing but pain."

"You are my brother" I stated seriously as I buried my hand in his messy hair "You belong with me and I'm not giving you up to anyone-not police, not social services, no one. If you go somewhere, I follow." I promised him and I felt his tear wetting my shirt.

I gave him two from the pills doctor Hunter prescribed and he fell asleep twenty minutes later. I tried to calm down and think rationally, hoping that those guys won't call the police, that maybe, they were afraid to do so, if they had illegal stuff like drugs or guns on them. I was praying this was the case and as the evening progressed and nobody burst into our front door to take my little brother away from me, I started calming down and think about him and what would I do about this-he wasn't stable, he could hurt someone without actually realizing it and then he would end up locked up not for months, but for years. But what scared me the most, was that he could also hurt himself.

I was startled when I heard my phone ringing. My heart jumped once I realized it was Ric, I knew that can't be good news.

But it wasn't what I thought it would be-obviously, he didn't know about the fight. He was calling to tell me that there will be a "surprise" visit from him and another social worker tomorrow to inspect how things are going in the house and ask us a few questions.

And I knew right there.

We were screwed.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reading. As usually, it's not all rainbows and unicorns in this chapter, I'm known for not writing happy things, however Stefan lashing out and not realizing what's happening to him is in a way similar to his bloodlust in the show and his struggle with it. To answer the reviewer's question: I am sorry, but I have no plans to write more Stelena for this story. For that, as I have said before, I have seperate SE fanfictions (though I'm not currently writing a new SE story). If I start something and decide that it's good enough to post it, you can check it out, but the Defan stories and the Stelenas remain separate! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Damon's POV **

I was observing Bonnie carefully wrapping Stefan's hands in bandages.

Last night I didn't have time to think of this and I've just put him to bed, hoping that he'll calm down and that in the morning we'll have the opportunity to talk about everything that happened yesterday.

However, Ric's news, that a social worker will be coming to inspect everything that's going on here scared the hell out of me and I couldn't figure out what to do. I poured myself a glass of bourbon and kept walking nervously around the house, watching as Stefan peacefully slept on the couch with his face swelling more and more with every passing minute-there was no way we could hide that, he would be half blue by tomorrow morning and we would be completely screwed.

I called Ric a few more times, hoping that he'll pick up and ask him to cancel the meeting but he never answered, so that left me feeling even more hopeless. To that add the stupid headache that I've been having for weeks, that just refused to go away-my head was throbbing with this awful steady pain and I felt like my heart is somewhere up there at the back of my damn brain, just bugging me and trying to burst out.

I believed it was all because of the stress at work and I was sure it will go away once everything's settled, but I've already finished a second bottle of aspirin for less than two weeks and I was doing a good job hiding it from everyone. I think Bonnie knew though. She has seen me stagger so many times in the office, there's no way she hasn't noticed.

However, now we had bigger problems. The social worker was about to knock on our door any minute now and I was going out of my mind. Stefan, on the other hand-he was pretty calm. He woke up in three in the morning after I broke a glass in the kitchen. He has calmed down, he wasn't scared anymore and he was surprisingly silent. When I told him what's going to happen, he just smiled sadly, shook his head, patted me on the shoulder and went on the balcony to smoke. He didn't leave that place until dawn and I was starting to think he has lost all hope.

"There's no way I can cover this with make-up" Bonnie exclaimed once she finished patching up Stefan's hands and looked at his half-blue face and his swollen eye. He couldn't even open it. And that didn't seem to bother him at all "It's just too bad." she sighed as she gently touched Stefan's cheek and he winced. Then she gave me an apologizing look and I nodded. I knew that perfectly well, we couldn't fix this, not now. I was hoping that the social worker will show us some mercy.

"Don't worry" Stefan said patiently "It will all be fine" he was trying to calm me down and when he looked up and our eyes met, I realized that he actually means it. I had no idea what his plans were, but I was hoping he would be successful.

"I am not watching you being dragged to some orphanage or group home!" I said worriedly "Only over my dead body are you leaving this damn flat. "

"Damon" he said sadly and he shook his head "I appreciate that. But some things are just inevitable." as if on cue, the doorbell rang and I straightened my freshly ironed shirt nervously.

Bonnie has come early this morning and helped us clean the flat, she picked us nice shirts and helped us look presentable. As far as this was possible. I loved her. Without her help, we would be completely lost. I kneeled down to Stefan's level for a moment and put my hand at the back of his neck while Bonnie rushed to open the door

"I am not letting you go. No matter what." I explained and he smiled as he reached out and placed his bony pale hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. He looked terrible. Even with the bruises, you could still notice the big dark circles under his eyes, he wasn't shaking, but he was so thin as if he would stand up and just break. What happened yesterday has scared the shit out of him. He didn't know he was capable of causing anyone so much pain and I was blaming myself for teaching him how to fight. This was all my fault.

I haven't even realized when Bonnie has let the social worker in and with a cough she announced that they are in the living room. Both Stefan and I stood up nervously and I saw a woman in her late thirties, dressed in a nice pencil skirt and white shirt, enter. She looked really stern and she immediately took a skeptic look around, as if she was in the worst place possible. Her glasses made her eyes look cold and distant and hair was tightened into a bun. She looked like every kid's nightmare if I have to be honest and I swallowed hard.

"You must be Damon Salvatore" she said with a very cold and serious voice as she walked to me and Stefan, her heels left a deadly sound on her way "And you should be" she looked down at the green file she was holding "Stefan Williams."

"That's right" my brother responded silently and with a light smile. She didn't seem disturbed by his look, though I noticed her eyes widen a bit at the sight of it, which wasn't a good sign. She didn't seem surprised though, as if she expected to find us like this "Where's Ric?" he asked before I could even form any thoughts, I was already slightly shaking and I followed Stefan's example of hiding my hands behind my back

"He had an urgent business in New York so he couldn't be present." she explained as if bored by our questions "Which, however, is a good thing, considering how forgiving he was towards you until now, Stefan" she looks down at her file again as if everything bad is written there and I wonder if Stefan's photos of him being beaten up are there. Those that Ric showed me the first time I went to see him. They made me feel even worse and the throbbing in my head increased

"This is your fourth home in the last six months am I correct?" she asks and starts writing something in her file, refusing to look at us and treat us like human beings.

"Fifth, madam" Stefan responded calmly. I envied him. She shook her head as if she was already judging him and sighed annoyed.

"Okay, let's see how things are around here." she looked at me and I cleared my throat. We showed her around the house, Stefan's room, mine (I've taken down the punching bag, afraid that she'll hate it), then the kitchen while asking Stefan questions at the same time.

Things like does he like it here, how am I treating him, if I'm taking enough time to spend with him, all things like that. Then she started asking me about his behavior. We were playing it cool, I wasn't really lying here-I told her he had problems sleeping and that he needs some attention when this happens, I also didn't hide the fact that we were having problems before we adjusted living to each other and she seemed to like our honesty. She somehow got a bit warmer towards us by the end of this damn interrogation, but she surely wasn't pleased with the fact that Stefan's face looked like this.

"Where did you get this nice bruise on your face, Stefan?" she asked when we settled down on the kitchen table. I knew Bonnie was in the living room, nervously waiting for this to be over. She was as worried as I was.

"I'm training at school" he explained and I froze. This was a lie "I'm a runner and I fell down the other day."

"And you bruised knuckles in the process too, huh?" she nodded at his hands and he shrugged, but not at all uncomfortably.

Stefan was the picture of a calm person during this whole thing. While I was sweating nervously, he was smiling politely and answering all questions with patience. I was so surprised by this. He was nothing like the boy who broke down before me last night. Then again, I realized that he was pretty freaked out as well when I saw him hiding his fists in his pockets while we were in his room-he was trying to keep up a strong façade because of me

"It happens" he smiled at her and for a moment I saw the boy who was rebelling the system all this time, just because he hated it so much for scarring him like this.

"Can I have a word with you alone?" she asked him and turned to me. With a heavy heart, I stood up and left the kitchen-whatever was going to happen, would be now and I knew I'm about to go out of my mind.

I've just closed the door behind me when I realized that I'm crashing into something and when I looked down I saw Bonnie, who was trying to eavesdrop.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked her confused and she put her hand on her mouth and shushed me

"Shut up! I'm trying to hear what's going on." she scolded me and I raised my hands defensively

"Bonnie, this isn't right, we should just go back to the living room" I whispered, hoping that they won't hear me, the table was far away from the door and they were already talking inside

"You can't seriously tell me that you don't want to know what they are about to say to each other!" she protested quite loudly and I sighed annoyed as I rolled my eyes.

She was right-I wanted to know, but I was aware that it wasn't right for me to eavesdrop. This was between the two of them. Or maybe I was afraid….afraid to hear what Stefan has to say for me. Bonnie didn't wait for me to make up my mind, she just grabbed my wrist and silently pulled me closer to the door. We carefully leaned on it and at first I thought, that I won't be able to distinguish anything, but then I realized I could hear them perfectly.

Bonnie has furrowed her eyebrows and was listening intensely and her expression almost made me laugh. She noticed me and slapped me angrily on the chest, but I knew that deep down I just wanted to kiss her.

I tried to push that at the back of my mind, even though my head hurt like hell now and I winced as I fell another spasm going through me. She noticed and was about to scold me when I shook my head and put my finger to her lips-if we were going to listen, we had to be quiet.

"You seem to be really doing good at school and this place that Ric found for you is great, but I feel like you're hiding something from me" the social worker, who introduced her as Mrs. Kelly, started "For example the story behind that bruise on your face"

"That has nothing to do with Damon" Stefan interrupted her impatiently, even though I'm sure she had many other things to say "It was all my fault." he sighs and I can tell that he's probably running his bandaged fingers through his messy hair" I got into a fight."

"You know that you're on probation" she reminds with a serious voice now

"I do. However this had nothing to do with Damon." he repeats again "He has been nothing but good to me and he's been taking great care of me" he explains and Mrs. Kelly interrupts him while my insides twist in pain.

"Then why are you getting in fights?" Stefan remains silent, he obviously can't explain this and I hear her sigh "Look, I'll have to report this, since it is a violation of your probation and I guess we'll decide what to do with you-"

"But nothing happened!" Stefan raises his voice at her and I almost wish to go inside and hug him, since I can hear him starting to break down "If anything, I wasn't the one to start it and we didn't even go to the police!"

"I understand that, but you're not supposed to-"

"No, you don't understand!" he continues seriously and I hear him stand up "This is the first place where I feel like home! Damon is the first person in years who actually gives a shit about me and doesn't want me living with him just for the money! He buys me clothes, he feeds me, he takes me to the psychiatrist, he wakes me up when I'm screaming up at night, he helps me with school! I don't want you to come in here and take everything away from me. This is the only place where I actually feel good!"

"Look, Stefan, I am very glad that this is the case, but we also have to make sure that we've placed you in the right home and-"

Stefan laughs as he interrupts her once again. I'm starting to lose all ground under my feet and I raise my hand to the back of my neck-it hurts too damn much, I need another aspirin, but I try to neglect this, I was consumed by their conversation. I've never heard Stefan talk like this before and I was surprised. I admit that I never believed he would say something like this for me.

"The right home? You are having doubts about this perfect home and about this person?" he laughs nervously "Are you insane? Where were you when they were beating the shit out of me when I was five and then locked me in a closet and kept me there for days? Where were you when they made me stay on the front porch in the middle of the winter for two weeks straight, because I've eaten more food than I was supposed to, simply because I was dying of hunger? What about the time when they killed my best friend in front of my eyes and my foster parents kicked me out of the house because I was bringing too much trouble? Where were you when I slept on the streets for a month before Ric found me and brought me to his house, because there was no place to go? Do you need me to keep going? It's a long list, we can spend all day here!" he raised his voice even more while he told her all this and there was practically no need to lean on the door anymore-we could hear him perfectly and as my eyes met Bonnie's, I realized there were tears in her eyes which were already rolling down her cheeks and she was brushing them away carefully.

"What the hell is wrong with you people? Why do you want to take me away from the only person who gives a shit about me?"

I heard him pulling up a chair and sitting back down, they remained in silence for a few minutes, which gave me enough time to swallow down my tears.

"So you're saying, that Damon is the best thing to happen to you in years?" she asks patiently and Stefan mumbles a nervous "Yes". My heart beats so loudly that I'm sure even Bonnie can hear it "He is your biological brother, am I right?"

"He is." Stefan says now calmly

"How's that working out for you?" she asks him and I can't find a trace of her serious stern voice. Now she actually talks like a human being, who cares about what Stefan has to say.

He chuckles before he speaks up

"It's hard sometimes." he begins "I get very angry at him when I remember the fact that he actually got to have a family while his mother decided to give me up. But then" he makes a short pause "Then I remember, that it's not really his fault. It wasn't his decision to make and that in a way this is very new to him, but he's still doing his best. I think sometimes would've happened if after he found out, he hasn't come to look for me."

"What would've happened?" she asks and she basically speaks my own mind

"Well, back then I was bend on finding the people who killed my best friend and get my revenge, because they took away my only family. God knows where I would've ended up. I probably wouldn't be alive and standing here with you right now." he explains and I clear my throat nervously as I try to prevent my tears from falling

"In many ways…Damon saved me" he says with certainty and I just want to burst in and pull him to my embrace. I can't believe that he's saying this. I thought, that despite everything we've been through, he still hates me.

The social worker seems to change her mind and she promises him that she won't take him away, but that he needs to get his life together and stop fighting. She says she'll extend his probation by another week and that will be his punishment for getting himself in trouble.

When they're done and she leaves, I wait for Stefan to get back to the living room, I don't pressure him, I give him all the time he needs and when he's finally ready, about half an hour or so after she left, he came to me and he hugged me.

I kept him in my embrace for a while. He just didn't want to let go, he has been so scared, that they would take him away and when they didn't, he couldn't believe it. His bandaged hands were rubbing my back while I ruffled his messy hair.

"See, kiddo" I whispered "I told you, that you won't get rid of me so easy." he chuckled and fisted my shirt like a little child who just needed some support.

"Thank you, Damon" he mumbled and I pulled him even closer "For everything."

"You're welcome, brother" this time he didn't get angry when I called him brother. He didn't even flinch.

He accepted it.

* * *

**ONE MONTH LATER**

I woke up at the sound of someone opening my office door and I rubbed my eyes tiredly. I've fallen asleep at work, again. Actually, we were just about to finalize the agreement and we've sold almost all of our machines, but we were taking a few more weeks until we were finally done, since we had one last order to print a low-key book that no one would read. However, I agreed to take it since it could bring some money, that Stefan and I could use.

I winced as I saw Bonnie enter my room with a glass of water in one hand and pills in the other.

"You fell asleep again" she says, but she's not scolding me, she's worried. I've been feeling worse in the past few weeks and I couldn't get rid of those headaches, I was starting to worry, but I wasn't sharing this with anyone. I'm pretty sure she could see it, though.

I just didn't want to ruin everything. Things with Stefan were going great lately. He's been doing so good at school and he started training again. He actually had his first running race tonight and Bonnie and I were very eager to get there and support him. I still haven't seen him actually run as he said he wanted to surprise me and make me proud-he had every intention of winning at least third place tonight and with a smile on my face, I told him he'll probably be first. His coach told me he's his best athlete in the last five years. He actually had a chance of doing something great with this, maybe even win a scholarship for some college.

He got rid of his nightmares too, I don't know how it happened, but he woke me up only twice in the past month and even though the pain he felt was just as bad as before, I was glad that he was getting enough sleep. He cut down the cigarettes as well, I think the coach gave him a big speech about that too and he was actually doing quite well.

He surprised me last week when he took me to this place downtown-it was this small intersection between two larger streets and I wondered what we were doing here until we ended up in front of this empty old shop. He smiled and pulled me to the shop window, made me look at it inside and I was really confused since I couldn't understand what his agenda was here. Until he explained that he's been looking for a place like this for a while.

He took out the keys for the place from his pocket and opened up, as he told me that he wanted to give me this-he has listened carefully to my words and he knew that once upon a time my dream was to have my own book store. He has found this place with the help of Ric and he rented it for a month, but he said that the owner is willing to sell it.

It was his gift to me and he was hoping that with the money from the company, I could start my own business. He believed that much in me and he brought tears to my eyes.

I couldn't believe, that he would do something like this and when I hugged him and hid my tears from him, he smiled and said that I've done so much for him that this was simply a small price to pay.

We talked all afternoon about what we can do with the place, how he would help me fix it since it was in a pretty bad shape, how we could pain it and he'll find me cheaper bookshelves from a friend of his who is a carpenter. With my connections in the business we could open within months and he would work for me while he went to school as well as the summer vacation.

He was smiling so wide, I couldn't believe this was the boy I found months ago in this old hole of a house with a dirty ragged shirt and washed out jeans.

He has become my family and now he was doing this for me. I couldn't have been happier for the way things were between us.

"You look terrible, Damon" Bonnie pointed out as she passed me the glass and the water "I think we should just finally go to the doctor."

"It's nothing" I mumbled as I swallowed down the pills and drank all the water. Damn, I was so tired, even though I've been sleeping a lot more than usually lately. Stefan often found me passed out after dinner on the couch. He would cover me up and leave me there just so he wouldn't wake me, knowing how much I needed rest

"It's not nothing! You've been like this for a long time now and it's not going away. You gotta do something about it" she started scolding and she raised her voice, which made the pain in my head worse

"Can you keep it down, please" I asked of her as I finally stood up and would've fallen right away if I haven't caught the edge of the desk. Bonnie saw it and rushed to my side, throwing my arm over her tiny shoulders. She was so sweet when she was worried, it almost made me laugh. I would've, if the pain wasn't so bad

"It will all be-" but I didn't get to finish my sentence, because as I tried to take another step I almost fell down my knees. I felt so awful, so weak, I couldn't figure out what was going on and for the first time in the last month, ever since that pain got worse, I was scared.

"Damon!" Bonnie raised her voice sacredly, but she managed to pull me up

"I'm fine, just…just get me to the couch" I asked her with my eyes closed and she somehow dragged me there. I sighed as I finally settled down and I felt her touching my forehead.

When I finally opened my eyes, I saw her looking worriedly down at me. This wasn't good. Whatever was going on, it couldn't be good and for a moment I remembered my mother and how the same thing happened to her the first time I found her in the house, collapsed from the pain in her head.

I guess deep down that was the reason why I neglected it until now-I was afraid.

"That's it, we're going to the hospital" Bonnie said sternly and helped me put my jacket on

"No…Stefan… he has his competition, we can't-"

"Do you actually want to go there and collapse on the ground from the pain you're feeling? Are you out of your mind, you can't even walk right now!" she continued seriously, but I could sense the worry in her voice that she was trying to cover.

In fifteen minutes when the pain was still as strong and didn't seem like going away, she helped me stand up and got me in her car. While we drove off to the hospital, I kept thinking how this shouldn't be happening right now and I sacredly clenched my fists, trying to stop my hands from shaking. It would be fine, I knew it, I was just too stressed, that was it.

We waited about an hour in the waiting room and Bonnie helped me fill the form. She was nervously holding my hand and helped me get comfortable while I leaned my heavy head back to the wall-I was burning up and I needed something to help me cool off. She called Stefan, trying to get in touch with him and tell him we might not make it at all, but he didn't pick. He was probably preparing for this damn thing.

"Bonnie" I mumbled and she squeezed my hand harder "No matter what happens, don't tell Stefan , alright" I begged her and she shook her head "Please. He has enough on his plate right now, plus I'm sure I'll be fine. He doesn't need to know."

"You need to start worrying less about others and more about yourself" she whispered sadly as she bend down to kiss my cheek. I've never even got the chance to take her out on a date and I already regretted it. I should've listened to Stefan. He's been bugging me about it even more in the past few weeks

"He's been through hell" I say "He needs someone to take care of him."

"Yeah" she agreed "But who's going to take care of you, huh?" she asked worriedly, though I didn't get the chance to respond as the nurse called us. Bonnie helped me get up and when the nurse saw how bad I was, she intervened as well. I don't know how we made it to the room, but we somehow did.

The doctor asked me many questions. Questions that make me swallow hard, because I've heard them once before when my mom was in the hospital the first time. He wanted to know how long has this been going, which was a long time-for months, maybe even before I first met Stefan, I remember I had this week when I was struggling with a bad headache and then from that point it appeared and disappeared all the time, until it became persistent in the past two weeks. He didn't seem to like my answers and he took a long time to examine me, before he sent me up for a brain scan.

I hated this, I hated all of it.

I was supposed to be with Stefan now and I was sure, that we have already missed the race. God knows what has happened to him when he didn't see us there. I was just hoping he was fine and I kept urging Bonnie to call him, but he wasn't picking up and I was worried sick about him. He didn't need that. One thing could send him over the edge and I cursed this stupid brain for fucking up right now.

Finally, two hours later, they brought me back to the room where Bonnie was waiting worriedly for me. The nurse helped me settle down and told me to wait for the doctor, that he'll be here soon.

"What happened?" I asked her as she pulled the chair next to the bed and grabbed my hand right away "Did you find Stefan?"

"No, he's not picking up, but I called his friend Tyler and he said he's going to find him and take care of him" she promised with a light smile

"He'll hate me Bonnie" I sighed tiredly as I leaned back on the pillows. I was going to burst-I was worried about him and now this stupid headache. I didn't need more trouble that I already had. "I missed his first race and he's going to hate me."

"He'll be fine" Bonnie caressed my rough palm with her thumb "Don't worry about him. He's not as fragile as you think he is. He's a tough boy, he can take care of himself. He's done it for fifteen years."

I nodded and closed my eyes again. I was tired, but at least the pain has subdued. I just wanted to go home and lie in my own bed. We stayed like this for another twenty minutes and I would've started dozing off if the doctor hasn't come back in with a serious expression on his face. He smiled politely at Bonnie and me, but it was obvious he had something important to say and he didn't waste any time.

He placed an x-ray on a bright monitor that he just turned on and I saw what should be my brain. I rose up so I can see better, but I realized that my vision was a bit blurry. Bonnie joined me on the bed and took my hand in hers, intertwining our fingers.

"So, what is it, doctor?" I asked nervously and he avoided my look for a moment.

This was all so insignificant. I wasn't supposed to be here. I had to be with Stefan, watch him win. I had to be with my brother, celebrating, I should be taking care of him and instead I was here. Why the hell did I agree to coming? I didn't even want to know what was wrong. It was better not to know.

"I've got some bad news" he started and I swallowed hard. He looked back at the x-ray and pointed at a dark place on the left side of my brain "I ran tests and I wasn't sure about this until we actually made the brain scan" he looked me in the eyes "I'm sorry, Mr. Salvatore, it seems like you have a brain tumor."


	18. Chapter 18

**Damon's POV**

I was watching Bonnie nervously walking up and down the living room, while I observed her from the couch, my hands trembling, but I just didn't have much strength now after the doctor gave me all those medications to ease my pain.

We've been silent for a while now, we were at loss of words. I had no idea how to process everything that has happened tonight, the fact that I am sick and that I could potentially die, even though the doctor assured me that when I come again tomorrow, he will assign a proper treatment for me and maybe later we can think about surgery, was too much for me to handle. All of this seemed so surrealistic to me, I just…couldn't accept the fact that I am going to go through the same thing my mother did. It terrified me and it made me helpless. I had no idea what to do and the fact that Stefan still hasn't come home was making me even more nervous.

"You should really go to bed, Damon. The doctor said you need to rest" she stopped in front of me and sat down on the wooden coffee table in my feet. I avoided her look and buried my head in my hands releasing a loud sigh

"What the hell am I going to do now, Bon?" I asked tiredly "What on earth am I going to do? I-I just have-" she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly giving me a sad, but reassuring smile

"We'll figure it out, Damon. You heard the doctor, he'll help you choose a treatment, then if everything's working fine, you'll have the surgery and you will get rid of this thing once and for all."

"It's a risky surgery, Bonnie. I've seen this with my mother…I just-" I shook my head stubbornly, I was so desperate, I couldn't accept the fact, that this was really happening.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, I wasn't even thirty yet, I was supposed to take care of Stefan now-the thought of losing him just because I might be sick and won't be considered a good foster parent anymore, was even more terrifying than the cancer itself.

Let's not mention the fact that neither of those things could even work. If the treatment doesn't go as planned, I might not even be able to get to the point of surgery. And what happens to me in the meantime? I knew how it was with my mother-the constant headaches, the nausea, the vomiting, the pain, that just wrecks your body. Even if that thing in my head wasn't that big now, that didn't mean it wasn't scary and that it won't spread.

What about the surgery? It could leave me crippled. I might not be able to lift a spoon to my lips if it doesn't go right.

"And Stefan? What about him? I'll have to tell Ric and once I do, he'll take him away."

"We'll figure it out. I'm sure he'll also help, he won't just take Stefan away because you're sick. You will get better, you have to believe that, otherwise nothing will work" she was trying to be the optimistic one out of both of us, but the moment I saw the x-ray and heard the doctor's words as he explained that there was a tumor in my brain, I just completely lost myself.

This was too much-first my mother, then all this pain that Stefan has been through-a boy, who didn't deserve this life and he got it because of my family, and now me being sick, just after he has finally found a home.

It wasn't just about him anymore-it was also about me, as selfish as it might sound-he was my only family now, I needed him, I loved him. He was the only other relative I had on this earth and things with me were about to get really scary.

"You have to tell him, Damon" Bonnie read my mind but I shook my head

"I'm not doing that!"

"You can't hide it forever. What do you think will happen? He's not stupid, he will notice things-you're as pale as snow even now-"

"And it's going to get worse" I interrupted her.

I knew that, she doesn't need to remind me, but I sure as hell wasn't going to put Stefan through this. I can't let him lose anyone else, I had to do whatever it takes to protect him, even if it meant pushing him away.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was better if I told Ric and begged him to find Stefan another home, instead of letting him watch me die in front of him, especially if things get worse than they are now.

It would break his heart, but it won't hurt him as much. He said it himself, that time at the psychiatrist's office-he thought I'll give him up and even though I promised him I wouldn't, it might end up being the best thing for him. He can't deal with a sick person. Not at fifteen, not ever again-he's already seen too much death and he's been through enough pain

"There's no point in him knowing."

"What are you up to Damon?" Bonnie asks worriedly, noticing how deep in thoughts I was right now.

I sighed and shook my head again, refusing to share my thoughts with her for I knew she wouldn't agree with me, not right now for sure. I looked at her-she seemed so tired, exhausted just as me, dressed in her skinny jeans and purple top, big circles under her eyes, similar to Stefan's.

She didn't deserve this either-she didn't need to be here, not at all. We weren't a couple, she no longer worked for me, she had no obligations towards me. For a moment, I felt so bad for her, that I hated myself for not noticing or appreciating how much of a help she's been lately.

"Bonnie, you should go home" I start saying and she immediately furrows her eyebrows, disagreeing with me "It's late, I will wait for him myself" I glanced at the clock, which showed me that it's four in the morning and there was still no sign of Stefan. His friend Tyler has promised that he'll bring him home soon, but that was more than an hour ago and I was starting to worry even more "He'll be pissed anyway, you shouldn't be here for that."

"Look, Damon" she stands up, circles around the table and crosses her hand on her chest, staring at me seriously "I don't know what the hell are you thinking right now and I'm not judging you for it, since you found out that you have cancer only hours ago and that's a big deal, but I'm not going anywhere no matter how much you try to get rid of me-"

"Bonnie" I tried to interrupt her. I was already feeling bad, I didn't need to worry about her too

"No! Don't do this. Don't push everyone away just because you don't want them to suffer-me, Stefan, we are your family, we deserve to be here for you in this moment, so don't you dare try to get rid of me alright!" she raises her voice and deep down it makes me want to smile.

God, she was so beautiful in the moon light, scolding me in this motherly way, judging me for being too noble, which I wasn't-I was selfish and I've had it easy all my life.

"I know it's what you want to do, but it's not going to happen. Besides my grams, you and Stefan are my only family and I don't know how it is in yours, but in mine, we don't leave anyone behind." I stared down at my feet nervously, I knew that I needed her, I barely made it from the car to the flat tonight, but she had her own life, she had to look for a job, support herself, she couldn't deal with me right now.

She noticed me getting lost in my thoughts again so she sat beside me and grabbed my hands in hers, making me turn to her and look her in the eye

"I know it's hard" she said and I noticed the tears in her eyes "But I'm not leaving you." she leaned closer and our foreheads touched. God, how much I wanted to kiss her right now, no matter how wrong it was, despite the fact that it was the worst moment of it all, I just wanted to feel her lips on mine, but I pulled away before any of this could happen and she didn't even flinch.

"What if I…die?" I asked her as I stared in her deep brown eyes and felt her cupping my cheek. For the first time this evening, I was letting all my fears out loud and it was terrifying me as hell

"Shut up!" she scolded silently "You're not going to die. You'll fight like hell and you'll beat this cancer's ass. And you won't be alone." she promises again and I shake my head, but her palm doesn't leave my cheek

"It's not fair to you." I sigh and stare down at the emptiness between us "None of this is."

"Will you cut the crap, Damon?" she scolds again as she finally pulls away and we both lean on the couch, our hands intertwined, staring at each other and the messes we've both become. God, when did this all happen to me? Just when everything's starting to get better, I had to be sick. "I'm a big girl, I know what you're doing."

"Promise me, you won't tell Stefan!" I begged again and she slightly furrowed her eyebrows again, but I squeezed her hand in a desperate attempt to convince her

"I won't" she says "But you should." before I could answer her we finally heard the bell ring and we both jumped from our places.

I realized I've been so worried this entire time not because I had the worst night of my life and found out that I have cancer, but because Stefan was somewhere out there and I didn't know what was happening to him.

Bonnie rushed before me, since my head still kinda hurt and by the time I got there, she has already opened the door wide, allowing me to see Tyler barely holding onto what seemed to be a very drunk and half-asleep Stefan.

"Oh, God!" she let out once she saw how Stefan was barely keeping himself up.

He opened his eyes and looked around confused, then glanced at Tyler and hiccupped once. Tyler stared at us with an apologizing look and slightly shrugged his shoulders. My brother was still dressed in his sports clothes-black shorts and a big grey sweater which seemed stained with beer, his eyes were closing and opening every other second-he was so drunk, he had no idea where he was and the moment I saw him like this, I realized how much I've ruined him just for not going to this competition. For a moment I wondered what would he say if he actually knew what has happened tonight.

"I'm sorry" Tyler apologized for him "It took me a while to make him get in the car. Like…about an hour."

"What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse as I approached them and Stefan opened up his eyes again and glanced at me finally realizing who I am and a wide evil grin spread across his face

"Oh, look!" he exclaimed in his drunken voice "It's my favorite liar of a brother" there was such bitterness in his voice that it made my heart clench

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Salvatore, I tried to get him home earlier, but he's so damn drunk and he kept pouring glass after glass, that I had to shove off his hands" Tyler apologized again as I stepped over and came from Stefan's other side

"It's fine, thank you for bringing him home" Bonnie intervened and Tyler smiled, nodding politely

"It's the least I could do. He's like a brother to me" he explained and I thought how he's doing a far better job than I ever will, which made me feel even worse "He already puked twice so I doubt he'll feel sicker later."

"He just needs a good night's sleep" I say as I throw Stefan's arm over my shoulder, before he has thought about struggling

"Riiiiight!" he spoke up, this time raising his voice, surprisingly for all of us "Cause you know what's always best for me, don't you Damon?"

"Stefan, come on mate, don't be like this" Tyler patted him supportively on the shoulder but Stefan just laughed bitterly, which made the situation even more awkward

"Damn you and your perfect life Tyler, I didn't ask you to come save me like some superhero" Stefan huffed bitterly and Bonnie gasped, annoyed by his behavior

"Stefan! Cut the crap!" I scolded him and glanced at Tyler, feeling sorry for Stefan's words.

I'm sure he knew that my brother is just drunk and doesn't know what he's talking about, but I was certain, that deep down this wasn't about Tyler at all-it was about us.

Bonnie apologized to Tyler and sent him off as I closed the door and kept helping him move inside-he wasn't heavy, but he was drunk and he smelled awfully, I wondered how much he drank tonight.

He wasn't supposed to be doing this-things were finally going good with him and now he's ruined it. No, I ruined it. I fucked it all up tonight, just because of my stupid brain.

"You didn't need to be rude to him, he was just helping out!" I pointed out but Stefan just laughed again as we moved to the living room, I could see in his eyes, all that anger he's been holding up against me, it was finally going to show. I've hurt him deeply tonight-I broke my promise to be there for him whenever he needs it and I wasn't.

It wasn't about the competition itself, it was about him finally gaining confidence and believing he could do anything he wants-he was throwing himself out there and he needed my support, so he would know he's not alone, but once again, he has ended up just like this.

"I don't care anymore" he let out angrily, but I knew he was so damn hurt "I don't give a shit about anything or anyone."

"Stop saying that, Stefan, you don't mean it." I tried speaking calmly, but he was angry, he wanted to kick my ass for lying to him, so he pulled away from me, before we've even made it to the living room and in his drunken state, managed to push me back

"Fuck you, Damon!" he yelled "You are just another lying piece of shit. All those promises about never giving me up, about always being there, about helping me out whenever I need it, you know what? That's bullshit!"

"Stefan, please, something happened, the buyers came and wanted to discuss things with us, I couldn't leave" I tried explaining, even if it was a lie. He didn't need to truth, not now, not ever, no matter what Bonnie says.

"Lies, lies, lies" he smiled bitterly again "You're all full of stupid lies, Damon. I can see it in your eyes and you know what, I don't give a damn why you weren't there, actually I am glad that this happened tonight, because it was just another proof I was right all along about you" he leaned on the wall for a moment because he started staggering and even though I wanted to help him, I knew he wouldn't let me "You're just another rich, spoiled brat, who's big on words but has nothing real inside him. "

"It's not like that, Stefan, please, I don't want to fight you, I just want to explain!" I tried again, but he shook his head and attempted to make another step, but he was so drunk, he would've fallen if I haven't caught him in the last minute.

He pushed me away again as we just entered the living room, and grabbed the end of the couch with his pale fingers-we were both sick right now. We both had our diseases-he was broken by sadness and pain and I was dying because of a black spot in my brain that my doctor showed me only hours ago. We were both fading away, I could see it now and all that pain he carried inside him-it was worse than any disease and it has been slowly killing him all those years-he had no more strength. He couldn't hold on and it was breaking my heart.

"Admit it!" he turned around to face me and I noticed how ruined he actually was as I stared in his green eyes

"Admit what?" I asked confused, not following his thoughts anymore

"That you don't give a shit about me. Never did!" I started shaking my head stubbornly and just when I was about to speak up, he interrupted me again "Come on!" he yelled "ADMIT IT!" he wanted me to give him the truth, to confirm his suspicions, but he couldn't have been more wrong "What? You don't want to talk now?" he approached me and I stared down at my feet again, not knowing what to do exactly when I felt him grabbing my collar and pulling me to him "Look me in the eyes you coward and fucking say it out loud! You never gave a shit about me!"

"It's not true!" I regained my confidence and pushed him away, I knew what he wanted-he needed to fight this off. He was so angry, he could smash my face and kick my ass in matter of minutes if he wasn't so drunk "Stefan, it isn't true!" I tried again and grabbed his wrists, but he pulled away immediately and staggered back. I barely caught him before he fell and gently pushed him to the couch "I care about you. I always have, ever since I met you."

"No" he said sadly again, no longer laughing or angry, his emotions were all over the place or he wasn't just getting tired, I didn't know which one was it. I heard Bonnie open the front door and soon she followed in, when she saw us, I gave her a sign to wait and she stopped abruptly staring at us intensely.

"You feel sorry for me" he leaned back on the couch, barely holding himself together anymore, he was so lost in this alcohol, I had no idea if he'll remember anything he said tomorrow "And there's a difference. You're guilty, because your mother left me and kept you, but I don't want your pity, Damon. I just needed you and once again tonight, I realize that I am completely alone in this world, so you can save your breath and your explanations. I don't need them" he looked me in the eye for a moment and I swallowed hard.

I had nothing to say to this-he was right, even though I didn't want to admit it. This all started out, because I felt guilty and all that was just too much for me to handle, so I decided I have to find him no matter what.

But later, when I realized that he's a good kid, who's just had a really awful life and began spending time with him, I felt as if we've known each other forever. I felt as if we were brothers. I'm not sure he had the same feelings though-he was just a child who wanted to be loved.

He didn't want to be fixed, which is what I've been doing all this time-pushing him to get better, making him go to school and have good grades, dealing with his problems because he was yelling his lungs out at night-and he has obeyed me, no matter how much he hated me, because he was looking for my approval and wanted my love. I realized that I've been acting like my father all that time and I hated myself even more. I've become the person, I never wanted to be.

Bonnie helped me put him down on the couch and he didn't fight us, I think he was just really tired. In a few minutes he was fast asleep and we both moved to the kitchen, not knowing what to do anymore, but sure that we couldn't sleep, not right now.

"He's just angry you know? It will pass" she tried to calm me, but I shook my head stubbornly, it wasn't about him being mad at me anymore, it was about me being so damn angry at myself. When I didn't answer, she continued

"I know it's none of my business" she began silently as she sat down on the table and handed me a cup of tea "But I saw the adoption papers on your desk a few weeks back." I raised my eyebrow at her confused, not sure what she wants by bringing up this topic "You should do it. You should adopt him."

"Not anymore. Not with what's happening now."

"The cancer shouldn't be your reason for-"

"It's not even that much about it anymore" I interrupted her "Yes, it is a great reason, cause let's face it, I might not make it out if the surgery and the treatment don't work out, but this is also about him. You heard him, Bon. I've taken him up as some charity case."

"That's not true. You love him and he loves you" I laughed sadly, just like Stefan did only minutes ago

"No, he's never said that, I doubt he will ever mean it. He doesn't even want to accept that we are related in a way, let alone anything else. He hates my guts and he's been fighting with himself all this time."

"You couldn't be more wrong" she shook her head and reached out to grab my hand, squeezing it supportively "I'm sure, that he cares for you. He is just a boy, an angry teen, who is still figuring the world out and that will pass with time. He will grow up and see things clearly." I smiled, but stood up and reached out to one of the top drawers where I was keeping some documents. She watched me curiously as I finally dug out the folder I've been looking for. Then I tossed it on the table and nodded at her

"Open it." I asked of her and she gave me a worried look

"Why? What's this?"

"It's his file, just open it." she gave me another minute to add something, but I didn't and I watched her open the thick blue folder. The moment she started going through the pages and came to the awful pictures of a six-year-old boy being beaten to death, she looked at me and pushed it away

"Damon, this…this is-"

"Terrifying? Awful? You wonder how it's possible that someone could hurt a boy like this? Let me show you more" I was stubbornly keeping up this charade, maybe because I needed to convince myself how right Stefan was when he spoke those words tonight "Well guess what? It's not the only time" I sat down and began unfolding the file before her, showing her gruesome photos of his bruised back or his bloody face-it was all the same-broken bones, bruised ribs, head traumas, internal bleeding-at different ages-six, ten, twelve, eleven, fourteen-he's been broken so many times, it was hard to grasp and as I turned page after page, she began crying and fisting her small trembling hands.

I knew this by heart, I've opened the folder so many times after he came home, especially at nights when he woke up from his nightmares-I needed to see it every time-all those people who broke him year by year and leaving the mess of a boy in my hands.

And the worst of it-it was our fault. This was on my family-we destroyed a boy's life, so we would live happily ever after. And he was right to hate me-for every bruise or broken bone on his body, he would hate me and I wouldn't blame him.

"Take it away!" she begged as she finally looked away and covered her mouth with her hands "Damon, please, take it away!" she asked of me once more and I closed the folder.

One of the photos fell through-it was the one on the first page. It was from a month before I found him where he was wearing that blue sweater and had a big bruise on his right eye. I picked it up and stared at it-it broke me just to look at him.

Silence fell upon us and it took me a few minutes before I could finally look her in the eyes-she was still crying, but was trying to brush away her tears and look stronger for me-she didn't need to be, though, cause I was everything but strong now and I didn't even feel guilty for that.

"I could never really be his parent or guardian or let alone brother" I said barely audible "Not after what we did to him. He spent years wondering why he was given up, he was sure his mom would look for him, that maybe she had to leave him for some misunderstanding and that she'll soon come and he'll have his family. He had hope. And then one day, he lost it all and transformed it into hate. But he didn't know who to hate back then. Now he does."

She didn't fight me this time. I think she was just too shaken up to form any words and I didn't say anything else.

Soon, we heard Stefan shifting in the other room and when we went there, we found him tossing and turning on the couch, having another nightmare and begging for someone not to hurt him. He has raised his hands and tried to protect his face, while mumbling something under his nose. He would fall back and start tossing every half an hour.

And we couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

I was coming home from a walk with Bonnie and carefully opening the front door. I knew Stefan might still be sleeping. He came home late again last night and I wasn't even trying to stop him anymore.

Ever since our fight two weeks ago, he tried spending as little time as possible with me. Besides his burst out back then, he hasn't risen his voice or mention how disappointed he was in me, but we were barely speaking anyway.

I still haven't talked to him about everything that was going on with me, but I've told Ric and he said that they won't just take him away because I am currently sick. However, if things got worse and I was found incapable of taking care of him, he would have to look for another home, which is why he also pushed me to tell Stefan.

But I just couldn't bring myself to it, I didn't want to do it. On so many occasions, I stayed wide awake at night, waiting for him to come home after another party he has gone to get himself drunk and I thought how easier it would be just to call Ric and ask him to find him a new place now, before I've completely ruined this kid.

And then, when Stefan would come back and collapse on the couch, I would always hear him yell in his sleep or shift nervously, or just going to the balcony and smoking there until dawn, and it was killing me. I couldn't do this to him. I had to try and maybe fix things and if I manage to do so, I could probably try to bring myself and tell him.

I stopped just as I closed the door and leaned on it-I was so damn tired lately. We began the treatment last week and it was already killing me. If it hasn't been for Bonnie's help, I would've never made it from the hospital back home. She's been taking care of us, cooking things when she could or even doing our laundry since I've been a mess these days.

We also called Tyler and partly explained him the situation, asking him to take care of Stefan when he can and take him out more, so he wouldn't somehow suspect that something's wrong with me, though he wasn't actually showing any interest in talking or even asking how my day was.

He would come late at night and go straight to bed without even eating or wouldn't come home until late after midnight. He's been doing worse, I could see it. Ever since that night it was hell at home and things were going downwards. I tried talking to him a few times, but he would only respond with a _"yes"_ and _"no"_ or _"leave me alone"_ and that was it. We haven't been to the psychiatrist's office at all, even though we've agreed to going after the probation has passed.

He just refused to look at me. And I was bend on changing this today.

I slowly made me way inside and found him on the couch with Bucky in his feet. The dog has grown significantly and often he would be Stefan's only company-I felt like some days he talks more to him than me.

"Hey, Stefan" I greeted him and he looked at me, but didn't really answer. It seemed as if he's woken up just recently, a cup of coffee was on the small coffee table next to him and the big circles under his eyes were terrifying. He was a bigger mess than me right now even though I was the sick one. "I thought you have some meeting with the coach today."

"I quit the team" he responds hoarsely and stares back at the TV. I watched him rub his forehead tiredly-he surely must be having a headache if he drank himself to oblivion again last night.

"You did what?" I asked stunned that he has taken such a radical decision. He loved running. It was the only thing keeping him sane

"Actually, the coach kicked me out." he explained as I settled down on the chair next to him and sighed tiredly "I'm sure that's just another disappointment for you."

"Don't talk like that. You are never a disappointment" I hurried to reassure him, but he just stared back somewhere behind me, refusing to acknowledge my words.

Lately, it seemed as if he doesn't care about anything at all. He wasn't bothered by his poor grades or my efforts to try and help him. He wouldn't care if I begged him not to come home drunk, so I just let him be, hoping that he'll get back on track once he stops being so angry. But the thing was-he wasn't angry anymore. He was just indifferent and that scared me even more.

"Come on" I urged him as I tossed a sweater in his direction and he glanced at me annoyed "We're going out. You have to help me paint the shop. I've bought the materials weeks ago and we're nowhere near getting started. We have to move."

"I don't want to go anywhere" he responded stubbornly and Bucky jumped on the couch and barked happily when he sensed that we would be going out

"Look, Stefan" I began seriously as I stood up in front of him "I know that you hate me and that's alright, you can continue hating me, but you made a promise and you're not a guy who lies, so will you come with me now or not?" I tried again and he stared at me still not convinced that he should listen to me.

He obviously felt like hell, but that made two of us-it's been a hard day for me and my head has been killing me ever since I woke up. I remembered the doctor telling me the chemo might make it harder before it starts working, but that wasn't really troubling me-I was more concerned about the surgery he wanted to do next month if everything's going fine and the medications are working.

That was scaring the shit out of me and I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do with Stefan. I might be sneaking around now, but a surgery was a whole different thing and I had no idea who'll take care of him while I'm in the hospital.

Or if I'll ever wake up after that thing at all.

"I'll buy us burgers on the way home, promise" I tried convincing him once again and surprisingly he agreed. Even though very unwillingly. I smiled to myself while he was tying his shoes and hoped that things would finally start getting better today. I could talk to him about everything that's been going on, maybe try to explain or make him understand that I really do care for him. If not that, at least things could be better than they were now. This was the first time in two weeks he was showing me he's actually willing to make an effort.

When we drove down there and started working, it turned out better than I supposed. He wasn't really talking that much, but he wasn't snapping at me either.

We began painting the wall in a deep red color and at some point, I decided to joke around and splashed some paint on his face. He pretended to be angry at first, but then he waved his hand and the brush stained my t-shirt. We soon turned this into a play and I actually saw him smile. I know things between us were still very much fucked up, but at least we were making a small progress and that's the best thing right now. Once we finished with half the wall and moved some shelves around in order to maybe hang some, he went by the truck to grab our tools.

Just then, I stood u abruptly and felt my head spinning. I leaned on the freshly pained wall and breathed heavily. My other hand ended up on the back of my head as I could feel it throbbing harder than before. I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt everything going dark before me and prayed that it will pass away. I've felt sicker the previous week and I thought that would be it, but now, I thought that if I try, I wouldn't be able to make a single step and not fall.

"Damon?" I heard Stefan's voice somewhere behind me, just as I staggered and leaned on the wall, slowly falling down on my knees, I couldn't see anything before me, I felt so sick and the pain was so unbearable, I could barely make out anything "DAMON!" he yelled and I heard him drop the tools and run to me. Soon his hands embraced my shoulders and he pushed me to his chest "Damon, what's going on? Damon! Damon, please, what's happening?" he yelled desperately and I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I couldn't let them go, simply because I hurt so damn much. I knew I was starting to lose consciousness.

I opened my eyes and saw him stare down at me worriedly-his face as pale as mine, worried sick. I've never felt worse after the treatment started and I cursed myself for letting this happen, but no matter how hard I tried to fight it, I was losing it.

All I could see was him yelling something at me, slightly shaking me, but I could no longer distinguish his words.

And soon the darkness consumed me.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, honestly, I thought that people have stopped reading this story, but after the last update and the reviews you guys left me, I was obviously proven wrong. Thank you for all your kind words and I am sorry if I've inflicted so much pain in misery. I seriously didn't think I'll get such a reaction, but anyway, I am glad that you enjoyed it...at least to some extent. It's harder to write for brotherly ships especially if they are for a show already dying and especially when the brother relationship there is completely undeveloped. Every time I start writing something Defan, I wonder if there's anyone to read it at all, but I am glad there are such enthusiasts out there. As for the story, I have planned this a long long time ago, it wasn't some spontanious desicion, it was in my notes from the start. You'll just have to be patient and see it through. To those of you who no longer enjoy how I write, I am sorry and to those who believe that I've made progress, I have only one thing to say-Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm swamped with college stuff, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next. **


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: Everything in Italic is a flashback. **_

* * *

**Stefan's POV**

I was sitting on the dusty floor of the shop I've rented for Damon, leaning my back on the still freshly painted wall. The paint has started drying, but I could feel the damp stains it was leaving on my white shirt's back-I was a mess, red spots were covering my face and my shirt-they had scared even the doctor when I rushed Damon to the ER. He thought I was hurt too.

I wish I was.

I gripped the neck bottle so hard, I thought I might actually break it, but I didn't. Instead, I raised it to my dry lips once again and took a big sip-I wanted to drown myself in alcohol, pretend that I haven't seen anything tonight. That Damon would walk right through the door any minute now and scold me for something stupid. I refused to acknowledge the fact, that only two hours ago, with trembling fingers I found him collapsed on this very same spot I was sitting on now. I still remember the way he looked at me just before he lost consciousness and I squeezed my eyes as I relived everything that happened after that for the second time since I came back here.

_I was nervously walking up and down the hospital hallway, waiting for the doctor to come back. It's been more than an hour since they rushed Damon inside and no matter how many nurses I asked, none of them would tell me what was going on. _

_I couldn't just sit down and try to calm myself-I was nervous, terrified, trying to figure out what was going on. I haven't been that scared since Mike's death and I refused to go down that road, since it would simple end me right now if I remembered how bad it was. _

_Damon is not going to die. _

_Maybe he just overworked himself, he's been so busy with the company's sale and all that, it must've just got too much for him. And the truth was-I didn't make it any easy either. _

_Guilt crept into me the moment I saw them rushing him inside-I've been horrible to him lately. I didn't talk, I pushed him away and only now was I realizing that he seemed so off these past few weeks, ever since my running competition-he was silently taking every curse I yelled at him and I still remembered that same night when I told him he doesn't care about me. _

_I believed it back then, I am not so sure I was right, but I believed it. _

_I had no idea what to believe in now. _

_It was true that I rarely caught him home-he was always mostly out with Bonnie and I drank myself to oblivion every other night-I've completely neglected the fact that something might be wrong with him. Only now did I remember all the times he seemed so pale and tired, all the moments he didn't have dinner with me, all the evenings I found him awake in the kitchen, staring at the TV or going through some documents. _

_He has lost weight. I've realized that when the paramedics put him on the stretcher and got us all in the ambulance-he was always so strong, full of extra energy, pushing me to be better, to do good and now he seemed…broken._

_What was happening to him? What was wrong? What did I miss while I was so self-absorbed in my own selfishness? _

_Why did I push him away? He didn't do anything wrong! He just missed a stupid game that nobody cares about and I've turned my back on him because of that. How stupid was I? He didn't deserve this, not after everything h's done for me. He dug me out of this endless hole I was falling into, he pulled me up, he got my life right, he helped me. God, he knew all the awful things I had done and he still kept me in! He was the best foster parent I ever had. _

_I needed to stop thinking in past tense. Damon was fine. Nothing was wrong with him. He would be all good, I won't lose him. It's impossible, this is Damon._

_I finally saw the doctor, who rushed him in some room once we brought him here, come to me with another nurse. He seemed as if he knew Damon from before and that surprised me even more, but I though he might've seen him here when Damon's mother was sick before. The doctor gave me a tired smile and handed the file he was holding to the nurse behind him._

"_Where's Damon? How is he?" I asked without even giving him the chance to open his mouth "Is he alright?" the doctor's fake smile faded but he didn't seem to be bothered by my questions_

"_May I ask what's your relation to Mr. Salvatore?" he asked, of course he will, they always do that before giving any kind of information. _

_For a moment, I fell so alone, I didn't know what to do or say-up until now, I've always denied any connection to Damon, but the truth is-I was just refusing to accept things as they are. Admitting we were really brothers, meant I had to let all that pain from his family giving me up in, and I wasn't ready for this._

_But right now, I wasn't ready to lose Damon either. This wasn't the time to be selfish-that's all I've been doing lately. If I had cared more, now I wouldn't be asking myself why I haven't noticed all those changes in him and I would know if there was something wrong with him._

"_I am his brother" I say without hesitation and the doctor smiles as he nods, happy that he won't have to ask for someone else to come here. He surely seemed tired. Just as Damon before we went to the shop, I realize as I let it all sink in once again and remember all the details._

"_Well, you have nothing to worry about, this was all just a bad reaction to the chemotherapy. I told Damon, he might have some troubles and that he needs to rest more, but apparently he hasn't been following my advice" he explains and I almost lose all ground under me. I refuse to acknowledge what the words mean._

"_What do you mean chemotherapy?" I ask dumbfounded and he slightly shifts before me as he runs his hand through his messy already a bit white head_

"_Well, he had his first dosage last week and-"_

"_But why?" I asked again, getting frustrated at the lack of information. What was this guy even talking about? What treatment? Why would Damon need to come here? He was all fine. He had to be. "I don't understand."_

"_Didn't your brother talk to you?" the doctor asks again as if he's finally letting it all sink in. _

_His expression changes and he swallows hard, looking at me even more tiredly, he obviously hadn't expected that, whatever this thing was, he thought I already knew. I guess my face said it all, because he sighed and put his hand on my shoulder, leading me to the chairs in front of one of the rooms. I shivered at his touch, but forced myself not to pull away-I think that if I don't sit down, I might actually collapse, just like Damon did and I couldn't afford that now_

"_Look, Stefan, right?" he asks for my name and I nod. "Your brother has a brain tumor." he says and I stare at him completely lost._

_Suddenly everything threatens to swallow me whole-there is no ground underneath me, no chair to sit on, nothing to hold on to-it's all gone. I hear the doctor explain something, but I barely distinguish the words, I only know he says something about treatment and surgery, but I zone out to the rest of it. I just can't let it sink in._

_I refuse to. _

_It's not true, it can't be. Damon's not sick. He is no dying. There's no possible way he would disappear from my life like everyone else already did. Yeah, that's right. The doctor was just blabbing some bullshits. He must be wrong. I'll ask him later about it. Damon probably just had another one of his headaches, because he worked too hard and that was it._

_And then the nurse helps me stand up, after I don't actually respond in any way to the doctor. She leads me down another hallway, I can't make out anything from the things surrounding me, it's like I'm walking in a dream and I'm so desperately waiting to wake up. _

_That's probably it-I had another nightmare. I've fallen asleep on the couch and Damon hasn't even come home. He probably would soon. He'll wake me and I'll apologize for the way I've been acting. _

_And then she leads me to his room and lets me look through the window, because he needs to rest now. When I see him, I realize that it's not a nightmare, that the doctor isn't wrong, he couldn't be. _

_My brother was lying helplessly in his bed, all sorts of tubes coming in and out of his hands, an oxygen mask on his face-he was pale like the sheets underneath him and his messy hair was stubbornly sticking in all directions. _

_He was so weak…I've never seen Damon that weak. _

_I stepped forward and raised my big rough hand to the glass-it was cold, just like me, but I touched it in one desperate attempt to reach out to him. I felt the tears in my eyes well up and threaten to fall, but I couldn't cry-that was just another weak thing to do. Another thing, he did not deserve. He had sacrificed everything for me and what did I do? I acted like a selfish spoiled brat and hated the one person who ever wanted to help me._

_I've been right all along, I realized as I watch his chest rise and fall so slowly, it was giving me chills-he should've never taken me with him. _

_All I ever do, all I ever touch-I destroy. Everyone who's ever wanted to help me, is gone-that's the ultimate truth. Ever since my birth, my mother gave me up and like a curse, every time I let someone in, I destroyed them-Damon, Ric, Michael, that woman who wanted to adopt me, all the foster brothers who have helped me-all of them, either death or dying or with lives more screwed up than you can imagine. _

_I should've never let Damon in. I brought this upon him._

_And I couldn't watch him die now. I just…couldn't. _

_God, I would trade my life for his any minute now, because no matter how much I denied it, the truth was that I loved him. He was the only person in my life, who actually came in and didn't let me get away with my bullshit-he loved me unconditionally and made sure I always make the right decisions. And eventually, when I've hurt him the most, he still gave me what I needed-space and time to think._

_And now…we were here. He was dying and I was staring at him through a stupid fucking hospital glass, unable to do anything for him, after he literally saved my life. _

_I pulled away, stared at him one last time and then ran._

_I ran like hell._

I felt my phone buzzing and I took it out of my pocket with much effort, only to see that it's Bonnie. I've been calling her ever since I took Damon to the hospital, but I'm guessing she has finally found out what has happened and was trying to reach out to me. I bet she knew about this all along, which only made me hate the world even more. I tossed the phone in the opposite direction and watched it crash.

This wasn't fair.

If anyone was going to die, it had to be me, not Damon.

"Why?" I asked as I looked around me, desperate to find an answer "WHY? WHY IS HE SICK, HUH? WHY IS HE DYING?" I yelled at the nothingness as I stood up and tossed the empty bottle on the floor. I staggered for a moment, almost fell even, but I managed to steady myself by gripping one of the shelves we've brought for the bookstore we will never open. I laughed out tiredly and pushed them down, then started kicking it "Fuck it!" I yelled and then leaned down to grab the brush still stained with red paint. I tossed it at the wall, I destroyed the whole thing-I needed something to kick, to fight, to receive answers from.

I needed to know why.

So I clenched my fists and hit the walls, the shelves, I kicked all the paint and watch it spill on the floor, leaving a red spot on the dirty floor underneath me. I hated the entire world. This was all too much.

"I can't…I just can't." I finally let out as I kneeled on the floor and helplessly dropped my hands to the sides. I couldn't take this. It was too much. I couldn't watch him die before my eyes. I've lost so many people already. I've watched Mike die in my hands after they shot him and I barely made it out of this whole thing alive.

I should've died back then…I should've died so long ago.

I finally let my tears go and their warmth on my cheeks made me hate myself even more, so I brushed them stubbornly away and stood up, staggering on my way to the dark sweater hung on one of the shelves. I smiled as I thought how a few hours ago, I've put it here and everything was alright-Damon wasn't sick-we were fooling around, playing with the paint. And now here it was-unchanged. Just like the world would be once he's gone-nobody would care. It will all just keep moving.

All but me. I wouldn't take it.

I could for once, make it easier for Damon. He was sick, he didn't need to take care of me right now, he didn't need to bother with a selfish kid who had no place in this world. He needed to take care of himself. He didn't need me, making his life a living hell.

I took the sweater off and put it on with much effort. It wasn't so much that I felt cold, I needed it for something else. I searched through the pockets and when I found what I needed I smiled-the same knife Ric has dug out of my bag all those months ago when they arrested me, was still as cold and as sharp as before.

I smiled through tears. Then I put it back in my pocket and looked around, searching for the brush. When I found it, I picked it up and went to the white parts of the wall.

When I was done writing, I took a step back and smiled.

Then I headed up to the stairs, leading to the rooftop.

**Bonnie's POV**

I opened the door of the shop downtown and rushed in, desperately looking for Stefan. I received a call from the hospital about an hour ago and it took me a while to get there since I've been at my grams house all weekend.

I was so worried that something has happened to Damon, that by the time I got there, I was already crying and not even trying to hide it, but when I found the doctor and he assured me everything's fine, I somehow managed to get myself together and come back to my old strong self.

It turned out Damon just had a bad reaction to the medication and he hasn't gotten enough rest, but now he was even awake and they let me see him. He's been trying to get himself discharged all that time and when I finally found myself in the room, he was begging a nurse to help him get up.

Once he saw me, he tried convincing me as well and it wasn't until he explained what was wrong, when I realized why. He said he collapsed while he was with Stefan and that he brought him here, but now his brother was nowhere to be found and Damon couldn't reach him. He said the doctor explained to Stefan, that he was sick and he had no idea what was going to happen now or where his brother was.

I tried to calm him down and made sure that he really is alright before I started looking out for Stefan myself. I called his friend Tyler and he promised me he'll look around in case Stefan has gone to some party, but I doubted it-I had no idea what his reaction could be once he found out everything, but I was sure it wasn't going to be good.

Damon was going out of his mind and the nurse hated me for coming here and making him so nervous, so she practically kicked me off his room, but I promised him I'll find Stefan and come back. I think they were supposed to give him more medications later, which would surely sedate him, so at least he could stop worrying about this.

I went outside the hospital and kept calling, but I knew he won't pick up, so I sat down and started thinking, wondering where he might go. I thought about the park where Damon took him, then the playground where he rode his bike and then the field where he ran and I jumped in my car and went to all of these places, but he was nowhere to be found.

Just when I thought that would be it and he might've just run away again, I remembered the bookshop downtown-Damon mentioned they were there this evening, so it was logical if Stefan has decided to go back. I rushed there and when I found the front door opened, I exhaled-he had to be here.

But as I looked around me now, I realized just how serious things were-he has wrecked the place, destroyed everything in here-there were broken shelves on the floor and spilled paint everywhere, but it wasn't until I turned to the left and saw something on the white, unpainted part of the wall.

There were three words written there.

**Forgive me, brother.**

My heart clenched as I saw them and I stepped away, terrified-the feeling that something awfully wrong was happening, wouldn't leave me. I was trembling, I barely breathed in and out-Stefan wrote this. And if he did, then he was going to do something stupid-this was his last message, not only an apology for not knowing what was wrong with his brother, but also for something he was about to do and suddenly, I got so scared, I frantically looked around me, desperate just to see him coming from somewhere.

And then I noticed the stairs leading upstairs, in the other corner. I remembered Damon telling me there is a way to get to the roof and that he and Stefan liked watching the sunset from it sometimes.

I rushed there and started climbing them as fast as I could, despite the fact that my heels were killing me. I started yelling, calling Stefan out, but I wouldn't get an answer, so I just stopped and tried to calm myself-he had to be somewhere here and when I find him, he will be alright.

Once I finally got to the roof, I saw the hatch was opened. I swiftly jumped on and found myself surrounded by darkness-it was already so late in the evening, close to midnight and if it wasn't for the light coming from the windows of the nearest buildings, I wouldn't have even noticed Stefan sitting on the edge opposite of me.

"Stefan! Thank God!" I exclaimed and ran to him, but he didn't even flinch. He was dressed in his blue jeans and a black sweater-he has put the hood on, so I couldn't even see his face, and his hands were hidden in the big kangaroo pocket, he was slightly shivering.

"Stefan?" I asked again as I finally calmed myself and settled down next to him. His feet were hanging from the roof, but I knew he was safe, there was plenty of space behind us. "Have you been drinking?" I asked when I realized he smells like bourbon and he finally let a sad laugh, before turning to me-I caught a glimpse of his face and it was as white as Damon's. He must be feeling sick if he was drunk right now.

"Does it really matter?" he asked with his very hoarse voice and I sighed, not knowing where to start or what to say. I had to convince him to come downstairs with me, so I could take him home and make sure he's fine.

"I've been trying to find you." I say, hoping to convince him that I'm not here with any bad intentions "You scared the hell out of me and Damon."

"Why?" he answered seriously "Don't you think it's just better if I…say, disappear?" he didn't look at me, but I noticed him staring at the night sky. His words scared me, but I chose to ignore them, giving it out on the fact that he wasn't really emotionally stable right now. I knew, for I wasn't either.

"Look" I began seriously "I am sure that you're hurt and Damon didn't want you to find out about it like this, but-"

"You knew all along, didn't you?" he interrupted me and I swallowed hard, but nodded, as he was finally looking at me, again, his eyes were teary, his face was stained with red paint, he seemed exhausted and on the verge of falling asleep, for some reason he was also trembling uncontrollably, even though the night was warm. "When did he find out?" he asked next and I swallowed hard, knowing far too well this was going to hurt him

"On the night of your first competition" he didn't even flinch, but I saw it in his eyes-my words were just another slap in the face for him. He looked so broken, I was afraid something will happen to him if he tries to stand up "He has been weak for a while and I begged him to go to the doctor, but he wouldn't listen. That night he almost collapsed in my hands. We ended up in the hospital and they told him he-"

"He's dying" he finished my sentence and I shook my head stubbornly

"He will be alright, Stefan. They'll make the surgery, then continue with the treatment and he'll be fine."

"You don't know that" the said as if he was tired of listening everyone explain him how it will all be right in the world. It won't be-his life was fucked up.

"I'm all alone in the world" he admitted and granted me a tired stare again "And I'm too tired to fight anymore. I can't watch him die. I ruined his life, Bonnie" he continued before I could even interrupt him "I did not deserve him."

"Stefan" I shook my head again and reached out to him

"I never hated him" he admits and I nod, I knew that, I always knew it. "Never. I was just angry."

"I know that, Stefan. He does too." I explain patiently as I gently grab his hand and pull it out of his pocket, but don't break eye contact with him, he just needs to reassurance that it will all be fine "Come on, let's go home, you and I. It will all be fine, you'll see" I say, but he doesn't register my words, instead he smiles sadly and I finally find his hand and squeeze it hard, but the moment I do, I realize something is very wrong-I feel something thick and sticky there and when I look down, despite all the darkness surrounding us, I realize it's blood.

"Promise me, you'll be there for him. Promise me he will get better." Stefan mumbles and when I look back up at him, I realize he's not pale because he's drunk-he's pale because he's losing too much blood.

I roll his sleeve up and pull his hand closer to my face, only to see a deep cut on his wrist. I grip the wound tightly and almost yell out

"Stefan! No, no, no what the hell did you do? Oh, God, what did you do?" I start pulling him to the inner part of the roof, but he doesn't even move. He smiles and staggers when he can't keep himself straight anymore. I catch him and pull him to my chest. He ends up in my shaky hands and looks at me, smiling. I remove the hood so I can see his face-he has lost a lot of blood, his sweater is soaked with it, but because it is black and it was so dark around us, I haven't noticed it sooner. I gently lay him on the ground and look for something to tie his cut wrists with when he grabs my hand and pushes me closer to him

"Please, tell him, I love him" he begs and I shake my head, refusing to acknowledge that he's saying goodbye

"You'll tell him yourself!" I respond as I tear a piece of my shirt and wrap it fast around his wrist, he was barely keeping his eyes open, I knew he would soon lose consciousness "Come on, Stefan, stay with me, alright! Just stay with me!" I begged him as I grabbed his other wrist and squeezed the cut, trying to stop the blood. He just smiled at me, apologizing. I saw it in his eyes-he didn't want to stay, he wanted to fade away and it scared me way more than when I saw his wrists.

"I'm…sorry" he let out before closing his eyes and giving in the darkness while I frantically searched for my phone, desperate to call in for an ambulance.

By the time they came here, his chest was barely rising.


	20. Chapter 20

**Bonnie's POV**

"Let me see him!" I was watching Damon stubbornly trying to get to his brother's room.

Ever since I came back to the hospital with Stefan about two hours ago, I went straight to Damon's room and found him already sitting in his bed, feeling much better, I knew this would follow after I deliver the bad news.

He didn't even need me explaining-he saw all the blood on my hands and my ripped shirt, which I've desperately used to wrap Stefan's bleeding wrists with. I was shaking and crying and the moment he saw me, he jumped from his place and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and begging me to tell him what's going on.

When I looked at him, he realized that it's about Stefan, but I couldn't even speak up at first, I needed a minute to get myself together. A minute in which, his little brother might as well be dying and there was nothing we could do about it.

The moment, I realized all this, I spoke up and told him what happened. He didn't even wait for me finish. The minute he heard Stefan's hurt and has tried to kill himself, he was throwing the hospital gown, putting on his clothes and running down the hallway.

The doctor who has admitted us, was the same who was treating him, but he was nowhere to be seen

"LET me see my brother!" he yelled again to the only nurse left in the hallway where they've taken Stefan to.

Behind the doors in the distance, was lying a boy with ruffled blond hair and scars all over his body. A boy, who was barely breathing on our way here, a boy who was almost dead when they took him inside this damn building.

And here was his brother, a sick man, a man who was fading out himself. I almost smiled at the irony-they were both dying, one just currently faster than the other, they were both hurt and broken, they were both sick.

Why was this happening to them? What did they do to deserve it? The man before me was desperately trying to push the nurse off his way and get to his brother, find him, make sure he's alright, that he's alive, even though he himself was dying.

It was the saddest thing on earth.

"Please, you don't understand!" Damon was begging again as I stood behind them and watched him suffer "He's all alone, he doesn't have anyone on this earth, I am his only relative, please, you have to tell me what's going on!"

"I'm sorry, sir, your brother's still in surgery, I cannot let you in." the nurse was trying to explain, but Damon was relentless, he was angry, he couldn't figure out why they weren't just letting him see his brother "Sir, if you don't calm down, I'll have to call security!" she threatened now as Damon continued trying to pass by her and get to the doors at the end of the hallway. She was so desperate to stop him that she has raised her hands before her and trying to bring his attention to her

"Damon!" I got back to my senses. If Damon wasn't himself, I had to be, I had to keep him safe. I had to calm him down "Damon, come here!" I begged him as I grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it. He refused to even look at me, all he kept staring was the nurse and the doors behind her, resisting my every touch "DAMON!" I called him out and stood before him.

He finally looked down at me and he was so hopeless, so scared. I've never seen Damon so terrified in his life before. Not even when they told him he's dying

"Damon, stop it! You can't do anything right now. You need to let them save him." I said and for a moment he stopped struggling while the nurse left us alone and granted me a grateful smile one last time. I hoped she would really be back later, Damon won't hold on for much longer and I was afraid something might happen to him too. That's the last thing any of us needed.

"I can't just stay here! He's somewhere inside with his writs cut out, bleeding on the table! All because of me!" he yelled and I shook my head.

Of course Damon would blame himself, that was who he is, he would put others first no matter what, especially if it was Stefan. Stefan was his whole world, his only family.

"Bonnie, if he dies, I-I" he took a step back and buried his hands in his hair "He can't die. He just can't."

"He won't!" I responded with certainty as I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to me "Look at me!" I begged, though still a bit roughly, I needed to bring him to me, he was losing his damn mind and we couldn't afford this to happen right now "Damon, look at me!" I said once again and he finally complied "He needs you." I said slowly, so he would let it all sink in "You don't know what he told me before he lost consciousness. That boy inside" I nodded at the door "He needs you and he loves you more than you could even assume."

"He doesn't" he hurries to interrupt me like he always does, but I tighten my grip

"He said so. And I'm not coming up with it. He said he never hated you. He said he loves you and that you're the best foster parent he ever had." I see his eyes well up as I speak, but he also grits his teeth which is a good sign, he'll soon come back to his senses "You are his entire world, but above everything else, you are his brother" I swallowed and he closed his eyes for a moment "So stop being an immature child and act like one!" I slightly scolded him and he finally started calming down.

He took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes. A tear rolled down his cheek, but he brushed it away and I pretended as if I didn't see it. Then he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead

"Thank you, Bonnie." he said and I simply nodded. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the chairs in the hallway-the place was empty, but every fifteen minutes or so, a nurse would come out and rush to another room to grab something, usually blood. I tried to block Damon's view from it, but I'm sure he always saw it.

"How bad was he?" Damon asks after a while and intertwines his fingers with mine "For real, Bonnie. Just tell me." he begs and I look him in the eye, because I owe him that much. I feel the words on the tip of my tongue, but I don't have the strength to say them.

How do I tell him, that I heard the paramedics whispering that he probably won't make it, how do I tell him, that I've never seen so much blood in my entire life when I finally realized what was wrong? How do I hurt him?

"Not that bad" I lie instead "I'm sure he'll be alright" I say with most certainty and he sighs as if a little bit relieved-he believed me, at least for now. But his feet are shaking and even though the color of his face is back, he still looks so weak in his black shirt and dark jeans, his raven black hair was a bit too long and I buried my small hand in it, bringing him closer to my chest, hugging him, hoping to calm him down, but he was full of doubts and questions, most of all he was scared. "He'll be alright, I'm sure of it" I repeat, and this time I'm not lying, I really believe Stefan will be fine.

Damon doesn't even listen to me. The next couple of hours are complete hell, he keeps standing up and walking up and down the hallway, he would stop and sit on the floor, or jump in whenever he saw a nurse come out from some door. He was desperate and even though I tried explaining that he needs rest too, he didn't even want to hear it. The reason he ended up here tonight was because he wasn't taking good care of himself, and he just wouldn't listen to my advice to get him back to his room and get some sleep.

It seemed to me that they won't come out soon, which however was a good thing, it meant that they're still fighting for Stefan's life. If he was gone, they would've told us by now, or so I thought. I rejected any other possibility.

I couldn't convince him to get any rest, but I went to grab us some coffee and when I came back, I found him sitting on the floor, his back pressed to the wall, he told me the chair only makes him uncomfortable. He felt like those people in the movies, who are waiting for the doctor to come out and tell them that their loved ones are dead and he couldn't take it, so he preferred the floor, even if it was colder there.

I settled down next to him. I've changed in one of his shirts and a sweater, he couldn't stand watching me in my bloody clothes, it reminded him too much of Stefan and I guess it made him feel even worse.

I handed him the coffee and he reluctantly grabbed it.

"What's on your mind, Damon?" I asked as I saw how tired and lost in his thoughts he was. Something was bothering him so much. He smiled sadly and stared down at his hands

"I just…don't get it" he begins and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, which is why he continues "I know there are good and bad moments in life, and that we're all supposed to be okay with that…accept it even, right?" he asks, but he's not exactly waiting for my answer

"But what happens when the bad outweighs the good? What happens when the sadness silently and slowly piles up in your chest, falling in its beautiful yet cruel way and settling down on your heart like an autumn leaf? What happens when it doesn't end happily ever after? What happens when you look at a kid and realize they've seen more death than some adults? What do you do when they have no dreams or hope for things to get better?" he keeps desperately looking for answers that neither of us have. I swallow hard and try to come up with something, when he continues, with his hoarse and tired voice "What if they have no idea what those two even mean? And how do you convince them that it's worth it? How do you show them like can still be beautiful and good? Can one even do that? Can you show them there's a point in all this even when you're not certain of it yourself? How do I help him, Bonnie?" he asks the simple question last

I understood his doubts and all the guilt he felt, he thought he hasn't done anything good for Stefan, that he hasn't succeeded in convincing him that it matters, that his life is worth something, that he is not alone, that he should dream big and be bold and believe he can do anything he wants to.

Tonight, all his efforts went in vain, because Stefan couldn't bear the thought of being left behind and watching his brother die, so he decided to take his own life. And now that was killing his older brother. It was his mission to help him, it was his job as a parent, as a brother, to do something and he failed.

"You did everything you could, Damon" I say the most trivial thing, because I can't come up with anything else, and yet it's still true. He busted his ass for this kid, he made sure Stefan's fine.

"Did I?" he asks sadly "I knew before that he has hurt himself, I've seen all his scars, I've heard him scream and dig his nails in his flesh, because it took his mind off the pain. I've watched him destroy himself before me-drink, smoke, waste all his life, just because he can't even breathe normally from the sadness that was suffocating him and what did I do about it? I took him to a fucking shrink and made him to go there, because I didn't have the guts to pressure him to talk about it with me. I didn't care enough. I let others do what I should've done."

"That's not true and you know it!" I protested "Stefan didn't like talking. We've both tried, he just refused. He needed professional help."

"Yeah, and where did it get him? Look around us, Bonnie? We're in a hospital, praying that a fifteen year old doesn't die from his own cuts. This is wrong! Everything in here is wrong!"

"You couldn't have stopped this!"

"Yes, I could've! I left him wander the streets on his own in the past few weeks, because I was too busy taking care of my own problems! I watched him get drunk and come late from stupid parties where he did God knows what, I let him destroy himself and I watched from afar, because I've given up on him. Something, I should've never done!"

"I don't agree with you, Damon, but I won't fight." I say as I take a sip form my coffee and he bows his head down desperately. I wonder how he must still be awake, they've pumped him on medications tonight, he should be resting, yet I guess all the fear and stress was keeping him awake. I wasn't even feeling tired and it was almost dawn. "Do you know what will happen now" -I asked, hoping that he understands, that I mean him and the whole fostering Stefan thing

He shrugs and then leans back on the wall, I'm sure his head must be hurting, but he wasn't letting me know and he wouldn't, not with Stefan being somewhere fighting for his life.

"The doctors will surely call Alaric, if they haven't already, but I don't know what he'll do." I swallowed hard and thought that nothing good can come out of this. However, Ric understood how much Damon and Stefan cared for each other, he wouldn't just separate them. He cared deeply for Stefan, he wanted the best for him. Just when I was about to ask him something else, Damon jumped from the floor and I saw his doctor and a nurse approaching.

Damon rushed there and I soon followed, already feeling my legs shake nervously, hoping that everything was fine.

"Damon? What are you doing here, you are supposed to be in bed!" his doctor scolded him, but Damon didn't even bother

"How's my brother?" he asked right away, not even considering commenting on his doctor's words "Is he alright? Where is he? I need to see him! You have to let me see him!"

"Okay, calm down!" the doctor began and handed the file he was holding to the nurse next to him "You really shouldn't be here, but since I understand how hard this must be for you, I'll let it pass for now."

"Please, just tell me how he's doing!" Damon begged once again, not even slightly interested in talking about his own problems

"The cuts were very deep and he lost a lot of blood" the doctor finally began explaining "We almost lost him, but we managed to bring him back. We stitched him up and bandaged his hands. He needs blood transfusions so we're making sure he gets enough of that."

"But he'll be fine?" Damon asks and I can feel the relief in his voice while the doctor fixes his glasses

"He's still not doing great. He's the weakest fifteen year old I've seen, so he'll have a harder time recovering. I believe he'll be alright, but he'll need some rest and I'll also send a psychiatrist to talk to him when he feels better." he explains and I find Damon's hand, gripping it tightly. It will all be fine.

"Can I see him?" Damon asks and I can see how reluctant the doctor is "Please, I can't just sit here, knowing that he's lying somewhere all alone. I need to be with him." he kept begging and the doctor sighed tiredly, but he was giving in, I could see

"Alright, you can go in his room, but only you! And I need you upstairs in a few ours so I can give you your medications, alright?" he warns and Damon nods, not even listening anymore, but nervously waiting for them to take him to his brother.

The doctor sighs and leads him down the hallway. I send him off with a smile and tears in my eyes.

Stefan was alive. Broken, but alive. And that's all Damon needed now. He couldn't dare ask for anything else.

**Damon's POV**

I've been sitting on a chair next to Stefan's bed in the last two hours, not even daring looking away. I was tired, my eyes almost closed a few times and my head fell on the bed next to his weak body, but I always woke up-the monitor keeping track of his vitals was helping me with that with its constant beeping.

I was holding his hand and looking at him-he was pale as the sheets underneath him, but he was resting peacefully, at least for now. The sight of his bandaged wrists scared me and made the anger inside me burn my entire human being until I looked up at the half-full blood bag next to the bed and remembered how hurt he actually is.

The doctor was right-I've never seen a teenage boy that skinny or weak. All the strength he has gained from practicing with the team or working out with me, seemed to be gone. We haven't spent much time together lately either way and he has used this as another reason to destroy himself.

The dark circles under his eyes were the least scary thing about him now-he didn't look like a healthy fifteen-year-old. He was a teenager who just faced death. The doctor told me his heart stopped for a moment and I refused to think what would've happened if they haven't brought him back.

I swallowed hard as I looked down and tried to stop the tears from falling. Ever since I came inside and saw him lying there so helplessly, I just couldn't help it-no matter how ashamed I was from it, I couldn't stop crying.

The fact that he almost died scared the shit out of me and I haven't even began to think what would happen once Ric comes here. No matter how forgiving he was, I knew well enough-this was too much even for him. I was supposed to keep Stefan safe and I've let him almost kill himself. I was afraid of what was coming, but what I was more scared of was losing him, so I had to make sure he gets better now. I needed for once to do what every brother would and help him.

I leaned back on the chair and tried remembering a time when we were both happy. There weren't many of those-he was always so hurt that no matter what I did, he just couldn't fully enjoy himself, which is why as I watched him so helplessly lie there, I promised myself, I'll do everything in my power to make sure he has a better life.

Right after I thought about it, I remembered that I was dying and I nothing was actually in my control. If I haven't collapsed last night, he wouldn't have found out that I was sick and we wouldn't be here right now.

He wouldn't have almost died, he wouldn't have cut his wrists so deep that they needed hours to stich him back up, he wouldn't need me calling his best friend Tyler to come donate some blood, because my own is poisoned with medications, he wouldn't need to be in so much pain. I was the reason for his misery. I didn't make his life better-I turned it into a living hell.

Sitting there lost in thoughts, I almost skipped the moment when I felt his hand slightly gripping mine. Before I knew it, I was up from the chair and he was shifting in his bed, waking up.

"Stefan!" I called him silently, carefully, as if not even believing that he's coming back to me "Stefan, brother, I'm here!' I said louder now and he opened his beautiful green eyes. At first, he didn't register what's going on-he was so lost and he looked around him confused, he was still very sleepy and I knew I should've already calling the nurse, but I needed a moment with him

"Stefan, it's alright, you're safe!" I told him again and he looked down at my hand holding his. The bandage there scared him, it made something inside him flip and he gasped

"What's going on?" he said confused "Where am I?" he tried raising up, but I put my hand on his chest and pushed him gently down "I'm not supposed to be here" he shook his head "I was not supposed to end up here! Why am I here?"

"Relax, you're in a hospital. Don't you remember what happened?" I felt my legs shaking so I sat down on bed next to him and gripped his hand, in a desperate attempt to make him calm down, but he wouldn't have it. "You tried to kill yourself and Bonnie found you." I explain, the words making my throat dry and he listens to me for a minute before he starts shaking his head once again

"I am not supposed to be here!" his voice is so desperate and he tries sitting up again. I grab his shoulders and try to keep him calm "I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!" he raises his hoarse voice

"Stefan, please, calm down, it's alright!" I try again and surprisingly he listens to me while my heart breaks, he still wanted to be death, he still refused to acknowledge that he's here, and I felt like I can't breathe. "It's fine, you're better now, please, you need to lie down" I try again as I push him to the pillow and he breathes in and out heavily, his eyes sacredly roaming around the room, the monitor next to him is beating fast-his heart is pounding, desperate to get out of his chest. He's scared so I look for his hand again and tighten my grip, he doesn't respond however-I think he's in pain because he grunts and shifts uncomfortably, he doesn't have strength to squeeze back and I feel so bad about this

"You're sick" he says as if he finally remembers everything that happened before that "You're sick, you have cancer" he repeats and I swallow hard "You collapsed. How are you here?"

"I'm fine, I'm all better now, don't worry." I promised, but he shook his head, he was overwhelmed, he couldn't take this, all those emotions suddenly suffocating him

"You didn't tell me." he says "Why didn't you tell me that you're dying? You collapsed in my hands, I watched you lose consciousness" he blabs out and I see the sweat coming down his forehead, I had to get the nurse soon, he was restless and confused, I had no idea what to do. He tried sitting up again and this time I couldn't do anything to stop him-I was so scared. I thought you would never wake up.

"It's okay, it's fine, I'm here now"I say as I try to swallow down all my tears

"You were…you were so weak and I-I ..he, the doctor, he told me you have cancer and I just…I couldn't-I don't-" he was blabbing out loud, losing his mind before me and I couldn't stand it, so before I even knew what I was doing, I leaned, embraced his weak body and pulled him to my chest. He tensed at first and then he buried his head in my chest. I rubbed his back slowly and shushed him, as I also kissed the top of his head and held him close

"You'll be alright" I whispered and I felt his tears staining my shirt "You'll be all fine" I bury my hand in his hair and gently rock him, while I feel him embrace me with his slim hands. We both stay there on the bed-he's trembling, shaking from his cries, he just went through hell, he literally died and he was breaking in my embrace, but I held on to him, I wouldn't let him go for the world, I would keep him with me for as long as I'm alive and make sure he's alright, I wouldn't let him go.

"It's good" I kept whispering, hoping that he calms down.

When he finally pulled back, I helped him lay down on the pillows, but he wouldn't let go of my hand. He tried pulling me to him, but he yelled out from the pain in his wrist, which made me shiver with fear. It took me a moment to realize what he wanted from me-he pulled to the left and left a big space next to him, then nodded at it-he wanted me to lie next to him and I didn't even think twice about it. I slowly, carefully so I wouldn't touch any of his tubes, lied down and pulled him to my chest. He lied there and breathed heavily-his heartbeat was back to being slow and irregular and I looked up at the almost empty blood bag-he would need another one soon, but I just didn't have the heart to call for a nurse now. I wanted to make sure he's fine first.

I expected him to fall asleep, but he didn't. He tried to fist my shirt, but he was so weak and his voice was hoarse, so I needed to help him drink some water as he couldn't even hold the glass himself.

"Does it hurt?" I ask him and he shakes his head-he's lying as usually, refusing to let me know that something's wrong "You cut too deep, you'll need some time to heal."

"Are you alright?" he changes the subject, refusing to talk about him

"I'm fine, it was just a bad reaction to the medicine" I explain and he shakes his head

"Tell me" he begs "everything" and I look down, not sure if I should get there right now, but he deserved to know the truth.

I should've told him all about this the moment I found out what was wrong with me, I should've listened to Bonnie and now there was nowhere else to run-he knew and the least I could do was be honest with him.

So I started talking-I explained everything, that the doctor found the tumor, that there'll be a surgery and after that a treatment and I'll be alright, but I knew that he is not that foolish to believe me-he knew things could mess up and that I could not make it, but he didn't say a thing-he listened to me patiently and I felt him getting angry here and there, but as a whole, he didn't even shift. I knew that we were both angry at each other so damn much-we couldn't accept each other's actions. We didn't understand them.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks simply after I'm done talking and I swallow hard as I bury my hand in his messy hair once again

"Because I knew how much it would hurt you. I didn't want to do this to you. I didn't want to be another person, who messes up your life even more."

"You never messed up my life, Damon" he says calmly, though I can feel the tension in his voice "You saved it."

"Judging by where we are now, I doubt that's the case" I responded sadly and he tensed next to me. He knew what was coming and he didn't want to get there, but I needed to know, so I spoke up "Why did you do it, Stefan? Why would you want to kill yourself?" I ask and he buries his head in the pillow, refusing to look up, but I wait for him to start talking, patiently, knowing that he needs his time

"I've seen so many people die or leave me" he begins "And at some point, I realized that I just won't let anyone in anymore, just so I would stop the pain. So, I started pushing everyone away, even if they were good to me, I struggled and I fought with all my feelings and I learned to shut myself off from the entire universe. With time it became easy, it was actually so easy for me not to care that I started getting scared, I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I was a big mess of darkness and sarcasm and I couldn't care less what I say to people, I didn't give a damn if I hurt them or not. I didn't even consider what my words could do to them. And then one day Ric brought you to that house and the moment I found who you were, I knew that I have to push harder, no matter what, because you weren't just any person" he sighed and I felt his voice tremble while I gripped the bed in desperate attempt to stop my hands from shaking

"I knew it would be different with you, that you could break me and I didn't want that. I was pretty comfortable with the way of life I've chosen for myself-it was just that easy and I wasn't about to let you ruin all my efforts and my work for the past year since Mike died. So I decided to start hating you, I had to hurt you, I had to show you that you mean nothing to me." then he finally looked up and smiled

"But the thing is, I might be a stubborn ass, but you're way worse, Damon" I smiled too, even though I was trying to swallow my tears "You just refused to let go, no matter what I did. You didn't give up, you kept coming to see me, you kept making sure I'm fine, you wanted to know what's going on in my life, you cared and then you even took me in. So…little by little, you destroyed all my walls and I ended up letting you in, even though I knew it was a mistake. I realized it that night when I had the worst nightmares and I was so bad, that I was even delusional. You woke up and came to me, brushed away my sweat and helped me change my shirt. I was blabbing nonsenses, I couldn't separate the dreams from reality, but I remember you standing there all night, next to me, holding my hand, bringing me water, keeping me from digging my nails in my arms. And I let you do it. I shouldn't have, but I did and right then I realized that this is a choice I would regret for the rest of my life."

"Stefan, I-" I tried interrupting him, but he gripped my hand, begging me to wait some more

"But here's the thing-I don't regret it. I let you in and despite how difficult it is, I wouldn't change it." he continues stubbornly, his voice is very hoarse and he's fighting sleep, the blood bag above us was empty, I had to call in for the nurse "When I found out you're sick, I thought that I can't watch you die. I couldn't lose another person that I cared for, I wouldn't survive it, so I thought that I just get it over with. Plus, if you were dying, I could at least be the one to welcome you on the other side. We both know how good you are at messing things up, I had to make sure you get to the right place." he finally jokes, but he's on the verge of tears and so am I. I pulled his head to my chest once again and held him tight

"Don't ever do this again, okay?" I said seriously "No matter what's going on! Even if I'm no longer here, don't ever think about taking your life again, alright? Promise me!"

"Damon" he mumbled in my chest, but I squeezed him tightly

"Your life is worth-living, Stefan. I know it's hard for you to see it right now, but it is like that. You'll do great things, you will become whoever you want to be, you'll start believing yourself and one day, when you're older and you come home to your life and kids, you'll smile and realize that the pain is still there, as always, but it's not as strong and is not everything. So, promise me that you'll never do it again."

"I-" he looks up and I meet his tired green eyes, he would soon fall, he was very weak "I promise" he lets out even though I know how hard it is for him.

Then I smile and pull the blanket up, covering his trembling body. He soon falls asleep, but he begs me not to leave him just before he gives in and I promise that I'll be here when he wakes up.

The nurse finally comes and scolds me for being in bed with him. I slip out carefully and let her check him up and change his blood bag while the doctor comes and asks me to come with him for my own medication. Even though, I don't want to leave Stefan, I also couldn't afford getting worse now, so I listened to what he said and let Bonnie help me-we were both so screwed up, it wasn't even true. Stefan and I were messes.

When we got back down, I found Ric waiting for me in the hallway with a big folder in his hand and a very serious expression on his face. As soon as I saw him, I knew things were about to get bad, as if we haven't been through hell in the past twenty four hours.

"Hello, Damon" he says in an apologizing tone before he's even gotten to the bottom of it, which is how I know he won't bring any good news "We need to talk."


	21. Chapter 21

**Damon's POV**

I instinctively stood before the door, not willing to let Ric inside no matter what. Stefan wasn't ready to deal with this and quite honestly, neither was I.

However, he seemed relentless, he wasn't going to just leave us be an cut us some slack, no matter how much he cared for Stefan, he still had to do his job and I understood this, even though, I strongly disagreed with the way they were dealing with an orphan kid. They never actually helped Stefan. All they did was ship him from home to home where he was abused or simply felt so awful that he would want to cause himself pain in order to stop feeling like there is no way out of this eternal cycle.

"Okay, so let's talk" I say and move closer to the door, I'm almost willing to call a nurse and ask her to help me out here and convince him that now is not the time to talk about anything

"Stefan has to be present too" Ric states seriously, he is not up for dealing with my bullshit excuses and I'm sure his patience will run out soon

"He just fell asleep, Ric. He needs rest." I try convincing him as I even raise my hands defensively but Ric only shakes his head and furrows his eyebrows

"Look, Damon, I'm sorry, but this has to happen now. I care for Stefan, I really do and I know how much you love him, but I've risked my career far too many times for him. There's currently an inspection going in the office and I'm barely hanging in there. I could lose my job, especially if they decide that they shouldn't be forgiving towards me when they check all the files concerning Stefan. I've cut him too much slack. I've gotten him out of jail, I helped him get out of juvie early, I made numerous charges by angry people, who he stole from drop, I've found him ten homes in the past year and a half and I just have nothing more to give" he explains and I feel my breath getting stuck in my throat.

If he was that serious, if he of all people, had no way out right now, then we were really screwed. I didn't know what to do. I tried thinking of something else, like begging him to come back tomorrow or in a few hours, while I take Stefan away, but that was surely not a good idea.

I would get arrested for trying to kidnap him, even though technically he was still a kid I fostered and that would only bring us more troubles. I had no one to call, no connections in the Child Services, despite for Caroline who helped me find Ric in the first place, but she was no longer working there.

Bonnie didn't know anyone either-we were screwed, there was no getting out of it this time and I wasn't exactly in the position of getting inside the room, throwing Stefan over my shoulder and running out of here, even though I very much wanted to do so.

"Come on, let's get inside" Ric said and I shook my head stubbornly

"Ric, he's not himself right now. They just brought him back, you can't take him away from me, please!" I started begging and took a step towards the tired man who has indeed helped us so many times "He won't be able to take this this. It will push him over the edge again and God knows what he'll do then!"

"He's already done the unthinkable, Damon!" Ric raises his voice "He tried to take his own life and he almost succeeded. You have to understand, that this isn't the same thing as him stealing some candies to give to a child or selling illegal cigarettes."

I finally realized why he was on edge-he blamed me for letting this happen, there was this anger in his eyes, this resentment-he hated me for doing this. He thought Stefan will always be safe with me and he was once again wrong. He just couldn't handle it. I was just another failure for him-just when he thought he found a home for this child, I fucked it up, all because I didn't have the guts to tell Stefan the truth earlier. All because I was a coward and didn't have the guts to do what was needed

"I can't let this slip" he repeated as he pushed me away and grabbed the door handle. Before he could open, I squeezed his wrist and made him look at me

"Please, he's so weak" I tried one last time and I was telling him the truth, he just couldn't realize it yet because he hasn't seen the boy so helplessly lying in his bed with his bandaged wrists and his slow heartbeat. "He'll break."

"I'm sorry, Damon" he says this time sincerely and I can see the tears in his own eyes. He doesn't want to be here, I know it, yet he has to.

Things were bigger than the three of us-this wasn't just about Stefan, me or Ric-there were authorities above us and rules that had to be followed. Something which my mother never considered when she gave up her child.

"You left me no choice" he whispers before pushing the door and going in.

When we enter the room we find Stefan just waking up while the nurse checks him out once again. She smiles to him and fixes his blanket while he tries to say something, probably to ask about me, but when he hears the door open he turns his pale head to us and sees us.

His breath gets stuck in his throat once Ric steps in with the big file in his hand and I follow sheepishly, while trying to grant him a calm look. The nurse soon leaves us and warns Ric not to take too much time, but Stefan doesn't pay any attention to her-I can see the fear in his eyes and he stubbornly tries to raise himself up, which proves to be a difficult task.

"Ric" he says with his weak hoarse voice while the men slowly approaches his bed and struggles to settle down. I think he finally realizes that I wasn't kidding when I told him Stefan's weak.

He can see for himself how pale the boy is-the dark circles under his eyes were the only colorful thing on his face, his hair was still so stubbornly sticking in every direction, his green eyes were tired-but not from getting enough rest-they were forever full of sadness and desperation, now even more than usually, his hands were shaking almost constantly and the bandages on his wrists were bigger than his hands themselves.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, fear filling his voice, his look moving from him to me in confusion "Damon?" he says then, worriedly and I hurry to get to his side

"We need to talk, Stefan" Ric says calmly, and I sit down on the right side, opposite of him, and grab Stefan's hand, squeezing it tightly.

He still looks at me terrified, sensing that something bad is coming and refusing to face it. He needed my help and begged for my support and I wanted nothing else, but protect him.

"What's going on?" Stefan asks and tries to cover the worry in his voice as I help him raise himself up on another pillow

"I'm here because we need to discuss what's going to happen after the…"he looked at me and then at Stefan's slashed wrists "recent events." he clears his throat nervously and Stefan tenses even more, but does a very good job at hiding it, at least for now.

It's a funny thing-he's trying to keep himself together because of me-he knows how worried I am about him and he doesn't want to make it worse, so he's putting all his efforts in gathering all the strength he has.

"What does this mean?" Stefan asks once again and I remain silent next to him, I don't think I have the strength to ask what's about to happen anymore, I'm not sure I can take it.

"It means that Damon is no longer capable of taking care of you" Ric starts seriously and places the file on the bed next to Stefan's feet while Stefan furrows his eyebrow ready to argue, before Ric interrupts him "No, you have to hear me out, Stefan. This time, there's nothing I can do, I am sorry. I've been too good to you and my career is hanging on a thread. There are people above me too, people who require certain things, laws that have to be followed, not broken or bend like we've been doing up until now." he repeats almost the same things he already told me and Stefan surprisingly listens to him. He nods and let Ric speak, it's obvious that there's nothing else we could do right now

"So, since Damon is sick and after what happened the other night, he is considered unreliable anymore. He can't take care of you, because he has to take care of himself." I swallow hard and close my eyes at these words. I was no longer a suitable parent for Stefan, because I was dying "That means that we have to take you from him and find someone who can take care of you."

"No!" Stefan lets out before any of us could stop him. I squeeze his hand and give him a harsh look.

"Stefan!" I warn and he shakes his head

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you alone, Damon!" he protests right away and Ric intervenes

"This is not up to you unfortunately" he says seriously "Believe me, I would love nothing but to let you stay with Damon, but he's sick and he can't foster you right now."

"Who says that?" Stefan asks again, stubbornly refusing to let any of this information sink in. I was sure he would deny it for as long as he can, just because it hurt him too much. His life turned into a living mess in a matter of 48 hours, just when things were finally normal for him.

"The state does. There are laws here, some of them, you just can't break" Ric continues explaining patiently and Stefan laughs in his face

"Watch me!" he spills before I can stop him and I tighten my grip again

"Cut it off, Stefan!" I warn him, even though I hate doing so "Ric is right. I can't take care of you. I actually can't even take care of myself, I constantly need someone's help."

"Then I'll be the person helping you!" he jumps in right away, not ready to completely cut him loose yet. I could see how much he wanted to be there for me, there was this willingness and hope in his eyes, but he couldn't actually see himself right now-that's why I was here, that's why I was the older one and knew what was best even though he denied it.

He was lying in a bed with his wrists cut out because of me, he almost died and I was the reason for it, but because we cared for one another, he couldn't see that. He was blindly throwing himself in the water for me and I loved him for it, it broke my heart, but it wasn't right and as I big brother, I had to make the tough decisions and let go when necessary.

"Stefan" Ric intervened again "You can't even help yourself!" he was too harsh now and I wanted to cut him off, but I couldn't. He didn't give me the chance to stop him "Look at you!" he said and nodded down his wrists, making Stefan turn his look away, refusing to face him anymore "This has to stop." he stated with certainty as if he would be the one to do it.

"What's going to happen now?" I finally ask "Where will you take him?" Ric sighs and Stefan lies back down on the pillows, staring at the ceiling with an empty glance. I think he finally started letting it sink in and it was already killing him.

"I can no longer find a foster family for him" Ric starts and Stefan looks down for a moment before swallowing hard "That's clearly not working anymore and he's been to too many homes for the past year" he explains and I feel Stefan's hand slip away.

He lets me go and fists it next to his side, while I grab the bedside, just because I need something to hold on to

"I can't find him a group home either-all the places are full, I recently got many teens out of juvie and sent them there, so there will be months before I would be able to get you into one."

"What does this leave then?" I ask confused, I didn't know what that meant, I thought that if the foster care is no longer suitable for him, then they would place him in a group home, an option which Stefan clearly hated, but it was still better than him sleeping on the streets

"An orphanage" Stefan whispers angrily as he looks at Ric and he takes a minute before looking back at me and finally nodding

"Yes, an orphanage" he confirms and I tense next to Stefan.

That wasn't a good option, things there would be hell on earth, probably worse than a group home. I knew there were rules to be followed, but what was worse were the kids in there-Stefan would get himself into more trouble just because of the environment, I knew it. Ric was crazy to place him in a home like this-that would be the last straw, it will ruin him completely

"More specifically the Livingston orphanage in Brookhaven."

"You gotta be kidding me" Stefan sighs annoyed and shakes his head while Ric remains calm and composed, not caring about my brother's opinion anymore.

"It's the best place I could find for you. Things there are a bit different, if you remember what it was like when you were younger, you won't have such a big problem adapting" I knew that when he was a kid Ric placed him in some orphanage again, but I'm not sure it's the same one "You have to be home at a certain hour, no phones, computers only for studying and you won't be able to leave all the time, but you will be free on the weekends and Damon can pick you up and take you out or visit you on certain days, so it is not-" but Stefan interrupts him.

I think he's trying very hard not to burst out because of me. He's going to pretend that everything's fine, even if it's the worst news he's getting and I wanted nothing more but to tell him to stop pretending-this was all bullshit and we both knew it. Stefan was just too troublesome for the government to care anymore. Nobody actually wanted to help him.

"What about emancipation?" Stefan asked and I raised my eyebrow, he never mentioned this, but Ric didn't seem surprised, he obviously knew what my little brother had in mind, which on the other hand meant that he and Stefan has discussed the matter before "I'm turning sixteen in a little more than a week." he tries hopefully, but Ric shakes his head once again

"For that to happen you need a place of your own and a steady income, let's not forget going to school, which you're currently skipping. No judge will grant you emancipation, especially not after you tried to kill yourself. It's impossible." Stefan sighs and lies back on the pillows.

I knew that judges are very picky when it came to the emancipation and Ric was right-after everything that happened, nobody would believe that Stefan could live on his own. He needed help, first and foremost and we haven't even gotten to that issue-I knew how much Stefan would hate us the minute we say the word psychiatrist.

"And adoption?" I ask, it was my turn to let a secret out loud. Stefan might've been thinking about emancipating himself, which hurt like hell, I admit it, but I've also thought about adopting him "Is that out of the question?"

"Yes, at least for as long as you're sick." Ric says sadly "I'm sorry, Damon, but you're seriously ill and you currently also have no job or steady income. Maybe after the surgery after you completely heal and things are doing better, we can file the papers and see what happens. Of course, as long as you both want it." he looks at Stefan and he stares back at me.

I try giving him a reassuring smile, but the thing is-we never talked about this. I was only fostering him and that was how it was supposed to be-nothing more, he didn't expect it and I was too scared to even bring up the issue. I can see the surprise in his eyes and I can't understand why he would be so confused-I always wanted him to officially become my brother, but of course that didn't mean he wanted the same thing.

No matter what happened and how our relationship progressed, there would always be the issue of my family abandoning him and who says that he wants to become a part of something that rejected him in the first place?

"Unfortunately this is not an option for now" Ric interrupts my thoughts and I look at him. Stefan's sadness settles back and I sense him getting tired of all this-he needed rest and we were exhausting him, but it wasn't only that-he was getting to the point where he doesn't give a shit and that scared me-he had to care if he wanted things to get better.

"When will you…take him?" I asked sheepishly the question that was there from the beginning but we were just too scared to say out loud

"As soon as they discharge him" Ric explains and Stefan fists his hand once again "You can get him some clothes form your flat and some other stuff, but don't bring too many things" he turns to Stefan "just a duffel bag, not too many personal belongings and nothing sharp. You'll meet with a psychiatrist once a week and you're expected to go back to school as soon as I take you there."

"But he needs time to recover, Ric!" I protest and Stefan grabs my wrist for the first time today and squeezes it

"It's okay, Damon. I'll be alright" he tries calming me down and turns to Ric "Is that all?" his social worker nods, grabs his folder and hands it to me, saying we have to fill out some paperwork concerning Stefan's leaving the foster care system and going to the orphanage and we assure him that we'll do it. Then he stands up and heads to the door, but just before he leaves, he turns and grants us an apologizing look

"I'm sorry" he says "For everything. I'll still keep trying to help you, no matter what, I promise." I nod while Stefan lies down and buries his head in the pillow. When Ric leaves, he turns to his right side and closes his eyes.

I sit down on the bed next to him and place my hand on his shoulder. I want to tell him that everything's going to be alright, that this is just temporary, until I get the surgery, get better and take him back with me, but we both know that I might not survive the surgery.

We're both aware that, he might lose the last living relative he has.

"Stefan, I" I start but he interrupts me

"Don't!" he begs, his voice is so desperate and pleading, I can feel him breaking up, even though he's trying to hold on for as long as he can" Don't lie to me, Damon!" he says and I sigh.

He's right, there's no point in feeding him words that have no meaning right now. I couldn't change things. I wish I was capable of it, but I couldn't.

"I want to be left alone" he asks and I squeeze his shoulder, worried for him "I won't do anything stupid, I promise, I just want to be alone for a while."

"Alright." I say as I stand up and wish nothing but pull him to my chest and promise him that I'll protect him from everything, but that would be a lie.

I could not protect him. Not from the world, not from himself. I was failing and I was letting them ruin his life.

**Stefan's POV**

I was lying on the bed, staring at the wall opposite of me.

I could hear the monitor beeping somewhere above my head and it was actually getting on my nerves, so I ripped out the wires stuck to my chest and even that small movement made my hands hurt.

I haven't cried, I was just lying.

I don't know how much time passed since I asked Damon to leave me alone-minutes or hours? I had no idea, I was lost in thoughts. It wasn't even that much about Ric shipping me off to this orphanage-yes, that would be bad, but I wasn't afraid.

What terrified me was leaving Damon alone.

With everything going on with him, I was constantly scared that something will happen to him and I won't be there to help him or maybe even…say goodbye, if things get too bad.

What if nobody tells me that he's in hospital? That he's getting worse or better? How will I know when he'll need me? How will I help him before and after the surgery? They won't let me leave that place whenever I felt like it and I couldn't run.

Normally, that would be my first thought, but now things weren't about me anymore-I couldn't be selfish anymore, not with Damon being so sick. He needed me and I needed him-I couldn't just run away. I couldn't leave town and forget about it all.

I slowly tried to push myself up-I was restless, desperate. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat and let my feet hang from the hospital bed as I buried my hands in my head-I had to stay calm for Damon, I had to be strong for him. He had to think that I can take this, that I'll be alright and no matter what happens now I had to convince him of it. He had enough on his plate as it was.

I hear the door open slightly, but don't turn right away-I need a minute to compose myself. The last few days were just too much for me to handle and I had to be stronger than ever for him now. After all, he has been strong for me so many times.

"Stefan?" I hear his tired hoarse voice and I slowly turn to him, granting him a weak smile. He smiles back in return and gets in "How are you doing? Did you get any sleep?"

"Yeah, I did, thanks" I lie to him and I feel him relax a bit as he approaches me, which makes me feel even more confident in my lies.

"Wanna take a walk?" he asks and I nod eagerly, which makes him even happier. I wonder what did I do to him to make him enjoy such little things-I must've really screwed him up.

Maybe Ric taking me to this orphanage is not such a bad idea after all-I will free Damon of the burden that I am, which is exactly what he needs in order to get better and take care of himself.

Damon grabs his sweater from the chair next to the bed and helps me put it on-it's late in the afternoon and he says it's kind of cold outside. He carefully slides the sleeves so that he wouldn't hurt my cut wrists and helps me get off bed. But as I look at him and see how weak and tired he seems himself, I almost feel bad for making him do this-he shouldn't be taking care of me, I should be helping him instead and look where we were-both screwed up and barely alive.

We slowly walk outside, he throws my arm over his weak shoulders and helps me get in the small park near the back entrance of the hospital. I see other people walking in and out with their relatives or nurses pushing wheelchairs and I take in the cold air and let it cut through my lifeless lungs, making my heart almost skip a beat-he was right, it was kind of cold, but I enjoyed it.

He guides me to a bench far away from everyone else, claiming that I could use the walk and that I should keep going, but in the middle of this supposedly careless walk, I realize why he has taken me here-he wants us to talk about all the things we've been avoiding ever since I found out he was sick and that once again make me want to break down, but instead I gritted my teeth and went with it-we had to do this, sooner or later.

Once we settle down, we both lean on the bench and stare at the sun slowly setting down. I look at him and notice how pale his face is.

The realization hits me so hard, it almost leaves me breathless and I feel my eyes well up with tears-he was dying.

I was sitting next to him now, in this moment, we were together, but tomorrow, in a week or maybe in a month, he might not even be on this earth. I suddenly got so scared, that I shoved my hand in his sweater pocket and fisted it in a desperate attempt to calm myself down-this was not about me, I had to remind myself-this was about Damon. I had to get myself together, I shouldn't be thinking about this.

"We have to talk" he says and smiles sadly at me, because he knows I am aware of what the topic will be. He waits for me patiently to respond, however and I stare in his deep blue ocean eyes for a while, before swallowing hard and granting him a slow nod. I was ready to hear him out. I had to be strong enough to do this "My doctor and I discussed things today" he says, his voice slightly shaking "He said we can do the surgery in about two weeks."

"That's good" I say barely audible and he nods

"If everything goes according to plan and it is successful, there will be a treatment period after it, which could continue for months, depending on how I take it, which means you'll have to stay in the orphanage for a while."

"Don't worry about that" I interrupt him and he grants me a surprised look "I've been in the system all my life, Damon, I can handle it."

"I don't want you to have to handle it" he says seriously "I'll keep fighting for you, no matter what. The moment I get better, I'll take you back home with me, you just have to hang on for me, okay?" he asks and I nod as I smile sadly at him, we both knew that this was our best case-scenario and even that looked so impossible for me "However…" he takes a deep breath- "if that's not the case" he looks me in the eyes and I try not to shift, because I owe him that much "If the surgery is not successful and if I never make it out alive"

"Damon" I interrupt him and put my hand over his, squeezing it tightly

"No, you have to listen, Stefan, you have to hear this, I won't have the strength to repeat it, please." he begs and I see the tears in his eyes "I've taken some…measures, in case I die." he explains and my eyes go wide at his revelation. "I've talked to my lawyer and he prepared a will for me to sign."

"Damon, I don't-"

"Listen!" he raises his voice and this time he grips my hand. I settle down and stare at my shoes-sneakers that he bought for me months ago, they were my favorite, I loved running with them, not that I would do that anymore "The flat and all my money will become your property when you turn eighteen. The same goes for the bookstore-I've bought it and it is officially mine. Once I die, it will become yours as well." he couldn't understand that if he's dead, his money and his property would be the last thing on my mind, but I didn't have the heart to interrupt him

"I don't want you to run anymore-you're too smart for this and you know well enough that no matter where you go, you can't escape your problems, so instead face them and fight them off, like I've taught you." he smiles and I grit my teeth, this was getting too much.

He was saying goodbye and I couldn't take this, not after everything that happened today

"Don't get yourself in trouble-no more stealing or fighting, I don't want you going to juvie again, it will ruin your future and yes, you have one, even if you don't believe it now. I know you'll be mad about what I'm going to say, but here's the thing, Stefan" he sighs and looks away for a moment before return his full attention to me "You need help. You've been through so much in your life, I will never know how hard you've had it, maybe one day you'll decide to share some of it with me or maybe not and that's alright, but you have to let someone help you. You need to let them help you, do you understand?" he asks and I finally feel one of my tears go and that makes me so angry at myself, that I brush it away before it has even managed to roll down. He pretends as if he hasn't seen it "I promise, once you do, it will all start getting better."

"I will never unsee the things that happened to me" I say silently and he nods, agreeing with me

"You won't. But you'll learn to live with them and if you keep trying, one day, it will just get easier to breathe. Hurting yourself is not a solution. It just won't get you anywhere. You have to think about those things, sort them out, let them so whatever they can to help you." I sigh but I promise that I will do as he says "I also want you to think about your future, alright. Bonnie will support all your decisions, no matter what, she'll help you through. It's not necessary for you to go to college right away, or go there at all-just find what you love and do what feels right. You're smart, way smarter than you believe, you just need to see it."

"Is that all?" I say and he nods "Then it's my turn now, yeah?" he squeezes my hand and I smile "Promise me that you'll fight till the end, Damon." I beg him "That you won't give up no matter what. That you'll keep trying, that you'll never refuse the treatment. That you will do everything you can to stay here…and if you can't that you'll wait for me out there. As long as you have to."

"I promise" he throws his arm over my shoulders and pulls me to his chest. We stay like this for a while and I think how this might be one of the last moments I ever get to spent with him and that ruined me. Damon wanted so many things out of me, but he had absolutely no idea what will happen to me if he dies.

"Damon?" I ask him and he looks down "What Ric mentioned today…did you really consider adopting me?"

"Yes" he responds warily, as if he's waiting for me to burst out any minute now, but I just smile and lean back on his chest "Do you want to become a Salvatore?"

"No" I shake my head and I feel him tense "I want to officially become your brother." he almost gaps and grants me a wide smile as he squeezes my shoulders "So kick that cancer in the ass and make it happen."

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**A/N: Guys, thank you so much for your kind words. It means the world. Hope you still like this thing.**


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: This chapter is longer than usually, for which I apologize. I wrote it for a whole week and at the end I wanted to cut some things, but I ended up leaving most of it. It was honestly one of the hardest chapters I've ever written,especially the ending and most the time I was too sad to keep writing so I just had to take breaks. Thank you for your continious support! Thank you for reading! **_

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**Stefan's POV**

I was lying on the top bed of my bunk in a room with 6 more boys, unable to fall asleep. It was close to midnight and I wasn't planning on being awake for my birthday, but I ended up being too restless, so I stared at the ceiling, trying to find something to feel good about.

I was going to see Damon tomorrow. After more than a week of being in this god forsaken place, I was finally going to see him. It's been a rough week without him. Actually it's been awful ever since we said our goodbyes.

He was on the verge of tears in front of the hospital and I didn't want to let him go either. Ric had to pull me away from him and shove me in his truck, so he could take me to the orphanage because we were taking too much time. Damon was so angry. He hated everything that was happening to us, but there was nothing he could do, no matter how hard he tried. He talked to Ric once again, then went to the Child Service's office himself, but it was futile. They were taking me away no matter what-we've broken too many rules and played with too many people.

It was time we got what we deserved. They actually wanted to punish Damon for not saying sooner that he's sick and giving me back to their care and I had to step in and lie for him, explaining that he didn't know right away, because he was just that desperate at the time that he didn't want to take care of himself.

I was worried about him-he was trying so hard to keep us together, but he was neglecting himself. He looked worse with every passing day, even though I was the one lying in the hospital bed. He was weak and very pale and he slept more than I did-the doctor told me that he's exhausted and he needed the rest.

I myself was in a lot of pain, not only physical, but psychological as well-I didn't want to go to the orphanage, mostly because I remembered what it was like there and I knew that nothing good could come out of it. I had to hide all my fears from Damon though. He couldn't deal with me being a mess, so I put my brave face on and convinced him that it won't be that bad, that actually, it will be much better than being with foster parents or going to a group home.

I don't know if he believed me, but I never showed him how bad I actually felt. And the thing was-I was so worried about him, that by the end, I stopped caring about the damn orphanage as well. He just didn't look good and I hated myself for bringing him so much pain.

When we were separating, he gave me some money and a cell, which was only for emergencies and I had to hide it. I couldn't believe that he was urging me to break the rules, after he made me promise not to run from the place, no matter how desperate I feel. Bonnie couldn't hold her tears when we were saying goodbye and Tyler came to visit me a bunch of times in the hospital too. I wasn't alone back then, but I am alone now.

Ever since I came here, things went even worse. The other kids ignored me and teased me for my slashed wrists, which were still bandaged, and my nicely ironed clothes. Nobody talked to me and if they did, they would only do so to laugh at me or yell insults in my direction.

I had to try hard not to get into a fight, for I was aware that Ric would send me in juvie without blinking and I had to hold on for Damon. Ric has promised me that he'll try to arrange for me to go to the hospital after the surgery, but I wasn't sure I could wait that long. I wanted to be there for Damon, so I was planning on sneaking out during the night and coming back early in the morning. I still had no idea how I'll do that, but I had more than a week to figure it out. I was hoping that the money he gave me would come in hand, but I wasn't sure if I'll be able to find the right people to help me sneak without being noticed.

There was this gang, led by a boy called Kurt, who has been giving me his bad look all week. I knew that he was in charge here, at least for those who were the same age as me. The youngers were separated in another wing and every Saturday we would all go out in the big backyard and I would watch the kids play. I wish I was there now and not here, where everyone hated me and were waiting for me to explode. They've been provoking me all week, but every time I wished like I should hit them, I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth and remembered Damon's words in my head.

I had to do this for him, not myself. For him.

But I knew I could escape them only for that long and when I heard our room's door open, I could say I almost wasn't surprised. Before I could even sit up and look what's going on, two of them were already grabbing my hand and my leg and tossed me on the ground.

I ended up there with a loud thud and I felt the air leave my lungs for a moment.

"Damn, he's a weak bastard!" one of them laughed out as he put his dirty shoe on my chest and pressed me down. It was dark in the room and I knew that the rest of the boys have woken up, but they would never dare intervene for they would get beaten up as well.

It was every man for himself here and I couldn't expect anyone's help. So I tried helping myself instead, but when I raised up and kicked one of them in the ankle, they quickly pushed me down to the cold floor and held my feet and arms. It was four of them and soon from behind the shadows, a stronger figure announced its presence-it was that Kurt boy.

"Well, well, if it isn't the new boy with the nice clothes!" he smiled as he leaned closer and nodded at his guy to move his foot away. Then he grabbed my shirt and brought me closer to him "You know" he began "I have a feeling that I know you from somewhere" I swallowed hard.

He did seem familiar to me, but I couldn't recall where I might've seen him before. I kept trying to struggle out of their strong grip, but I was still very week. Even though Damon has made an attempt to persuade Ric to let me stay longer in the hospital, he hasn't succeeded.

My wrists and hands still hurt as hell and I haven't slept for more than three hours ever since I've got here. I wasn't in the best shape right now, so it was easy for them to overpower me.

"Anyway, let's see what we've got here" he smiled as he turned my bed upside down and grabbed my duffel bag. "Oh, nice clothes, suicide boy" he mocked as he picked out my shirts, the ones that Damon got for me from his flat, all of them clean and nicely ironed by Bonnie. I watched as Kurt put them on and tossed some of my shirts for the other guys to try on.

"You can't do this!" I said through teeth and the minute I did, Kurt nodded at one of the boys and I felt his boot kick my right side. I squirmed from the pain, but tried not to yell. They knew that if I started screaming, I would wake the guards up and that would bring me only more trouble.

"Why not?" he asks, but he doesn't really expect an answer.

I start trying to get away again as I watch them toss my clothes up and down, exchange them, try them on. They turn my bed upside down and make fun of me. One of them grabs my bandaged wrist and squeezes it hard, just to get a reaction out of me and I feel the blood come out of the cuts I've made myself.

"You know what, I really like that shirt you have on" Kurt says after they had their fun for a while "Bring him up, I want to take it" he tells his guys and they drag me to my knees, making me kneel before him as he pushes them away and takes off my nice blue plaid shirt, which was actually Damon's. It was the first one he gave me after he has taken me home with him and I've been wearing it all week long, just because I wanted to feel somehow closer to him.

"Let me go!" I grunt as he starts pulling my head, but they hold me tight by the shoulders "Leave me alone!" I try once more but they only laugh and I feel him taking off my shirt and with it my last remaining grain of dignity.

I feel like crying, but I know far too well I can't do this. I have to get myself together and grit my teeth. They were bringing me down and there was nothing I could do-they were just too many and I was alone. Damon wasn't here to protect me or fight them off and I was too weak to do so myself.

In that moment, I realized that I've been relying on him for too long, I've let him in and become too forgiving and kind-hearted towards those who don't deserve it. And I couldn't survive like this in here. I had to be hard and unemotional, I had to be silent and obedient and pass through things with my chin up or I would never make it out of here in one piece.

"Damn, I didn't know you were such a whining piece of shit, Williams" Kurt says as he finally takes me shirt and puts it on. I get so angry as I see him in it, that I want to kick his ass so hard that he wouldn't be able to sit for weeks.

This is Damon's shirt. This is the only thing I have of my brother in here. And he took it from me.

"Fuck you, Kurt!" I yelled out and as soon as I did, I felt them kicking me in the ribs from both sides again. I was left without breath, by the time they stopped and I knew that I couldn't do anything, but hope that he would just leave me alone.

I don't know how long they continued doing this, but I was sure I heard at least two of them crack. And the funniest thing of all was that while they were beating me senseless all I could think about was that I hope they don't get anywhere near my face, because tomorrow when Damon and Bonnie come to take me, they would see it and I would hate myself if they find out what was going in here.

Damon could never know. No matter what.

"You know what, I remembered where I know you from" I heard Kurt's voice just when they stopped kicking me. I opened my eyes and I saw him leaning closer to me with the money Damon gave me in one hand and the book where I've hidden them in the other "You've been here before" he smiles "I remember you. That loser blond boy who didn't talk and hid in the corner with a book in hands. I used to wonder what the hell is wrong with you back then until you tripped me over one day in the cafeteria and stole away my lunch. Then I realized that you're just a cunning son of a bitch, who's too good at hiding it" he tells the story slowly and with every word, he smiles and presses his hand to my already broken ribs, watching me squirm underneath him, grunting and trying to free myself.

He knew all along, ever since he saw me, he remembered, but I haven't thought about this in a very long time. He was right though, I've done this to him and now I was paying for my mistakes.

"Now, it's my time to steal from you" he slowly folds the money and puts them in the pocket of the same shirt I was wearing only a minutes ago. He grabs the white shirt I am left with and tears it apart, leaving my chest and my bruised and broken ribs exposed. Then they hit me a few more times, just to get the wind knocked out of me and then leave me lying helplessly on the floor.

I don't beg anyone for help, but I can hear the rest of the boys whisper in their bunks. Nobody stands up to give me a hand, not even the one who's sleeping under my bed. He watches me for a few minutes and then turns his back on me.

I feel my insides on fire and with much effort, after probably half an hour of lying there helplessly, I start getting myself up. I grab the ladder leading to my bed and slowly raise myself up only to realize what a mess everything around me is. My pillow is turned upside down, there's nothing left of it, my blanket is somewhere on the floor, I don't even have my sheet there anymore-I was left with nothing. I look down, hoping to find my shoes next to the bed where I left them, but there's nothing.

After I toss whatever I was left with back on my bed, I realize that it's the jeans I have on and two black shirts. Nothing else. Even the brand new jacket that Damon got for me before we left the hospital is gone.

I sigh tiredly and slowly start moving to the bathroom. I needed to clean myself up and see what's the damage. I could live without clothes, that was fine, but I needed the money to get me out of here for Damn's surgery and now that was gone.

I felt like crying once again and I wanted nothing more but to call Damon and tell him all about it or just hear his voice, but I knew it was a waste of time. The sooner I accepted it, the better-I was back to living a life of an orphan boy who had to survive in the system. And no matter how I wanted to be with Damon and get back to him, the truth was, that even if the surgery went well, he they would still not let us be together right away.

What happened tonight was nothing but a slap in the face from the truth-I was alone, I had to take care of myself, I had nothing in the world.

Living with Damon was a fairytale compared to this. It was a dream come true-having my own room, clothes on my back, going to school, being loved, having someone to care for you.

It was all gone now. And I had to live with it.

Slowly, by supporting myself on the walls, I got to the bathroom and opened the broken wooden door. I leaned on the dirty sink and looked at myself. My face was fine, thanks God, there wasn't a single bruise on it and I almost smiled through all the sadness consuming me, until I saw the ripped out shirt which was still somehow hanging on my chest. I took it off and stared at my already blue sides. I wasn't gasping from surprise-I've been worse, actually, so I just grit my teeth and tried to swallow all the pain I felt, something I should've done form the beginning.

There was no Damon to help me bandage my wounds or pat my shoulder and assure me that I've done the right thing by not fighting them, that I was the wiser one and there wasn't anything I could do anyway.

There was no Bonnie to give me a motherly hug and kiss my forehead as she tucked me to bed and made sure I'm warm enough.

There was no Elena, to give me a passionate kiss and promise me that it will be all fine.

There was no Tyler to squeeze my shoulder and say that we'll kick some ass together.

All I had was me and my broken soul. I smiled at the dirty mirror as I ripped my shirt, wetted it and pressed it to my bruised ribs. I tried to clean away the blood as best as I could and then I wrapped them up with the shirt or whatever was left of it.

By the time I made my way back to bed, it was way past midnight and it took me more than ten minutes to climb to my bunk and collapse on the leftovers of my bed.

"Happy birthday, Stefan" I mumbled to myself as I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed my tears, I begged that I would dream of something nice.

**Damon's POV**

Bonnie and I were waiting impatiently for Stefan to come out the main entrance of the Livingston orphanage. I was pacing up and down near the truck nervously and Bonnie was making fun of me, even though she knew how nervous I was.

In the past week, since Stefan was taken away, we've grown closer and even though I tried very hard not to mislead her and was determined to set some boundaries, we kissed a couple of times and I hated myself for it.

I knew how much pain I could bring her later on and I refused to live with the guilt of hurting another person besides Stefan, but she didn't want to hear my bullshit excuses. She said that if I wanted to kiss her I shouldn't hide behind my disease and act like a coward. She was a tough girl, she said, she could take it. And she didn't make it easy for me when she lied in bed next to me to help me feel more comfortable after the chemotherapy. I was freezing, felt very cold and she kept putting blanket after blanket over me until I joked that she should just snuggle next to me and help me warm. And after that things just got…well complicated.

I didn't regret it. I was only afraid of hurting her. I was also guilty as Stefan was stuck in this awful place while I was out here kissing my ex-secretary, who I had a crush on for more than a year now.

"Will you please calm down, Damon!" she finally gets nervous and scolds me "I know you're eager to see him but you might actually make a hole in the pavement if you keep going this way."

"I need to know that he's fine" I respond sadly as I finally stop and lean on the truck. I've been feeling better today. The first few days after the chemo were hell on earth and I was glad that Stefan couldn't see me at that moment. I knew I would ruin everything for him even more and I would hate myself for it. That didn't mean that I was happy with what I was doing to Bonnie-she didn't deserve that either, but then again I was helpless without her and no matter how much I wanted to be able to take care of myself, I was a mess, especially after a visit at the doctor's office.

Even though I had to take care of my own problems, I didn't forget about Stefan even for a minute. He hasn't used the secret cell I've given him when we parted, but I was hoping that this meant he was alright and not that they've taken it from him.

He was a mess that day when they discharged him. I've tried everything to let them stay a bit more in the hospital, but he was getting better and Ric wanted to get it over with because his ass was on the line.

I kept calling him every day, asking if he knows something about Stefan and if he's fine. Visitation weren't allowed during the first week, so I couldn't just go and see him, but on couple of occasions when I couldn't sleep, I would drive to the orphanage late at night and stare at it for a few minutes, wondering what he must be doing now, if he's sleeping peacefully or having another nightmare, if he's in pain or if he's doing fine and trying to make new friends.

As far as I knew the place wasn't that bad. It was relatively well financed and the facility looked decent even if it was kind of old. I've never set my foot inside. When we came today one of the guards told us we have to wait here for Stefan to come, that right now we are not allowed to get in and that kind of pissed me off but I decided not to make a big deal out of this. I was after all, going to see my little brother.

"He will be fine" she grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly as I lean down and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. She smells so perfect, it would usually make me want to grab her, spun her around and hear her sweet laugh, but not this time. Now I'm too worried and I'm letting my nervousness control me

I pull away just as we hear the door open and the guard nods at someone behind him. Soon Stefan himself slowly makes his way outside and stops just at the top of the stairs, just a few feet from us.

And in that moment I know that Bonnie's wrong.

He's not fine.

He looks terrible.

He's dressed in one of his old black shirts and nothing else on top, even though it's kind of windy today and I bet that he's freezing. His jeans are dirty and covered with stains and the bandages on his hands are dirty and even bloody, I wonder when was the last time someone changed them.

What strikes me most of all is that he doesn't have his sneakers on. He has some old blue Nikies, which have a big hole and his thumb is sticking from there in what once must've been a white sock. His hair is ruffled, messy and kind of dirty and his eyes are tired, as if he hasn't slept in days. The dark circles that surround them look almost black and it scares me how weak he is. As if he'll break in two when he tries to take just a step.

He doesn't break when he runs down the stairs to me, though. He smiles and he throws himself in my embrace.

"Damon!" he lets out loud as if I could fix all his problems with a hug. I'm too startled after I saw the condition he is, at first, but I hug him right back and when I wrap my arms around his weak body, I feel him tense and even slightly shiver as if he's in pain, but he is good at now showing it, or maybe, I'm just imagining things. "I'm so glad to see you!" he whispers and I feel my eyes water

"Happy birthday, kiddo!" I say when we finally pull back and I keep my arms on his weak shoulders.

"Happy birthday, troublemaker" Bonnie comes to us and wraps his weak body in a hug as well.

I swallow hard as I look at them and I feel grateful for her being here-he needed someone else besides me too, someone who cared for him and somehow that made me breathe easier, especially when having in mind that in a week's time I might not even be here anymore. The realization of this hits me hard for a moment and I actually feel scared, not because I might die, but because I'll leave him here in this awful condition all alone. We spent a week separated and look what happened to him. Even when I first met him, when Ric took me to that old ruined house, he looked healthier, even maybe happier.

Now something has settled in his eyes-was it fear or desperation I couldn't figure out, but it made my heart clench with fear for him. What would he do if I'm gone? What did he do this past week? How did her survive? I know he's a tough boy. I am aware that he has been through hell, he has seen things that most adults never do in their lifetime, but God, there's always a breaking point and if he breaks that would be it. He won't be able to pick himself up, not on his own.

And I could see from standing here and watching Bonnie kiss his hollow cheeks and him pulling back like a boy who's fed up with his mom, that he's standing in a minefield and even though he's unafraid to take the next step, he could still get hit and thrown on the ground for something even insignificant. He was strong and fragile at the same time, I had no idea how he kept himself together, but I knew it was getting harder with every passing day.

"Come on, let him go, Bonnie" I joke, but the truth is, I want nothing but to wrap my arms around him and never let him go

"Oh, shut up, Damon. Stop being such a grandma, I've missed my boy" she laughs as she ruffles his hair

"You two are totally banging, aren't you?" Stefan says before I could give Bonnie another pout and my jaw hangs while she blushes and looks away. Stefan laughs out loud and crosses his hands on his chest "Damn, it was about time, you two. I was afraid I'll be thirty and you'll still be sneaking shy glances at one another without even holding each other's hands. Good to know you're no longer a nun, Damon" he continues as he smiles in his foolish childish way and even though I play along, I can see how hard he's trying to pretend. There was something so wrong with him today, yet I had no idea what it is.

"So, when's the wedding?" he continues his charade and I punch him in the shoulder playfully, he jumps away and giggles, but then his laugh turns into a cough and he grabs his right side as if he's in pain. I furrow my eyebrows at the sight but he manages to hide it from me with another boyish grin and I pretend like nothing happened.

We jump in the car and I leave Bonnie at our flat, so she could prepare everything for when we come back from the place I was taking Stefan to. She has made the perfect cake and turned the kitchen into a cosy birthday dinner celebration place and I couldn't have loved her more for it.

"So, how are things going?" Stefan asks first and I'm surprised that he's the one to initiate the conversation "What does your doctor say? Are you doing good?"

"Yes, I've been alright. Just a few procedures and the chemo, overall nothing new. The surgery is next Wednesday" I announce and I see him swallow hard as he grips the door handle and his knuckles turn white

"I'll talk to Ric, see if he can get me out of the orphanage then." his voice is hoarse and worried and I stretch out to squeeze his shoulder for a moment

"You don't have to be there" I say as I turn my look back on the road and feel him tense even more next to me. Something was so damn ridiculously wrong with him today, it kept bugging me all the time "Once I'm awake, either I or Bonnie will call right away. You still have the cell I gave you, yeah?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. I have to be there and I will be no matter what. You're not going through this alone." he says determined and I see him furrow his eyebrows "I don't care about Ric or anyone else, I'll get to this damn hospital even if my life depends on it."

"You'll do no such thing, Stefan!" I warn him and he looks away uncomfortably "You don't need troubles right now, who knows what the hell they can do if you prove to be difficult."

"I know what they can do. I've been there before." he says silently and I sigh tiredly, begging him to promise not to do anything stupid, which he does. Reluctantly.

"How are things going in there anyway? Did you manage to find new friends?"

"You can't have friends at places like this, Damon" he responds with a sad smile "There's only people you can use and vice versa. But overall, it's alright." he coughs as he adds the last sentence and that's how I know he's lying. I notice that his hand is still on is right side and he's slightly trembling. He must be freezing, it was so damn windy outside.

"How's your room?" I continue desperately trying to get more out of him, something which will show him what is so wrong today

"It's fine" he huffs "Considering there are five more boys sleeping with me" my breath gets stuck in my throat and I take a moment before finally exhaling.

He seems undisturbed by my concern and I notice he's staring somewhere before him as he buries his hand in his hair and gets lost in his own thoughts. I knew that things would be bad when he goes to this place, but I didn't really consider them getting this worse.

"What about your clothes? Why are you in a shirt? And whose are those shoes?" I continue and he shifts uncomfortably next to me as he clears his throat, preparing to give me another lie

"Oh, well, I just got all my stuff dirty this week. Still haven't washed them up. I guess I was used to Bonnie helping me with that and now that she's not there, it's harder for me to manage" he sounds convincing with the big foolish smile on his face and his tired eyes, but I'm still not sure that he's not lying "And I tore the shoes in PE. Coach hates me since I left the team and makes me run extra. I borrowed those."

"We should get you new ones" I say with my hoarse voice and he just shrugs like it's not a big deal at all

"Where are we going anyway?" he asks confused and I finally give him a genuine smile myself

"To get your present" I say and I see him almost blush

"Damon, there was no need for presents. Being out there with you and Bonnie is the greatest present ever. You know that I hate my birthday" he says seriously and I nod with a smile on my face. I knew he hated his birthday, it reminded him of his best friend's death, but he was turning 16 and I might not even be alive next week, so I needed to make this special for him.

"Too bad you don't have a say in it, kiddo" I ruffle his hair and he grunts annoyed at me.

I take him out to this place where they sell old cars and as confused as he is, he jumps into it and starts looking around. He still can't figure out what we're doing and I don't let anything out either, I just enjoy him looking at trucks and jumping in, sighing from the amazingness of a certain car-he was sweet and extremely confused, but for a moment, very happy.

I told him we're here to choose him a car for his birthday. One that he'll be able to drive once we get him off the orphanage and he gets his licence. I knew he could do it even now but I didn't want him to end up in juvie again.

He laughed and jumped in my embrace-he could not believe my words. He refused at first, saying that a car is too expensive, but I told him we're not leaving until he chooses. And at the end he choose an old brown truck, which looked kind of like him-broken and barely holding on, but Stefan said he'll fix some things himself, paint it and make it look like new and I agreed. I haven't seen him happier, not like this. Never like this. The owner of the shop was a friend of mine and he let Stefan drive around with the truck. He was so enthusiastic, he almost hit five other cars, but he was a good driver and he kept waving from the window with the biggest grin on his face ever.

Once he was content with having his own truck. I took him to another place-I've bought tickets for the football game that night and I took him to the stadium. He couldn't believe I was doing all this just because he had birthday-it was like the bestest day ever, according to his own words and even though he as so genuinely sincere with me, he brought tears to my eyes.

Tears, I had a hard time swallowing up. I could not believe that such things were making him that happy. He hasn't seen much good in his life and that was breaking my damn heart. He ate three hot togs while we were watching the game and I even gave him mine. That meant he wasn't eating good in the orphanage and that was worrying me, but I didn't say anything. He kept freezing next to me, so I gave him my big brown sweater and he hugged himself in it as if he spent the night out in the cold. By the end of the game, he was starting to doze off, just like a child, he had his limits-he was exhausted and he fell on my shoulder. I hated waking him up and driving him home, but I had to, unless I wanted Bonnie to kick my sorry ass.

She surprised him with a big chocolate birthday cake and he ate half of it on his own. Then he asked if he can take some with him for the orphanage, said he'll hide it to eat some of it tomorrow and that just broke my heart even more.

When Bonnie gave him her present-a photo of me and him, he held on to it for dear life. I remember when she took it-it was a bit after I began fostering him. I had my arm thrown over his shoulders, pulling him close. We were a bit sweated, with boxing gloves on, but smiling-I was teaching him how to fight back then and she has come by to see how we're doing. Stefan smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek, thanking her sincerely.

When time came for me to take him back, he suddenly got too sad and tried finding ways to just stay a few more minutes, even though he was aware that it was impossible.

When I pulled out in front of the orphanage, his eyes were full with tears, but he was trying hard to hold on.

"You be okay in there, yes?" I tell him when we get out and I put my hands on his shoulders. He stares down at his feet uncomfortably and I can't even look at his torn up shoes and his cold feet, it was breaking me

"Yes" he says barely audible

"I meant to ask you something all day long" I start again, but he doesn't look up "Is everything alright? Is someone giving you troubles or-"

"No" he interrupts me too fast and too rudely "Everything' fine. You don't have to worry."

"I always will" I tell him gently and he finally looks me in the eyes. When I see his dim green stare, I almost lose all ground underneath me. He's gritting his teeth, trying to keep himself together as if his life depends on it "That's what I'm here for" I add and I can see how my words drown him deeper and deeper.

I know all the thoughts running through his mind right now, all the questions-What if I disappear? What if I leave him all alone? What if this is his last birthday with me? What if I never make it out of that hospital? What happens to him?

"It will be alright, kiddo" I say, trying to sound as confident as I can.

"You don't know that" he mumbles with a sad smile on his face and that leaves me speechless. We stare at one another for a moment until he takes a step back "Don't say goodbye, Damon" he begs me and I give him a confused look as I watch him pull away

"Stefan" I'm breaking down myself

"Don't say goodbye. _We won't say goodbye!" _he's stubbornly denying the truth and I see him turn his back to me and approach the stairs "We won't." he repeats as if he's talking to himself

"Stefan" I try again, but he doesn't even more. He might not want to say goodbye, he might be in denial, but I need to tell him one last time, I have to. I might not be here next week. I might never see him again "I love you, kiddo. Always remember that." I say as I feel my voice shake and for a moment he stays like this with his back to me and here I am thinking that he'll just rush up to the stairs and disappear because he can't take it.

And then before I know it, he turns around and runs to me, throws himself in my embrace and wraps his weak hands around me. I pull him close and he buries his head in my chest while I dig my hand in his messy hair. He's shaking and I can feel a few drops of his own tears on my shirt, but I'll pretend as if they were never there, because that's what he would want from me.

"I love you too, brother" he speaks up and when he says, I can't believe my ears. I tense and my hands stops rubbing his back. He notices my surprise, but then he tightens his grip again, one last time.

My eyes water and this time I don't even try to keep it together.

I let them fall.

This is the first time he's called me brother.

It might also be the last.

He doesn't let me go for another five or ten minutes, I don't count, because it won't ever be enough, but he gives me enough time to get myself together as well. When he finally pulls away, it's because someone opens the front door of the orphanage and an old annoyed guard calls his name, saying it's time to get back inside.

"It's okay, it's time to go, kid. We'll see each other next week" I say, but he doesn't want to move and I understand that I need to be the one to break his heart, I have to be the one to leave first. I start moving back to my truck when he calls out again

"Damon, wait I-" there's so much confusion in his eyes, it breaks my heart in two and I know what he wants to say. I know what's going on his mind. There are so many unspoken things between us. There are so many more we haven't even thought about.

"I know, Stefan" I say with a smile "I know" and I really meant it. He somehow calms down and I watch him finally turn around and get to the stairs.

I can't make myself hop up in the truck. I don't want to.

I have to, though.

But even when I finally do, I catch myself staring at him. He climbs the stairs and turns around to look at me one last time. I raise my hand and wave at him. He puts on his brave face, gives me one of his foolish smiles and waves as well.

Then the guards grabs his shoulder and urges him inside.

I wasn't even halfway home when I broke down.

I pulled up in the middle of some dark street full of wonderful white picket fence houses, got out the truck and kneeled down next to it as I silenced my screams. Once, I was done and the tears came, I looked up at the light coming from a kitchen window and saw a beautiful family with two kids having supper, laughing, smiling, spending time together.

And I wondered what happiness might feel like.


	23. Chapter 23

**Stefan's POV**

I was nervously walking up and down the men's bathroom pressing the cell that Damon gave me too hard to my ear, waiting impatiently for Ric's secretary to get ahold of him and connect me.

I have been trying to get in touch with him all day long and I knew that with every passing minute I was getting more and more late. I was sure that they were already preparing Damon for his surgery by now and I've been begging Ric for days to come and get me out of here just so I could go see him before he goes inside and after he gets out.

I was desperate, I was breaking down every other hour, I couldn't get any of this out of my head and on top of it, I was still very sore since last week's fight. I haven't caught any sleep since my birthday-I had no pillow or even a blanket to sleep with and my wardrobe still consisted of two shirts and my old ripped out jeans. I had nothing on me, but bruises and my broken soul-it was actually pretty pathetic as I think about it. On top of this my nightmares came back as well and because I was ashamed and afraid of yelling out in the middle of the night in a room full of sleeping boys, I would drag myself to the bathroom, sit in one of the corners and rest my head on my knees, falling in an out all the time, without managing to rest peacefully. It was hell on earth and I quickly got used to staring at my shadow-like face in the mirror.

I looked as if I was homeless, I stank, despite the fact that I was taking showers whenever I could and tried to wash my two shirts all the time, I had big circles under my eyes and even a stubble, since I had nothing to shave with here. There was dirt under my nails and my hair was getting a bit longer, much more like Damon's, which only made my heart ache even worse-no matter what I did, I was always reminded of his last words, that he loved me, that it will be fine and I got teary-eyed whenever reality hit me in the face and stumbled all over me, whispering that he doesn't know that. None of us did. But I was trying to hold on with whatever strength I had. Despite everything that was going on in this awful place-despite the fact that I owned nothing anymore or that I looked so awful, despite the fact that I haven't slept or haven't eaten because Kurt kept tripping me every time we were in the cafeteria or made sure his guys stole my food, despite the fact that I was hardly even myself, that I was a mess, and I was getting sick as I've been coughing the past few nights, I still had hope.

I dared hope this time. It was something Damon gave me and I had to hold on to it no matter what. I owed him that much.

When I lay in bed late at night and stared at the ceiling, I kept thinking about everything that happened to me ever since I started living with him. I realized that we didn't even know each other for a whole year, that I've not even spent a whole six months with him, that I haven't told him so many things just because of my stupid pride and that I eventually, didn't know that much about him.

It's true, that I didn't talk about my past with him, but I never asked him things about his childhood or his life in general. There were only the main things I knew, like that his father pressured him too hard because he wanted him to become his better version or that his mother loved him too much for her own good and protected him with whatever strength she had, but that was about it. I hated myself for being so selfish and ignorant.

All this time we were together, I've been consumed by my own pain, neglecting everything that was going on with him, which is why I never figured that he's sick. If I've been smarter, better, if I was just the brother that he always wanted to have…

"Hello" I finally hear Ric's voice from the other side "Stefan, what is it? I already told you-"

"Ric, please, you have to get me out of here, I'm begging you" I try again and I raise my voice, glad that there's no one in the bathroom right now "I have to be there, he must already be in surgery"

"Stefan, I told you that there was no way I could come and get you. I'm not allowed, I don't have that much power, moreover, I am not even in Atlanta right now, so-"

"So then send someone to get me!" I get angrier now "Ric, you owe me this! You brought Damon into my life, you were the one who insisted that we bond, that I meet my real brother, that I have a family for god's sakes! You have to get me to him! I don't even know if I'll see him again, I have to at least say goodbye!"

"Stefan, I understand that, but-" his voice is softer, yet still persistent and I already know what he'll tell me

"No! NO! You can't do this to me, do you understand? I spent my entire life getting beaten by shitty foster parents that you found for me, getting abused and thrown on the street! Damon is the only good thing right now! He's the only thing keeping me together. If I lose him, I lose myself. I need to get to the damn hospital, Ric! You have to come!"

"Stefan, look I-" he starts explaining again, but then I hear people making some kind of noise from his end of the line and I know that this will be it, they'll drag him somewhere and he'll forget all about the boy that he promised he won't leave. I hear him talk to other people and say that he'll be right there before I sigh and slip down the wall, ending up on the cold floor and burying my hand in my hair "Okay, I have to go now, but I'll try to come tomorrow, alright?" I sigh and squeeze my eyes, without responding "Stefan?" he asks "Stefan, are you there?" I still don't respond, I take my time, because right now I hate him and I don't want to even talk to him right now. My brother was in surgery and there was a really big chance I might not see him again and he was fucking me over because he had more important things to do.

"Stefan, don't do anything stu-"

"Goodbye, Ric" I say as I hung up and let a tired sigh out. I was going to see Damon. I don't care what it costs me. I'm going to see him. Even if it's just for a minute, I'm not going to give up, I had to get to him somehow.

"Troubles, Williams?" I hear someone else's voice and when I look up I see one of the boys from my room coming out from the other corner behind the bathroom stalls. I wonder how long he's been there, he must've heard everything which wasn't good news. I was trying to act as tough as I could here, without showing any of my vulnerabilities especially to those bastards who hurt me the other night-I was keeping to myself and trying to lay low, even though that was almost impossible with Kurt hating me of all people-he turned my life into a living hell all the damn time.

Anyway, this boy, I think his name was Luke, was some kind of a drug dealer if I'm not mistaken. We went to the same school, I knew him from before, but I was avoiding him at all costs because he was a junkie and if there was anything I hated more than people being drunk, was them being on drugs. It's not that I haven't smoked weed, but I've never taken any hard stuff. It was just wrong for me and it reminded me of too many awful things that happened in the past.

Things that I'd rather leave buried, even if every now and then they came back to haunt me. Things that Damon couldn't read in that nice folder Ric gave him, simply because nobody knew about them. They were never reported and Ric never knew of it. The only one was me and the person who did it all. I had no idea if they were still alive, considering how much they used back then.

"What do you want, Luke?" I ask with a hoarse voice as I raise myself up and get ready to leave. He only makes things worse for me

"Hey, why the attitude?" he smiles devilishly. He's a cunning little bastard that boy and as he steps in, he blocks my only way out of here "I'm just trying to help. I overheard your conversation"

"I don't need no help from you!" I spit out in his direction and attempt to leave, but he grabs my elbow harsh and pulls me back. Before I know it, I'm shaking him off and getting ready to hit him in the jaw just like Damon taught me, but he ducks and manages to save himself _"Do not touch me!"_ I say as I take another step to him and pressure him to the wall, after grabbing his shirt and fisting his collar hard, without giving him the opportunity to move. My intentions were only to scare him off so he would leave me, but he actually laughs in my direction before raising his hands defensively

"Hey, hey, no need for that, man, I was just thought we could both help each other" that catches my attention and even though I want to leave him and never think about his stupid ass anymore, I'm also very desperate and have no idea what to do.

I had to find a way out of here tonight-it was late in the evening already and all the main entrances were locked. If I broke a window I would set off an alarm, plus there were metal bars on each and every one of them, preventing us from doing anything like that.

"What do you mean?" I push him even closer to the wall and he grits his teeth, but I don't care. I'm so full of anger and resentment, I could beat the shit out of him and not think twice about it. I was actually worried that I could get lose in myself and harm someone unintentionally like that time in front of the store when Damon stopped me from almost killing this guy. But now Damon wasn't here to stop me and I was full of rage. Rage was unpredictable. So I had to get to him, I had to find my brother, I had to hold his hand and pray that he'll be fine. I have to tell him all the things I never could and so I was that desperate that I was willing to listen to some junkie.

"I can get you out of here" he says with his typical smirk "Right now" I look him in the eye, trying to figure if he's lying, which is why I guess he continues "I can open one of the back entrances in the basement for you, but only for a few minutes and you can run off. You have to be careful with the guards when you're jumping off the fence though, they might see you."

"And what will you want in return?" I ask as I tighten my grip around him, I still don't trust him, he might be leading me into a trap, but that was my only option right now, I had no other choice. I watch him slide his hand in his back pocket and take out a small plastic bag full of nothing but white pills.

"You have to sell this for me, by tomorrow evening. I'll take care of you tonight, you can slip out and I'll know a way in which to cheat the morning counting" I furrowed my eyebrows.

They always checked if everyone's there in the morning. The big fat guy with the awfully white mustache and the greasy hands would pass by each and every one of the rooms and count us up. There was no cheating that.

"No way" I shake my head and move a step back

"Believe what you want, I've done it before" he shrugs his shoulders as if it's not a big deal "You just have to sell the drugs and bring me the money, the rest will be taken care of. Remember, I've been here longer than you"

"And why don't you just do all of this yourself if it's that easy for you to sneak around?" I ask the logical question and he furrows his eyebrows for the first time

"I got out of juvie about a month ago after they caught me selling and they're keeping a close eye on me right now, I can't risk it."

"So you want me to be the fool, who gets your dirty job done." he smiles and nods and I let him go as I lean on the opposite wall and take a minute to think about it.

He can see my hesitation, but in fact I have nothing else to lose. Of course, they could catch me, I might not even make it beyond the fence and they'll find the drugs or they might figure that I'm not even here in the morning and let their people try to find me-either way, I was going to be screwed, but I was willing to risk it if I would get to see Damon.

Nothing else really mattered now, but seeing my brother.

"Fine" I agree and he chuckles in his own stupid way. I felt as if this boy is not in his right mind, but then again that's what drugs would do to you.

"Okay, Williams" he rubbed his hands greedily as he shoved the bag with the pills in my hands "Wait for me downstairs in ten minutes" he said as he started getting out and I stood there trying to figure out how much he'll actually screw me up "And don't you dare fuck me up, cause what Kurt did to you is really nothing compared to what I will."

I sighed and leaned on the sink, trying hard to hold back my tears. I splashed some water over my face and wiped it away with my own t-shirt. I stared at the pills he gave me for a few minutes, feeling all the bad memories from the time I was trying desperately to forget rush in, and then I snapped out of it, shoving them in the pocket of my jeans and exiting the bathroom.

Luke was there when I went downstairs, he explained everything to me and then started walking away quietly

"Be careful with the fence, it's quite high"" he warned one last time and I sighed as I pushed the door opened.

The chilly air hit me harder than I expected and I had to swallow my own coughs. The few drops of water from my forehead that haven't dried out made me feel even colder. I was dressed in nothing but my shirt and through the torn out shoes I found in the trash, I could feel the wet ground, but none of this scared me. I knew that I had to run to the fence and be as fast as I can so that none of the two guards in the back here could see me. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes, remembering Damon's warm embrace when he hugged me after I told him I loved him.

Then I opened them bravely and ran like hell.

The fence turned out to be a bit of a problem, just like Luke said and one of the guards would've caught me if I haven't gritted my teeth after I fell on the pavement on the other side and grabbed my arm. Once I looked at it I realized that I've cut myself on the edgy ends while I was trying to get over it and I saw a pretty big gash on my arm under my soaked with blood and torn out sleeve.

But as easily as everything else tonight, I ignored it and started running to the subway.

It was time to get to my brother.

**Bonnie's POV**

I was nervously walking up and down the hallway, waiting for news, even though I knew there wouldn't be any update right now. They've only got him into surgery less than an hour ago. I kept trying to prevent myself from crying last night, mainly because I spent it here, in the hospital, with him and he kept waking up every other hour. He was nervous and in pain and couldn't get any rest so the last thing he needed was seeing me cry. I couldn't leave him, no matter what was going to happen, even if he himself insisted that I go after we realized how serious things between us were.

I loved him. I've loved him for a long time now, I just never accepted it, we never let it happen, we didn't give ourselves a chance. And we chose the worst moment possible, but still I don't regret it-every hour I've spent with him was worth it and even if he doesn't-

No, I'm not going to think about that. He'll be alright, I'll see him in a few hours and he'll be all fine. I'll lean down to kiss him and he'll take my breath away like he always does.

And besides all this, no matter how bad he is, he'll still be thinking about his little brother and what he's doing right now.

After the birthday celebration, he shared with me that Stefan wasn't alright, he noticed it, but couldn't get anything out of the kid and he kept worrying about him over the past week. Yet there were things to be done, he had to get in the in the hospital, he was in pain, they were trying to help him and there was no way he could get in touch with him. We would call the cell phone a few times, but we knew that if someone hears it and it's not Stefan, they could rat him out and that would only bring him troubles. Then again, he himself called a few times just for a minute or so, but that wasn't enough to calm Damon down-he could guess by the sound of his voice, that things are wrong and it was torturing him that he wasn't there for Stefan, that he couldn't help him.

I finally settled down on one of the benches and felt the envelope in my back pocket slip. I took it out, before it has fallen on the ground and stared at it for a moment, gently caressing it with my thumb and trying to calm myself down. Damon would be fine, they would both be alright, nothing will happen to them.

"Bonnie" I heard a familiar voice call me out and I looked up only to see a boy running in my direction down the hallway.

At first, I couldn't recognize him. He looked so different-his hair was a bit longer, much like Damon's only blond, his eyes were tiredly, as if barely hanging on to this awful reality, the big circles under his eyes scared me and his half ripped out shirt made him look as if he's been to war. There was blood going down his right arm, but he didn't seem even slightly bothered by it. He was dressed in the same clothes he wore on his birthday, only dirtier and worn out and something in my flipped-Damon was right, things with him were not fine. But that was not the worst right now-the problem was that he shouldn't be here in the first place.

I knew that both Damon and Stefan were begging Ric to try and get them together for the surgery, but Damon had little hope left it would happen and that's what worried him most-he was afraid Stefan would do something stupid. Like…running away.

"Stefan?" I asked confused as I stood up just when he got to me and tried to grand me a tired smile "What the hell are you doing here?" I said a bit harsh, I was about to get really mad with him. This was the last thing Damon wanted, for him to run away and get himself in troubles, he made me promise that I'll take care of Stefan when he can't and here he was, right in front of me, when he was supposed to be sleeping in his bed on the other side of town

"What does it look like to you? I came to see my brother!" he responds worriedly, trying to justify his actions but I notice him furrowing his eyebrows too

"Did you run away?" I ask and he grits his teeth which only means that the answer to my question is yes. He raises his hands helplessly in the air and sighs as if he can't get my reaction

"It doesn't matter what I did. I'm here. Where is he? Did they get him in?" he doesn't even give me the chance to scold him. He's too worried to pay attention to me being angry with him, but I'm both furious and worried that I want to just give him a speech.

However, now is not the time or the place for it, and when I looked at him, being so damn ruined, so broken, with his shirt ripped out and his hands trembling from nervousness, I didn't have it in me to judge him. He was after all, afraid to lose his only living relative. His only real brother. And he was scared to death.

"Yes. He went in about an hour ago" I said and I noticed him tensing, he hated this, he wished he could be here for his brother "They said it will take at least five so we have plenty of time. "

"I missed him" he cursed himself "I should've gotten here earlier!" he cursed himself as he turned around abruptly and buried his head in his hands for a brief moment "Goddammit!" he exclaimed angrily and threw his hands in the air

"Hey, hey, hey, cut if off, alright!" I approached him and grabbed his wrists which were still bandaged in those dirty gauzes. I could see the blood there too-he looked like a boy who just got back from war. "Even if you were here, they wouldn't let you see him" I explained calmly and pushed him down the bench "He knew that too" Stefan raises his head slowly and looks at me confused "Which is why he wanted me to give you this" I hand out the letter, but he doesn't take it right away, he stares at it as if he has no idea what to do with it, and I wait patiently for him to let it all sink in.

With trembling bloody hands he takes it and keeps looking at it just as confused as before until he clears his throat, folds the envelope and shoves it in his jean's pocket, afraid to even look at it. In ways, I understand him.

"Now, what are you doing here?" I ask again and grab his hand gently, bringing it closer, staring at the dirty smelly bandages "You look terrible."

"It's fine. I'm all good" he lies as he suppresses a cough and tries to get away from me, but I won't let him go as easily. I give him a stern look and he sighs confused" Fine. I ran away, what's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? Are you for real? They'll come looking for you the minute they figure out you're not there!" I didn't realize when I raised my voice worriedly.

He shook his head and just leaned back on the bench as if he couldn't deal with this now and I understood him, I did, but that didn't make me calm down at all. As I looked at him, though, and the way he helplessly closed his eyes and sighed, I felt so bad for doing this to him right now. I tried to swallow my nervousness and reached out for my bag where I pulled out the sweater Damon gave me the last time we took a walk together before we got to the hospital. I touched Stefan's shoulder gently and he almost jumped from it, but I hurried to wrap it around his skinny shoulders

"Here, take this. You're freezing" I decided to take care of him instead of scolding him. He was after all, just a child, a very worried and stressed out child.

"That's Damon's" he says and smiles as if to himself while I nod and pass him my still warm cup of coffee. He cups it with his bloody hands and takes a big sip, making my eyes well with tears as I watch him cough, it seemed as if he was sick too.

"Want to tell me what's going on, Stefan?" I ask as I reach out to grab his hand and he avoids my look "Something's very wrong with you."

"Not now" he begs

"You shouldn't keep it all inside, you know that's not the right thing to do."

"I know." he responds calmly "But please, not now. I don't have the strength for this. I don't want to even think about it" he explains and I squeeze his hand in return.

"What do you want to talk about then?" I ask instead as I reach out closer to him and he lets me lean on his weak shoulder.

I needed him as much as he needed me and for once I stopped questioning why he was here for I knew far too well too-we were here for Damon. He needed us and in our pain and sorrow, Stefan and I united, leaving the rest of the world behind, forgetting all about it.

"What was he like…when you met him?" Stefan asks with his hoarse voice as he suppresses another cough. I scold myself for not pushing him to tell me what was going on. Then again, just by looking at him, I could see that he wasn't okay.

"The first time I met him, he was still in college I believe. I've just started working for his father, who by the way was the worst boss ever-he always complained, nothing I ever did was good enough for him and he kept threatening to fire me, but I was stubborn and persistent, so I stayed. My patience helped a lot. Anyway, Damon was a smiling foolish kid back then, still engaged to that bitch Katherine who left him later on. If his father was threating me awfully, you should see what he did to Damon-I've never seen a man being so disrespectful towards his own child. Anyway, Damon put all his efforts into working, desperate to please his father and that lead to him losing the love of his life. He was really bad after that, but he still kept his spirit up, he still joked with me, he was still sarcastic, even if his heart was so damn heavy with pain and guilt. I guess that's what I love most about him-no matter what happens, he doesn't give up, he doesn't lose himself, he just tries to hold on to that spark inside him and brighten everyone else around. He is selfless and kind, he cares. He cares about the others more than he will ever care about himself."

"You are in love with him" Stefan says and I look up only to find him smiling. He tightens his grip "And he is in love with you too. He always had been. He was just too stubborn to let it show, because he was afraid." I blush slightly as I listen to his words and pull away, running my shaky fingers through my hair "I was so swallowed by my own problems, that I forgot what he's been through. He lived through his own personal hell, he lost his mother, his fiancé, the company. But he found you and for that I'm very grateful. He needs someone like you in his life."

"He also found you" I say gently as I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it. He slightly shivers from the pain and I furrow my eyebrows but he smiles instead and leans down to give me a brotherly kiss on the forehead

"He'll be fine" he calms me down. I almost want to laugh thinking about what Damon would say if he could see us. He made me promise I'll take care of Stefan and here we were-the opposite was going on. I let him wrap his arms around me and pull me for a tight hug and I bury my face in his chest. He smelled like tears and loneliness and that only made it worse for me.

We stayed side by side together for a very long time, not moving and falling in and out. Stefan was exhausted, but he refused to lie down and get some rest, no matter how I begged him. He also promised that the blood on his arm is not from anything serious and that he was feeling good and for the time being I believed him, but I knew that once we had news about Damon and things have calmed down, I would push him to take care of everything.

After almost six hours spent in the waiting room, we finally saw Damon's doctor come out from the elevator still dressed in his scrubs, followed by a nurse who was holding a folder. Stefan jumped from his seat before I could even process what was going on and we both rushed to the doctor who was just taking his mask off.

"What's going on, how is he?" I asked first before Stefan could even form a sentence and the doctor sighed as his expression grew only more exhausted. Something wasn't right, I could tell by the way he was avoiding looking in our direction. He nervously shifted as he finally cleared his throat and fixed his glasses.

"We managed to get out the tumor so the surgery was successful" he let out but his voice was hoarse and somehow nervous, he didn't say it with the usual cheerful way in which they give you the good news "But, unfortunately just after we took it out, his condition drastically changed and-" he cleared his throat once again and I squeezed Stefan's hand harder than ever, afraid to hear the doctor's words "I'm sorry, he slipped into a comma." silence consumed us for a moment, before Stefan let my hand go and took a step forward. He was no longer ruined or nervous-he was angry.

"What do you mean? How is he in a comma, you said the operation was successful?" he asked with his hoarse and cold voice

"Your brother wasn't was strong as we thought he was, his body gave up on him and we almost lost him, so-"

"It was your job to know how strong he was! Why did you urge him to do the surgery if he wasn't healthy enough?" Stefan raised his voice and I saw him clenching his fist. He was led by his anger and he would do something stupid unless I stopped him. I tried getting over my initial shock and grabbed his arm, pulling him back

"What happens now?" I asked instead and gave Stefan a serious look, shaking my head and reminding him that this is not the place to make a scene. "When will he wake up?"

"The good thing is that this is not an uncommon situation with patients like Damon who went through the same surgery. He's stable and we'll keep observing him, but I can't tell you when he'll wake up. That depends entirely on him. Some patients wake up only after a few days, others need months." he explains as he eyes Stefan carefully, as if worried that he'll jump on him and try to hurt him for letting his brother get to this condition.

Stefan takes a step back abruptly and buries his head in his hands, he can't take it, this is too much for him. This was not supposed to happen-Damon had to be alright, he was supposed to wake up, to joke about something stupid and get better, not lose himself into a sleepless oblivion while still fighting for his life.

"And what if he never wakes up?" he asks and this time his voice is shaky

"Then you'll have to decide if you want to unplug his machines and let him go or continue keeping him alive in this state" the doctor explains patiently after he cleared his throat nervously

I see Stefan slip down the wall and close his eyes, but I try hard to keep myself afloat and exchange a few more words with the doctor, who explains things as best as he can.

He tells us that we can see him for a few minutes and Stefan finally opens his eyes when he hears that, but he looks years older and his eyes are more tired than ever. I don't even know how he manages to get up and drag himself to me. I catch his hand and we intertwine our fingers as we slowly go down the hallway after the doctor and get in the elevator.

Just before we were about to get in Damon's room, I felt Damon's cell which was in my pocket buzz. I took it out and realized it was Ric calling, which only meant that they've probably figured out that Stefan ran away. He saw it and told me to hung up. I did. And didn't even question my decision.

When we got inside, we found Damon lying in a hospital bed hooked to all sorts of machines, some of them helping him breathe, some measuring his heartbeat, tubes coming in and out of his hands or mouth, a tight white bandage wrapped around his head, making his raven black hair stick rebelliously in all different directions.

But he didn't seem in pain, he seemed at peace and that's what scared me most.

Stefan took an uncertain step forward before he reached Damon's hand lying peacefully on the side of the bed. Then he grabbed it and squeezed it with both his hands.

And then he let his tears silently go.

I was so paralyzed, I couldn't even get to him and wrap him in my arms-there was nothing to say. I couldn't believe that this was happening-it was too much for him. For me as well.

He didn't let me witness his weakness for too long. He brushed away his tears almost right away and kept holding Damon's hand. He closed his eyes and kneeled down on the floor, next to the bed.

We stayed like this for a while. I don't know how much time passed. The only thing I was certain of, was that I could hear the sound of the beeping machines.

_But the Damon lying in this bed was not my Damon, he wasn't here. And the boy crying next to him needed his brother. He needed him now and he was not her_e. _He might never be here again._

The sound of someone knocking on the big window behind us, made both me and Stefan jump from our places. When I looked up, I saw Ric standing there with four other guys, two of whom looked like guards. He waved at Stefan to come out with his eyebrows furrowed angrily.

Stefan slowly stood from his place. He knew that there was nowhere to run, but he seemed as if he'll break down any minute now. He reluctantly went outside and I followed him worriedly.

"Stefan, don't do anything stupid" I whispered before we faced all the people looking for him, but he didn't even listen to me. He was somewhere else, probably still next to his brother's bed, holding his hand.

They grabbed his arms and searched him through. Much to my surprise, they found a small bag full of pills.

Drugs. Stefan carried drugs. I couldn't believe that.

He avoided my look and struggled while they were trying to keep him down. He even managed to hit one of the guards with his elbow but that only made things worse-I kept yelling, telling him not to say or do anything, but he wouldn't listen. He was relentless and he wanted them to let him go. He kept begging them to leave him, he kept saying that he's not leaving his brother.

But they were taking him away.

And there was nothing he could do to stop them.


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: This chapter focuses on Stefan. Everything in italic is a flashback to the time he was eight years old and even though it's a bit confusing in the beginning, by the end of the chapter everything will become clear. I don't know how many people are still reading this, but I am grateful for all of you. This is the last big part of the story(not the last chapter!) and after it, I'll get to the end. Thank you for your reviews and enjoy! **_

* * *

**Stefan's POV**

_I'm running up the stairs, hoping to get to the door room and hide under the big wardrobe before any of them get to me. And her, especially her, I had to run away from her. My breathing is shallow, I've been terrified ever since she woke me up this morning and said that we have to pay a visit to the child support lady, who decided how much money she got for each and every one of us. _

_I still remembered last month and even though I wasn't sure exactly what she gave me, I was certain that she'll do the same thing now. And I couldn't go through it, I couldn't feel like that again, that would drive me insane. I was so scared, I didn't want to see the things I saw after she did this to me, I didn't want to experience them. I remember how awful it was last time and that it took me more than one night to get back to myself-the nightmares were awful and I was never sure what is dream and reality._

_Then again, if I let her do this, if I let her give me some of whatever this thing was, I could see someone else again. I could see my mother._

_I've never met her, I have no idea how she looks like, but when this lady, my foster mom, gives me some of those things that she injects in my hand or pours in my mouth I see her. I feel warmer and somehow everything is more colorful, better. _

_That is before the nightmares come. _

_I see myself sitting on a bed, looking around sacredly, wondering why I am all alone. I start crying-I am not sure if that part is reality or dream. And then just when I think that nobody hears me, she comes. She walks in and she asks me why I'm crying. She's dressed in a nice white shirt and black skirt, her hair is long and straight, the color is red, but not that bright red, just a nice soothing red. Her eyes are blue and her hands are bony and white, but when she sits down next to me and starts stroking my head, when she pulls me to her chest and lets me bury my face in the crook of her neck and cry, she seems like the strongest person on earth. And I never doubt it. I never doubt she is my mother, even though I guess I realized that she might not even look like that at all._

_But that was all before the nightmares. And I wasn't sure if it was worth seeing all this before going through just another hell. Which is why I burst through the bedroom door and rushed to hide in the wardrobe. I could hear the fast steps coming up the stairs, I knew they were very close and I had no idea why I was even trying to hide when they would surely find me here. Yet, even despite all this, I bent in two and crawled inside, covering my ears with my tiny hands, hiding between clothes and praying for them to just go away. _

_I wanted them to go away, I wanted her to choose another kid that she'll take to the office and not just me, but then again she always said I looked so sweet, I could melt even the cruelest heart, which is why she choose me. And I hated myself for looking like that. I would often try to hurt my face so I would look uglier, bloody, bruised and she would change her mind and take someone else instead, but when she found me banging my head in the wall of our bedroom, she made it even worse and left me without food for two days straight, making sure that I understand that trying to get away with this, would only make it worse._

"_Steeeeefaaaan!" I hear her voice "Come on, boy, come out here!" she says with a sneaky sly voice and I tighten my grip around my ears even more, but there's no point, she'll be here any minute and I hated myself for being so weak. She opens the door of the other bedroom, the one where I slept with three more kids and I heard her getting angrier "Come on, now you piece of shit! I have no time to deal with your hide and seek games!" she is impatient and I'm playing on her nerves. I slowly raise my head up, but unfortunately I hit it in the wooden door and that makes my lips escape a small whimper. That's her cue-she hears me and I know that's it. There's nowhere to run, she's coming and she'll make me take this, she'll turn this into hell._

"_He's in the bedroom" I hear a male's voice this time. It was her son-her only real son. He is older than me. I am only eight and he's twenty or something. He's a big rude guy and he likes to kick me all the time. I have bruises all over my body from him and if there was anyone in this house that I hated more than my foster mom, it was him. But at least since he went to college he wasn't always here. Now, I was unfortunate enough to have to deal with him too. "Yep, right here" he says just as he leans and opens the wardrobe door. He grabs my arm and starts pulling me out_

"_Please, no! Please, don't do this!" I am begging and he laughs as I keep struggling. He grabs my other arm and in the process of him trying to get me, he rips off my shirt. _

_I lose the battle, even if I'm trying very hard to pull myself by gripping the wardrobe. My hands are sweaty and weak and I let myself go. I let him take me out. "Please!" I keep begging when I see her smiling in my direction. She's an awful woman, dirty and greasy, dressed in an old faded pnk shirt and washed out jeans, she's skinny because she takes drugs all the time and half her teeth are not even there. Her hair is straight and very dirty and she smells awful. _

"_Keep him steady!" she orders her son and he twists my hands behind my back, holding my tight even as I keep struggling_

"_No, please no, I don't want this!" I beg her "Please, don't do this to me! Please, I am begging you, I'll do anything!" I am crying now, tears are rushing down my face, but she pays no attention to me. _

_She takes out a small package from her back pocket. It's full of white pills and she takes two of them out at first. She looks at me and her son, whose pressing my small body to his fat stomach and I hope that she'll decide to keep it just one, but she chuckles and instead she takes one more out, so they become three instead._

"_Three? Isn't that too much?" her son says, even he is surprised by this "You don't want the kid collapsing on the ground, mom"_

"_He won't" she responds with a certain satisfaction "He's a strong one. That's why I chose him in the first place." she explains as she approaches us and grabs my mouth, opening it widely. _

_I struggle to close it back, I don't want to feel like that, I don't want her doing this to me. I don't want all the nightmares and the visions, I don't want to feel dizzy and not to be certain of the reality and the dream. I don't want to cry. I don't want to see my mother, because it hurts so much_

"_Now, now, you know there's no point in resisting, just swallow them like a good boy, Stefan!" she says sternly and she puts the pills in my mouth. _

_Her son pulls my head back and grabs my hair, tugging me back. I almost yell out in pain, but I try to resist swallowing. She notices it, which is why she grabs a glass of water from the nightstand, yanks my hair away from her son and pours half of it in my mouth, even though I show resistance. I swallow them and she makes me choke on the water because she poured it so fast. I start coughing, but she doesn't care and I spent my last sane moments wondering if I'll ever get out of here. _

_I start seeing things differently before we even make it to the car. I remember staring down at the hole of my black shirt and trying to drive my finger through it. When she pushed me in the backseat and started the engine, I thought that it was a bear roaring at me and I ever began imagining it. I was groaning, letting out strange words and I felt so awful and confused that I grabbed my head with my hands and started rocking up and down. I could hear so many different things and all the colors were so bright they hurt my eyes-I had to close my eyes. _

_I started yelling. No, it was more like howling. I didn't know what was happening to me, I only knew that her pills were doing this to me. It was her goal, to make me look like I'm crazy._

_I don't know what's going on around me. I only feel her grabbing my arm and pushing me outside. I almost fall to my knees, but she pulls me up by the collar of my t-shirt and I hear the cloth rip out a bit. I am not crying, but I'm sure that the minute I start imagining my mom, I will and that would be awful. For now, though, everything is just too bright and I can't walk a straight line._

"_Keep it up, kid" she whispers in my ear "You're my golden ticket." she starts tugging me down some hallway and I keep groaning and howling, I don't know why, I just do it, for some reason I feel that things are not right. _

_Before we enter the room where the social worker is, she kneels down and with a big smile on her face, she fixes my hair and gives me a few small slaps on the cheeks. Then she pulls my shirt to the side so that my left shoulder is exposed and stares down at my torn out shoes-I look awful, poor, dirty and crazy-I was exactly the kid she needed. _

_She puts on her sad concerned smile, before she knocks on the door and a female voice yells from inside telling her to give her a minute. While we're waiting, I keep staring at a sticker of an elephant glued to the door and I realize that it starts moving. I reach out to grab it and I groan in frustration when I can't get to it. My foster mom slaps my hand away from the door and kicks me in the butt with her shoe. I yell out in pain and grab my head with my hands again-this isn't true, I keep thinking, but no words come out._

_Finally the voice yells to come in and she carefully opens the door, speaking up in her best and sweetest voice. She kisses the social worker's ass as she puts me up on a chair next to her. I don't listen to them, I can't, I feel too awful to even register what's going on. I just grab my head again and start rocking up and down, that usually helps me calm, that makes it easier. _

"_See? That's what he does almost every day" I hear the foster mom's voice explaining to the other lady "He's not alright this boy, I'm telling you. Do you know how hard it is too take care of such a child? He keeps yelling all night long, he wakes everyone up! I have to constantly keep him from banging his head in the wall" she continues with her act as she grabs my head and turns it to the woman so she could see the fresh bruise I had from last night. _

_I grow in pain and when she lets me go I keep rocking up and down, I just want it all to be over with. Please, let it be over with. I knew that there was nothing wrong with me. I was all fine. It was the pills she gave me that made me look like I'm insane._

"_You took him to the doctor, yes?" the woman asks in a very uninterested voice as if nothing in the world could move her. She looks at me with disgust and I grab the chair arms as I squeeze my eyes and hope that she'll see that something's not right here._

"_Of course I did! They prescribed him some pills, but you know how it is with such a child. He spills his food, stains his clothes. I have to constantly be by his side and I feel so bad for him. I don't have it in me to leave him be all alone at home, knowing he could hurt himself. He's just a child, an eight year old kid, I can't-" she tries to make it even more heartbreaking but it's obvious that the social worker doesn't have time for her_

"_Okay, I got this, what do you want from me?" she cuts to the chase and that's exactly what my foster mom needs. _

"_Well, it would've been amazing if there was a way for us to receive more money for his treatment or at least some food and clothes stamps." the woman sighs as she pulls out a folder from some drawer and tosses it on the desk with a thud, opening it very unwillingly. She starts writing down, filling some paper work while my foster mom keeps her hands around my shoulders and kisses my head in a calming matte. I want to look at the social worker, to receive her attention and I keep grunting, but I don't get anything from her, not even a look._

_She is done some twenty minutes later and gives my foster mom a document which will bring her more money for something that isn't even true. Money with which she'll buy more drugs, some of them she'll use on me and next time we come here, I might not even realize where we are. I kept losing myself more and more with every time that this happened._

_On our way home, I almost lost consciousness, I felt so bad._

_And then when I looked right, I saw a woman with a nice red hair on the seat next to me in the dirty old almost broken truck._

_She was smiling. And I thought how this was the best thing to ever happen after I was given those pills._

I wake up with a scream and it takes me a minute to realize that I'm no longer dreaming. I can't get up, for some reason, I am feeling too weak and after I manage to catch my breath, I realize that I'm lying on the cold floor of the room they threw me in after they arrested me in the hospital.

I remember them telling me that they'll lock me up until the guards from the juvie come and take me, but I think some time has passed since they said that, because I remember waking up four times like this ever since they put me here.

I try to rise up, but I end up on my back because I'm too tired. I start coughing out loud and I crumple in too-I felt cold and I was sick from before. I was dressed in nothing but my black shirt and when I pulled up the sleeve covering the wound I got from my running away and jumping the fence, I saw that my arm has swallowed and it was extremely red. There was no more blood, but something else was oozing from it and it hurt too much. With whatever strength I had, I raised myself up and leaned on the metal door. My lungs were heavy and I couldn't stop coughing, but it was the arm that was making it worse.

Nevertheless I tried calming myself down and thinking about the possibilities here. Actually, it didn't take me too long to realize that there was no getting out and that it was all my fault. God knows what will happen now, they might keep me in juvie for months, because I haven't just stolen something, this time it was about drugs and that was trouble.

Drugs.

I hated the word.

It brought back all the memories, one of which was the dream I've just woken up from where one of my foster moms was drugging me to make me look like I'm mentally unstable and needed special care just so she could get more money.

I remember that the pills were actually the preferred option. Later on, she would inject things in my arm, she would make me forget entire days, I was a child, my heart was barely holding on to this pressure she was putting me through and yet I survived somehow.

Nobody knew about this. Not even Ric, surely not Damon-it was just me, her and that son of hers, who died two years later in a car crash.

I couldn't talk about this. With anyone. It was the darkest moment of my life. Just thinking about all the things she put me through, all those images that appeared in my head, my mother, other people from my past coming up and going when the effect ran out. The pounding of my heart in my chest, my head spinning, throwing up sometimes, collapsing on the kitchen floor and barely surviving-so many awful things, so many awful moments.

I shook my head and tried thinking about something else. I wondered how much time I've spent here. I wondered if Damon has woken up already? I doubted that, if he had, he would've probably tried to see me. Or maybe he didn't want to have anything to do with a drug dealer of a brother. Maybe he wouldn't want to forgive me this. And who am I to blame him? I wouldn't forgive myself.

Though even the thought of Damon hating me hurt too much. Then again, I deserved it. I've brought all of this on myself. Maybe this foster mom of mine should've killed me when I was younger. Maybe instead of prying for her to give me less pills, I should've prayed for her to give me more and let me go.

My thoughts were interrupted by my own coughing and soon it was so loud that I shook uncontrollably. I slipped back to the cold concrete and closed my eyes, trying to imagine something good. Maybe a moment when Damon and I were happy together, maybe if I try too hard, I'll fall asleep and I'll see him there.

I didn't fall though. The pain was too much, it kept me awake and I had no idea how much time passed like this, I was only certain of me holding my own arm or coughing until finally someone opened the heavy metal door and too guards pull me to my feet.

"Goddammit, are you giving us a sick one again!" a man who must've been Ric's age, was holding out a folder and a pen and talked back to one of the orphanage guards "What am I supposed to do with him?" he asked as he approached me and looked me in the eye

"He just has a cold, don't make a big deal out of it!" the guard huffed annoyed and pushed me to walk on my own, but I staggered and fell on my knees. I just had no strength "Oh, come on, pull him up!" he yelled at the other one who cuffed me "Come on!" I felt him kicking my back when I couldn't comply

"Hey, hey, easy there!" the guard holding me from behind protested, his voice was softer, full of guilt. I looked back at him and noticed the worried expression on his face. I guess something in my eyes made him believe me, because after he glanced at me, he turned back to the other one who was pushing me and tightened his grip around me, but not in a bad way. He was trying to help me support myself "He's not fine."

"He's faking it!" the other guard says "You're just too gullible to believe him. Come on, we have to go!" he urges again and starts walking down the hallway where another boy is waiting to be taken as well "Make him move!" he adds as he grabs the other boy and heads outside.

The one holding my arms leans down and looks me in the eyes again-his face is round and warm, his eyes seem full of compassion and his hair is sticking in all different directions even under his blue hat.

"Are you alright, kid?" he asks and I shake my head slowly as I swallow down another cough, though unsuccessfully "Come on, I'll help you" he promises as he raises me up and we slowly get to the exit.

The other kids are watching me as I exit but Luke is nowhere to be seen, which for now I consider to be a good thing. Either way, he was the last thing on my mind, I didn't even care what he'd do to me anymore. I let my mind travel back to my awful dream and I don't even realize how we make it to the bus, which is already full of boys who are being taken to juvie.

When I try to climb up and get inside the bus, I almost fall, but the guard who promised to help me, catches me and finds me the only free place there is at the back of the bus. Once I settle down, I realize that I'm barely keeping myself awake-I was tired and I wanted nothing but to fall asleep.

I tried grabbing my wounded arm, but my hands were cuffed and my resistance only made my wrist hurt. I groaned in pain and leaned back on the leather seat, hoping for it just to be over soon, but the pain keeps me awake and my coughs fill the bus. I see the guard who tried to help me talk to the other ones and nod towards me, but they are furrowing their eyebrows and crossing their arms on their heavy chests angrily.

How much I wish I could see Damon right now! I can't believe I was so stupid! I can't believe I let Luke fool me with his drugs. I should've never even tried to escape, but what should've I done? Damon was out there and he needed me in one of the hardest moments of his life-I couldn't betray him. Not after everything he's done to me.

I turn to the left and look through the window, listening to my own shallow breathing and trying to find myself a comfortable position. The sky is grey and the cold wind outside is playing with the last few leaves still holding on to the tree branches, but they are soon brushed away from them as if they have no significance. I watch them fall on the ground and disappear in some dirty place on the muddy field, getting completely lost, just like I was losing myself after life brushed me away from Damon's home and tossed me in an unknown place.

But that's what I deserved, I guess.

I was an unknown boy in an unknown place. I would never have a home or a family. Those things were unfamiliar to me and they should remain like that. Thinking that I could ever have anything even remotely close to that without losing it in just a few months, was a dream and I only realized that now. Living with Damon has been a beautiful spring in the beginning, then a summer night that lasted for what I thought was forever, until the wind settled in and brought back the eternal winter that would forever be my lonely shelter.

It was good. But it was gone now.

And I had to accept it.

I didn't even realize when we reached the place that I knew far too well by now. I waited for all the boys to get out until I slowly stood up and got off the bus. The minute my feet reached the pavement, I lost my balance and leaned on the bus, trying to support myself. There was a long line of people before me, waiting to be registered and I knew that I won't make it for another hour here.

I was about to sit on the ground and wait for it to be over from here, but the good guard who helped me before, noticed me and grabbed another person's hand. It was a woman, dressed in white, probably a nurse, she didn't even have the chance to protest, the guard has grabbed her and was pulling her down the line to me.

"Mr. Rivers you can't do that, I need to check on the others first before-" I heard her saying, but I was so weak that I couldn't even make myself register the rest of the sentence.

"No, please, you have to look at him" the guard says and the next thing I know, they are both leaning down towards me "He is sick, but they all say he's faking it and none of them wants to hear me out!" he says as the nurse furrows her eyebrows at him, obviously she is not sure she should believe me either, but she reaches out to me and touches my forehead, which makes me close my eyes. I open them up again when I feel her hand on my arm and groan out in pain "See?" the guard says again and when I look at him, his face is still as worried

"Okay, pick him up and follow me to the infirmary, alright" she says, now she's no longer rude, but she seems angry for some reason

"Come on, kid" the guard says as he leans down to grab my arm and put it on his shoulder "Let's fix you up."

"What are you doing here?" another voice intervenes and I see the nasty guard from before approach us "Rivers, I told you that this boy is going behind bars and that was it! Are you disobeying me again?"

"But, sir, he's sick" Rivers says and the nurse tries to intervene, but she never has the chance to

"He looks fine to me!" he throws a disgusted look in my direction "Pick him up and get him registered right now!"

"No, sir, he's coming with me, he's not faking it" the nurse finally says.

She's no older than Bonnie, and she has the same skin color and even similar voice, her hair however is longer and she has pulled it up in a tight bum, covered with a white hat. She seems bad ass to me and I am honestly worried that she'll kick my ass if I go with her so I prefer getting registered and torturing myself in some nasty cell, than getting scolded by her

"He has an infected wound. I doubt you want one of those kids dying on your watch. It will be bad for the reputation of this _amazing_ facility." she blabs out angrily and the guard looks between her and me for a moment as if trying to decide whether or not he should trust her

"I don't care anymore" I finally speak up "Just put me somewhere and let me be." the nurse turns to me with half angry-half worried expression, I am not making this easy for myself, but then again when did I ever make it easy. However, my words obviously change the nasty guard's opinion because he huffs annoyed and tells them they can take me to the infirmary.

On our way there, however, I can't hold on anymore and fall down, losing consciousness for a brief moment. I feel someone picking me up and I assume it's probably the guard, but I can't distinguish their words at all.

The only thing I know is that I want to see Damon, I wish he could be here, I wish he was the one holding me and promising it will be fine. But Damon was in a comma and he might never wake up again…who was I to dream so boldly?

It mustn't have been more than fifteen minutes later when I wake up lying in a bed in a big room that looked more like a narrow hallway with multiple windows on both sides. I look up to see a doctor ripping out the sleeve of my shirt with a serious expression on his face and the nurse who brought me here somewhere behind him. I try to speak up, but my coughs interrupt me and the doctor impatiently pulls me back down to my pillow when I try to rise up.

"Give me some morphine, we have to clean that nasty wound up" he tells the nurse and the minute I hear him say this I start struggling

"No, no drugs!" I beg him and he gives me a surprised look "Please, no drugs." I can't have this, I can't go through it, not in the condition I am in

"Hey, calm down" the nurse come by my other side and puts her hand on my shoulder squeezing it gently "It's just for the pain, okay?"

"No, please!" I almost cry out "You don't understand, I can't have drugs. Not those drugs at least. Please, don't do this to me!"

"Why, what is wrong?" the doctor asks this time as he presses the cotton swab to my arm and I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. They were right for one thing-this hurt like hell.

"I-I can't take them. When I was little they…" I swallow hard. It was about time this happened. When I was in the hospital for my cut wrists they never gave me anything for the pain, because I didn't hurt as much, which is why I never had to tell Damon or anyone else, but now that wasn't the case "They used to drug me. I don't want to get addicted, please." I beg them and this time they are both taken aback. They exchange looks before staring back at me and finally the doctor agrees, promising he won't give me anything addicting, but I have to manage with the pain on my own.

They start cleaning up my wound, but no more than twenty minutes later, I start losing consciousness and when I turn to the left, I see Damon standing there with a big smile on his face. He's dressed in the same clothes he had on my birthday when I last saw him and he approached me carefully as if he was afraid to break me. He grabbed my free hand and buried his own hand in my messy hair.

"It's okay, kiddo" he said in his usual hoarse voice "Close your eyes and go to sleep, I am right here." he promised "And I'm not leaving." and so I followed his advice and fell asleep.

I remember thinking just before I fell that I knew this was a dream, I realized it, yet I preferred living in it.

* * *

"Hey, come on, sleepy head, wake up" I hear someone's warm voice gently shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes slowly only to see the nurse smiling next to me. I have no idea how much time has passed, but it's day now and I can see that the wind is no longer playing with the leaves outside. It still seems cold and grey, but it's somehow calmer and so that calms me down a bit as well. I stare down at my wrist where my cuffs should be making sure I don't run away and the nurse notices my confusion.

"I asked the guard to take them down. There's no way you can run anywhere right now. Not in this condition" she explains as she sits down next to me after checking my IV "It's Stefan, right?" she asks and I nod "How do you feel?"

"Okay" I manage to let out only to realize that my voice is barely audible "How long has it been since I-"

"You slept for ten hours." she interrupts me "You'll have to stay here for a while, your arm is infected and you have a nasty cough, but we'll fix it. It will be fine" she adds and her words remind me of what Damon said in my dream.

But I knew that this right now is not a dream, it was reality and nothing about here was ever okay. I avoided the nurse's look and I turned left as if hoping Damon would appear once again, but I could see nothing but empty beds next to me.

"Are you alright?" she asks and when I don't respond, she tenses next to me, but decides to keep pushing "Who is Damon? You kept saying that name while we were cleaning your wound?" I take some time before I speak up and just as she is about to stand up and leave I respond

"He's my brother" I explain and finally look back at her "He's out there in a hospital. He went into a comma after his surgery and I might never see him again." I say and I feel my voice shake, which is why I turn my back to her and pull the blanket up "So, no, I am not alright." I add.

I wait for her to just disappear and leave me alone, but instead she shows up right in front of me and pulls out her cell phone from her scrubs. She takes a quick look back at the door where two guards are chatting before she passes it to me

"Come on, take it." she whispers, because there are other kids lying in different beds all over the room and someone might hear us "I think you need to talk to someone." before I can even protest, she shoves it in my healthy hand and gives me a determined look "I'll pull the curtains and give you a few minutes, but no longer, alright?" she says and I nod, still as confused as before.

She moves away and closes the curtains surrounding my bed so no one can see me, which I think was forbidden and if the guards turned around and realized what was going on her they would surely give her some hard time, but I can't think of any of this. Instead I frantically take this opportunity and start dialing Bonnie's number.

I am about to hang up before she finally picks up.

"Hello?" she says in a confused sleepy voice "Who's this?"

"Bonnie!" I exhale relieved and press the phone closer to my ear "Thanks God, you picked up!"

"Stefan? What the hell is going on? Aren't you in juvie?" she asks, but her voice is strangely cold, or more like…angry. She's angry with me and I swallow hard "How are you even calling right now?"

"I managed to find a way" I say, deciding not to dig in too much details. I didn't want her to worry about me at all.

"You mean, you're doing something you shouldn't be once again" she cuts me off and I wonder where all of this is coming from, I couldn't understand. It's not that I didn't deserve it, but I was on the verge of breaking down, couldn't she understand I only wanted to know how Damon was?

"Bonnie, please, what is wrong?" I ask even more confused than ever

"What is wrong?" she says seriously and exhales tiredly "Are you seriously asking me that right now? Stefan, you did exactly what Damon asked you not to! You ran away, you broke the law and you got yourself back to juvie! Let's not mention that you were carrying drugs! Drugs, Stefan!" she raised her voice.

It's not that I didn't need scolding, I was just not sure if now was the right time for it. I couldn't blame her, though. She was right about everything

"Are you using now? What the hell happened to the boy Damon first introduced me to?" she said as if more to herself "He did everything to try and make things better for you! He took you to school, to a psychiatrist, he bought you new clothes, he loved you and you turned your back to him when he most needed it!"

"Bonnie, look I just wanted to-"

"No, Stefan! You are not supposed to be behind bars. You had to be here for him just like he was here for you! I can't believe that you did this! I just…" she sounded so disappointed and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

She was breaking down on the other side of the line herself, even though she wasn't showing it in any way. She hated me. She hated me for leaving her alone, for doing this to Damon and she was right. I wasn't angry at her for saying all this at all.

"Is he alright?" I ask after a minute passes of us not talking at all. I am aware that I don't have much time

"He's still the same, but at least he's stable" she announces still as angry as before. Her words dig a hole in my chest and I squeeze my eyes. He hasn't woken up.

"Please, tell him I love him" I beg of her, but she doesn't say anything back. I grit my teeth too hard as I try to suppress my coughs. I don't want her to know that I'm sick "I won't be calling anymore" I say, not expecting that she'll respond. I wonder if I should apologize, but then I realize that I am not sorry for what I did. It was selfish yes, but I had to see him. I had to be there. "Goodbye, Bonnie" I say before I hung up without giving her the chance to say anything else.

I close my eyes and lie back on the pillow, but I don't have the chance to relax, because the nurse comes back and the minute she sees my sad expression her smile fades away. I pass her the phone and she hurries to hide it back in her pocket.

"Is everything okay?" she asks me the same question as before, but this time I shake my head

"My arm hurts" I say and I'm not even lying. "I changed my mind. Can I have some of that morphine now?"


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Everything in Italic is a dream, NOT a flashback or flashfoward, just to clarify that. Thank you very much for the nice reviews and I am sorry if I'm breaking your hearts. For the record-it's hard to write as much as it is to read. **

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**Damon's POV**

_I have no idea where I am. I end up in different places every time and I have no idea where I even am. I know that I've seen my mother and Bonnie a couple of times by now. The rest is usually darkness surrounding me or the empty Atlanta city for me to wander on my own. But this time, it's different, I can tell, for once the streets are full of people this time. I have no idea how these dreams even start, I am not sure if they are dreams in the first place. I am only certain that I am not back to where I should be. I'm not with Stefan and Bonnie in the hospital. Maybe in some way I am stuck, but how, I had no idea. Usually when I tried thinking about it, I started falling asleep, if such an action was even possible here, either way, it wasn't working out. _

_I wasn't feeling hopeless or sad, but I wasn't joyful or happy either. It was strange, in ways, I felt empty and alone, but that didn't scare me or made me hopeless. I wasn't feeling anything at all._

_But now, now it's something else. For the first time there are people passing by around me. I look up at the bright sky, then feel the spring breeze, it's warm and kind, welcoming as well. The streets are somehow cleaner, lighter, the people, even if they are somehow not noticing me, are not wearing sad or empty expressions-they are smiling and they are rushing by me, full of light. _

_All of that makes me feel a bit better too and with certainty, I take down the street. I know it far too well but I am still not sure it will lead me to the place I want it to, because sometimes in this universe things do not work out as you want them to. When I saw my mother in our old house and talked to her, she was still as sick as the last time we were together and I was as helpless as before when I tried comforting her. _

_But still, I continue walking and enjoying the life around me, wishing that somehow this is reality, though I knew deep down that it's too good to be true. I wondered when I'll be back to where I should be. If I ever have the chance to do so. _

_With a smile on my face, I stop right in front of the bookstore that I bought and that Stefan and me were working so hard on fixing. The thought of him made me feel even emptier for I haven't seen him ever since I ended up here. _

_I try to suppress it and I am surprised to realize that the place looks nothing like what I remember it. It's completely fixed-there are brand new shop windows, behind which you could see the numerous shelves full of books as well as a big wooden desk in the right corner with kind of a broken computer chair behind it, but it still looked very sweet and quite cosy, exactly like I've pictured it. _

_There are Christmas decorations on the shop window and the entrance and I can notice a small Christmas tree somewhere in the back, but what takes away my breathe is the big sign above the door saying "Salvatore brother's bookstore". I feel my eyes water at the sight of it and I gasp, taking a step back and staring at it for a while. _

"_You like it?" I freeze when I hear his voice, I am afraid to look back for he might disappear, but I also can't stop myself. Before I can turn, I feel his light hand on my shoulder and he comes from behind, standing next to me and smiling._

"_Stefan" I say both relieved and surprised. I've been dying to see him here. I've been wondering why I'm not dreaming of him. _

_Was he not down there waiting for me? Was he alright? Was there something wrong and was there someone to even help him when I couldn't? What if he never loved me enough to wait for me to come back? What if he gave up? I have no idea how much time has passed. It could've been weeks, months even? He had a life on his own, he had things to work on and me? I've always been the boy his mother choose over him. When I think about it, I did not deserve to see him here._

_But now he was standing next to me, dressed in dark jeans and the sweater I gave him last time we saw each other-on his birthday. His hair was messy, but in a sweet way and there were no dark circles under his eyes, his face wasn't pale or tortured and he seemed somehow…bigger? Maybe he was older here, who knew, maybe he even graduated? I didn't know, and didn't care right about now. The most important thing is that he looked better than I've ever seen him-he was strong, smiling and he seemed in peace. _

_Maybe that was all in my head, though? Maybe that's how I've always wanted him to be-not constantly chased by his demons, free of all the pain, or at least able to live with it normally, healthy, rested. Maybe this is part of my imagination. _

"_Well, I expected a warmer welcome, but that facial expression is too precious right now" he jokes as he pats my back and I finally smile back. _

"_How are you here?" I ask the logical question, which probably has no answer. He shrugs and throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him_

"_You wanted to see me and I wanted to see you, so…I guess our wish was granted." he explains simply and somehow that sounds good enough for me. Nothing matters as long as he is actually here. I've been dying to see my little brother, to make sure that he is alright, though right now roles are quite reversed-it seems like he is here to make sure that I am fine "Do you like it?" he interrupts my thoughts as he nods at the bookstore, his face is concerned, he's worrying if I like what I'm seeing or not_

"_It's amazing" I say as I look at the colorfully decorated bookstore which just makes my soul fill with nothing but joy "It's exactly what I've always dreamed of. Ever since I was a kid. I saw a similar one in Chicago when my father took me to a business trip with him-it was so beautiful, I spent four hours inside." I tell and he exhales releasing the tension he's holding._

"_It took me quite some time to finish it." he says and my breath gets stuck in my throat for a moment "But I did my best" he is still not sure that I'm telling the truth so he is willing to criticize himself. He is never content with his work and that breaks my heart in two. I bury my hand in his hair and pull him to my chest, rubbing my fist all over it, teasing him like a little kid. _

"_Shut up, brother. It's amazing." I say and he struggles to free himself from my embrace. _

_I hear his small laugh, he almost chokes on his own tears when I start tickling him and he begs me to stop after I keep torturing him. I've not even noticed that there is not even a single person around us, somehow the streets have gone back to being empty and when I finally let him go, I close my eyes for a moment and swear that I can hear teardrops somewhere in the distance. But when I open them again, the weather is still the same and the sun is shining so brightly, even though it's late in the afternoon and I know it will set soon, but it actually makes me feel too hot in my black shirt. Stefan doesn't seem even slightly bothered by it and he is not even sweating in my brown sweater and his long jeans. Somehow that seems strange to me, but I decide not to question it-the weather was always so messed up here, anyway. _

"_Come on, we have to go inside, there isn't much time" Stefan says as he puts his hand on my arm again and starts guiding me to the door_

"_Much time for what?" I ask confused and he just smiles back at me as he pushes the door and leads me inside. _

"_You will see" he says patiently and I let him start pulling me between the shelves, showing me how he did this or that, or that it took him a month to paint the back wall and then to bring all the furniture. _

_Some of the things he did himself and asked Tyler to help him carry them. Getting in business was hard, but he used my old connections and Bonnie helped convince the publishing companies that they should work with us._

"_Here, that is my Christmas present!" he says enthusiastically as he pulls out a small package wrapped in blue paper from under the desk, after he showed me how he taught himself how to deal with everything from counting all the profit to ordering the newest books on the market and putting them on the shelves before any of the other stores have even heard of them. _

_I notice a Degree from the Georgia State university with his name on it, on the wall behind the desk. My eyes water, but he doesn't notice it. My heart swells with joy at the sight of it and I observe him shifting nervously before me as he passes by the gift and slightly blushes_

"_Merry Christmas, Damon." _

"_Stefan" I say with my shaky voice "I-I, you didn't need to" I start trying to say something because I'm still too overwhelmed by the degree hanging from the wall and the bright young man standing before me who still looks like a child to me to even realize that this whole thing is probably not even real. I would still relive it a thousand times if I could-it was that great. _

_All I ever wanted for Stefan was to be happy, successful, to have a good job and to do something he enjoys. But most of all I wanted him to be happy. And that's how he seemed right now. _

"_Come on, look at it, I don't even know if you'll like this." his voice is worried again, so I hurry to smile and unwrap the paper, trying to assure him that everything's alright. My eyes water again when I see the book-it's an old edition of "Gone with the Wind" , my favorite book. I didn't even know if he remembers me saying this, but he obviously did if he chose it. My hands shake for a moment before I look back at him and he still wonders if he did the right thing "What? Is this not your favorite book? It took me months to get this edition. It's one of the first! They send it all the way from California for me!" he explains as if he's trying to justify his actions, as if he's done something wrong_

"_Stefan, are you kidding me?" I say my voice trembling with enthusiasm "This is the best gift I've ever received!" I raise my voice and he finally relaxes, letting a relieved sigh out. I throw myself in his embrace and hug him tight, pulling him closer to my chest and keeping him there as if I'm afraid he'll disappear "Thank you so much, brother!"_

"_Dam-on" he whimpers out "I can't….breathe!" he says and I laugh as I finally let him go, not without ruffling his hair. "I'm very glad you like it. I only wanted to make you happy" he says simply and I shake my head_

"_I don't need a book to make me happy, Stefan. It's enough that you are here. I've missed you too much" I admit and he smiles for a brief moment before he goes back to being serious and puts his hand on my shoulder for the third time today_

"_Come on now, it's time we go." he states again and grabs my hand, pushing me towards the end of the bookstore, near the stairs leading to the rooftop. It was our favorite place ever since we found the building. _

"_Why? What's wrong?" I ask, concerned that he is suddenly in such a hurry_

"_Nothing's wrong, we're just out of time. It will be okay" he promises, as he starts leading me upstairs and urges me to be faster. _

_When we finally end up in the roof, it's just about sunset and the rays are bathing the roof in a beautiful mix of orange and red, making it look like a fairytale. Stefan seems somehow stunned just as me for a moment and we stand still for a few minutes, just observing the beauty of the sky before us, enjoying the moment that we are sharing together. I almost forget that his hand is holding my wrist and when he pulls me to the edge of the roof, at first I am scared, but he laughs and sits down, patting the empty space next to him, urging me to join him._

"_Stefan" I turn to him and notice him still staring at the sky "What is going on?" I ask desperately looking for the truth "This isn't real, why are were here?"_

"_We are here, brother" he starts talking slowly after he sighs "because it's time you remembered what you promised me" he looks at me for a moment and his green eyes are reflecting the sunrays, making him look younger. Somehow now, he doesn't look that big to me, nor does he appear so strong. Was it only temporary? Or is it just an illusion in my head? "You said that you'll fight, that you'll do everything you can to come back to me and it's time that this happened" he explains, but I am still as confused as before_

"_But I want to go back!" I protested and with a sad smile on his face he shakes his head_

"_I know you do, but you did have some things to sort out on your own, didn't you?" he asks and I shrug as I follow his lead and look at the sky as well "You had your doubts" he speaks out "Why? Why are you doubting your coming back?"_

"_Because…maybe this all happened for a reason" I decide to be honest with him "Maybe I was supposed to end up alone and sick. Maybe I was supposed to die. Maybe nothing I ever did actually mattered in the first place." I feel his hand on my shoulder, but he waits for me to finish, because he knows there's more to it "And maybe, my mother should've left me instead of you. She sacrificed everything for a waste like me."_

"_Well that's a pretty lame excuse" Stefan cuts me off with half-serious half-joking voice, but when I look at him his eyebrows are furrowed "Damon, you do realize that you're being selfish just like me when I tried to kill myself? There are people waiting for you down there. What about Bonnie? Have you thought what will happen to her if you never come back? Trust me, you don't want to know, because I've seen it and it's not pretty" I wonder how he knows. Was he in another dream where I was dead? Or is this all just my messed up imagination playing with me "And me? Have you wondered what will happen to me?" I shake my head and he sighs "I die, brother" he explains sadly and I swallow hard at his words, refusing to believe them "I die. Just a few months after the surgery you never woke up from."_

"_How?" I ask, wondering why I'm even torturing myself with the question_

"_It doesn't matter how. It just happens. And guess what? We won't end up in the same place, because you're still not dead."_

"_So now what?" I ask and he smiles reassuringly as he stands up and I wonder what is going on_

"_Now, it's time you go back" he says. I want to stand up too, but he shakes his head and puts his hand on my shoulder, keeping me down "Close your eyes, brother" he urges me, but I don't follow his lead right away_

"_Stefan, is everything alright down there? Is Bonnie fine? Are you okay? Are you healthy?" I ask and he kneels down for a moment, which is the first time I notice a red stain on his arm_

"_Everything's fine, brother" he assures "Bonnie is waiting for you and so am I" he promises and he looks sincere, but I can't help but feel that something isn't right here "Now close your eyes" he says again and I finally comply, his arm is on my shoulder, not leaving me "Relax, it will be okay" he continues soothing me, he doesn't let me go "I'm here, I'll always be here" he assures me and I finally start to relax. _

_I can hear the raindrops again as well as the strong wind. It has nothing to do with the peaceful weather I've witnessed before Stefan appeared. I start feeling different, like something is pulling me down and I know that something is about to happen. It's like I'm in the midst of a great storm, but I don't open my eyes, I can't, I am scared and if it wasn't for Stefan's voice in my ear, I would've freaked out completely_

"_Let go, brother. Let go" he whispers one last time and I feel as if I'm losing my balance, I am no longer on the roof, I started falling and I am about to scream._

But the next thing I know is that I open my eyes and I feel something choking me-it takes me a few seconds to realize that there's a tube in my mouth and I gasp out, crying for someone to free me from this. My body hurts, everything hurts and the monitors beeping somewhere above me make my head throb.

I see a figure jump somewhere on my left side and it takes me a minute to focus and realize that it's Bonnie. She gasps my name before she hits a button and soon after that a nurse and a doctor rush in my room.

**Stefan's POV**

I wake up abruptly and feel someone's hand on my forehead. I'm still in the bed in the infirmary, that I can tell and it's probably almost day because I can't see light coming from the window. The hand is pressing a wet cloth on my forehead and I hear the nurse's soothing voice.

"Hey, shhh, lie back down" she puts her hand on my healthy arm and pushes me back to the pillow. I don't even know why I was trying to stand up in the first place, it must've been an instinct. I open my eyes wide and she removes her hand away, but she doesn't waste any time to grab a light from the small metal table full of medical supplies next to us and flash it in my eyes. I groan frustrated and turn my head away "Hey, hey it's alright" she says

"What happened?" I ask confused.

Last thing I remember is that she denied giving me morphine. She said I'm doing it not because I can't handle the pain, but because something happened and I'm rushing into reckless decisions that could affect my entire life. She was right of course. But I just wanted to forget everything that Bonnie said to me, as well as the fact that my brother was still in a comma.

I just wanted to make it all go away. That's why I used alcohol and cigarettes in situations like this before, but something told me drugs would make it even better. She was right though-it wasn't worth it and it definitely won't be something to make Damon proud. He would hate me turning into a junkie. All he ever wanted was for me to keep fighting, no matter what.

"Your infection spread last night." she explains patiently as she sits back down on the bed next to me. She seems concerned and she's definitely lacked sleep. I remember that she told me her name was Emma and I tried recalling last night, but I couldn't "When I came to check on you, you were barely breathing" she huffed as if I annoyed her on purpose and that almost made me laugh. She reminded me of Bonnie "You scared the hell out of me, don't do it again!" she scolded and I smiled, but even that caused me some pain. I looked at my arm and grunted when I tried moving into a more comfortable position "We cut off the infected flesh and gave you antibiotics so you should be better by tomorrow, but please, don't try standing up or doing anything stupid!" she warns as if she could read my mind

"You should've left me to die" I say with such indifference in my voice that it obviously surprises her "There's no point to this anyway"

"You really shouldn't be talking like that" she says more mildly, but I know she's angry at my words "You're still young, there is a lot out there for you"

"No, there's not. My brother is half dead and he'll probably never wake up again, the last girlfriend I had was my foster sister, my best friend died more than a year ago and the only one I have now is better off without me. I have no parents, no one in the world really." I say, but she somehow refuses to believe it. She takes away the washcloth from my head and dips it in the cool water from the bowl on the table next to the bed.

"This is obviously not the first time you think like this" she notes as she places the cloth back on my forehead and nods at the scars on my wrists. I smile and shake my head

"No, but I did this out of selfishness. I was afraid of how I'll feel when I lose someone close to me. Now there's nothing to lose, nothing to be selfish for." I tell her, but she doesn't give me a sympathetic look, I can see that she's still angry.

She leaves me for a moment and goes to check on the other boys in the infirmary. I stare at the windows opposite of me, it's dawn, the day is almost here.

Another day without Damon, another day I face alone. Just as always, it was never any different. I sigh as I close my eyes so my tears won't spill and remember having a dream with my big brother.

But I can't recall what it is exactly.

Some time later, Emma comes back to my bed. Her eyebrows are still furrowed, she's angry while she changes the bandage on my arm, which looks awful, as if someone cut half of it, which is probably exactly what happened. She doesn't give me morphine. She doesn't even try to lie and tell me everything's going to be okay. She mumbles something angrily under her nose while she cleans away my wound and I almost want to laugh at my own stupidity. Maybe I should've never tried to jump that fence. Then again, how could I not do it-I had to get to my brother and say my goodbyes. And I didn't even manage to get in time and do that.

"Keep on fighting, kiddo" Emma says when she finishes my bandage and pulls the blanket closer to me "If not living for yourself, live for someone else until you figure things out. I'm sure there's at least one person you owe that to." she whispers before she goes and I try to smile as I feel myself drifting away

**Damon's POV**

Bonnie waits patiently in the corner still as stunned and surprised as I first opened my eyes. The doctors are almost done checking up on me and removing all the unnecessary tubes from my body. Some of them still remain and when I try to scratch my head, they rush to stop me, because there is a big bandage tightened there, one that I shouldn't be touching.

When they are done, Bonnie rushes by my side and throws herself in my embrace. I hold her in my arms for a while, I am so glad to be here, I kiss her as if it's the last time I'm ever going to see her and I refuse to let her go, so I make her lie down next to me and she covers us with the blanket. I am smiling, happy to be here, I can't believe that I've been in a comma for a week. I must've missed so much, but still, I am glad to be back. I can't remember exactly what was the last thing I dreamed about, but I think it involved Stefan and since I had no idea what's going on with him, after a long conversation with Bonnie about my condition, I hurry to ask her about my brother.

"He's fine, he's in the orphanage" she reassures and I let a relieved sigh out. The doctors said I should rest as much as I could and not stress out, but I couldn't help it-Stefan always worried me so much, I need to know that he is alright.

"I want to call him" I say with my still-hoarse-voice. I finally got back to the living, I survived cancer and all I wanted was for him to be here. Now that I was alright, I could start getting better and better and eventually, I would take him home and adopt him if everything goes fine. Now, at least, we had a chance. A chance for a better life. And I owed it to him to give him as much as I could.

"It's late now, Damon. Why don't you wait until tomorrow so we can call Ric and let him arrange it?" she says worriedly "It's way pass midnight."

I know she's right and I don't want to argue with her, but I still look at the cupboard next to the bed and wonder where my phone is. I want to grab it and call the secret cell we gave Stefan, if he still had that or at least try the orphanage's number, but Bonnie reminds me that I need to get rest, to sleep, so that tomorrow they can make more tests and determine the rest of my treatment.

I know that she was right-I wasn't supposed to rush this, but the fact that Stefan wasn't next to me, that I couldn't see him with my own eyes, worried me. We've never been separated for that long unless when he was in juvie and back then I didn't know anything about him at all. I missed him now. One part of my life was Bonnie, the other was Stefan and he was still young and so very confused-he needed me. God knows what's been going on in the orphanage, I didn't like him being there.

So, when I noticed Bonnie growing more and more tired, I suggested that she goes back home. With many persuasions, she finally agreed after an hour of us arguing about it, which completely exhausted me and I was left all alone, which for a moment, really scared me. I tried standing up and finding my phone, but I was still very weak, so instead I called the nurse and she said that it must still be in my jacket pocket, which was in the wardrobe. I asked her to check and she brought it to me, leaving me alone to make my call.

I tried the phone I got Stefan, but there was no answer. The orphanage's number was a dead end too-no one picked up. So with a heavy heart I was left with no choice but to call Ric.

"Hello?" I heard his sleepy voice and I hated myself for waking him up

"Hey, Ric, this is Damon, I am sorry for the late call" I apologized and I heard him obviously standing up and trying to turn on some lamp, which resulted in him hitting something and cursing under his nose

"Damon? You woke up?" he said optimistically and I smiled. He was not a bad person, he was just too tired of dealing with Stefan and the problems he created. He asked me a thousand things and it took me five minutes to explains that I am alright now, or at least that's what the doctor's said. I felt better too, that was for sure. There was no headache, I was just very tired and the bandage on my head annoyed me, but I couldn't do anything about it.

"Hey, look, can you please find a way to call Stefan and let me talk to him? I've been trying the orphanage, but no one is picking up and I really want to tell him the good news myself" I say, enthusiastically, hoping that he'll fix things and find Stefan for me.

But the long pause he makes, suddenly makes me swallow hard-something here wasn't alright. And the fact that he let a heavy sigh out before he spoke up, was only a confirmation of my suspicions

"I'm afraid that's impossible, Damon" he says after taking the time to comprehend a decent sentence

"Why?" I ask, growing even more frustrated

"Didn't Bonnie tell you?" he asks and I shake my head even though he can't really see me "Stefan's back in juvie. He ran away from the orphanage on the day of your surgery and came to see you. Later when we got there, we searched him and we found him carrying drugs."

"Stefan? Drugs? No way, he would never do that!" I hurried to protect Stefan, but I didn't realize that it was already too late for that. I knew my brother, he wouldn't go out there and deal with drugs. That made no sense. He wouldn't just suddenly decide it. Even if it was true, there had to be a reason behind his actions.

"I know you think you understand this boy, but trust me-he can surprise you when you least expect it" Ric says and suddenly I am full of hatred towards him and the entire system.

They had no hope in him, they never really believed in him. That's one of the reasons why he was so ruined-there was no one out there to give a damn about what or why something has happened.

"I have to go, Ric" I say and hung up without giving him the chance to say anything else.

I don't want to hear his stupid explanations about how everything is Stefan's fault. It's true-Stefan carrying drugs was awful and yes, I was so mad at him right now, but I had to remember that he was a boy and that Ric was wrong-I knew him. He wouldn't do that just for the fun of it. He would only do it, because he was desperate.

And he was desperate, because of me. I was the reason for it. Now, I had to fix it.

I called the nurse again and she came rushing in, ready to help me

"What can I do for you, Mr. Salvatore?" she asks with a smile on her face.

"How soon can you discharge me?"


	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N: A longer chapter, but it is after all the last one so I decided to compensate. The next thing I'll post will be an epilogue and I'll try to do it soon. Thank you all very much for reading. :) **_

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**Damon's POV**

It takes me two days to convince the doctors that I need to get out of the hospital earlier than what they expect. They don't want to let me go, but we make a deal that I'll come every evening so they can check up on me in the upcoming week.

Bonnie and I fought. A lot. I couldn't believe she lied to me. On top of that she was angry that I was trying to get out of here, but she could never understand what it is to be so worried about someone, to know that they need your help, but you can't do anything. I was pretty much helpless and I hated feeling that way when it came to Stefan, because he deserved someone taking care of him. He has been alone all his life.

Either way, Bonnie and I make our piece and she even agrees to drive me to juvie, knowing that if she doesn't, I'll just do it myself and I wasn't exactly in a fitting condition to drive right now.

She's angry that I'm not taking care of myself, which is why on our way there, we are silent. I am mostly impatient, I have to see my little brother, so I don't care about nothing else.

If anything, I am angry at myself for not waking up sooner.

It's not a visitation day so they make me wait forty minutes, before someone finally pays attention to me. When I say Stefan's name and they look for him in the system, they take too long to figure out something and I am growing impatient. The guard, who's been nothing but kind to me, picks up the phone and start calling different numbers, asking for my brother.

"What is going on?" I say confused, something here wasn't right

"Give me a minute, sir" he begs with a polite smile

"A minute? I've been waiting for an hour already! What is wrong?"

"Well, I just can't find the cell he's in, sir" he explains "Our system got updated last week and now everything is messed up." he apologies and I realize that he's already sweating. I must be looking quite terrifying with my furrowed eyebrows and my black stubble-I didn't even have time to shave. My hair was longer and I was covering my bandage with a black cap-I probably looked like a suitable candidate for this facility.

"What do you mean you can't find him! He is your responsibility! How can you not know where he is?" I raise my voice and the guards passing by as well as some visitors give me surprised looks, but I don't care "I want to see my brother or I swear to God, I will file a suit against this-"

"Okay, okay, give me just a few seconds, please!" the guard responds immediately to my threat and picks up the phone receiver again, dialing some number.

I grunt and lean on the reception's desk, waiting for him to give me answers. I was growing more and more frustrated. I hear him talk to someone else and his expression gets even more worried which makes me want to burst through the damn door and find Stefan myself. For a moment he stops, takes the receiver down and presses it to his chest, turning to me

"Sir, your brother is in the infirmary" he announces "Would you still like to see him?"

"The infirmary? Why is he in the infirmary?" my voice shakes a bit when I get this piece of information. Was he alright? Was there a fight or something? What the hell was wrong with him?

"I don't know, sir. Would you still like to see him?" the guard asks again and I nod, lost at words. He presses the receiver back to his ear and orders someone to get my brother to the visitation room. "The nurse and a guard will bring him here, but they'll need about ten minutes, if that's alright with you?" he asks and I nod again.

They lead me to the visitation room, which is empty, there's no one waiting but me and I settle down on one of the metal tables. I am very worried, something wasn't right with Stefan, God knows what has happened while I was in the hospital. I start cursing myself-it wasn't supposed to be like this. I should've been a better brother, a better foster parent and what did I do? I took him back to the system, like everyone else have done before. I hated myself for it.

Finally, about twenty minutes later, the door opposite of me opens and first a guard enters, then a woman in white scrubs walks in, supporting a weak boy who's taking slow and insecure steps as he gets in the room.

I can't believe that this is him.

He is nothing like the Stefan I remember. Just a shadow of the boy I last saw two weeks ago.

He's dressed in a white shirt with his number printed on the right side above a small pocket and some grey sweats. His right hand is bandaged and carefully put in a sling, to keep it elevated and close to his chest. He's lost even more weight if that's even possible, his hair is longer, looking similar to mine and he also has a stubble, more ticker than mine, though. His green eyes are empty and my breath gets stuck in my throat at the sight of it. He is barely holding on and if it wasn't for the nurse who was supporting him, he wouldn't have made it. When he sees me, his eyes fill with tears, his mouth hangs a little and he tenses, before he finally smiles.

"Damon?" he asks, as if he doesn't believe I'm here and I don't wait another minute before I rush by his side and pull him in for a hug. It's short lived, however, because the guard yells at me, saying we are not allowed to do that and Stefan squirms from the pain I cause him, but he manages to hold on. "You are here! You woke up!" he says as if he can't believe it and I nod, happier than he is. "I can't believe this! Is it really you?" he asks more himself than actually me. I think it's hard for him to grasp everything that's going on especially considering the fact that he was in a bad condition

"How are you? Are you alright? What did the doctors say? Is the cancer completely gone? Shouldn't you be in a hospital?" he asks without taking his breath and his questions make me cry-even in his darkest hours, he still thinks about me first and that breaks my heart

"I am alright, kiddo" I promise as I put my hand over his healthy one for a moment while the guard is not looking "Everything is alright"

"Are you sure?" he doesn't believe me. His voice is very weak, I can barely hear him and he coughs before he can even wait for my response. I almost jump when I see him in pain, but I remember that I am not allowed to even comfort him here. "You're awake" he says again and smiles "God, you are awake!" he reaches out to grab my hand for a brief moment as if to make sure that I am real once again. The tears in his eyes and the sweet smile on his face break my heart in two. He looks so bad, yet he doesn't care one bit about him.

"Stefan, what is going on? What happened to you?" I ask, concern evident in my voice

"It's nothing, I just caught a cold, but I'm better now" he lies and the nurse behind him throws him a worried look

"And the arm? Did someone hurt you?" I continue interrogating him, but he just shakes his head

"It's just a scratch, Damon. It doesn't even hurt me anymore" he responds, but I know he's lying again, because the nurse shakes her head and I notice her eyes are filled with tears.

"Oh yeah? Is that why you are in an infirmary? Because you're doing so good?" I say sternly, but he keeps up with his act

"They'll get me back to my cell probably tomorrow. It's nothing serious, you don't have to worry, I promise" he tries again and he's still looking at me with such disbelief as if he never thought he'll see me again, less alone in such circumstances. All the questions I have for him, do not really concern him. All he wants is to make sure I'm really here. That he is not alone.

"Stefan, stop lying." I say coldly "Things are not okay with you" I continue pressing the issue but he shakes his head stubbornly and finally furrows his eyebrows, angry at me

"Damon, please, I don't want to fight." he begs me and something inside me breaks when he says this "I am just so happy to see you, brother" he says "Are you sure that you are healthy? You are not lying to me, right? I would kick your ass if you do that!" he attempts to joke, but his coughs interrupt him again.

I don't even get the chance to answer him when the guard approaches us and says the time is up. I get angry and try to argue with him, it's been just about five minutes, ten tops, they couldn't take him away from me so fast. But the guard won't hear it, he grabs Stefan's healthy arm and pulls him up. He's so weak that he staggers whenever someone touches him.

"I'll get you out of here, Stefan, I promise!" I say and he just smiles sadly, he doesn't believe me.

Something inside him is broken, I notice that. He is very happy to see me, but that is not enough to fix him-something happened to him, he is not himself and that scares me so much. It's nothing like before. Yes, he used to have nightmares, he was suffering, but he was somehow holding on, he listened to me and he laughed when I tried to cheer him up. Now, I don't think that anything I say will make any difference-there's something so messed up with him this time. Something I was missing.

"I doubt that will be possible" he argues "But it's fine, you don't have to worry. The most important thing is that you are fine. You woke up" he still can't believe that I'm standing right in front of him and he needs to keep repeating it so he makes sure I don't suddenly disappear somewhere. His eyes are still full of tears, I can see how much he's suffering, but there's nothing I can do right now

"No, I am taking you out!" I say seriously "No matter what! I'll talk to my lawyer." I promise him but he just smiles and shakes his head, he doesn't believe there will be a way out and he just wants me to make peace with it, because he has. But I am not giving up.

Looking at him, makes it hard for me to breathe. He is so ruined. I don't think I've ever seen him that ruined, not even when he slit his own wrists. This time it was different, this time he has lost all hope.

"Damon, I had drugs…" he says guilty and looks away, ashamed of himself, thinking that I might not even be aware of the fact that he did such a bad thing. He has no idea that I know everything." I had drugs…" he repeats and looks me in the eyes this time for a brief moment

"When is your trial?" I ask again and he shakes his head, wondering why I'm not letting go "Listen, Stefan" I say a bit harsh, because he needs to let my words sink in. I'm not sure how much he's even here, he seems to be in pain and that must be clouding his judgment. He presses his arm closer to his chest and squeezes his eyes for a moment. The nurse comes close by and the guard is getting impatient, but he seems like he's feeling sorry for us so he is willing to give us a few more minutes "I know what you did and yes we'll talk about it, but now is not the time. You need to understand that no matter what, _you are my brother_ and even if you killed a man, _you will still be my brother _and I will defend you till my last breath."

"You have to drop it, Damon" he says seriously now, but I can see the sweat coming down his forehead, he is not fine, but he seems to be willing to stay here instead of going back out and I couldn't figure out why would he want to punish himself in such a way

"Why?" I ask sincerely, trying to get something out of him

"Because, I don't deserve it" he states sternly and for a moment I catch a glimpse of the boy I first met when Ric took me to that awful house-he was stubbornly trying to push me away, he was trying to lie to me, to convince me that he doesn't need me. "You are awake, you are healthy" he continues "Now live your life, marry Bonnie, open the bookstore, be happy" he says simply, as if this answers all questions. But he doesn't get that I'll never forget about him. I couldn't leave him behind "I am getting what I deserve and you have to accept it."

"When is your trial?" I ask again and he smiles as the guard pulls him to the exit, but my brother is not answering "Stefan, you're not staying here!"

"I'll be fine" he lies as he starts coughing again and I look at the nurse who comes behind him and support him while he shakes from the pain in his lungs. Every time he coughs it's like a dagger going straight for my heart and here I thought the brain tumor gave me unbelievable amount of pain. What a fool I am.

"I'll send him tomorrow, okay? You'll get here, alright?" I ask and look at the nurse, searching for confirmation, because I'm not even sure he'll be able to walk tomorrow.

When the guard takes him out, I call the nurse

"Miss, please, can you tell me what's going on? How is he?" I ask and she gives me a sympathetic look. She sighs as she looks at the door, making sure the guards are gone, before she speaks up and explains that he was sick when they brought him here, that he was hurt and his wound got infected, but she promised that they are doing their best to make him better

"It's harder without the painkillers, but he'll soon be better, I promise" I want to believe her, because she seems like a good person, but I know that as long as he's inside, nothing will get better for him

"What do you mean without the painkillers? Why are you not giving him any?" I ask confused. She swallows hard, realizing that she probably shouldn't have said this, but it was already too late.

"I think that's something that he should tell you." she says before she apologizes and says she should go

"Please, take care of him" I beg of her when I stand up just before she opens the door.

She turns to me, smiles and gives me a slight nod, before she disappears.

And I hope that Stefan survives this and holds on until I can get him out of here.

Or maybe it was already too late for that.

Maybe he was inevitably lost this time.

And it was my fault.

* * *

I manage to get Stefan out of juvie two days later. It wasn't easy and my lawyer said it would be impossible at first, but then things changed. After my first conversation with him, the guards thought that if he's well enough to walk, then he could go back to his cell, so they refused to treat him anymore and despite the nurse's efforts, it was in all vain.

He was brought back to his cell and of course his condition deteriorated, so we used that to our advantage, saying that he needs to be taken home and receive the proper treatment. I could see that the judge was definitely not on our side until he saw Stefan enter the court room. Then when he figured out he's barely holding on to his feet, he didn't hesitate to let him go-he was honestly quite pissed off and even scolded the guard, asking him what the hell is my brother doing there when he looks like this.

I paid his bail and they let me take him home. I never told him how much it cost, I'm sure he would be very angry when he finds out, but I didn't give a damn about that. All I could think about was taking him with me, nothing else really mattered.

Instead of getting better for the last two days, he has gotten worse, because he didn't receive any medications. The nurse checked him out for a brief moment before I was about to take him home and she wasn't happy with him. His cough was still present and his arm wasn't getting better even though technically it should've been. I figured out that things are bad not only because he didn't take meds, but also because…he didn't really wanted them to get better.

He looked so indifferent to everything and he wasn't listening to anything anyone said to him at all. It's like he was in another world and it honestly scared me. When the judge asked him what's his plead, he took a few minutes before uttering the right words and when I sent my lawyer to talk to him before, Stefan said that he doesn't care what happens, that he'll do whatever we want of him. He didn't want to talk about it at all, even though that decided his future.

He was very weak, extremely tired, I doubt he has got any sleep in the past few days. He was giving me fake smiles every now and then especially during the trial, but they were sad smiles and all of his reassurances, that he's alright, that nothing hurts him, even though I saw it did, were his one desperate attempt to convince him all is good.

But it wasn't good. And all he was actually doing was pushing me away, so he can suffer on his own.

The nurse helped me get him to my car and gave me a prescription with medications I had to buy for him. She promised me she'll come to see him tomorrow and when I helped him settle down in the car, he was so tired and in so much pain that I'm pretty sure he was about to fall asleep.

"Take care, kiddo and don't give your brother a headache, alright" she scolded him quietly as she was about to close the car door after we helped him settle in. He nodded without uttering a sound and closed his eyes. "Make him eat!" she orders before I get in the driver's seat and I promise I'll do whatever I can. She was a good person and I could definitely use some help with him right now, besides Bonnie's.

When I got him home, Bonnie was already waiting for us-the flat was cleaned, the fridge was filled with food and Bucky who has significantly grown, was lying in front of the fireplace. It was cold outside and I didn't have anything to put on Stefan, but my jacket which I threw over his bony arms since his hand was still in a sling. He was making slow steps towards the living room with my help and when Bonnie saw him, she made it hard to cover her worry and surprise, but I cleared my throat and brought her back to earth, reminding her that he needed us right now.

"Come on, you gotta eat" I say and urge him to the table but he stops abruptly and shakes his head

"No. I'm not hungry. Can I just lie down, please" he begs me and I have no other choice but to agree. I take him to the couch and help him lie, while Bucky gets from his place and figuring out that something's wrong, cautiously approaches Stefan and licks his healthy hand

"Hey, buddy" Stefan reaches and pets him "Look how big you are now, huh" the dog starts happily swinging his tail and licks his hand once again "Good boy" Bucky tilts his head to the left and stares at my little brother like a lost child, with his only one good eye, just like Stefan's and my brother smiles. I get lost watching them and tears fill my eyes. I bury my hand in Stefan's hair and ruffle it for a brief moment as if I'm trying to shake away my own sadness, before I say

"Go to sleep, kiddo" he nods, without looking at me and pulls the blanket closer to his chin with his healthy hand, which later embraces his bad one. I wait till he closes his eyes before I head to the kitchen, lost in thoughts.

"How is he?" Bonnie asks when I get to her and give her a quick kiss on the cheek

"Not good" I decide to be honest with her "And I'm not talking only physically." I sit on the table and bury my hand in my messy hair, my bandage is still up, but my head doesn't hurt me at all and I'll soon get rid of the stitches.

The doctor said I made an amazing recovery considering the fact that I spent a week in a comma and that I got discharged two days after that, despite all their efforts to keep me in. While I was getting better, though, Stefan was only getting worse

"It's not just that he's sick, that will pass, but there's something wrong with him. He is not himself."

"He's pushing you away?" she asks as she puts a cup of tea in front of me and I thank her with a nod after bringing her hand to my lips. I nod and with a light sigh she settles down next to me "Do you know what the problem has always been between you two?" she says and I shake my head "You never really talked about things. All you know about him is from a thick blue folder. That is not his life, that's just facts. He went through hell, I'm pretty sure that half the things that happened to him can't even be described, let alone written down. You just have to ask him. To push him to talk. Or else he'll suffocate and he'll go down a road that you can't bring him back from."

"I know. He just doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"Yes, but he has to. You're his closest person, just make sure he knows he doesn't have to carry all the burden on his shoulders. That's why you're brothers-you share everything, even the worst things." I agree with her with a slight nod "However, you need to remember that you can only do so much" she says seriously and I furrow my eyebrows "He tried to kill himself, Damon and we never had the time to do anything about this. He needs to talk to a specialist as well, no matter how much he hates it"

"Now is not the time for that. Now he needs his family" I disagree with her "Now he needs me. In a few months if he's all good, then I'll take him to someone, because I know you're right, but now-no psychiatrists. He's sick of those, he can't stand them. It was wrong to take him to one before, it didn't do him any good, it only made him even more silent and turned him to the lonely boy I first met. Now, I will be there, not anyone else."

"Good" she agrees, even though I know she doesn't want to. But I know, I'm right.

Stefan needed his brother, he wouldn't stand a stranger trying to get in his head right now, he would hardly even let me in. Was I worried about him? Absolutely. I couldn't let him out of my sight. He was unpredictable in this state-he wasn't himself and he could try to hurt himself again, so no, I didn't trust him, but I was not giving up.

All this time, my mistake has always been that I was trying to fix him by using all the wrong things-I bought him clothes, I took him to a psychiatrist, I brought him back to school at a time that he wasn't aware what was going on in his life at all, I pushed him to do sports, because I thought it would distract him, I even let him keep the dog he liked so much, because I thought it will make it easier for him, but I never actually did anything to help him myself. I let others do it for me. And that is why it has been so hard for him, that's why, he never really got better. I was his last hope and I've disappointed him. Now it was time to fix it

"Don't forget that you need rest too, okay?" Bonnie brings me back as she squeezes my hand and stands up, only to give me one last kiss on the forehead before she leaves

"I'm feeling great." I promise her and she wants to scold me, but I silence her with a kiss "Thank you" I say sincerely "For everything"

"I'll see you on Monday, okay? If you need me, call me sooner and I'll come back" she instructs and I nod. She was going to visit her grandma for the weekend, realizing that Stefan and I needed some time alone.

I send her off and got back to the living room, only so I can pull a chair and sit next to the couch, making sure he's peacefully sleeping. The TV was on, Stefan always slept with the TV on, because it helped him calm down and fall easily and Bucky was lying on the floor, but as soon as I sat down he raised his head and gave me a sad look. I've grown to love the dog almost as much as Stefan, but I knew who he preferred. However, this time, he dragged himself by my side and buried his head in my palm. I petted him and he looked back at Stefan as if he wanted to ask me what's wrong.

"He's sick, buddy" I whisper "He's sick, but we'll help him, yeah?" I ask and surprisingly he licks my hand. I smile, thinking how smart he actually is and in this moment I was happy that I agreed to take him in.

Half an hour later, Stefan started shifting and talking in his sleep. I touched his forehead gently only to realize that his temperature was back and decided to wake him up so I can give him his meds.

"Stef, wake up" I tried shaking his healthy arm, but wasn't opening his eyes. He moved uncomfortably under the blanket and turned his head left and right, begging someone to let him go. I've seen this many times before when he has woke me up in the middle of the night, but I've hoped that his nightmares have lessened by now. It's been a long time since I took him in and he hasn't made any progress

"Stefan!" I shook him harder and he finally opened his bright green eyes. "Relax, it's me" I say when I see that he has his troubles getting back to his senses. "It was only a dream" I try to console him and he finally lets a sigh out and relaxes back on the pillows

"Damon" he says relieved and with my furrowed eyebrows I bring the pills and the glass of water to his lips "What's that?"

"Antibiotics" I explain, wondering why he's asking "For the infection" he nods and takes them from my hand, swallowing them without the water at first, but when I shove the glass in his mouth he drinks all of it.

"I'm sorry" he apologizes when I settle back down next to him.

"Are you in pain?" I ask and he shakes his head, even though he's squeezing his arm with his hand, as he tries to undergo the amount of hell he's going through as usually, without bothering me "Liar." I accuse him and he shakes his head, as if he's still trying to convince me that everything's alright "Maybe if you had let the nurse give you morphine, it wouldn't have been so bad" I say as I pull my chair closer to the couch and turn off the TV.

He gives me a surprised look, sensing that I'm about to get into a serious conversation, which worries him. And that's the last thing that I want to happen, but I know that there's no other option right now

"But you wouldn't. And when I asked her why, she said I have to talk to you." he swallows hard and avoids my looks, pretending to stare somewhere before him instead "Stefan" I try again when he doesn't say anything. I reach for his healthy hand and grab it, squeezing it tight

"Look at me, kiddo" I beg him but he shakes his head, refusing to do so "Look at me, please" I beg "I don't want to fight with you, I just want you to talk to me. All this time I tried so hard to help you, I pushed you to do things you didn't want to, or looked for others to reach out to you when you were bad, but I never sat down and asked you to just talk to me" he squeezes back my hand and his eyes for a moment, he's undergoing some pain-is it physical or emotional, I can't tell, but his expression breaks my heart "Please, talk to me" I say once again and he finally opens his eyes and turns to me. I can see that he doesn't think any of this will change things for him

"That blue folder of yours" he begins "My file" he clarifies just to make sure we're on the same page "I know Ric gave it to you. I've seen you read it sometimes and I used to hate the way you looked when you did so. I hated it, because you were sad, but you were also angry and there was no need for you to be angry, Damon. You can't change things. You have to understand that." I don't interrupt him, I wait for him patiently even when he starts coughing again and needs a few minutes to calm down

"However, that folder doesn't contain even half of the things that happened to me."

"Why didn't you want the painkillers, Stefan?" I ask him again and he smiles, wondering if he should tell me or not "I think I deserve the truth." he nods and I'm surprised that he agrees with me. He raises himself on the pillows and grips my hand

"When I was young" he begins "About eight years old, Ric gave away me to this family" he makes a pause, wondering how to say it "It was only a woman, actually. She had taken three or four kids, I can't remember good now and she had her own biological son. It took me only a few days to figure that things in the house are wrong-she was a drunk and a junkie and she used all the kids for her own benefit. Since I was the youngest one and I looked small even for my age, she decided that I would play the biggest part in her plans. Anyway, long story short, she used to drug me" for a moment I let go of his hand and stare at him with disbelief, he looks away, not feeling comfortable with my reaction

"She would give me pills or inject things in me and take me to the social service's office, trying to convince them that I'm mentally ill and need special care, because foster parents take more money for kids like that. Every few weeks she would drug me and get me downtown, lying to them that I was getting worse and needed more attention. The drugs made me look insane-I would bang my hands in my own head and shake up and down. I would mostly yell and try to hurt myself, because I hated everything I was feeling. I couldn't form decent sentences or respond adequately to anything they were asking me"

I let go of him and tighten my fist. There were many awful things I've read in the file, but this has nothing to do with them. This…this was far too awful

"She would take me with her sometimes and beg for money on the streets or in some churches and people would give her money that she just used for more drugs. She did it with the other kids too, but she said I'm her favorite, because when people looked at me, they couldn't resist my big eyes. She used me for her own benefit and at first I struggled a lot with it. I would see strange visions and dreams. Sometimes I would lose myself so much, I would bang my head in the wall for ages until her son came and pulled me away, only to start beating me himself."

"What happened later?" I asked, taking the pause he used to undergo the pain in his arm. I felt bad for torturing him when he was in such a condition, but I needed to know. All of it.

"We ended up in an accident. Me, her son and two more kids. Her son died and I got away with a few bruises and a broken rib. A few months later they brought her two more kids and took me away instead. I thought that it was the best day of my life, but then three years later, when I was eleven, I ended up at her home again. It was worse this time-she was getting high all the time and she had some abusive boyfriend who was part of her schemes as well."

"Did she do it again?" I asked, afraid to get the answer

"Yes, she did. And this time, it was different, because I was starting to get addicted to it and I was excited for her to stick the needle in my arm as much as I craved a good meal. I tried suppressing it and fighting it, but how could you resist something that makes you feel good when your life sucks?" he asks and I swallow hard. I can't believe this has happened to him "I had a perfect life in my dreams and visions-a home, a family" he takes a deep breath "A mother." the tears in his eyes show me how hard this is for him and I hate myself for doing this to him "Until I realized that none of it was real. When I did, I successfully ran away one evening, then caught the subway and went all the way downtown, deciding to lose myself in the big city."

"Where did you live?"

"Nowhere" he responds with a sad smile "On the streets. I began wandering the alleys for food, begged people for money, but it was hard. So I started stealing instead. I didn't think it was wrong at the time. Nobody ever told me that I shouldn't do it, so I just…did what I had to survive. When I was hungry, I stole bread, when I was cold, I stole a sweater, when I was craving for a happy dream, I would climb on the highest building and watch people playing with their kids in their comfortable small flats near the Christmas tree, realizing that this is something I can never steal."

"How long did that last?" I hated myself for asking, but I had to know at the same time

"About a month, I think. Around Christmas Eve, I ended up with nothing but a t-shirt and my jeans near a church. I haven't eaten for days and I was freezing from the awful weather outside. I sneaked inside and early in the morning, the priest found me. He didn't kick me out or call the police. He fed me and gave me clothes and later he called the Child Services. Ric picked me up the next day." he finished off this story, which now, I was sure was one of many more that I didn't know. I realized that there are so many things he hasn't shared with me and maybe never will

"You never told him?" I ask and he shakes his head as he swallows down his pain and keeps his eyes open just for me once again this evening. I look down at my bare feet for a moment, thinking about everything he said, wondering what else is there that I didn't know "So you didn't want the nurse to give you any, because you were afraid you'll get addicted?" I asked and he nods again. I go back to being silent.

This all made sense to me right now, absolutely everything. Why he was sometimes very silent or very loud, why he could get so angry that he could beat someone up or why he would want to hurt himself, why he had troubles concentrating or studying, why he felt so awkward when someone touched him. It wasn't his fault at all. The drugs did this to him, they screwed him up on another level. This wasn't just him being beaten up by someone, this was messing with his mind, his whole mental state.

He was a kid when they did this to him, he was still growing up and even if they didn't give him deadly doses, they surely screwed up his organs, his brain, his heart for sure, everything. They turned his growing up into the path to his own destruction and he had no say in it. He lost himself completely and I stood there thinking that this is just him not talking about things, because he doesn't want to-no, it wasn't that. If he was depressed it was for a reason, if he was hurting himself, again, if he couldn't sleep then…God, all those nightmares…it was never just a nightmare. It was an effect of everything those people did to him. They ruined his entire life. And was too stupid to realize it. I should've figured it out back then when he first lost control of himself in my office and opened up his cuts. This wasn't just a boy having a panic attack. It was him being messed up by drugs. How did I not see that?

"Damon" he calls me out and when I open my eyes I see that he is scared, probably because I'm clenching my fists and breathing heavily-I am so angry "It's in the past, it doesn't matter" he says with his hoarse voice, brushing it all away as if it was that easy.

"But it does, Stefan" I disagree with him "Do you realize that this shaped your entire life and you-"

"I know" he interrupts me "I am not stupid, Damon" he gives me a sad smile "I know that my nightmares didn't just appear like that, that my bursting outs happen for a reason, that me being unable to pass a test is not because I haven't studied hard enough."

"Stefan" I hurry to disagree with him. He was in no way stupid! He was such a smart boy! He just had troubles concentrating. My anger lets me go and I sit down on the couch with him, grabbing his hand again. He knew all along, all this time when I was scolding him for not trying hard enough or yelling at him for being irrational, it was for a reason and he never said a thing. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask with tears in my eyes

"What does it matter?" he says instead and smiles sadly "When I was little, all I wanted was to be happy." he admits and swallows his own tears, because he will never show me his weakness or his pain "Then, when I grew up, I just wanted everything to be normal, to be regular, even boring. I wanted a life that everyone around me had. I wanted parents who care enough to scold me, I wanted siblings to tease, I wanted to have my own room with my own things, I wanted to get drunk on a Friday night just for the fun of it and not because it hurts so much that I can't breathe. That's all I want now too" he continues "I want to be normal."

I want to tell him that he will have it all, I want to promise it to him, but he doesn't give me the chance because he speaks up again

"But I know it won't happen."

"Why not?"

"I'm never going to be normal. Not after everything that they did to me, not after everything I've seen or been through in my life. It won't happen." he repeats "Every time I get close to it, something goes wrong, so I stopped even dreaming of it. There is just no point."

"So you're giving up instead?" I say a little angry, even though inside I'm breaking "You want to push me away and get through it all alone. But I'm not going to let you do that, okay? You're not going to get rid of me."

"It doesn't have a point, Damon" he says sadly. He has truly given up, but that didn't mean it was over. He will get back from the edge. I'll make sure of it. "It just doesn't." he repeats and another cough interrupts his thoughts.

I can't do anything to stop it, so I take away the pillows and raise him up, pulling his back to my chest and hugging him close. He starts dozing off, but in twenty minutes he's awake again and that happens three or four times in a roll.

When he gives up sleeping, we start talking again and I ask him about other things-happier. He tells me his best memory from his childhood is when they took him and a few other kids out of the orphanage and drove them down the coast to this small beach where they let them have fun, swim and throw each other in the water, yell and run.

And so he ran and he screamed and yelled from joy and he was so happy. He played with the other kids until he got tired and then he climbed up on one of the rocks near the ocean and just stared at it, taking it all in, feeling more at peace than ever. He wished he could go back.

He was twelve back then. Just freshly ruined by the drugs, still remembering everything so clearly. Still going through it every day, just like does now sometimes at night when he yells and begs for someone to help him.

There was no one to help him then.

But now I am here.

* * *

Next day, even though he is still not feeling great, I make him stand up and help him get to the truck. He thinks I'm driving him to the doctor and he falls asleep on our way. But instead, I take him down the coast line. I know the place he was talking about, I've been once there with my college buddies. When we arrive, I wake him up and he can't believe where we are.

It takes us fifteen minutes to actually get to the beach. He's still tired and sick, but I'm hopeful that he'll start getting better after today.

I pull up a blanket and take out some food, but he doesn't want to sit down. He asks me to take off his shoes and his socks and begs me to let him walk on his own.

I agree, even though my heart skips a beat every time he takes a step and staggers. I'm so scared for him. I always will be.

He makes it to the water and walks in, letting the small waves crash in his legs. I let a relieved sigh out-he is standing on his own.

I can't see his facial expression until he turns his head slowly back to me and smiles. This time it's not fake or sad-this time it's genuine. I stand up and approach him slowly, thinking how that's the first small step towards his recovery. Yes, there was a long road ahead of us, there were the good parts of us being together, and then there were the bad-having to deal with the fact that whatever he went through will never go away. The damage was permanent, but that didn't mean he was any less of a regular teenager with his perks or a little brother with his teasing.

I carefully throw my arm over his shoulders and pull him to my chest. I haven't hugged him ever since his birthday. I didn't count the visitation in juvie-that wasn't even close to me having my brother in my arms.

"How do you feel, kid?" I ask after I ruffle his hair playfully, knowing well enough that he hates it, but doing it anyway.

He looks up at the calm ocean and the surprisingly bright sky today and smiles.

"I am good" he says.

And this time, I know, he means it.


	27. Chapter 27

_**EPILOGUE**_

_**ONE YEAR LATER**_

**Stefan's POV**

I wake up from someone's loud crying in the other room and roll in my bed with a groan, thinking how Bonnie and Damon must really be lacking sleep if they are not hearing that awfully piercing noise that can probably wake even the dead. I am not angry with them though, at least I wasn't waking up because of my nightmares. I look up at the clock on the nightstand and see that it's just a little before three in the morning.

I yawn and rub my tired eyes, Damon will probably scold me for having dark circles underneath them again, but at least the reason for it, won't be me screaming and tossing in my bed from my own demons. I drag myself out of bed and I can still hear the baby crying whilst Damon and Bonnie's door remains slightly opened as I pass by it. I take a peak and notice them cuddled into each other, sleeping peacefully and smile as I close the door and let them get their rest, heading instead to the nursery, while scratching the back of my head in another desperate attempt to wake myself up.

The door is opened, yet I still somehow manage to trip and hit my toes in it

"Goddammit!" I curse under my nose and grab my toes "You've gotta be kidding me!" the baby keeps crying and I decide that my pain is too insignificant right now even if I can see some blood on my white sock.

I always managed to hit myself in the damn edge of the damn door and Damon kept warning me, joking that he'll have to make it baby proof for me as well as for his son. He loved teasing me, my big brother, and then again I was making it easy for him-I was never the one to pay close attention, especially not in three in the morning when I'm half asleep. I've been dying for some rest as well. It turned out that living with a baby is definitely hard especially when you still have nightmares here and there. But I didn't mind. Not at all.

I smile when I lean down to his crib and pick Damon and Bonnie's five month's old son in my hands.

"Hey, Noah, come here, little fella" I soothe him as I pick him up.

His cry is still as piercing but when I start rocking him, he gets to calm down. His big brown eyes stare at me with confusion at first until he starts relaxing in my embrace. Bonnie has dressed him in my favorite onesies-the ones I bought for him the other day saying "I get my dance moves from my uncle!" which made Damon laugh but also grunt cause he was losing our bet.

We had this competition going with him-we would buy the kid onesies saying funny things like "Dude, your wife keeps checking my ass" or cheesy stuff like "I love my uncle" and make Bonnie decide which she likes better. In the morning she would dress him in one of it and that would mean a point either for me or for Damon-the winner got to eat breakfast and the loser went to work earlier than the other.

What can I say-we were still dumb kids he and I. Even if he was technically already a father. I mentally high-fived myself for she has chosen my onesie which meant Damon will be going to work early tomorrow. The thought of the coming day, however made me swallow hard so I decided to focus on the kid instead.

"Oh, man, you stink!" I say as I realize that there's a terrible smell coming from him "Let's go change you, what do you say?" I ask and he gives me one of his baby toothless smiles, knowing well enough that he's done something bad, but enjoying it anyway. He was a smart boy.

I take him to the living room, careful not to trip myself in one of his toys or my brother's clothes, or the laundry, or Noah's feeding chair or well…basically everything that was in here. This place wasn't big enough for us and again the thought made me swallow hard-not going to think about that now.

I place Noah on the couch that once upon a time I used to sleep on and undress him, cleaning up the mess he's made and trying to hold my breath.

"I swear to God, your father owes me big time" I say and Noah smiles devilishly again. He was such a sweet baby, with raven black hair-just like Damon's and deep brown eyes-like Bonnie's, his smile was charming and innocent and he was very stubborn sometimes-Damon said he took that from me but I disagreed, hoping that he never ever gets to inherit anything from me. The thought terrified me.

With a tired smile on my face, I changed his diaper, then took him with me to the kitchen and warmed him a bottle of milk-he liked to eat, the fella, unlike me. Then I turned the TV on and settled down with him and the bottle in hands, staring at the football game.

"Let's see our favorite team kick some…" I looked down before finishing my sentence. Bonnie has strictly forbidden us from cursing in front of him even if he was just a baby and she would threaten me and Damon with the frying pan whenever we let our nerves slip and get angry in front of Noah "Kick some…butt?" I asked confused, trying to get away from the awkward situation even if Bonnie and my brother were technically asleep, I still didn't dare test her anger.

Noah smiles again-he usually did that with me. Damon kept saying that I'm his favorite person, because he would always smile to me. I was good at calming him down as well and I loved rocking him in my hands till I could no longer feel them from numbness. I didn't care about myself though-I was willing to do everything for him-give my life if I had to.

After Damon got me out of juvie, I was sick for a while and it took me more than a month to get back to my feet, but I started getting slowly better. I was very depressed back then. I refused to talk to anyone, wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep-I was very bad and Damon had a very hard time picking me up from the desperate hole I was in.

Even though I've shared some things from my past with him, there were still so many things he didn't know. Things I would absolutely never tell him, no matter what. I had to protect him after everything he did to me and I didn't really believe that it matters-it was in the past and I would only unnecessarily anger him and make him feel sorry for me, which I hated.

He often asked me about other things, pushed me to talk, sometimes I would share some stuff with him, sometimes I would lie and tell him a good memory here and there so I wouldn't disappoint him.

I loved him too much to put him through the hell I've been while I was growing up. I think that sometimes he knew I was lying, but he was mostly oblivious to it-he was willing to believe me, because he knew that digging much deeper won't do nor me not him any good-we needed our peace, we needed to move on.

But back then I didn't want to move on. I just wanted to stop feeling. I was empty inside and I wasn't willing to do anything to help myself. I was actually hoping that Damon will get sick of me and give me back up to the orphanage. There were days when I would lie down and refuse to get up.

He would come and shake my shoulder, beg me to just stand up even if for a little while. Then, at some point, he got angry with me-he would scold me, be harsh, leave me alone in my room or get out and not come back until later in the evenings. I was torturing him, putting him through hell and I hated myself for it. He was trying to push me to do anything, no matter what, but to get some reaction out of me.

One day, he came to my room and dragged me out of bed. I've spent so much time lying, that I couldn't even stand good on my own two feet. I got angry at him-he was talking awful things, saying that I'm selfish, that I'm giving up, that this isn't who I am-he was trying to provoke me and we began fighting. More like-I fought, I pushed him to the wall and started hitting him in the stomach, in the face, everywhere.

When I was done, I started crying and he picked me up and pressed me to his chest. I've busted his lip, hurt his nose, he was bleeding and he had bruises. I hated myself for what I did, but he promised that everything's alright, that he wanted me to do this, that he was afraid that if I don't, then things would be really bad and he wouldn't know what to do. Later, I found out he talked to Ric and he advised him to put me in a clinic and threat me for depression, because I was clearly not alright, but Damon refused. He said he'll fight till the end and here we were-he was bloody and bruised and I was shattered into pieces.

After this day, I started taking things slowly-I would go out with him and Bucky on long walks, Bonnie would come and cook us dinners. I often asked Damon to drive me to the cemetery so I could talk to Mikael and put flowers on his grave-I dreaded the thought that nobody ever visited him and I've often wondered if the same thing will happen to me one day.

Damon and I talked and he signed me back to school-I was behind on everything and I had to begin my junior year from scratch, but at least I had something to keep me busy. I hated the thought of going back to school, but Tyler was there and surprisingly-so was Elena. They moved to another neighborhood and her parents decided that she could switch schools.

She even had a boyfriend back then when I got back to school and despite the fact that my feelings for her were still as real as before, I decided not to act on them. We were friends now. Tyler said that it is impossible for us to remain like that, but I think we were working things quite good right now and I was glad at how everything was at the moment.

The news of Bonnie's pregnancy arrived after New Year's Eve and I've never seen Damon happier. I was excited as well but it wasn't until Noah was actually born that I realized how much I love the kid and how I'll do anything to keep him safe. My brother and Bonnie were officially engaged, but still not married and I think that I'll be thirty by the time they get to finally do this-they procrastinated it and I made fun of them about it all the time.

"Oh, you are done, aren't you?" I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice that Noah finished his bottle. I took it away and pulled him closer to my chest, as I tried finding his blanket and covering him, unsuccessfully, so instead I took off my sweater and put it on him. My phone fell off my pocket and I noticed I had a text from Elena.

_Please tell me that you're awake by some chance?_

I smiled. She was studying for finals and she was very worried, as usually, even if she knew absolutely everything. I typed slowly with my hand

_Little fella woke me up_-I press send and take a picture of me holding baby Noah in my hands. Elena always melted at the sight of him

_Oh, Stefan, he is so ADORABLE_-she responds right away and I sigh annoyed, rolling my eyes as I look down at him

"See, Noah, you're a few months old and you already have all ladies at your feet. How do you do this? You've got any tips?" I joked and he looked me with his sleepy eyes, he was about to fall.

_Try calling him that when you're changing his diapers_-I type and she sends me a smiley emoticon. I stare at the game for a while, rocking Noah in my hands and talking to him, my voice apparently calmed him down, according to Bonnie.

One night she was so tired and nervous-on the verge of tears and unable to calm him down, that she came to my room, woke me up and begged me to take him. The minute I did and started talking to him, he began falling and in the morning she made me extra pancakes, which I rubbed in Damon's nose happily.

I wasn't tired this night, so I kept Noah in my hands even after he fell asleep. I was afraid to move and I'm pretty sure my back would hurt like a bitch tomorrow, but I didn't care, as long as he was alright.

Elena obviously, too, fell asleep and I ended up alone in four in the morning, listening to my brother's snoring in the other room and Noah's silent but steady breathing. However, this time, I wasn't sad that I'm alone-no, it was a good loneliness and I was used to it.

I was however very much lost in thoughts-tomorrow was a big day and even though I tried not avoiding it, I knew that the morning will catch up to me. I was hoping that Damon and I could go to the bookstore first so I would get distracted until noon and not think about the trial and the judge who will announce if they approved the adoption papers that Damon filed months ago.

Tomorrow, I would find out if I'm going to become a Salvatore and the thought scared me, because I was worried something will go wrong and the judge won't approve.

I liked the life I had right now-school was surprisingly fine and even interesting, even if I still had troubles concentrating and Damon spent much time helping me, I liked hanging out with Tyler and Elena, or walking Bucky out and running with him, I enjoyed working in the bookstore with Damon-the business was going quite good and I knew he was wondering whether or not he should open another one.

I am seventeen years old and I might finally be adopted tomorrow.

When Damon filed the papers I told him that there isn't much point to this anyway-I would be soon eighteen, no longer a minor and I would be taking care of myself anyway, but he got very angry when I said those words. He claimed that I am a part of this family and he would make it official even if it's the last thing on earth he has to do.

He said that I might be used to taking care of everything myself, but now I no longer needed to-he was my brother and I could rely on him. I guess in many ways he was right-I still was unstable, even if I was visiting a psychiatrist once a week. I didn't have nightmares every evening, but I still had them at least twice a month and my screams would wake Noah and make him cry-something which I resented so much. I still had many nights when I just wouldn't fall asleep and I would stare at the ceiling for hours until the morning came-the doctors said I have insomnia and Damon felt like this is his fault as well, even thought it was just another thing that he couldn't fix.

I sighed and stood up, slowly making my way to Noah's nursery and placing him in his crib. Then I got back to the living room, put my sweater on and went out on the balcony, deciding to smoke a cigarette. It was a habit I couldn't get rid of and Damon still scolded me for it whenever he saw me doing it, but he knew that I needed it too-at least I wasn't drinking or taking drugs and I think he realized it as well, because he let it slip here and there.

I sighed, wondering what I'm going to do from now on. I knew that Damon wanted to buy a bigger house, but the money from the bookstore wouldn't be enough-I knew so, because I did all the counting and kept our books in order-I was good with numbers so he trusted me on that. I heard him and Bonnie discussing having another kid maybe soon and I knew that if this happened, there will be no place for me in their house. I had to start figuring a way to earn money and rent my own flat, college was out of the question for now-I couldn't win a scholarship with the grades and the record I had and Damon wouldn't be able to pay for any of it, not with a kid on his hands.

I threw the cigarette off the balcony and got another one, lighting it up just when I heard someone behind me open the door.

**Damon's POV**

I woke up accidentally when Bonnie kicked me in the stomach with her elbow. I couldn't be angry at her-she was very tired lately. Raising a kid proved to be a very difficult thing to do and if it wasn't for Stefan sometimes I'm not sure we would be able to pull it off.

I got up and dragged myself to the living room, finding the TV on and looking around for my little brother only to realize that he's on the balcony, smoking.

I furrowed my eyebrows-he had to stop doing this, it was screwing up his already fucked up health. I've been pressuring him to come to the hospital with me for weeks now-I wanted them to make him some tests ever since I found out about the people drugging him when he was a child. There was no way he was in a perfect physical condition after they did this to him, but he refused to go, saying he hates doctors and that even if there's something wrong, he prefers living in oblivion.

It was hard picking him up after I got him out of juvie and he still wasn't doing that great, even a year later after it, but I was hoping that with time he would be alright. His screams still filled the flat and they would make me jump in bed and rush to his room-I thought of him as my kid just like I did with Noah and even if sometimes I was overprotective, I just couldn't help myself. He needed me and I had to be there for him.

"Noah woke you up?" I ask as I push the door open and join him outside, it was a relatively warm evening, but I was glad he had his sweater on. I didn't want him to get sick

"Yeah, but I fed him and put him back to sleep" he responds with a smile as he takes a drag from his cigarette and I lean on the railing next to him.

"Thank you so much, I think Bonnie and I were too tired after we pulled an all-nighter two times this week."

"It's okay, Damon. I love taking care of him" he responds with a smile, but I can see that there's something going on his mind, something bothering him

"Is everything alright? Are you worried about tomorrow?" I ask him and he shrugs, refusing to give me a proper answer "Stefan, you know, it will be fine. Ric said the judge would agree and sign the papers."

"I'm not worried that much about tomorrow than about what happens after that" he finally admits what's bugging him and avoids my look as he lets the smoke off into the dark night "I never really asked you if you thought this carefully through, Damon" he begins and clears his throat "I've been selfishly thinking about me again, but I'm turning eighteen soon, there's really no need for you to do this-"

"Stefan, we talked about this when I filed the papers!" I cut him off before he can even finish his thoughts

"Yes, but back then Noah still wasn't born and you and Bonnie you might want to have more kids and I will only be-"

"Stefan, listen to me, brother" I interrupt him and I put my hand on his shoulder, slightly pushing him to me, making him look me in the eyes "You are already part of this family and nothing" I stare in his sad green eyes "_nothing_ will change this, especially not a silly document that we get from some judge who has no idea who we are. Tomorrow is just a formality, you are already a Salvatore and you'll be one forever. No matter what we do, I am not leaving you alone, even if we have five more kids" I make sure he understands that.

He still thinks that people will give him up or leave him alone and he needed reassurance every now and then. That broke my heart-his trust issues, he would never fully believe my words, there will always be a part of him wondering what will happen if one day I get tired of him.

He still needed me. He wasn't alright-he was way behind on school and he'll graduate a year later, he still was confused as to what to do after it, he needed help. A year was a long time, yes, but for a boy who's been through hell like him….it could never be enough. He would need years to get back on his feet and I would be there for him, no matter what. He needed to be around people. I wouldn't just ship him off somewhere when he gets eighteen, rent him an apartment and tell him to take care of himself because he's old enough-no. That wouldn't do-he was constantly walking on the thin line of being okay and hitting rock bottom-he had great days, but he also had days when he thought about nothing but ending his own life. I knew it, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. I was aware of it and I would fight side by side with him for as long as we're on this earth.

"Do you understand this?" I ask him and he nods with uncertainty. I know he won't just believe my words like this

"I just…I don't want you to do something because you think you have to" he admits "I'll be fine on my own, I can take care of myself and when the time comes, I won't bother you and Bonnie anymore. I don't want you think you owe me anything"

"Stefan, please shut up!" I scold him "We've talked about this. You're not bothering anyone. If anything, we're grateful that you're here with us. You're so good with Noah and we certainly don't want you going anywhere. I'm pretty sure that if Bonnie could hear you now, she would be kicking your ass, so please stop before you've pissed me off, alright?" I say as I put my hand at the back of his neck and pull him to my chest, ruffling his head. He chuckles and tries to get away, but I just want to hear his laugh a bit longer

"Damon, let me goo!" he protests and I laugh

"No, way. Not until you promise you'll stop talking stupid things!"

"I am younger, of course I'll talk stupid things!" he comes up with something smart and I slap the back of his head playfully "OUCH! I'll tell Bonnie!"

"Please, go ahead!" I joke as I start tickling him next and he laughs out loud again

"She'll take my side, you'll see!" he grunts like a child and I realize that in ways he still is. He never got to have a normal childhood and he had to remember that he doesn't have to carry the whole world on his shoulder-he was still a teen, he ought to have fun. "Let me go, Damon!" he begs again and I finally let him go.

We go back inside and sit on the couch, making pop corns and watching the game, despite Bonnie's scolding not to do this in the middle of the night.

She took care of Stefan as if he was her own child and she wasn't afraid to scold him and be honest with him, something which he appreciated very much. I tend to be less stern with him for he would always be my little brother and I had to protect him at all costs.

He fell asleep on the couch and I covered him up with a blanket, knowing how much he needed his sleep. In the morning he was so nervous that he dropped his coffee cup and it shattered on the floor, because his hands were trembling so bad.

It made my heart clench and Bonnie had to calm him down, giving him a big hug. When we arrived at the court room, he was barely holding on and I had to put my hand on his shoulder and remind him everything will be alright.

**Stefan's POV**

I couldn't believe it when I heard the judge's words.

I knew that Damon kept telling me things will work out, but I didn't believe it. I didn't dare believe it for happiness was not something I was very used to.

When the judge announced his decision, the whole roll behind us jumped happily with and yelled from joy-there was Bonnie holding Noah, Elena, Tyler, Ric and a few of my old foster brothers and sisters who had long ago found their homes. I was so happy when I saw them cheering and rooting for me-I had no idea I mattered so much to someone.

But then there was Damon-my big brother who was not hiding his tears anymore. He held out the papers the judge gave him and stretched his hands. I rushed and threw myself in his embrace, letting my own tears go-tears, which for the first time in forever, were from joy and not sadness.

I finally had a family. I was no longer an orphan.

I had a roof above my head, I had two people who cared deeply for me and loved me, I had a wonderful nephew who's smile made my day and who I would make sure never gets to feel the things I've felt or see the things I've seen. I had amazing friends who were by my side when I was lost and confused.

_But most of all, I had a brother. _

And he went through hell with me-he accepted me when I was angry and tired, he loved me when I hated him, he held me in his arms when I couldn't walk, he fought my demons when I had no strength.

And I couldn't have been more grateful for that.

"So, how does it feel to officially be a Salvatore, kiddo?" Damon asks as he finally lets me go and smiles at me through tears, Bonnie is close by with Noah in hands

"It's not the name that matters" I respond "It's the person. Thank you for choosing me, Damon. Thank you for not giving up on me after you first saw me in that ruined house when Ric brought you to me. Thank you for going through hell with me and helping me get to the other side. I'm the happiest goddamn bastard in the world."

My words send him over the edge and he pushes my head to his chest yet again, because he doesn't want me to see him crying. He will always keep up his tough strong appearance, but I know that he's just a person like everyone else, that he also suffered and got sad at times, but he will forever be the person I can lean on and I'll always do the same for him.

Because we're brothers.

"No cursing, Stefan!" Bonnie scolds from behind him and both Damon and I chuckle-she was on the verge of tears herself, but she was trying to hold on "You want your nephew to learn all the bad words before he's even one?"

"But, Bonnie, he doesn't understand anything!" I excuse myself and she punches me in the arm and I pretend to be hurt

"I think you deserve a proper punishment for being so bad, what do you guys say?" she asks someone behind me and when I turn around I feel someone smashing something in my face and it takes me a moment to realize it's a cake.

When I clean away the frosting from my eyes, I laugh out loud and see Tyler and Elena smiling in my direction as well as Ric who was holding his stomach and trying to catch his breath.

Damon throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me to his chest.

And I feel happier than I've ever been.

* * *

**A/N: So, this is it guys! That's the end. I want to thank all of you for reading. When I started this story I wasn't certain there will be anyone to read Defan out there at all and I'm very glad that you enjoyed it and stayed with me till the end. It was a really challenging story for me to write and even though there were many sad moments, I was determined to end it all on a happy note. I think both Stefan and Damon deserved it. Even though this is the official end, I might add missing chapters here and there when I feel like writing about this story if that's okay with you. I have an idea for a one-shot as well, but I'll be glad if you told me whether or not you would maybe read one? I am thinking about another story too, but I'm not sure I'll post anything soon, cause college life is killing me. I want to thank you all again for reading and I am sorry if I was the reason for you being too sad. I read and appreciate each review, it's what keeps me going. If you have any questions, you can find me on twitter- Flowing_lantern. :) **


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